Author's Note: Here is a one shot…and oohh…is that? Oops, sorry, you're going to have to read it.
Disclaimer: No! Bloody hell, I don't own it! So why are there lawyers at my front door? Maybe I should take the escape door this time…
One Rainy Saturday found Hermione and Malfoy sitting on a couch in a deserted classroom, both of them looking a little cross. Nervously, Hermione leaned forward, and placed her mouth on his. Like a kiss.
"No," said Malfoy, "That's not how you do it." He leaned forward himself, and placed his lips on hers. Hermione almost felt happy, until she realized it was Malfoy, and pulled back in disgust.
"Merlin!" pouted Malfoy. "It's not like I like being in this so called kissing class or whatever it is."
"That's not what it's called, Malfoy, its called…" but she was cut off by him kissing her again. It lasted just as long as Crabbe's attention span in class, which was about two seconds.
"No, no…that's not how you do it either. Who's the Muggle here? Anyway, this is how you do it. Merlin's trousers get it right this time. I really don't want to play lip-tennis with you anymore, you know." Irritated, she placed her mouth on his…again… But he pulled away. "What now? You big lump of picky, fussy, persnickety git-head…"
"No, no, that's not how you do it!" said Malfoy as he wiped his mouth off.
"Fine," huffed Hermione. "You do it then." She put her hands on her hips and sat down, trying to glare holes in the carpet.
Suddenly, Malfoy darted down, placed his mouth firmly on her, and quickly gave her one very small and very short French kiss.
"Ahhh! Malfoy, that's not how you are supposed to do it!" She glared at him, and started to make threatening, choking gestures with her hands.
"Sorry, Granger, couldn't resist. Didn't know you would get so riled up about it." He chuckled and turned away.
"Oh Merlin," said Hermione, and she cradled her head in her hands, "Why the bloody hell did I get stuck with Malfoy as a CPR partner, why oh why?" She looked up at Malfoy, who had wandered across the room. "Malfoy!" she barked, "Put that mannequin down and—uggh! Don't ever let me see you do that to an inanimate object again!"
Malfoy glared in her direction.
"Why me?" sighed Hermione, for what seemed like the fifth time this hour. "And why the hell CPR?"
"Hey Granger!" called Malfoy from across the room. 'It says we're supposed to try the Heimlich maneuver next!"
At that point, she ran out of the room. And I really don't blame her…
Author's Note: Any of you guess what was going on? I didn't even myself, though I wrote. Or it could be from lack of attention. Or my fingers have minds of their own. Come to think of it…