--
Jim and George slowly searched the gloomy upstairs, weapons in hand and ready to strike at every moving shadow as the flashlight prowledalong every dark corner. Walking through the aerobics fitness area, Jim still couldn't let it go.
"I mean, right in the fuckin' nuts, right? Like even if that thing survived, he couldn't find a zombie bitch someday and have zombie babies or nothing!"
"That's not quite how they reproduce, Jim..."
"I know, but it gets you thinking, right? Like I shoot 'em in the balls by accident all the time and shit, but I don't purposely go for them...that's just--that's just wrong man. Come on, you know it too!"
"It seems to me like pain isn't exactly a problem for them, so it is probably best to go for the brain..."
"Yeah, right! Anyways, doc...they something off with her. You can definitely have Cindy now..."
"I beg your pardon?"
"Nah, I saw how you was touching her, 'checking her for wounds', and shit. It's cool, man...hell, it'd be nice to get some before we die, right? That really makes you think, doc...if one of us were to swing our bat in a zombie dugout, do you think we'd get infected, like, with a rubber even?"
"Jim...?"
"Just wondering, you know. Like scientific curiosity and all. Just on a primal level and shit."
"...Indeed."
"What, you gonna pretend like you ain't never thought of that? Shee-it man, these zombies used to be women, and some of 'em used to be hot women. Hot women who'd turn brothers like me down all the time!"
"And that's changed how, exactly?"
"Now they all after me man! It's like evolution, doc. Survival of the fittest, right? These bitches want to populate, copulate, so they come after me, just like Chuck Darwin used to talk about."
George stopped in his tracks, the table leg he carried as a weapon dropping to his side. Somehow, Jim had actually slipped something of scientific interest into his otherwise senseless rambling. These creatures were driven by the most base instincts, to consume and reproduce. Amazingly, they were able to do both at the same time with little regard to their environment. They truly were amazing creatures, at least in the realm of science. Fighting for his very survival for all these days had kept this realization from him. Lost in his thoughts, he realized Jim was still talking.
"--there's a higher percentage risk puttin' it in they ass? I mean, that's how AIDS started right, a gay guy stuck it up a monkey's ass, got infected, and now zombies are trying to eat us."
"Are you somehow equating homosexuality to this viral outbreak that's wiped outan entire city?"
"No man, I ain't like that...haven't you been listening to me at all?"
Without waiting for an answer, he began his theory from the very beginning, George somewhat hoping to find an undead to disrupt Jim's long winded theory.