Warning: This chapter contains triggers for suicidal thoughts and mentions of self-harm. If you wish to skip on past these things or if you feel you cannot read them regardless of whether you want to or not please take caution and understand that unpleasant thoughts may occur during or following the reading of this chapter.
If you or someone you know is in crisis then please call one of the following numbers or contact the closest crisis center:
Suicide. Org
USA: 1-800-273-TALK (8255) for the National suicide prevention lifeline, 1-866-4-U-TREVOR (1-866-4-887-3867)
Canada: 9-1-1 or suicideprevention .ca for a list of crisis centers located within your province/region.
UK: +44 (0) 8457 90 90 90 or +44 (0) 8457 90 91 92
RoI: 1850 60 90 90 or 1850 60 90 91
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Bryce and River were lounging in the window seat in the first floor sitting room discussing their conversation with the Professor earlier that week when the planter box in the dining room was destroyed. The Professor suggested that until a more permanent solution was conceived then it would be best to move the boxes to the Staff room on the third floor.
"We really need to come up with a better place to put those boxes than in the room upstairs..." River stated looking out the window onto the front lawn, "They aren't gonna get nearly enough sunlight there and some of them will probably not even grow at all..." They added sighing heavy.
"Hey come on, don't look so upset..." Bryce replied, "We'll think of something good!" He continued trying to positive for his friend's sake.
"Do you have any ideas?" River asked looking over at the blonde boy.
"Um... maybe we could build a greenhouse or something?" He answered shrugging his shoulders, River nodded smiling a tiny smile before noticing the time.
"Don't you have to meet Ruby before class starts again?" River pointed out the clock making Bryce go wide eyed.
"Oh crap yeah!" He began to jump up when he saw his coffee mug sitting on the table by the seat.
"Want me to take care of your coffee flavored Sugar?" River asked with a laugh getting an eye roll and a thanks in response before Bryce rushed out of the room.
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Blake was sitting outside with the majority of her friends who were eating lunch. She however was far from hungry as she thought about the events that had recently transpired in her life. One of her close friends was spiraling and it seemed like she was the only one who really understood what he was going through.
Shylow, the boy's roommate didn't even seem to understand what was happening with the other teen.
"For the last time B... I'm not gonna go poking around in his head!" He told the girl who gave him a look of anger, "What has got you thinking that something bad is gonna happen?" he asked her seeing a look in her eyes that made him nervous. She pulled her legs up to her chest and hugged them defensively.
"How do you not see that he's not ok?" She retorted narrowing her eyes.
"Yeah I mean, he seems a little depressed but when he wants help he will ask!" Shylow responded, "I mean he was acting really weird last night but 'Really Weird' is kind of hard to explain when you're talking about Jamie!" Shylow added remembering how the multi-mutant had spent his time last night.
"What was he doing?" Blake asked him softly trying to keep the conversation between the two of them.
"Well it looked like he was working on homework cause he was writing in the same notebook all night... and he might have been crying for a bit..." He began explaining looking over at his oldest friend, "Maybe something is wrong..." He added with a pinch of concern. Blake nodded before standing and heading toward the back doors of the school.
"What am I supposed to tell Amelia?" Shylow called to her just before she reached the doors.
"I don't know, just tell her I have the runs or something!" She yelled back hearing several of her friends say 'EW' before speaking again, "And Shy?" She called to him making his brow furrow. She tapped the spot between her eyes and he nodded back before she entered the school and started sprinting toward her friends room.
She was flat out running towards the tube near Jamie's room when she was stopped by two of her teachers. It was Dante and Judah, both giving her a dirty look as she skidded to a halt. Dante rolled his eyes before speaking.
"Seriously... running inside?" He asked her making her growl with impatience.
"If you give me a detention will you let me go?" She asked rocking from foot to foot with a worried voice in her head telling her that she didn't have time for this.
"Yeah but I'm not just gonna give you a detention for running in the hall!" He countered watching her bounce on her heels.
"Ok... why don't you go eat shit!" She told him seeing Judah look at her with wide eyes unlike Dante who smirked and nodded.
"After school and Tomorrow till noon then... see you later!" He told her before she nodded and rushed past them. By the time she made it up to Jamie's door the halls were completely cleared. She walked up and called his name getting no response before she began pounding on the door.
"Jamie please open the door!" She yelped as a strange but familiar scent hit her nose and she paled momentarily.
Shooting her claws out she began to tried to pick the lock with very shaky hands before moving her hands to her head, claws still retracted.
"Fuck it!" She cried before stepping back and slamming her foot hard into the door, opening it without knocking it off the hinges. What she saw inside made her veins run cold, it was Jamie Maddrox sitting on the floor beside his bed with two small gashes streaming blood heavily from his wrists.
"Jamie!" She gasped darting into the room and grabbing a towel from end of her friends bed and ripping it into pieces as quickly as she could. Doing everything she remembered about first aid and bleeding (which wasn't a lot considering her lack of need for such things), She wrapped each of his wrists tightly with pieces of the towel before using her right knee on his left wrist and her hands on his right to keep pressure on the wounds.
"Jamie Jamie look at me!" She calmly implored seeing his head slowly turn, "That's right just focus here and keep those eyes on me!" She told him giving him a sad but assuring look.
His eyes were bloodshot, heavily lidded and they had dark bags underneath.
"I'm not ok..." Jamie told her hearing her shush him, "I really could have hurt Bobby and Kurt... what if I had killed them?" He asked tears rolling down his face. She shook her head at him and spoke softly.
"But you didn't Jamie, you didn't and they know it was just an accident so they forgave you!" She whispered trying her best not to cry, "Jamie I know how you feel trust me, I really do... and believe me when I say that everyone we know would be changed forever in a terrible way if you died!" She told him again doing everything she could to stay calm.
"Shylow I know you can hear me!" She screamed in her own head, "I need your help!" She added to the previous thought, all but praying that the telepath had heard her.
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Shylow had been trying to focus on the book he and Alex were reading together for their Brit Lit assignment when he heard the sound of his friend crying out to him through her thoughts. He looked up with his eyeless face and closed the lid in his palm to try and see where she was or what was happening.
He nearly vomited when he saw the state she was in. Quickly standing, he went to run to his and Jamie's shared room.
"Where are you going?" Amelia asked him hearing the frightening sound of 'Oh God Oh God Oh Fuck!' coming from inside the boys head, "Shylow what's going on?" She asked again making him realized she had peaked into his head.
He just shook his head firmly before taking off down the hall and rushing to the stairs, not even bothering with the tubes. When he made it to the door of his bedroom his roommate gave him an anguished look and Blake didn't even turn around.
"Shylow go get my dad or-" Blake started before they both heard a weak voice interrupt her.
"Emma!" Jamie spoke making Blake look down at him, "I want Emma!" He repeated seeing Blake and Shylow both nod. Blake had no idea why Jamie would want Emma Frost of all people but in the state he was in she wouldn't question his choices.
"Go find Emma then... and Shy please hurry!" She told him before he took off once again. He made his way down to the first floor and hurried to the Professor's office where he hoped she would be.
When he opened the door without even bothering to knock he was greeted with surprised looks by Wolverine, Storm and The White Queen. He gave the blonde woman a look making her eyebrows rise in concern.
"Jamie... Jamie is really really hurt!" Shylow told them seeing the other woman gain a look of surprise and the older man's eyes narrow with almost undetectable worry.
"How is he hurt kid?" Logan asked his student whose eye was peaked up from where his hand hung at his side.
"He slit his wrists in our bedroom!" Shylow told them just above a whispered. The guilt was finally setting in on him and his concern for his friend was all that kept him from breaking down right there. Storm and Wolverine looked shocked but Emma raised a hand to her mouth covering a gasp.
"Blake is upstairs with him stopping the bleeding but Emma he said he wants you!" Shylow told his teacher who blinked before walking quickly to the tube behind her and motioning for Shylow to follow.
"Get Charles and have him announce that the second floor and Sub-Basement need to be cleared, Logan can you go find all of Jamie and your daughters close friends so that we can talk to them about this?" Emma asked the man after telling her female colleague to help with the current situation.
They took the tube up to the second floor where it let out inside the sitting room on the boys wing.
Shylow blinked when he saw that they were walking through a Junior High Class that was being taught by Dante. Dante looked over at him and Emma with a confused look.
"Is everything ok?" Dante asked his fellow staff mate who shook her head.
"Take your class down through Charles' office and to the library!" She told him, 'The second floor needs to be blocked off... a student is seriously hurt and no other students need to be involved..." She added with her thoughts seeing him nod and announce to his students that they would be moving downstairs.
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Emma's eyes began to water for a moment when she saw Jamie sitting on the ground covered in blood. She almost couldn't believe what she was witnessing. Yet after having seen the inside of Jamie's mind when he was younger and knowing all of the things that he had gone through in his life, part of her wasn't surprised by what she was seeing.
"James... are you alright?" Emma asked walking around to kneel at the boy's other side opposite Blake and lay a hand on his shoulder.
"Emma..." He asked looking up after having his eyes shut for several moments. He started to cry as she sat beside him and pulled his face to her chest.
"Forsight can you see if Beast is on his way?" She asked the other telepath while stroking Jamie's hair.
Shylow nodded and closed his eye viewing the world around him much like in the way he did when he had used Cerebro last semester to find Jamie. After peering through the different faces he spotted Beast who was headed toward his and Jamie's room with Judah and Wolverine.
After several moments Beast, Wolverine and Glaciem stepped into the room frowning at what they were seeing. Wolverine turned to his daughter and her fellow former Morlock.
"Blake, Shylow you need to go down to Chuck's office... When you're done there you can go change!" He told them looking at his daughter who was covered in her friends blood.
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Blake and Shylow stepped out of the tube that let out into Professor Xavier's office and were surrounded by all of their good friends who were very confused and frightened when they saw the amount of blood that Blake was wearing.
"Are you guys ok?" Phoebe asked them both with a worried look. Blake just slowly shook her head and sat down between Layla and Piotr who were on the couch.
"Whose blood is that?" Trinity asked her former roommate who looked up for a moment then without warning the ebony haired girl began bawling. Several people looked alarmed and many turned to Shylow for answers but weren't granted any by the boy before Professor Xavier spoke.
"I need to ask this group some questions and it is of the utmost importance that you answer truthfully!" He spoke to his students with a stern but sympathetic voice, "First I need to ask, how many of you knew that Jamie Maddrox has been suffering from depression since his attack back in December?" He questioned seeing every hand in the room go up with the exception of Blake who was still silently sobbing on the couch.
"She did too... I think she knew really well actually..." Layla told him patting her ex-girlfriend's back.
Professor Xavier nodded before moving back behind his desk again.
"Did any of you suspect that something may have been seriously wrong?" He asked them another question seeing Phoebe, Kitty, Layla, Blake and Kurt all raise their hands.
"Is he ok?" Trinity asked looking over from the Professor to Blake, "What happened to him?" She added moving to the edge of her seat.
"My final question is for Miss. Misaki... Blake I need your attention so if you would, please try and stay calm to answer?" He wondered seeing her look up and nod as she wiping her eyes on the back of her hand, "Blake I need to know how it was that you realized this was going to happen and why you didn't come to myself or another one of your teachers." He finished seeing her shake her head softly.
"I only know because I've been in that position... I've literally tried to do that to myself before... I know how he felt when he decided that life wasn't worth living anymore!" She told him seeing Trinity gasp and begin to sob loudly.
"You mean he ki-" Bobby started as tears began to fall for him and several others as well, only to be stopped quickly by his teacher.
"No Robert we were very lucky in the fact that Blake and Shylow knew to go and find him when they did!" Professor Xavier interrupted hearing several students say variations of 'Oh thank god!' unlike Bobby who jumped up and darted over grabbing Blake by the color of her shirt.
"Why the fuck didn't you say something!" Bobby screamed in her face making several people look shocked, "You could have stopped this... You could have kept it from happening!" He added before she shoved him off of herself and onto the ground.
"And you try to say you understand what he was going through!" Trinity added to the yelling looking at her friend crossly, "He was nearly blinded and then when he was trying to recover he had a freak out and almost killed two of his best friends... how the hell could YOU possibly understand that!" she scowled at the ebony haired girl who looked as though a wild creature had been unleashed within her.
"CAUSE I HAVE KILLED BEFORE!" She screamed at her former roommate whose jaw nearly hit the floor.
"You've what?" Shylow asked looking over at his friend in a way none have them had ever seen him before.
"When I was escaping from Weapon X I killed the men who did this to me!" She told him shooting out the claws on her right hand, "I stabbed and slit the throats of so many people that day that I will probably never forgive myself!" She added before she looked at the Professor. He looked back at her with a sad glance knowing what question she was about to ask him.
"I need to go... I need to see Wolverine!" She told him seeing him shake his head in response.
"First just tell me why you never told another person that you thought this would happen!" He told her calmly.
"I tried telling each one of them..." She said looking from face to face at each of her friends, "But none of them would listen!" She added before she walked out the door slamming it shut and making her way through a crowd of frightened looking Junior High students.
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Just a quick note from me, Austin and Brianna.
Please remember that you are loved! No matter how hard life may be treating you always no that you are loved and you are NEVER alone! All three people who help bring these pages to life know what its like to feel hopeless and I (Shepard) have even been hospitalized for a suicide attempt.
Sometimes it can feel like things are never going to get better but believe me when I say that they can and that they will! And it may be hard to remember sometimes but everyone has something or someone who can help keep them off the edge...
If anyone would like to talk or tell me how they are doing or if it seems like you have nobody who will listen when you are having troubles of your own, please contact me via one of my social media accounts including private messaging on Fanfiction. net and I will gladly talk things through with you or just let you vent if you need a friendly ear!
-LB
If you or someone you know is in crisis then please call one of the following numbers or contact the closest crisis center:
Suicide. Org
USA: 1-800-273-TALK (8255) for the National suicide prevention lifeline, 1-866-4-U-TREVOR (1-866-4-887-3867)
Canada: 9-1-1 or suicideprevention. ca for a list of crisis centers located within your province/region.
UK: +44 (0) 8457 90 90 90 or +44 (0) 8457 90 91 92
RoI: 1850 60 90 90 or 1850 60 90 91