Disclaimer: Rowan is tired and can think of no clever way to say this. So: Rowan does not own FMA. She did not write it, she did not create it.

AC (Author's Claim): The OCs in this chapter belongs to me, got it? Julie Hakuro and the gossiping soldiers are my characters! Yay, some things here are totally and completely mine!

Note: This is probably the most depressing of all the chapters. I apologize, but I do want things to get better, so Chapter five will be much nicer! Um, but this chapter, I fear, is necessary. (It is, on the plus side, the longest one yet!)

Darling

Chapter Four- Fusagaranu kizuguchi mo

Only hours later, after Caleb had crawled out of bed and pulled on his clothes, after he whispered a puzzled, "Who's Al?" as he slipped out the door, after the sun began to peek over the window sill, did Edward remember.

It was two weeks before his twenty-first birthday.

Ed buried his face in the pillow and tried not to think of Alphonse as tears fell from his eyes.

"Hey, Colonel," Edward called as he entered his office later that day. "You were off by about ten years."

Roy glanced up from his work- yeah right, Ed thought- and frowned. "What?" But then he noticed something different in Ed's eyes, something lost within those glimmers of gold. "You mean…"

Edward sat down a little too roughly in the seat in front of Mustang's desk. "Uh huh," he said, his eyes dark.

Roy smirked and leaned forward. "So…tell me about it!"

"I'd rather not," was Ed's short reply.

Roy sat back. "That bad, huh?" he said. "I understand. What was it that made it bad? Was she not into you?" He wrinkled his nose and whispered, "She didn't fake it, did she?"

Ed glared up at Roy. "I don't want to talk about it," he ground out.

"All right, all right, I understand. Jeez, what's with you today?" Mustang glanced at Ed. "Oh yeah, that's right. It's you."

"And what's that supposed to mean?"

Roy grinned. "It means you've always got a stick up you're a-"

"Excuse me, Colonel Mustang?" Master Sergeant Fury said as he glanced into the room.

"Yes?"

Fury entered the room, in his meek manner standing on the threshold. "Um, you haven't see Edward Elric have you?" Ed turned around in his seat and Fury jumped. "Oh, Edward!"

Ed frowned in consternation. "What is it, Fury?"

"Uh, your brother was here earlier. He said you never came home last night." Fury looked down at his hands, instead of stare at Ed's intense eyes. "He looked really worried."

Ed could feel Mustang's eyes boring into the back of his head, so he laughed to throw off the older man's concern. "Oh yeah, I forgot to call him last night. I, uh, stayed at the library all night, doing some research. Thanks for reminding me, Fury."

Fury nodded. "Oh, okay. Shall I call him and tell him that you're here?"

"No!" Ed cried, then realized that both of them were watching him warily. "Uh, don't trouble yourself. I'll call him later."

"Okay Edward." Fury stepped out of the room and closed the door behind him again.

"So, Colonel, what were we-" Ed began to say, then scowled at the blank look on the Colonel's face. "What is it?" he said.

"…I just realized," Roy said, "that Havoc won."

Edward could not help but begin to laugh, a bitter, biting, sarcastic laugh. "I wonder, Colonel, just how much you put up on that bet!" he said.

Roy turned completely pale. "I bet...a date with Hawkeye," he muttered, eyes wide.

Ed paused and raised an inquiring eyebrow. "Huh?"

"I bet...that if he won, I'd go on a date with Hawkeye, and spare no expenses." Ed wanted to laugh again, but refrained. Wasn't it obvious anyway, that Roy need not spare any expense on Riza, that she loved him no matter what? But then, men are dense, and Roy was as dense as a fifty foot thick concrete wall.

"Well then, Colonel, shouldn't you come out here and ask for that date before someone else snatches her up?" a voice from the door interrupted, startling both Ed and Roy. They turned in their seats and found Havoc smirking at them from the doorway. "Hello Edward, I heard the great news!" He smiled around his cigarette. "Knew you had it in you."

Edward began to rise from his seat, his face red with rage, but Havoc ducked out of sight before he could male it halfway across the room. In his place stood a puzzled Riza Hawkeye who blinked owlishly into the room.

"Colonel Mustang?" she said. "Havoc says you have something to ask me?"

Roy flushed and Ed quickly fled the room. Closing the door on the stuttering colonel, Ed turned to make his escape when he was cornered by Havoc, and Fury meekly behind him.

"So, Edward, I understand that you were very busy last night," Havoc said nonchalantly. "You were studying all night in the library, and yet you found enough time to get laid?" He smirked. "Oh, you're good. Mixing work and play, huh?"

Edward flushed now, and tried to shrink into the wall. Could he transmute the wall- but no, that would only lead back into Mustang's office... "What's your point, Havoc?" he grumbled.

"Um, Edward," Fury stepped forward, standing at Havoc's elbow and watching his hands. "You didn't have a disagreement with your brother, did you?"

"What, did Al say anything?" Edward asked, eyes anxious.

Fury shuffled his feet. "Well, no, but it seems that way. Alphonse mentioned that you've been looking upset lately. He thought that you might have...run away..."

"I'm twenty years old," Ed said. "Anyway, there's nothing wrong between Al and me. I...just find it inconvenient trekking out that far every day."

Fury glanced up eagerly. "Oh! Are you looking for a place to stay?" he asked.

Ed frowned at the man. "...I guess so. Why?"

Fury grinned. "Well, to tell you the truth, I've been looking for someone to room with me in my new apartment. It's got two bedrooms, but it was the only thing I could find that was reasonable, and close to headquarters." Fury blushed. "You see, I need someone to split the rent with..."

Edward folded his arms over his chest and thought. He could use a place to stay, and Fury wasn't a bad person, though rather timid. He wasn't annoying (though he did have the annoyingly Al-ish trait of bringing lost animals home), and he probably wouldn't complain if Ed was moody. In fact, there was no reason not to, but then Havoc had to speak. And what did he mean by:

"It's completely across town from Alphonse's home."

Ed shot him a look. "What does that matter?" he spat. He furrowed his brows, gazed off into space, compared the pros with the cons, and chose to ignore Havoc's remark.

"Okay, Fury. I accept your offer. When can I move in?"

Edward had been living with Cain Fury for a week now. A week until his birthday. Not that he was counting down. And, except for that small lapse in judgement, his celibacy now nearly extended to his twenty-first year. Which was more than he could say about everyone else around him.

Roy was definitely...well, if it wasn't Hawkeye, it was some other girl.

Painful, but true, Al hadn't lasted two decades.

And Fury was up to something, though who or what it was Ed couldn't say for sure. But he had been coming "home" - it felt weird to say that, because even though he lived here, this was not home either- rather late, in the "wee hours of the morning", as they say. Not that Fury ever disturbed Ed, who was perpetually up doing research, too tired of everything to sleep. Too tired of trying. If Winry saw Ed now, her heart would burst with pity. But Winry was in Resembool and happy as far as he knew.

But yes, Fury was up to something, and after a week in the apartment, Edward found out exactly what that was.

That evening he and Sheska had stayed up late, poring over books. While she had been making tea one afternoon, she happened to knock down a stack of very dusty books. While cleaning them up and piling them up again, she got distracted and began to read them. Needless to say, she was only roused from her fervent read when the water had long since boiled. Luckily, the house survived. Anyway, much of the books she had found were on very advanced forms of alchemy and she immediately thought of Edward. That day, once work was complete, they spend hours reading them and Sheska, rather tearfully, even found it within her to part with a few of them, giving the books to Ed as an early birthday gift. So by the time Edward finally returned to the apartment, it was early morning.

The first suspicious thing he noticed was a blue military coat lying on the coach, as though tossed there by some careless person. Fury, Ed knew, was anything but careless, and besides, the coat was much too large for him. So Fury had a guest over, but...but that guest left his blue pants in the middle of the hallway. And this would not have upset Ed if he hadn't nearly tripped over them. He was lucky though and managed to save his nose from making friends with the floor. The next thing Edward noticed was an accumulation of clothes- obviously whatever was left of the guest's attire and what looked to be all Fury's- lying beside the ever-so-slightly open door. Ed was too curious for his own good. He peeked inside...

...and saw a sight he wished he could erase. But the only thought that drove that image from his mind was the thought of Al and Julie, and that was a thought he needed great willpower to get rid of. In short, basic, livable terms, Ed saw Havoc and Fury. And that's all he is willing to say. No need to impart the image to anyone else.

But Edward, now at his third encounter with sex in the past two weeks, soon overcame his shock, and decided to surprise the two officers. Picking up their clothes with a wrinkled nose, he tossed them in the wash, then proceeded towards the kitchen, where many disasters occurred...

When Havoc and Fury woke up many hours later, the sun was already quite high in the sky and the wonderful smell of bacon permeated the air. Jean rolled over in bed, expecting it to be empty, and muttered, "Thank you Cain, that's so sweet of you to cook breakfast for me."

He did not expect the slim arm thrown across his chest or the "Your welcome," to sound so giddily sarcastic.

Jean shot up and looked around him. With a glance down, he saw Cain clinging to his side, a gentle smile on his face. A sharp turn of his head told him that Edward Elric was smirking at him from the doorway.

"Good morning, sleepyhead," Ed said. "Sleep well last night?"

Havoc jumped out of bed and rushed past Edward into the hallway to grab his clothes. Edward watched the wonderful expression of confusion cross Jean's face when he saw the clothesless corridor.

"Looking for your clothes? They're in the wash."

Havoc blinked at Edward, then suddenly became aware that he was naked. With wide eyes, he dove back into bed with Fury. "Shit!"

Fury blinked awake at this rather loud expletive. "Huh? Jean, what is it?"

Havoc looked at bleary-eyed Cain. "Edward found out."

Fury sat bolt upright, the sheet held protectively around his middle as he turned to Edward on the threshold. "Edward! I-I hope we didn't wake you," he said, blushing.

Ed stared at him for a moment, then snickered into his hand. Cain blinked at Jean, who shrugged. When Ed calmed, he straightened then said, "I made you guys breakfast and your clothes should be dry soon. But next time you leave your clothes in the hallway, I'm throwing them out the window. And I'll give you toast for breakfast the next time you scare me like that." Ed stepped into the hall, his hand on the door knob. "I'm going out now. Can you do me a favor and next time, keep your door closed all the way?" He then shut the door on their stunned faces.

That morning, Edward found himself in the grocery store that Alphonse frequented when he stayed with him. He hadn't realized at the time, only fixated on getting something to drink other than milk. He made the horrible discovery that they were out of orange juice and coffee beans. There was only...milk...and that just would not do. Fury would not complain about him food shopping (though later Havoc did object to Edward using some of his "hard-earned" cash for it.)

Edward was standing in front of the orange juice when he saw him out of the corner of his eye. Alphonse, and he was coming closer. Ed turned around and tried to walk out of the aisle before Al saw him, but...Al could recognize that braid of golden hair anywhere.

"Edward!" Al called instantly, and Edward had to freeze in his tracks. "Ed!" Al rushed forward and spun Ed to face him. Al shook him by the shoulders. "Where have you been?"

Ed glanced up into Al's worried grey-blue eyes, the color of a turmoiled sky, and lost all words. "I..." he looked away, his eyes resting on the cold cartons of milk to his right. "I'm sorry Al. I've been really busy." He chanced a glance up again, but couldn't bear it. "I've moved in with Fury near headquarters. I'm sorry I didn't tell you."

Al's hands fell from Ed's shoulders. "Oh. Why didn't you tell me?"

Ed looked up at his brother and swallowed. "...I'm sorry. I...didn't want you to take it the wrong way. It's just..." Ed trailed off. Al's head tilted into the corner of his vision.

"Yes? What is it, Ed?"

"How can he forgive me like that?" Edward thought bitterly. "...You and Julie just seemed so great together, I felt a little like the third wheel, so I decided to move out."

"But what about you and Sheska?"

Ed laughed, short and sad. "No, there's nothing between us. She's just a friend." Edward turned away from Al's sweet face, because he longed to cover it with kisses. How he had missed him, how he always missed him, even now. Where was the armor that kept his brother safe? Kept him his?

"Hey, Alphonse...I was supposed to marry Winry this year," he whispered suddenly, wondering what he could be thinking. Not that they had promised not to tell, but...why reveal everything?

Alphonse crept closer, until Edward could feel his breath down the back of his shirt. "What happened? Kenneth?"

Ed shook his head. "Kenneth had nothing to do with it, though I supposed it helped. No, I knew that I could never marry Winry."

Al laid a hand on Ed's soft arm. "Why?"

"Because..." Why? Because he loved his brother, that's why. Because he could never hurt Winry like that. Because...no one was good enough. No one matched up to Alphonse... "Because she didn't love me."

"Brother..." Al said and pulled Ed into an embrace he thought he needed.

"She does not love me like that..." He forgot to mention that neither did he.

"It'll be okay, Edward. You 'll find someone new."

But all Ed wanted were those arms around him, hugging him with love, not with sympathy.

Not out of sympathy for a lie.

"I doubt it," said one of the men standing on the steps to headquarters. He and his companion both wore the blue uniforms of a soldier. Edward barely noticed them as he started climbing the steps.

"What makes you say that?" the second man asked. He had a nicer look to him than the first, who was surly and sullen.

"I still believe that Elric is a eunuch. I bet it's all I lie that Second Lieutenant Havoc came up with so he could win that bet."

The second fellow laughed, and now Ed could hear them. "How much you want to wager?" he said to his gruff friend.

"I'm serious! I think Elric's a eunuch!"

"Which one?"

The first man blinked. "What do you mean?"

"FullMetal or his brother?"

The surly one glowered. "Wait, the brother's the one dating General Hakuro's niece, isn't he?"

"Yes, that's right. Why?"

Edward was now paused on the steps above them, listening with attentive ear to their otherwise unintelligent conversation.

"Haven't you heard about her reputation? She's a man hater, that one. Swore off men completely."

"That so?" The companion laughed. "I think you say that because you couldn't lay her."

"It's not that! I swear she is!" the first man bellowed. Now Ed was growing very interested.

"Well, I heard that Julie Hakuro was very serious about Elric."

"Hmph," the surly soldier grumped. "Bet he's a girl then," he remarked. "Looks like one, don't he?"

A fist suddenly flew through the air and the man found himself staring up at the sky. His friend jumped back at the fearsome cry.

"Insult me all you want, call me a eunuch- hell, call me short! But never talk about my brother like that!" Edward shouted before he pounced on the unfortunate man and began to attack him with angry fists.

"Stop! Help! Please!" the man, frantic, tried to scurry away from the tiny golden demon whose blows fell like hail on his body. Edward's golden eyes were yellow with rage and madness, as though he were taking out all his frustrations on the poor soldier punching bag.

"Edward! Stop!" Edward felt his arms being held back by strong, invincible arms. Struggling, Edward realized it was futile as he recognized the voice of his captor. "Edward, what is going on?"

The soldier lay on the step, his left cheek and eye so swollen it looked like he was growing a watermelon on that side of his face. He scrambled up and inched away from the angry flushed face of the young alchemist, then collapsed into his worried friend's arms.

"Take him to the Infirmary," Major Armstrong instructed, his strong arms still holding on to the struggling Edward. "I'll take care of him." Edward stopped struggling, his rage seeping out through his hanging hands.

"I...I'm sorry."

It was rare to see Roy as upset as he was right now, standing with hands clenched on his desk. Edward could not bare to look at him; his eyes chose instead to stare holes into the floor, his face burning with shame.

"Edward, I'm disappointed in you." Mustang's voice was harsh and sorrowed. Edward hung his head lower. It was embarrassing enough for Major Armstrong to bring him into the Colonel's office like a naughty child, but this shame was ten times worse. "I thought you were above that. I thought you had grown up."

Ed chanced a glance up as Roy sank to his seat. His face looked tired, but despite the surfaced anger, there was a glow about his face.

"You are no longer a child, Edward," said Roy, his dark eyes catching Ed and holding his gaze. "When you were younger, it was cute and we tolerated your little tantrums. But you're an adult now, and adults have to control their emotions."

"I-" Edward began to say, but Roy cut him off with a shake of his head.

"I have to punish you, Ed," he said. "I don't know how I'll do that yet, but...you could have killed that soldier."

Edward clenched his hand into a fist and stared down at the white glove over metal. "...I...didn't mean to get so upset, but...they insulted Alphonse."

Roy sighed, then reached into his desk and pulled out a notebook. "Here," he said, handing the book to Edward.

"What's this?"

Roy sat back in his chair and glanced out the window, then turned a kind face back to the young man. "Edward, I know you don't like to talk about your feelings. But bottling them up like you have will only result in another outburst like today." Edward raised an eyebrow in question, his eye on the book in his hand. "So I want you to write your feelings out in that book. No one has to read it, it's just a sort of therapy."

"...What are you, my psychiatrist?"

Roy smiled. "Try it, Ed. Everyone has to express their emotions in some way. Even you, FullMetal."

Edward shook his head, but tucked the notebook in his pocket anyway. He smirked at Roy then. "Who told you that psychobabble shit anyway?" he laughed.

"A-hem," came a cough from the doorway and Edward panicked to see Hawkeye's sharp gaze on him. He laughed nervously and sank into his seat until the top of his head was just visible.

"Oh."

The next night, Fury, Havoc, and Edward sat together for dinner. Five days until his birthday, but who was counting? Edward watched Havoc inch his chair closer and closer to Fury until he was nearly sitting on top of him, and wondered if they knew apparent they were with each other. Even at headquarters, Ed bet that Hawkeye noticed how they exchanged glances, how Havoc would stop by Fury's desk and linger there for far longer than was necessary.

Not to mention the fact that they were jointly holding a surprise birthday party for Edward at the end of the week. They were rather loud, Ed admitted with chagrin. But they were bearable.

That day at headquarters he overheard the pair talking in whispers in the men's room about the celebration. It was amusing to walk in and see two pairs of feet in the same stall. He nearly walked out before bursting out in laughter when he heard them say his name. Now that was worth spying on and so he stayed. And since Ed hated surprises in general, it was good to have the heads up.

Ed got several more reminders as he heard them mention the party to Hawkeye, Mustang, Armstrong, Breda, Falman, and Al.

Havoc called Al on the phone, and invited Julie too. At least, he assumed the "Feel free to bring your girlfriend too," meant Julie.

And so commenced the first entry in Mustang's therapy note. The handwriting was messy and so Ed didn't bother with code- who could decipher it anyhow? Who would want to? But Roy did have a point; it was very relaxing.

Edward swore that as soon as the book was full, he would burn it.

Now that is therapy.

Today, I came across a picture of Al I had shoved to the bottom of my suitcase. It is crumbled and torn, but strangely, Al's face is completely visible. Winry and I are nearly rubbed out, but Al's face is clear. It's Alphonse the suit of armor, so maybe I shouldn't say face, should I? Well, his helmet shows up plainly.

Even though it's just Al inside the armor, seeing that helmet in the picture gives me a strange jolt of pleasure, the same I feel anytime I hear his name. That same squishy, squashing pain in my heart that reminds me that I love my brother.

That's right. I love him. Damn me, please, somebody damn me for this. For once I wish there were a God, because then I could blame this feeling on him. But it's my fault I feel this way, right? And therefore it should be my responsibility to get rid of this...emotion, isn't it?

I had a dream last night and woke up again, with Al's name on my lips. I don't want to spend eternity like this, God, please. Someone help me forget, someone help me please. Someone...because I didn't choose to love him, but I do.

The thing is, if I were given the choice...would I love him anyway?

The rest of the week passed in secrecy, and then it was Edward's birthday. Twenty-one had never been important until recently, and yet it still marked a certain point in Edward's life; twenty-one made him officially an adult, even though more than a decade ago he took on all the responsibilities of one. This would also be the first birthday he'd recognized in a while too- maybe since the last three or fours ago.

He was not looking forward to the party; all the same, when he walked into the apartment that evening, even Edward was surprised. Havoc and Fury had decorated the entire salon area with streamers and balloons and bright, cheerful colors. Beneath a large banner that congratulated Edward on making it this far stood Roy, with his arm around Hawkeye, Fury and Havoc, who looked like he wanted to mimic the Colonel's gesture of possession, Armstrong, Breda, Falman, Sheska, Gracia Hughes with Elycia beside her, and on the very end and with the largest grin, Alphonse, holding Julie's hand.

"Surprise!" they all shouted, Elycia, now nine years old, rushing forward to give Ed a hug.

"Happy Birthday!" she said, grinning up at him. The top of her head was just below his chin; Ed's eyes widened in surprise.

"Happy Birthday to you, Elycia," he said in her ear, returning the enthusiastic embrace. And then the festivities began.

Edward was seated at the head of the table with Elycia on his right. Beside her was Mrs. Hughes who took pity on the two men and cooked the dinner and baked the birthday cake. On Ed's left sat Alphonse, and beside him was Julie, red hair and proper manners. At the other end of the table sat Major Armstrong, who could be seen flexing his muscles to an unreceptive audience, though Sheska eyed him curiously from her seat beside Gracia. Edward watched as dinner was set on the table how Havoc and Fury restrained their desire to hold hands and each other like Roy and Hawkeye and Al and Julie were. Watching them took Ed's focus off Al's doting attention on Julie.

Elycia, however, would not let him forget that he was supposed to be happy, constantly engaging Edward in conversation and reminding him how great this day was, because they were both born. "Now, isn't that something wonderful?" she said with a grin. "Mommy told me how you helped me be born!" she told Edward at one point, pulling him down to her level to whisper this in his ear. "Thank you very much."

Edward blushed with pride. "I didn't do anything, Elycia," he told her.

"Sure you did! That's what Mommy says!"

Gracia smiled at Edward. "Yes Ed, you were a wonderful help, you and your brother. I'm glad that you were able to celebrate your birthday that year, despite..."

Ed nodded. "Yeah...thank you for that."

After dinner, Edward was ushered back into the living room and forced to sit on the couch to open presents. Edward blushed the entire time, not enjoying so much attention "just because I'm that much closer to growing old," he said gruffly.

After presents, the crowd of well-meaning friends finally stopped concentrating on Edward and began to mingle. Out of the corner of his eye, Ed saw Havoc follow Fury into the kitchen, where he caught him by the waist and kissed him lightly on the lips. Ed looked away, sad.

"Brother?"

Ed glanced over to Alphonse sitting beside him. Vaguely, Ed wondered where Julie was, but his mind held that thought for only a second before turning his attention to Al. "Yes?"

Al hugged Ed gently around his shoulders. "Happy birthday, Ed. You are enjoying it, aren't you?"

Ed felt his chest tighten at the contact, but he forced his shoulders to relax and his mouth to widen in a grin. "Of course I am." Al held Ed out at arm's length, a probing look in his dark, sweet, eyes. "Really, Al. I'm overwhelmed."

Al smiled. "I'm glad." But when he turned his face away, Ed recognized worry in his face.

"What's the matter, Al?" he asked.

Al glanced up. "Huh? What's- oh, nothing." Ed folded his arms over his chest. "It's just..." Al sighed. "I miss you, brother. I wish you would come back home."

Ed tried to keep his mouth shut, but, "I don't have a home," slipped out before he could stop it.

"Oh." Al stood, a half smile, which looked more like a pathetic grimace, sliding over his mouth. "Oh, okay." He moved across the room, his back on Edward.

Edward cursed inside his head and before he could cause a scene, he hurried back to his room. Who should he find there but...

Julie.

She stood at his desk, her back to the door, her red hair giving her away in the dim light from the hall. She was looking for something, though it wasn't clear what.

"Excuse me, Miss Hakuro," Ed said coldly. "May I help you with something?"

Julie turned around, her green eyes wide with surprise. "Edward! I-I..."

Ed frowned at her. "What are you looking for?"

"Well, you see..." Julie glanced around the room, her eyes frantic as she tried not to look at him. Her cheeks glowed pink. "You see, Mr. Edward, I have done extensive research on you for years now. Many of those books in Alphonse's library that refer to you got their information from me. I am a journalist, Edward Elric, and you are a mystery to many people. No one knows your heart; they barely know what is readily available." Julie smiled nervously.

"And this explains why you're in my room?"

"I came to see if you kept a journal or something. Dating Alphonse sure has its perks."

Ed glowered. "You better not be using my brother to further your career," he said, recalling what the soldier had said about her, about her hating all men.

"Not at all. I love Alphonse; it's just convenient that you happen to be brothers. Anyway, I happened to have found something rather...interesting." Julie held up a notebook in her hand. It was the one Mustang gave him. "I wanted to understand the emotions of the FullMetal Alchemist. There are enough books out there on your accomplishments, but what about the person beneath?" She flipped to a page near the beginning. "This notebook has some truly insightful passages, all on what you feel. This entry goes on and on about your guilt over the death of Nina Tucker, and this other one..." Julie began to flip through the packed pages of the note, searching for something legible.

Edward rushed forward, his eyes wide when he realized that some of the passages were quite easy to read. Panicked, he tried to rip the book from her hands. "How dare you," he hissed. "That's private!"

"Oh!" Julie squeaked as Ed wrenched the book from her grasp. Some pages were torn from the binding and fell to the floor. Julie smirked as she bent down to pick them up. "Now I am more interested to know what's in that book," she said. "I think I'll start with these pages..." She began to read the scrawled handwriting, then her skin turned pale, her eyes wide, and her breath would not come. "Oh..." she gasped, shock and slowly creeping disgust like shadows crossing her face.

Edward's eyes narrowed in horror, tears coming to his eyes as he recognized the pages on her hand.

Her eyes flashed up, the green a fierce, terrible light- like truth, bright and horrifying. "You...you...how can you," she muttered under her breath. "You creature. I'll never let you...never..." Ed hung his head and buried his face in his hands.

"Damn you," he whispered softly, "damn you."

Julie, seeing Edward weak, pulled herself up to her full height and sneered down at him. "Did I tell you, Mr. Edward? Your brother asked me to move in with him the other day. I did not know what to tell him, but I just decided that I will. So whenever you come to see him, expect to see me." She bent over his head and put her lips beside his ear. "I'll never let Alphonse alone with you. Never." She sprinkled the torn out pages over him like confetti, then stormed out of the room.

A sob escaped Edward's throat. "Damn it," he thought. "That's why I never pray to God. He's an evil, vindictive bastard."

Chapter Four- I'll tightly embrace your wound

This was the most depressing, wasn't it? Julie knows that Edward loves Alphonse...damn, that's not good, is it? I apologize if anyone is offended by the heresy at the end of this chapter (though I hope none of you are.) Though there were some positive things about this chapter, such as Havoc and Fury. Oh, by the way, I only used their first names for the scene when Ed wakes them up because...well, Jean and Cain only worked in that scene, that's why. (Note- Jean Havoc and Cain Fury. Just in case- after all, I forget Havoc's first name all the time!) What is Edward going to do now that Julie knows his secret? Find out in Chapter Five, same day, same place. I promise that one will be better, okay? Until then- Rowan