Disclaimer - I do not own x-men or any lyrics.
Lyrics by:
Natalie: Going Crazy
Goodbye
Ever since the day you went away and left me lonely and cold
My life just hasn't been the same ohh baby, nooo
When I looked into your eyes the moment that I let you go
I just broke down
She lay down on her bed staring blankly at the wall. He was gone, and she was sure that she was never going to see him again. Her pillow was cuddled up to her chest as she replayed the memory in her mind.
"John they told us to stay here."
"You always do as you're told?"
Those were the last words that he said to her. It wasn't a goodbye, but somehow when she knew that he wasn't coming back. His words were a shield for his own self preservation. He always had that barrier in between him and her. That's why he had to leave. He just couldn't take it anymore. Not being able to be with her, while she's with him. Before he left she looked into his eyes knowing what he meant behind his words: Goodbye.
It was like she was screaming 'Don't go!' when she looked at him with her worried eyes, but all he did was look at her with still broken eyes. He looked at her with sad eyes as he saw the hurt on her face. It tore him up inside to see her like that. He loved her,but she would never know.
She remembered the look that he gave her when he left. Looking in to his eyes from her memory, it was like he was there staring back at her. And then he disappeared in a blurry mess as tears fell down her cheeks and on her lips.
So here she was lying on her bed. She wore the same black nightgown she wore that night the school was attacked. It felt cold with her exposed arms and legs. A shiver went through her body in attempt to raise her body temperature. She remembered John was always warm. When she sat next to him she could always feel his body heat radiate from his body, probably due to his mutation. He was always warm, and she never felt lonely or cold beside him. He was always there for her. Now her life would never be the same without him.
Baby if I ever get the chance to be with you again I would sacrifice
Cuz the feeling that I feel within
No other man would ever make me feel so right
John was her friend, her boyfriend's best friend. So why was she taking this so hard? Her arms gripped the pillow tighter to her body. In the silence and solitude of her room only then she admitted to herself that she only wanted one person with her. Someone next to her to hold her tight and make her loneliness and coldness go away. She would give anything for that feeling again. To feel safe and warm in someone's arms, like nothing could harm her.
Only one person could make her feel like that. Only one person could make it right.
I gotta let you know I feel so weak without your touch
I never thought that I could ever love a man so much
I gotta let you know I think that we are destiny
For you I'd cross the world,
for you I'd do anything
She remembered she touched him, when the police were there. They had guns that were pointed at them ready to shoot. They did open fire. It was a miracle that the man was still alive. The memory played in her mind like when he said goodbye.
"I'm the worst one."
That's what he said before attacking the people who were trying to hurt them – no hurt her.
Looking up she thought he was doing this for the wrong reasons. To unleash his powers, seeing how far he could spread his limit. He always liked to blow up things and burn things. She was scared when she saw what he could do, so she did the only thing she could. Her bare hand reached out and touched his skin.
He was hot.
He felt warm, almost hot to the touch. It was something she never felt before. Maybe he was heated because he was using his powers, but she felt something grip in her chest the moment she felt him pour into her. She didn't want to let go, this feeling, she didn't want to let him go.
Her hand hesitantly moved away from his skin, that warmth. And then it felt like she was being the one drained. The warmth - the feeling in her body began to disappear and she felt cold again. It wasn't until she lost his touch, that she realized that he was protecting her. Absorbing his memories and his thoughts told her why he acted the way he did, that he was doing it all for her. He was always hiding behind his words.
She felt so weak without his touch.
She wished that only she knew where he was, because she would go find him so they would be together. She would do anything not to have only these memories to see him. Only if she could tell him that.
My heart seems to skip another beat
Every time we speak, can't believe I feel so weak
Tell me that you really need me and you want me and you miss me
And you love me I'm your lady
I'll be around waiting for you put it down be the woman for you
Afterwards, after she touched him, things became awkward. She knew how he felt about her, but what he didn't know was that secretly she felt the same way for him too. It didn't make sense to her. He didn't change the way he acted; always acting so cool, like nothing ever happened. What he didn't know was the he left her so weak.
She would steal glances at him on the jet or the campsite, whenever she thought he wasn't looking. She wasn't sure why her heart was beating so fast like this. Whenever he went near her, or looked at her with eyes that she couldn't read. She couldn't believe how weak he could make her with one touch.
So why didn't he say something to her. That he needed her, that he wanted her, that he loved her. He didn't even say that he would miss her when he didn't say goodbye. He left her on the jet waiting. And she was still waiting for him in her room alone so weak.
I'm falling so deep for you crazy over you
Im calling, calling out to you what am I gonna do?
it's true no frontin'
It's you and no other I can no longer go on without you
I just break down
For the first time a sound from her lips that were wet from tears. It was the first time the silence was broken. It was his name; the one that she needed. What was she going to do now that he wasn't there? That he was gone? It was possible that she could go on. She would go on, because time doesn't stand still for anyone. But she didn't want to go on without him. All she wanted to do was lay here as a broken memories haunted her wet eyes.
Thats right baby I'm going crazy
I need to be your lady
I've been thinking lately
That you and me, yes we can make it
Just ride with me, roll with me I'm in love with you baby
Only if he stayed - only if she could see him one more time. She realized it until it was too late, that he was the one she wanted.