Pairing: White Rose (ish)
Summary: With a break in the action, Ruby comes to terms with what's going on around her with the help of a certain partner.
After running and running and running for what felt like forever, they'd finally reached a break - a chance to catch their breath. The battle was over. The fighting was over. They could all take a deep breath and celebrate the fact that they were safe, for now.
Ruby knew this was only an intermission - that the worst was yet to come. She knew that she should be resting - recuperating - recovering. Then why did it feel like she couldn't breathe?
Sitting next to Yang, she felt her chest tightening, making each inhale more difficult than it should be. Yang hadn't noticed yet, and Ruby didn't want her to notice. This was the last thing Yang needed to worry about right now.
Scrambling to her feet, Ruby tried taking another breath, but her lungs felt like they only half-inflated.
"I'm gonna find something to eat," she said, making up any excuse to leave before she caused a scene.
Yang nodded but didn't say anything in response. She probably felt like Ruby did - nearly too tired to speak. And, after what she just went through, Yang deserved to rest. Yang needed this time to recover.
Meanwhile, Ruby hurried to the closest hallway and made her escape - not knowing where she was going except for away, searching for a place where it was easier to breathe. The voices from the atrium faded away and left her with only the sound of her footsteps, but the air grew heavier the further she walked. It felt like she was trying to inhale syrup, but getting no oxygen as her lungs and chest grew tighter and tighter.
She spurred her legs faster, but she had no idea where she was going. This place was a maze - a winding path of twists and turns that did nothing to release the vice around her lungs.
When she could hardly breathe anymore, she tried the handle on the nearest door, found it unlocked, and ducked inside an empty, dark room. Two windows on the far wall let in enough moonlight for her to see by, but otherwise, it was just a regular room filled with desks and chairs.
Closing the door - sealing herself in silence - she rushed to the darkest corner of the room, sat down on the floor, and buried her head in her hands.
It was so hard to breathe.
She wanted to cry, but she didn't deserve to cry. What did she have to cry about? She was fine. So many others had it worse than she did. She hadn't lost her partner, or an arm, or her life. She needed to be strong for them. At least, she couldn't let them see that she was weak.
The next breath she took hardly filled her lungs as her chest constricted with a rush of emotions. The beginning of a sob was in her exhale, and her eyes burned with unshed tears. Clenching her hands into fists, she struggled to figure out the primary cause of her sadness. Was it Pyrrha? Penny? Yang? Weiss? All of the above and so much more?
When she blinked, the first tear fell onto the top of her hand.
And then the door to the room burst open.
Looking up in surprise, Ruby found Weiss walking over - her heels clicking against the floor in a familiar and comforting way.
"What are you doing in here?"
"Oh, hey Weiss!" Scrambling to her feet and wiping her eyes, Ruby searched for the first weird thing to say that wasn't what she was actually doing. "Yang told me one of these rooms is haunted, so I was just...uh, checking it out."
When had she gotten so good at lying? That skill must've come with her ability to hide her emotions - something she'd never been good at before...before everything fell apart.
"By yourself?" Tilting her head, Weiss stopped in front of Ruby and crossed her arms over her chest. "But you can't even listen to ghost stories without having nightmares."
The moment Weiss crossed her arms, Ruby saw the patch of red - the remnants of a wound that had nearly taken someone else away from her. Her face contorted in pain at the thought, but she quickly forced a smile.
"Ah well, you know, a lot of things have changed!"
The response was painfully true, and Ruby felt it like a knife in her heart.
"What're you doing here?" she asked, risking another glance at Weiss while trying to push her emotions away.
"l was looking for you." As usual, Weiss was no-nonsense with her words - that was just one of the reasons Ruby really liked her. "Are you ok?"
Ruby let out a small laugh at the question, surprising herself by how real it sounded.
"I'm fine, Weiss!" she said, keeping her voice chipper even though she could still feel emotions clutching at her chest. But the forced happiness lasted only a second before her mood grew more somber - as her desire for honesty kicked in. "I mean...there are a lot of other people to worry about."
Ruby's eyes flitted to the dark spot on Weiss' torso again, but immediately moved away when more tears threatened and a labored exhale slipped past her lips. The silence that followed only heightened the emotions she was trying to contain - bringing them closer to the surface, where they threatened to spill over.
A part of her wished that Weiss would leave so she could get this over with and feel a little better - so she could finally breathe again.
Another part of her really wanted Weiss to stay.
"Do you remember that time we tried to figure out who accidentally left the door to our room open?" Weiss finally asked. Confused by the question, Ruby merely nodded before Weiss continued. "We spent so long debating who did it - each of us presenting our cases and arguing for or against each other. I was convinced it was Yang - Yang was convinced it was me. Blake only knew it wasn't her."
Thinking about the memory, Weiss shook her head and met Ruby's gaze. "Do you know what this has in common with that time?"
Ruby tried to think of a happy comeback, but Weiss quickly cut her off.
"You lied," Weiss said, her tone firm with certainty as her eyes searched Ruby's. The next second, the firmness disappeared, and Weiss' eyes softened as she uncrossed her arms and held up her hands - the gesture silently imploring Ruby to be forthcoming. "What's wrong, Ruby?"
Technically, nothing was wrong. She was just fine. She was standing here just fine, talking just fine, walking just fine. But sometimes she couldn't breathe...because there were moments - memories - that she couldn't let go of.
She hadn't been able to save Penny. She hadn't been able to save Pyrrha, or help Yang - and Blake was gone and Weiss was gone and Jaune was sad and everyone had more reasons to be sadder than her but she was still sad.
"I - just…"
That was all Ruby got out before the tears started.
"Oh, Ruby."
Arms wrapped around her as Weiss pulled her close for a hug. That's when she really lost it, and the tears started harder than she could remember.
She didn't deserve to be sad, but all these horrible things were happening everywhere around her - hurting the people she cared about, taking away the people she cared about. She tried so hard not to think about it, because it hurt. It hurt to think about the pain everyone was suffering through - all because she wasn't good enough. Because she wasn't strong enough, or fast enough, or smart enough to save the people she loved.
"You a-almost died," she sputtered through the tears, burying her face in Weiss' hair and pulling her closer, grasping onto her for support.
"But I didn't. I'm still right here."
Thank Grimm for that. But another few seconds and Weiss would also be gone, leaving Ruby just like so many others. What would Ruby do if she lost Weiss, too?
"I'm right here," Weiss said again, holding Ruby tightly while she cried. "I'm still here...I'm just fine…"
At least Ruby was breathing now - but her breaths came in sobs that shook her shoulders while Weiss hugged her close. It felt like the wounds in her heart were finally bleeding, and her tears were making up for lost time.
Everything hurt. Every memory - every missed opportunity. Every failure.
She wanted to help others - that's why she wanted to become a huntress. Everyone around her got hurt instead.
"I...couldn't...save you…" she struggled to get out - her most recent failure playing over and over in her mind. Once again, when she was needed by someone she loved, all she could do was watch...completely and utterly helpless.
"You can't save everyone, Ruby," Weiss whispered as her hand ran up and down Ruby's back, providing comfort and solace that dulled the edge of her sorrow. "You can't save everyone...and that's ok. That's ok."
"B-but I-"
"Not 'but's," Weiss cut in, nuzzling into Ruby's hair before letting out a soft sigh. "We all know how strong you are, Ruby" she whispered. "But that doesn't mean you need to be strong all the time...that's why we have partners - so we can lean on each other for strength and support. Please don't try to do this all on your own..."
Clenching her eyes shut at the words, Ruby felt two big tears slip out. She didn't want to be a burden to her teammates. She didn't want to be a burden to her friends. But as Weiss' hand worked reassurance into her veins, Ruby heard her sobs quiet and felt her tears slow. The vice around her chest loosened, and she took one full, shaky breath of air.
Weiss was right. Ruby was scared, and she was sad, but she wasn't alone. They were supposed to lean on their teammates and partners when they needed help, not bottle those feelings up and try to make it on their own.
She'd been doing it all wrong.
But now Weiss was here with her - and they stood there for a long, long time - long enough for Ruby's breathing to return to normal and her tears to stop falling. Whatever strength they had left between the two of them was shared. Whatever resolve they had left was shared. Whatever they had left, they shared.
Finally finding a sense of calm, Ruby pulled away from Weiss' embrace and sniffled as she wiped the tears from her eyes.
Weiss' eyes were still filled with concern, but her expression relaxed when Ruby smiled - and it was a much easier smile than before.
"Thanks, Weiss."
"You're welcome, Ruby. That's what I'm here for."
That's what partners were for - and Weiss was the very best partner Ruby could've hoped for.
Sniffling one more time, Ruby dried her eyes and smiled again, feeling a thread of happiness return to her.
"And if you ever need a shoulder to cry on," she said before pointing a thumb towards her chest. "I'm here for you!"
Huffing at the response, Weiss flipped her ponytail and crossed her arms - but then she gave Ruby a much softer expression.
"l might take you up on that sometime."
Ruby's sadness retreated - moving back to the portion of her heart it had taken over as its permanent residence. But it was ok if it stayed. She knew it was there, and she knew who to turn to when it tried to take over her heart and lungs again.
"Do you feel better now?" Weiss asked, nodding after Ruby smiled in response. "Good."
And with that, Ruby's stomach let out a loud grumble, making Weiss roll her eyes and grab Ruby's hand.
"Come on, let's find you some food."