A/N: Ch 14. I sure do write fast when I don't edit. This chapter sets up some Sirius/Lily bonding—this is again, a Jily fic, but I love to think about the dynamic between those two as friends or as a sibling type relationship. Anyway, can't really say too much about this, but I kinda am starting to see where I get stuck in advancing the plot—Its too much in the nitty gritty of what each character is saying in the everyday that the overall plot gets lost in the weeds. I need to use more time sweeps and other expositional techniques to get the plot to move forwards, but we're almost there kiddos, we're almost at Hogwarts.

Not Mine

James was true to his word. The three boys planned activities for the whole month and handed Lily a list for approval that night as she sat on the guest bed and stared out the window at the sunset.

"Tough shit with the sister, huh?" Sirius asked.

She shrugged. "She's hated that I'm a witch since… well since I got into Hogwarts. She wanted to go too, but she's a muggle. And now, when I talk about the politics… she thinks I think I'm better than her. I just want the stupid war over and then we'll make up, I know it." She wrapped her arms around her knees and smiled at the boys tiredly. "Come sit?"

The boys perched themselves on the edge of her bed and James gave her the piece of paper.

"Quidditch in the morning?" She asked, incredulous.

"Hey! Don't judge. Quidditch is the answer," James said.

"The answer?"

The boys nodded solemnly. "The answer," Sirius agreed. Remus rolled his eyes at the boys. "Our boy has not yet faced a problem that an early morning of quidditch drills couldn't fix."

Lily glanced back down at what looked an awful lot like a practice program for Potter's final shot at house cup victory. "Maybe after quidditch, we head to my place?"

"Do you want to go back?" Remus asked. "Stick around with us, at the Potter's orphanage."

"We don't run an orphanage," James insisted.

"Oh yeah? Me, Remus, and now Lily? Face it mate. You and your mum have a collection of orphans over here," Sirius said, and Lily laughed quite suddenly.

The boys gave her a curious look. "I didn't think I'd have anything in common with that posh tosser, and that care home yob," she gestured to Sirius and Remus respectively and James's eyes widened. He had never heard Lily talk like that, so cavalier about tragedy, though she was not feeling like herself.

The boys clapped her on the back. "She's one of us now!" Sirius exclaimed. "Oh Jimmy please, can we keep her? She's nice and clean and everything."

"Oh shut up," she said, but she wasn't angry. She was glad for Sirius and Remus not treating her like she was fragile.

"Stay, Lil," Remus said. "You don't want to be alone through this. Trust me."

"Mum won't mind," James added.

"I still need my things. My clothes and my Hogwarts things and all that. Whose clothes are these anyway?" She asked, tugging the collar of the men's Puddlemere United jersey she was wearing. It hung off her shoulders and the short sleeves fell all the way down to her elbows. She was swimming in fabric.

James raised his hand, shy all of a sudden. It was intimate thing, wearing someone else's clothes. He didn't want to make her uncomfortable. He had teased and asked her out over and over for years, and she had made her stance clear. Wearing his clothes felt quite relationshippy—perhaps it would have been better to give her Remus's jumpers. It would have felt less intimate. By the way Lily blushed, perhaps that would have been a better plan.

"We can take you to get your own tomorrow afternoon. We'd just have to tell Mad Eye where we're going," James said. "I can write him tonight."

"Mad-Eye?" Lily asked.

"An Auror friend of my old man. We're supposed to tell him if we have to go anywhere that might be compromised," James sighed and ran a hand through his hair. He didn't get a break from the war and the politics over the summers like she did, and it was wearing on him.

Lily was up bright and early again, to kick off the last month of her last summer according to Potter's list. The man in charge of countless Gryffindor common room parties knew how to have a good time. He grinned when he saw her in one of his old t-shirts that was a size too small for him now, and about three sizes too large on the much smaller woman. Hanging out with the Marauders, he hadn't noticed his own growth spurts, Remus had always been the tallest one, and he and Sirius had been about the same size most of their lives. But Evans was teensy. Maybe she always had been, and he never noticed—she still had the presence of a much taller person. Whenever she was on the verge of hexing someone, he was always intimidated by her glare and the blood vessel on her temple that popped out. Perhaps scary things always came in tiny packages.

"Have you ever flown before, Evans?"

"Yeah, in first year," Lily said. "You were there. I never got more than three feet off the ground."

"Oh come on. You're just like Lupin, you scaredy cats. Don't worry. Dad cast all these safety charms on the lawns when I was learning to fly as a kid. You won't fall to the ground if you fall off your broom."

He grabbed two old brooms and ran to meet the boys on the pitch, handing one to Remus and one to Lily. Remus was already looking a little green around the gills.

"I hate this," Remus whispered. Lily was forced to nod in agreement.

"Hey! Don't come onto my pitch with a bad attitude," James scolded.

And then they were off. Most days, Lily would have hated the feeling of looking at the ground from so high in the air. It would have given her vertigo. But this time, she was sick of being a little princess with her feet on the ground. Grounded Lily had lost her parents and was intensely grieving. Lily-Having-Fun-In-A-Mansion was not grieving. She didn't know pain. She could make herself unbreakable. Untouchable.

She would recapture that feeling she had the day with Alice and Marlene and Mary if it killed her.

When they landed, Mrs. Potter had brought them some Chinese takeaways, and the girls came by to check on her, with warm hugs and worried eyes that only grew shocked when they saw Lily rosy cheeked and messy haired and wearing quidditch clothes.

Wisely, they kept their thoughts to themselves.

Next on the list was some exploding snap and wizard's chess, both of which Lily was a true talent at.

"I'm already a ginger," Lily reasoned. "If I lose my eyelashes and can't wear mascara, I'll look like a freakshow.

Then, over dinner, a few owls arrived with Lily's things, packaged up and sent over with a kind note and some sweets by Molly Weasley, a lovely round-faced girl several years older than the Marauders. They had been first years when she had been in seventh.

Only the briefest glimmer of disappointment flashed over Lily's face before she looked at the boys with a grin.

"Any of you want to see a muggle film?" She asked, and Sirius lit up like a Christmas tree.

"Yeah! I've never been to a muggle film before," he said, grinning.

"Brilliant," she said, too quickly, and grabbed a muggle newspaper that Molly had sent along as a comfort of home to find the timings.

She rifled through the pages until her heart stopped looking at the obituaries. Mark and Rose Evans peered up at her through the black and white pages, smiling happily, with the date of their death marked in the caption.

"Oh," She said softly, taking a moment to gather herself. "Remus, hold this page for me would you? It's getting in the way."

She passed the paper over and she went back to searching for showtimes with Sirius.

Alice pulled the boys aside into the hallway away from the sitting room they had all been enjoying their boardgames in.

"What the hell is going on with her? We saw her condition yesterday, she was in shock and now… She isn't even like this on a good day."

James shrugged. "She said she wanted to deal with everything next month, when we were back at Hogwarts," he said, glancing over his shoulder. "I made her a list of fun things to do to keep her entertained."

"Now is not the time for entertainment!" Marlene argued. "The poor thing's had an awful shock."

"I know that, McKinnon," James hissed. "Everyone deals with this differently though, don't they? We're just going to have to help Evans deal with it in her own way."

"James, I don't like this. It feels off," Mary seconded.

Remus shook his head. "She just lost her whole family in the span of a few seconds. Of course she feels off. We have to give her the space she needs for this. We get people who want to just have fun after a tragedy at the home all the time. They just can't process it in the moment. She isn't fine, but she will be."

The girls looked unconvinced.

"Listen, you three should stop by any time this month and join us. We just need to be here for her," James said quietly. "We know what we're doing."

His hazel eyes went out of focus for a second, remembering being only fifteen years old when his father had been attacked by Death Eaters as he was walking home from work one day. He had barely managed to come home before collapsing on the sofa. No matter what healing spells his mother tried, she could not save her husband's life. James remembered being a wreck, holding the old man's hand one last time, begging him not to go. Sirius had stared on in horror, wondering if this was his family's way of retaliating against the Potters for "corrupting his mind." He remembered the look on Remus's face when he heard the news that his only father figure had been murdered.

The Potter Mansion was beautiful and well maintained, and homey, but pain and suffering had already reached their privileged lives. There was only more to come before the war was over.

The girls conceded, walked back into the sitting room to find Lily dabbing at her eyes with Sirius's handkerchief.

"It'll be alright, love. It's all gonna be alright," he murmured before straightening up and plastering his signature smirk on his face. He wasn't really feeling playful. He wasn't really feeling much of anything these days, but he was willing to try for the sake of his friends.

"You carry a handkerchief, Black?" Remus teased.

"You'll never know when you might find a little lady in need, and a gentleman is always prepared," Sirius proclaimed.

"Posh tosser," Lily grumbled.

The last days of their last summer passed with a manufactured ease. The boys were a great team, an already well-oiled machine that allowed them to carry Lily through any moments of heaviness without her having to face her pain.

Near the end of summer, when everyone was expecting their Hogwarts letters, James devised a plan. He dragged Remus and Sirius into the quidditch shed as Lily went back into the house to hit the showers.

"This has gone on long enough," James said quietly. "We can't let her face everything she's been through at Hogwarts, when she's got NEWTs to worry about."

"Mate, we can't force her to face it if she's not ready," Sirius said softly. Fun Lily made sense to him. He was Fun Sirius most of the time because he didn't dare face his own pain either.

"No," James agreed. "We can't. But we can at least get her to dance again. I want to ask her to teach a proper dance class for us."

"Oh, so you've gone bonkers too," Remus laughed.

"No, I'm serious. It's her Quidditch. You saw her on that stage that day. She's a vision. She's good. The girls say she uses the Room of Requirement to practice while she's at Hogwarts," James said. "I'm going to ask her for a class and you two are going along with me, are we clear?"

They boys had no choice but to agree, so that afternoon, James led Lily into the ballroom and temporarily transfigured some of the tables into a barre, and some of the walls into a line of mirrors.

Lily paled a bit as she looked around. She hadn't danced in a month—she had been too busy not being herself. Coming back into a makeshift studio felt off, even if she was wearing her most flattering leotard—green and patterned, nothing she could ever wear in class—and her well loved ballet shoes.

Dance was something uniquely hers. It connected her thoughts to her body, and it grounded her in any moment she was in. It was impossible to zone out and pretend to be someone else when she was executing a complex series of turns en pointe. She would be forced to come back into her body. That was where the pain lived. She didn't want to live in the same place as the pain.

"Alright, Evans?" James asked softly.

She nodded, and let her fingers brush the wood of the barre.

"Well, don't just stand there, staring at me," She snapped. "Warm up!"

"Is that how you usually start class?" Remus asked.

Lily tentatively pointed her toe and extended her leg to the front then to all three sides, examining her line.

"No, of course not. The girls at the studio know they need to warm up before class starts," She said, practicing her develope to the front, raising her leg slowly all the way to her ear.

James immediately began to try for himself, only getting his leg up to a ninety degree angle.

Lily still looked impressed. "Not awful for a beginner. I remember when I was starting out, I could hardly get it off the ground."

Sirius looked bored, "Come one Evans, show me something I don't know."

"Something you don't know?"

Remus couldn't contain the secret for a moment longer. "Sirius used to take dance classes as a child. His mum thought it would be a proper gentleman's education."

Sirius scowled and James and Lily lit up.

"No. Way!" Lily gasped. "What kind?"

"Partner work mostly. Ballroom, some ballet," Lily's jaw was on the floor.

"Show me!" She demanded.

Sirius made a face at James who fixed Sirius with his best impression of Professor McGonagall.

"Fine. But this does not leave this room," he growled. "Do you know the Sugar—"

Lily groaned. "I'll be insulted if you finish the question. I know the Sugar Plum fairy pas de deux like the back of my hand."

James snorted. "A sugar plum fairy?" He asked.

"It's elegant or some shit," Remus supplied.

"Cultured, aren't they?" Sirius asked, charming the victrola to play the correct bars. Lily warmed up her arches and legs.

"Wonderfully aware of the finer things in life," Lily said, matching Sirius's haughty tone.

The music began and Lily's bones came to life with the motion of the choreography She had danced this particular pas de deux when she was fifteen, a few years ago. Her family had bundled into that same theatre, and she had peeked out from the wings of the stage to see them, sitting right in the center. Her parents had looked so proud when she took her bows. Her father had brought her a bouquet backstage and her mother had kissed her temple. Petunia had smiled and complimented her technique. They had taken photos together, and then Mark had driven the family to their favorite restaurant and boasted about his youngest daughter to the waitress as Lily turned redder and redder.

As Sirius lifted her above her head with more grace and ease than her partner when she was fifteen, Lily felt her eyes starting to well up, and the lump in her throat rose. By the end of the dance when Sirius offered her a gallant bow and she offered him a curtsey, she was shaking and out of breath, and red faced and sobbing.

"I… I should… I can't do this," she gasped and ran out of the room. James nearly ran after her but Remus held him back.

"Give her some time. Don't cheer her up just yet. Give her a moment with it," the taller boy instructed.

"Did we…" James trailed off.

Remus nodded, "She had to face it. Before Hogwarts."

"Allow me," Sirius said, going after her. "I should be the one to talk to her."

James deflated, but let his friend go after the love of his life.

"Evans," he called into the guest room where she had roughly taken off her pointe shoes and flung them into a corner. "Come on love, that dance wasn't as bad as all that."

She made a noise between a sob and a laugh.

"Black," she tried to compose herself but he clicked his tongue.

"Don't bother, Evans. I… I was the newest Potter orphan till you came around. Loosing your family. I don't need to imagine. Remus was only five years old when he was taken to a care home. James lost his old man two years ago at the beginning of the war. You don't have to pretend here, Evans. You don't have to be happy. You don't have to keep things light for us."

She sniffed and put her head in her hands sobbing, "I'm too afraid to face it really. I'm too afraid to face life without my family."

"Were you close?"

"My dad… he was my greatest supporter. He wrote to me every day my first year at Hogwarts just to make sure I was alright. He was a muggle police officer. He said it was his job to make the world safe for his ladies. I can't believe I might get married someday and he won't…" She swiped angrily at her eyes. "I don't want to keep crying in Potter's house! Jesus! I've never been here before, the hell kind of house guest am I right now?"

"I'll tell you what Evans," Sirius said, quietly. "If you get married someday, I will walk you down the aisle. Unless you marry our James, in which case, I'll have to be his best man, but we can arrange something."

She laughed a bit, "I'm not marrying James," she said.

"Keep telling yourself that. You've never met a more spoiled bastard. He's always gotten everything he wants and well… He wants you bad," Sirius said.

"Oh come on now. He just wants to win our little… whatever it is. He doesn't really want me," Lily dismissed.

Sirius snorted, but grew serious. "You're not alone in this Evans. You might be an idiot if you can't see how in love James is with you, but you're not alone." He patted her on the back.

She sighed and shook her head. "I'm sorry, you know," she said softly. "About your brother. I'm sure he's a good kid under there somewhere."

Sirius shook his head. "He's…" He couldn't finish the thought. "I'm sorry my brother's friends did that to your family. I don't know how he went so wrong so quickly. He used to be my kid brother and now… He's the thing that goes thump in the night. I can't understand it."

"He's still young. He could still right his course."

Sirius stared at her for a moment before he nodded. "Yeah. Yeah, he could. But don't… Don't go near him with an olive branch. Hogwarts might not be so safe this year," Sirius warned.

Lily nodded. "I think I need to lie down for a bit, Sirius. I'm sure you have to report my condition to the other two. I just… I'm exhausted."