Hello everyone, here is another one shot
This is Ace's earlier suicide attempts
This was a request from Tony-034
Hope you enjoy
Read and relax
-x-First Attempt-x-
Ace sat in his bed, feeling overwhelmed. He had just been on an assignment with Daisuke and it was harsh, what he had seen, and it reminded him of his own issues, how he had been taken advantage of just a few weeks prior, which was still heavy on his mind. He didn't know what to do with himself, he didn't know who to speak with. He had spoken with Azuruko about it, a lot actually, but it never helped as much as he wanted to, it just helped in the moment, and when a bit of time had passed, it was back to the same horrible feeling. His body itched and felt weak. Ace wasn't sure he was cut out for this, if he could handle this. It all felt too much. He hadn't cried since it happened, not feeling like he could. He felt he needed to keep going, keep himself up. But it was getting too much. Ace couldn't handle this, he couldn't live this life.
He had just been with Moira, getting some strong sleeping meds, hoping it would do what he wanted to do, he wanted to sleep through this. He had taken the meds half an hour prior and it was starting to work as his mind felt foggy, so Ace moved to grab his dagger, moving to have his leg out in front of himself, moving the blade to his leg and cutting down deep. It hurt a bit, but it should have hurt more. He felt numb. It didn't take long for blood to ooze out of the wound in a heavy flow, Ace hitting the main artery, as he wanted to do. Ace then laid back on the bed, closing his eyes. Glad when the world got dark a few seconds later, the sleeping meds putting him to sleep. Ace hoped he wouldn't wake up from this.
-x-
Ace opened his eyes, a groan leaving him. He felt weak and foggy, trying to move his arms without much luck, making him groan out again. "Ace, just relax." Ace frowned. He knew that voice, it was Azuruko. Ace blinked, getting the blurriness out, seeing the pink-haired man sitting by the bed he was in, recognizing it to be the infirmary. Why was he here? It took him a second, but he remembered he had been sitting in his bed, having taken sleep medication and cutting his leg open. He had done it to not wake up, so why was he awake? Ace managed to move a hand to his face, feeling sluggish. "What?" Ace wasn't sure what he said, but he said something. He could see Azuruko speaking, but didn't hear it at the start, making him frown, and Azuruko started anew, speaking louder so he could hear. "You cut your leg open, Ace. You barely didn't make it. Why did you do it?" Ace frowned, thinking. He had done it since this was too hard for him, he couldn't handle the feeling he had inside himself. He felt weak and useless. He was about to speak, to say he felt horrible about everything, but only a sob left him. Azuruko was quick in bringing him into a hug, giving comforting noises. "I'm sorry I didn't see how much you were hurting, Ace. I am. I will be more observant. I'm sorry." Ace sobbed in Azuruko's chest, Azuruko holding around him. He gave out more comforting noises, Ace sobbing, something he hadn't done in long and it felt good, to get it out finally. Finally he could cry about it, he didn't feel numb anymore. Azuruko was still glad in him, which was good. He wasn't disappointed in him. "Ace, just let it out. I'm sorry I haven't been here for you." Ace shook his head as he sobbed. He didn't want for Azuruko to feel guilty, but he couldn't get the words out. He could just sob, which was all he had wanted to do the last few weeks. It felt good to finally get it out. Ace would heal, he would. It would just take time.
-x-Second Attempt-x-
Ace let out a breath, he felt buzzed, which was good. He felt it helped with what he would do. Azuruko had died just some months prior, and Ace had just returned to his duties, but it was hard. He didn't have Azuruko anymore, he didn't have the person who made it easy for him, he was gone. He might be buzzed, but he had planned this. He had just been with Virus and Trip, getting some strong drug. He had done it many times, it helped a lot to take drugs, but this time, he took more than he usually did. He still remembers when he had tried when he was younger, when he was 13. He had been silent after it, feeling overwhelmed and needed time to gather himself, he might have been a bit hostile too, but it had passed. Ace had managed to go up till now. He had lost Azuruko and the world was still hell, people were still awful. Ace's effort went useless. It was horrible. He moved to his room, he still had the same room he had had since day one, and Ace moved to take the drugs he had gotten, taking all 5 pills at once, knowing he should have taken one only, but he didn't want to go on more. What he was doing wasn't working. He had hoped his effort would pay off, that the world would become better, but it didn't. He felt useless, he felt he was going around in a circle, nothing was lessening the hurt to others. People were devils and so horrible, and Ace didn't know what else to do. He might be an amazing assassin, but it didn't help.
Ace moved to lie on the bed when the world started spinning, making sure he laid down on his back, so if he threw up, he would choke on it and die, just for safe measurement. He hoped he wouldn't wake up from this, he hoped there was nothing left, that he would live in darkness the rest of eternity, just nothing. He hoped none of the religions was right, that there wasn't a heaven or rebirth, he hoped it was just darkness. He didn't want to live with these people.
-x-
Ace blinked, moving a hand to his face, groaning. He felt groggy. It took him a second, but he shouldn't feel like this, he should feel nothing. He opened his eyes, having closed them again, seeing he was in the infirmary at Amegakure. As he got his bearings more right, he noticed Trevor beside his bed, asleep in a chair. Damn, he didn't make it, just like last time, but this time, Trevor was beside him. Ace moved to sit more up in bed, the noise of the bed waking Trevor, who gave an annoyed look to him. "What the fuck is wrong with you!? Did you realise you came this close to dying!?" Ace let out a breath. "What did you think I was after?" Trevor blinked. "Wait, you wanted to die?! Why?!" Ace gave an exasperated breath, looking at Trevor. "Who wouldn't?! Have you seen the world?! Have you seen how horrible it is!?" Trevor shook his head, looking annoyed and mad. "How does killing yourself help?! How the fuck would that help!?" Ace glared at the other. "It would mean I didn't need to deal with it anymore! I am done! I am done with this life! Leave me the hell alone!" Trevor shook his head. "No! I will never do that!" He started, and argued with Trevor for a bit more, until Daisuke came and calmed them down, Ace feeling the adrenaline he had gotten ebbing away, making him feel out of breath before tears started to make their way down his face, making him lie back down in bed. It didn't take long before he was engulfed in a hug from Trevor, who did his best to comfort him. Ace still wished he wouldn't have woken up, he didn't want to live this life anymore. He didn't want to live in this world.
He was kept in the infirmary for some days, before he was let out of the infirmary, but still on suicide watch, which Ace hated. He didn't want to always have someone around himself. He wanted to be alone. He got why they did it after a while, when he started to feel better again, feeling he got his spirit back. He felt he could go on. He was still on suicide watch for a while, but Ace didn't mind it. He was glad he was still around, and he would work a lot more, to try and make a change. He wanted to make a change in this world.
-x-Third Attempt-x-
Ace moved to sit on his bed, moving his head into his hands. He felt awful, he felt done. The eighteen-year-old felt he was done with this world again. There was no savior, there was no one to save the world and everyone who needed it. It hadn't been so long since he felt this way, just over a year ago. He had just some months ago fought Trevor when he tried to drown them, and yet here he was, doubting himself. Doubting the world. Why was he trying to save a doomed world? Ace didn't know why. He felt overwhelmed again and just done. He should just slit his throat and get it over with. But at the same time, he wanted to move on, but he felt he couldn't. What could he do? He should leave it to faith, something he didn't believe a lot in, but he felt done and needed to see what he was going to do. For now, he would see what would happen. Ace moved to sit on his bed, as he had all the other times, this time moving his dagger up from its sheath and bringing the knife to his wrist, before he cut down deep, before repeating the motion to his other wrist. The second one was a bit hard, seeing as his wrist was cut deep, but it was doable. He then moved to lie down in his bed, feeling himself growing weaker and weaker, before he felt himself barely awake. As he was drifting off to sleep, or unconscious more like it, he heard someone knocking on his door and Ace hoped the person would leave. It didn't take long before he was unconscious, barely hearing his door open.
-x-
Ace blinked, waking up. Well, as the previous times, he didn't die. Someone really didn't want him to die, and Ace wondered why. It must be some deity out there that kept him from dying. How else would he survive 3 suicide attempts? As he got his bearing right, he saw Trevor beside his bed, glaring at him. Of course Trevor was mad, he knew he would be. Ace had said just months ago he didn't want to die. Ace moved to wave his hand, seeing heavy bandages around his wrist. "Yeah yeah, get it over with." It only took a second before Trevor moved to lecture him, Ace sighing. He really had wanted to die this time, he felt sad he was alive. Some deity really hated him. Some deity really wanted to torture him by keeping him alive. As Trevor was done lecturing him half an hour later, Ace sat with his hand on his face. He had thought he would handle this calmly, but now, he felt emotional for some reason, he felt like he wanted to cry, and he didn't know why. "Bunny?" Ace shook his head, feeling a sob leaving him. Why did he suddenly feel emotional? He had wanted to either die or wake up. But now that he was awake, he regretted it, that he had just slit his wrists and not his throat. He should have taken the better way, the easier one to die, but he hadn't. And now he felt horrible. It didn't take long before he was engulfed in a hug by Trevor, and a few minutes later, Hanzo joined in on the hug, before a few others were also there. Ace knew what would happen now. He would be watched for a few weeks, kept on a suicide watch again. Maybe Ace needed that, maybe he needed to be more around everyone.
As the suicide watch started, he was given some drug to help him feel better, and it really did help. He was still kept on the suicide watch for a couple more weeks, and Ace didn't mind it. He needed to not feel as alone for a while. He had people who cared, he had acquaintances who was there for him. He was close to someone.
And that's the one shot, hope you enjoyed
This was a bit short, but I hope it was good. I know I didn't include the suicide watch but I can make an own one shot where I take the suicide watch and aftermath of the attempts if its wanted
If you have any scenes you would like to see, don't be afraid to leave a comment, or send a PM
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