So our fellowship awakens to the unpleasant sun of a Monday morning. The birds are singing the sun is shining and somehow Dodo finds himself hung over and in possession of a traffic cone. As he wakes he goes through his post slumber escape attempt only to be thwarted by Grandalf. The fellowship awake for breakfast, unfortunately the only one who thought to pack food was Pam so they have slim fast and Harry makes tea.
"So you see that tree in the distance?" Grandalf asked.
"Which tree" Pipi asks, "there are lots of trees."
"The one with the bloody numbers on it and the empty milk bottles outside…that tree marks the entrance to Loriel the land of gllllllladrielllllect."
"So now all we've got to do is get over there and another step in our journey is complete" said Walker boldly.
"Not quite" said Grandalf once again in a mystical voice, "the way is frought with danger and peril."
Dodo looked at the tree and back again
It was about 50 feet away, all that stood in there way was some overgrown grass, he felt that he may just make it there alive.
"Will they have breakfast" asked Merry
"Yes" said Grandalf, neglecting to mention that elves ate mostly diet food, being very vein creatures.
"Then let's go".
They set of quite confidently across the slightly overgrown grass, Blondelas pranced slightly ahead and Walker lagged behind, stabbing every particularly overgrown clump of grass with his sword.
When they were 12 feet away Dodo noticed everything had gone dark. "WTF!" The stunned hobbit exclaimed to the darkness; he was lying on something soft, or someone. Then there was a grown behind him.
"I think I landed on my sword" Walker moaned
The person underneath him turned out to be Blondelas who was now sulking because there was mud in his hair
A very embarrassing and prolonged series of events lead to the fellowship establishing that they had all managed to fall down a manhole. Grandalf was smug now that his perilous predictions were proving true and that narrative convention was not abandoning him.
They set off through the damn sewer. Blondelas whined.
They had been walking for 10 minutes when Dodo thought he should tell Grandalf someone was following them…loudly. That is the person who was following them was loud not that Dodo felt he should explain this to Grandalf at a high volume.
Grandalf said he didn't hear anything
Now Dodo was getting annoyed. "There you bloody wizard, leaning against that wall, he's having a bloody cigarette I can see the light."
Hold on come with me so the fellowship went to confront the figure leaning against the wall
Pipi cheerfully greeted the lurking figure
"Ummmm… hi" the figure replied. It had glued on pointy ears, it was green.
The figure looked helplessly at the group who looked expectantly at it
"Hey what's your name?" Walker asked.
"Ummmm…" the figure produced a battered diary and leafed through it he looked at Dodo. "You must learn the ways of the force young Jedi?" he said slowly.
Dodo just looked puzzled
He leafed desperately through the book then he caught site of Harry.
"I've been a very bad goblin thing" it said as it repeatedly hit its head off a wall.
The group were shocked at this display of masochism.
Looking at the group again he continued to leaf through the book. "Stupid hobbits…he hates us?" he asked tentatively.
Grandalf subtly nodded at the figure who breathed a sigh of relief.
"I'm sorry" it hissed quietly, "mortgage payments mean I take on extra work…hi ya Harry … so ummm now we know who I am can I get back to tailing you in the dark?"
The fellowship responded with a series of shrugs and meh noises and resumed there journey followed by the devious glom or smegall.
He was proving difficult to ignore as he seemed to be accident prone and the noise of him tripping over rocks and landing on other rocks filled the tunnel.