Hopeful Idiot – Chapter 14 Bats are Brown and Tiny

MAKE SURE YOU READ NEW CHAPTER 13!

"What?" Hope saw the news broadcast of a new vigilante in Gotham. The man – for only a man would be this stupid – was dressing up as a bat. Well, that's what he called himself (according to the criminals he put away). Batman.

Personally, Hope thought the very blurry picture was probably the only way the guy could look like a bat. Really, it was only because the picture had been taken while the man was descending through the air. Thus his cape was fully spread, maximizing the effect of the scalloped bottom. The cape and the horns on the headpiece were the only things that made it look even vaguely bat-like. "Bats are brown, dumbass," Hope muttered to herself. Well, that she knew of. Bats were nocturnal, so he got that right. (Batman was only active during the nightlife, apparently.) A quick search made her roll her eyes. "Dark brown, brown, and gray. Not black. And bats are tiny!" It was the only way a mammal could fly without having the hollow bones that birds did. Tiny and with a massive wing span (in relation to its body size). "Largest bat is four pounds, but he's weird. Average is less than half a pound. Heck, the most common bat on this continent weighs half an ounce!"

Even as Hope was mentally listing even more reasons why this newest costumed crusader should be calling himself something else, the news report rolled and she saw a large black bat-themed (or it was supposed to be) CAR zoom down the freeway, easily dodging other vehicles. Hope's eyes were wide as she saw this, then she put her head on her desk and proceeded to groan in disgusted frustration.

"Hope?" Clark asked with concern. "What's wrong?"

She looked up at her boyfriend, the first caped crusader, and asked plaintively, "Is there a rule I don't know about that wearing spandex reduces your I.Q.?"

He blinked, "What? Why would you think—"

She pointed at the television screen. Her hands came up in the classic gesture meant to appeal to a deity. "I mean, seriously?! Really? Really?!"

Superman cocked his head to the side as he watched the recording. "Ummm…I don't get it."

Hope spun around and narrowed her eyes at him, contemplating if he was serious or trying to tease her. Nope, that was his genuinely confused face. She bared her teeth in a parody of a smile, "How much you want to bet I can find out who he is inside an hour?"

"That's not fair. You can find anyone you want in that time frame." He'd seen her do it too. It had taken her less than five hours to hack into several government databased, 'kill' him, create him an entire new identity, and remove all proof of the two ever being the same person.

"Fine," she studied the television for several minutes and he had begun to think she was going to drop the subject. However, a shaking cellphone camera had gotten a closer angle of this Batman. Even while the shaking was horrible, the viewer could still make out some details. Hope's smile was full of teeth, "Less than ten minutes. Make me an offer."

Clark sighed, knowing she wouldn't let it go. Might as well have some fun with things, "Alright. Whoever loses gets the other a present."

Her grin widened and became more genuine. "Deal!" Even as she agreed, she hopped over to her desk and grabbed her laptop. With a flick of her wrist, it was open and with only a couple punched keys, she pulled up a digital stopwatch. "Aaand, go!" The timer began, and her fingers raced over the keys. Multiple windows pulling up, then discarded as she searched for criteria.

As he watched her, he pondered, "How will we know if you are correct?"

"Well, if he's anything like you, it'll be obvious once I've got him," she bit her bottom lip slightly in concentration. The clock ticked to three minutes when her eyes narrowed as she thought she saw a connection. "Though, if you want to, I can do the same to him that I did to you." She shot him a conspiratorial smile, eyes blazing with mischief. "If he's innocent, he'll blow me off." Her laptop let out a beep and she crowed in triumph.

"You got him?" The timer was only at 5.36 minutes! He blinked at the picture. "Him?"

"I think so. To confirm…" her voice trailed off as she focused.

"That's a bank. You hacked into a bank."

"I'm not hacking it to get customer information or laundering money or anything else nefarious," she protested, "I'm just looking at his transactions!"

"Hope…" he sighed in resignation. It was an incredibly good thing that Hope Kramer had no aspirations to become a villain. With her technical skills, she would be able to grind the entire planet's electronics to a halt overnight. Money made the world function and she had just proven she could get around the security of one of the largest banks in the world.

"Got him! Ha! And I say again, HA!" She crowed in delight, pointing at the large orders of some very unusual products. "If he isn't Batman, I'll eat my hat!"

"You don't wear a hat," Clark answered absently as he looked at the list of expenditures. He blinked. It was pretty obvious, even to him. "Bruce Wayne is Batman."

"Yup!" She grinned happily, casually reaching forward to stop the digital clock at 9 minutes, 23 seconds. She crossed her arms, her face beaming. "Less than ten minutes and that includes my time for triumphant shouts," she said smugly. "I. Win." Then she burst into riotous laughter.

Clark shook his head at her antics, his own smile half weary, half indulgent. He let out a short breath, "Since you already confirmed it's him, now what?"

Her smile stayed, now with an edge that he couldn't quite identify. "Same thing that I did to you, of course. Why should he get special treatment?" She pulled up an email window and began to type.

He read over her shoulder. "'Dear Dumbass'? Hope… Must you?" he sighed.

"Oh, I must. I really must!" she leaned up to kiss him before returning to her computer.

"I'm going to patrol," he shook his head as he left, her maniacal laughter still ringing through the apartment. It really was a very, very, very good thing that his love had no plans for mass mayhem or world domination. With her technical skills and sheer force of personality, she would be able to match any government, he had no doubt.

Now part of the official overall plotline! Also now in chronological order to the rest.

So please tell me what you think, but please don't be too harsh. I know its not perfect.