Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters except the occasional waiter mentioned, and everything else belongs to either JK Rowling or the person who invented it.

Thank you to those of you who read my authors notes, I personally never really do, and because I'm guilty of it, I can understand your impatience to get to the story too. Well, just so won't have to read anymore than you have to, here's the story:

Severus froze on the bench he was sitting on, shock evident on his features. Vaguely, he saw through the images flying around his brain the uncomfortable look she was giving him,so he recomposed himself. He was about to try and say something, but nothing came to mind. He stared at the book in his hands, seeing her name staring back at him.

"I'm sorry…does my name remind you of someone?"

He looked up at her soft, hesitant voice. Forcing an uncomfortable smile for her sake, he shook his head. He didn't say anything else, though. The only sounds were the rustling of leaves and the calls of birds, the chattering of passerby and the stirring of the grass.

"Well…I'll just be leaving, then. I have some papers I need to do…" Offering a smile in return, she hurried off, leaving him to his own thoughts.

The book stayed, forgotten, in his lap. So this was where she had settled. Despite her evident memory loss, she seemed the same, shy and bookish. He could tell by the amount of books she carried in her arms everyday. Why she didn't get a larger bag than the small purse she carried on her shoulder was a mystery to him. Her hair was still the bushy, long honey colored mass it had always been, if not thicker and heavier, and without the memories that seemed to weigh down on the rest of the ex-wizarding population, her eyes were bright, like the first time she had entered his classroom. The glint in her eyes still showed her Gryffindor bravery, and he found it oddly comforting that she had not changed like most youths did after they grew up.

"Jane…" he muttered, wondering how in the world she had remembered her middle name and not her first. Probably coincidence, he dismissed it. What about her last name? Did she remember that? He wondered how she could still remain so bright and carefree even without any memories of her past. Or had others replaced them? Ones of a normal, muggle childhood and no trace of magic whatsoever? How he wished he still could use magic, to find just a glimpse of what she was thinking. But when he had left for the muggle world, all the strings of magic that had once bound him, no matter how thick or thin, had been broken, cut, and had then dissapated into wisps of the past. Feeling the gaping hole in his heart, now empty from the lack of magic running through his veins, he gritted his teeth in pain. Severus wondered, as he had many times, whether it could have been any worse if he had stayed at Hogwarts, seeing the blank faces of those who had been wounded, researching for them endlessly. At least the magic he had known all his life would be there to guide him. But since muggles had survived generations without magic in themselves, he was determined to live without it also.

Leaving the park resolutely, he decided to vent out his pain and confusion on the hard, rocky soil in the corner of his backyard. Dressed now in loose pants and a shirt that let the small puffs of wind blow in, he dug at the patch where some kind of grove had once grown. Remains of roots and trunks dotted the dry brown dirt, and while he shoveled with a large metal spade to loosen the clumps, he began arguing with himself.

Why are you digging up a patch of soil anyway? You're not going to find any answers.

"At least I'll be—able—to—grow something here when spring—comes—along!" he grunted as he encountered a particularly stubborn bit of ground.

Right…you're just mad at youself.

"And why would I be mad? I'd say angry fits the description better."

You seem rabid enough, poking holes into the ground that has done nothing but support you…

"Well, if you know why I'm out here, then don't ask me! It seems you have all the right answers anyway!"

It's only to help you. You have all the answers too, but you have to find them somehow, right? Other than digging in the ground for it? It's much too valuable to hide there.

"I'm not looking for answers right now!" He was now desperate to shut the voice up.

Then why does your mind seem so busy? It's like a thousand bats are flitting around in there.

"How would you know?"

The voice got a little annoyed. Because I looked inside, it said sarcastically.

"Oh really?"

I live there!

"Then stay in there and do me a favor by getting those bats out of my head!"

He only got angrier with himself as he realized how foolish he sounded talking to himself. Leaning on the spade moodily, he stared at a beetle climbing over his shoe.

Maybe that voice was right, he thought to himself, albeit reluctantly. Maybe I just need to find out why I feel like this. I know I wish I had my magic back, but why? For the convenience? To feel whole again? If a part of me wants to fit in, then why do I yearn for something so different? How come life can't be simple, like…like…I don't know! Life never is simple anymore, it never was! In his anger, he kicked the dirt with his toe, the same foot that had the beetle wandering on it, and sent it flying, dust coming up to surround his feet. Feeling sorry for it, after all, why would a small bug deserve to be thrown into the air? He picked it up, pinching it gently between his index finger and thumb. Dropping it lightly in his palm, he felt the spindly legs of the creature explore the callused terrain, turning his hand over as the beetle began to climb over his knuckles.

The shiny armor around the bug, a kind of bluish-purple, reminded him of something Albus had said to him long ago, when Severus was still teaching his first year at Hogwarts.

"They're only students, you don't have to be so cold to them."

"But…but…"

"But what?"

"I watch some of them, my students, the Slytherins, picking on the other students, making fun of them, leaving them out…it only reminds me of the times I was a student here."

"And it helps to be one of those bullies as well?"

Pause.

"Maybe, Severus, you should let down your façade a bit, let them see the real you."

"Maybe. I doubt they would care, some of them."

"You've drawn yourself inside so tightly, it's like you have armor built around you with mirrors as plates, and whatever anyone does, you have to do to them also. No one can get in, nothing gets out."

"So? I like to keep myself protected."

"And that's going to protect you from everything? A beetle has armor, it doesn't protect it from being killed in your potions, does it?"

"What's your point?"

"Lions can be kind, yet when people see their great teeth, they run. Hawks can be ferocious, yet when their large wings spread, people stare in awe. And when people see a person who is true, honest, and is himself, they don't cower, they don't get fooled by their fake masks, they want to get to know them. Which one do you want to be like?"

As the memories came flooding back, he stared at the little bug, now sitting on the tip of one finger. What similarity did it have to him? Sighing, he placed it back on the ground, watching it hurry away across the dirt and under one of the fallen leaves of a magnolia tree nearby.

The leaves of the tree hung from semi-barren branches, littered with fallen leafs damp with condensation. But although such a scene may have looked lifeless had it been cloudy or overcast, it seemed rather crisp as the bright blue sky stretched above. Bending over to pick up a perfectly formed maple leaf near the fence, he leaned his tool on a corner before twirling the stem in his hands, watching the reds and browns swirl together in the movement. Letting the leaf twirl to the ground to land on a small puddle in the dip by the roots of a Japanese maple, he strolled past, oddly calm, all previous thoughts pushed to the back of his mind.

Severus blinked as a drop of water hit his eye from a branch overhead. Shaking his head, he looked down to see his reflection in a clear pool of water nestled in a large rock at his feet. He could see every clear outline, of his straight, fine hair, now long enough to touch his shoulder blades, of his angled nose and cheekbones, of his dark, glittering eyes. He studied them for a moment, his eyes. It was a wonder that they still seemed to glitter at a time like this, so maliciously. He hadn't thought of anything but Jane's name the time. Still peering in, he watched the reflection of a sparrow flutter behind his head to land on a nearby branch, almost out of his view. Slowly angling his head so that the bird was still caught in the reflection in the water, he stared back at its black beady eyes. Funny, it seemed to be looking right at him. He heard it chirp a few times, it cocked its head. It seemed to stay in that position forever, and just as Severus's neck began to cramp, it fluttered away, suddenly disappearing from his line of sight as he raised his head to glance at the sky. Rubbing his neck, he turned back toward the place he had left his shovel, walking back to the house.

Everyday, he would be sitting on the bench when Jane came by. Sometimes, he'd be too absorbed in his new reading material to notice her until she'd clear her throat a bit too loudly. Some would glance at her, then dismiss her, and he'd laugh at the faces she made at them. On others, he'd be taking a break or letting his mind wander, and in hope of someone to socialize with, he'd spot her first.

He learned she was a university student, hoping to become a freelance author. She'd asked him to edit one of the pieces, and finding it tactful, she would let him read most of the pieces she wrote before submitting them to the press. They were all short, not much, but Severus could see little bits of the past she had forgotten in them. Like the lake in her second piece, which description seemed almost identical to the lake in Hogwarts. Or the schoolmaster that seemed so much like him, he had to keep from laughing aloud. She had asked him what was so funny, sitting beside him and seeing his shoulders shake, but he had just shook his head and continued reading on. Or, like now, when they were relaxing on the grass.

"What is it?"

"What?" He pretended to be busy peering at the papers in his hands.

"You don't fool me, Severus. What were you laughing at?"

"Nothing."

"Nothing?"

"Yes, really!"

"Oh, let me see that." Snatching the papers out of his hand when he was least suspecting it, she glanced at the comments and edits along the margins. "What's wrong with Lemon Drops?" She frowned at the words littering the page.

"They just remind me of someone…"

"Who?" She immediately prompted.

"Just some senile old man I knew who couldn't ever have enough of them…" Albus Dumbledore, he thought wryly. Yes, definitely you.

"And what's wrong with liking lemon drops? I happen to like them, you know."

He didn't reply, but in return he grabbed the papers from her hands and continued reading, raising and lowering the papers as she tried to grab them. Smiling, he glimpsed the words 'long, flowing white beard' before bursting out in laughter.

Severus had ended up giving her every last lemon drop in the bag of candy that Albus and Minerva had given him.

It was also apparent that she had no idea of her past at all. She had told him once that the doctors had diagnosed her with a case of amnesia, never improving, never worsening. When she had started confiding her worse fears to him, that those who knew her might have hated her so much that they never thought to come back and visit, he wished he could tell her the whole story, how she had been a brilliant witch, and that she had spent her days at Hogwarts with that Potter and Weasley and lost her memories in the final battle. When she turned to him rather suddenly and asked him if she had known him and if he was hiding himself from her, he didn't know what to say. He hadn't thought she would ever think of anything like that. Of course, she had known him, and always hated him. He was afraid that if he told her, she would hate him for the way he had treated her, hid her past from her, and he'd be left friendless again. When he lied and reassured her that he hadn't, and that he was sorry for her condition, he was relieved that she left the subject alone. However, the feeling of selfishness remained.

But what he noticed most of all was what she did to him. She was like…a drop of medication everyday, he supposed. He remembered the feeling of laughter running through him for the first time, unable to stop smiling for a reason completely unknown to himself. His cheeks hadn't been through such an exertion since a time when he could remember. The trees and their colored leaves, the crisp blue sky or swirling murky clouds…they all had meaning now. Nothing seemed blank, or bland (besides a day spent too long alone) as it had before, now filled with expectations and a reason to make the most out of life. Every now and then, when she wasn't looking, he'd steal a glance at her, smiling at her before turning back to what he'd been doing. She'd caught him once and thought he had had too much chocolate that morning. Who said sugar wasn't a good thing?

Halloween had passed (he didn't celebrate it because of the mockery of witches and wizards and the fact that no child would wind his way through the now barren grove of trees to get candy from a vampire) and Thanksgiving was bringing a chill with it. Jane, or Hermione, as he still thought of her, was out with her friends to Philadelphia, celebrating the holiday, and wouldn't be back until the day after tomorrow. Severus was currently curled up in his favorite armchair in the library after tossing and turning in bed for three hours, the fireplace radiating heat and light and the stars shining through the window, beyond the open curtains.

Gazing at the twinkling lights, he pushed himself up, leaving the book on the chair as he walked up to the glass panels. Leaning against the clean, slightly musty curtains, he watched his breath fog the glass for a while before staring at the silhouettes of the garden. The branches of the trees, now barren, stabbed the sky, an occasional leaf dangling from the branches. Above, the moon was high, large and white. The glow cast a strange sort of aura, and provoked the loneliness beginning to well up inside. He talked to one of the waiters at the café sometimes to pass the time, and twice he had received news from Albus and Minerva, but other else, he was living a solitary life.

He had told the two about seeing Hermione here in Napa Valley. They seemed a bit surprised at the coincidence, and would ask after her every now and then. Most of the news was the same. They were still working on antidotes and counter-spells, and hadn't made much of a break-through yet. Not wanting to dwell on such serious matters, he let his mind wander to something else.

Spotting a parcel of sweets on the table beside him out of the corner of his eyes, the corner of his lips quirked into a smile. He had used the chocolates for desserts, and left the rest in the bag, and once, when Minerva asked him how he was faring with his sweet tooth, he told her about the chocolates and the miserably long lives that the other candies had to bear. Not a day later, another parcel of candies came, but this time, the whole thing consisted of chocolate, along with a card from Albus giving Severus the idea to use the other candies he hadn't used for a gingerbread house for Hermione on Christmas. So he had stored them away, deciding to follow the ex-headmaster's idea, and left the newer bag out. He reached for it now, unwrapping a bite-sized bar of white chocolate. It wasn't his particular favorite, but it was still nice to eat every now and then. Popping it in his mouth, he placed the wrapper in his pocket, hoping he'd remember to throw it away before the ants got to it.

Settling back down on the chair, he'd scarcely read ten pages before he fell asleep, the fire reflecting off a solitary ant climbing around the outside of his pocket, hoping to find some sugar on the sleeping man.

Okay, this is a short chapter (they're all about this length, unfortunately), and it may be a bit rough from some attempts to add bits from discarded pieces in. I hope you still enjoy it, though!