Mr. Darcy rested his head on the back of the seat as the carriage pulled away from Longbourn. His mood had turned, and he was feeling contrary. He longed for some quiet and solitude. Yet, he knew he would find no relief in returning to Netherfield, for awaiting them were Bingley's sisters and the inevitable eruption when they learned of their brother's courtship.
"Shall you join me for breakfast at Longbourn?" Mr. Bingley asked his friend. "It was very kind of Mrs. Bennet to extend the invitation, do you not think?"
"Bingley, we are scarcely away from the place," Mr. Darcy looked out the window. "Longbourn is still in view." He was weary. Mrs. Bennet had seated Elizabeth between himself and Mr. Collins at the dinner table. The energy required to restrain himself from reaching across Elizabeth and strangling Mr. Collins had depleted him. He was still trying to determine which Bennet would be next if his tendencies leaned toward mass throttling.
"Tsk, tsk, such a tone. If you continue in this manner, I will think you are not happy for me." Bingley was obnoxiously cheerful, Mr. Darcy thought. "Come now, Darcy, you have to admit it was a very agreeable day."
"I do not," Mr. Darcy did not care if he sounded petulant. "The day may have been agreeable for you, but I thought it rather confounding." They both remained silent for a moment before Mr. Darcy spoke again. "I am happy for you, but…Miss Bennet's family, Bingley, how can you tolerate them? If you marry, they will become your family. You will be connected to them rest of your life."
"Having met my family, do you really think that is of any concern to me? At least people seem to like the Bennets which is not something I am confident stating about my sisters."
"Miss Bennet is the daughter of a gentleman but a match with her will hardly enhance your position in society," Mr. Darcy said quietly, but there was no force behind his words. He remembered his words to Elizabeth this afternoon. His opinions had changed materially but he felt he must make sure his friend was aware of the implications to his future.
Mr. Bingley knew his promise to aid Jane would be a challenge to fulfill. He thought if he could explain his own perspective, it might help his friend.
"I may be wealthy, but I am the son of a tradesman. My position in society, such that it is, is tenuous at best and only due to your friendship. As much as I value that position, I value your friendship more. It is the same with Miss Bennet, I value her place in my life more than my place in society."
"Your father wished for you to advance your family's place in society. Can you dismiss that so easily?" Darcy had been thinking a lot about the paths fathers cut for their sons and the cost for straying from them.
"My father worked himself to an early grave, all so he could purchase an estate. I have let myself believe that it is my responsibility to achieve what he could not. I have come to realize his wishes are not my own. They are simply my obligations. I think I could happily relinquish my place in society rather than work for a future I will never see. I suppose that must seem selfish to you, but we both know I will never truly be accepted. It is my future grandchildren that will reap the benefits. However, I am inclined to think the world is changing and their success need not be built on the unhappiness of their forebears."
"Are we not in Hertfordshire with the expressed purpose of you learning how to be a landed gentleman? Has that changed?"
"You have worked so hard on my behalf, I almost hate to say it, but our foray into Hertfordshire has made me realized it is not a course I desire. Oh, I will most likely buy a small estate but simply to have a home with fresh air and room for my family to grow, beyond the dankness of London." They were both quiet for a moment, until Bingley finally continue.
"I know you are disappointed, but I was not born to the land like you, Darcy. For you it is a legacy, for me it is somebody else's dream. You could hand me the deed to Pemberley tomorrow, but I would never have the same passion for it. I think the responsibility too great, the burden too heavy. It is not just the tenants and the harvests and everything it takes to be a successful master of an estate. It is the toll I see it taking on you. You are content but I do not think you are happy. Should not your grey hairs and sleepless nights result from the antics of your rambunctious sons and the thoughts of marrying off your little girls rather than wondering if you are being dutiful enough to your family name or if your estate is prosperous enough to support the hundreds of people that depend upon it for their livelihood. Besides, I do not want to be a gentleman if it means having a good standing is more important than being a good person or that having a good society wife is more important than having a good wife."
Darcy had never heard his friend speak so. There were times when he envied Bingley, his ease of conversation, his effortless enjoyment in the everyday, his relentless amiability. Now he envied his bravery. Part of Darcy felt Bingley was being reckless and impetuous, the other part admired him all the more for his courage to pursue his own happiness.
"Shall you tell Miss Bennet how your aspirations have changed? If your courtship leads to marriage, she and her family have a right to know. Her father may not wish to see his daughter's status change so dramatically."
"I do not think Mr. Bennet concerns himself much about status. Nor does Mrs. Bennet. Behind all her," Bingley fluttered his hand, mimicking her effusive gestures with an invisible handkerchief, "is a deep-rooted worry to see her daughters cared for."
"And herself," Darcy reminded him.
"Of course, she wishes for her own comfort to be assured as well. Who would not? Even in the highest circles, women can be left destitute. What if Georgiana were ever to find herself in a position where her husband could not support her, or if she was without a home after his passing? Would you begrudge her thinking of her own wellbeing? Fortunes can change and it does not hurt us to be gracious to those who may feel its effects."
A coldness seemed to wrap around Darcy's heart at Bingley's words. If Georgiana had succeeded in her elopement with Wickham, was it too much to imagine that she, too, might have been found herself in such a precarious situation? He dismissed that thought almost instantly. That would never happen, she would always have his support, as well as that of his Fitzwilliam family. She would never be alone…but was that not simply the luck of birth? She no more chose her family, and their circumstances, than did Elizabeth.
"I say, Darcy, did you hear me or did my words make you especially contemplative?" Bingley asked.
"What was it you said?" Darcy had been too busy thinking on Georgiana to hear his friend's other comments.
"I was saying if Mrs. Bennet cared more for her own comfort than her daughters' would she not be seeking you for Miss Elizabeth as opposed to Mr. Collins? You have both been very attentive to her, yet Mrs. Bennet seeks the more fragile security of Mr. Collins, a scraping clergyman who she tolerates simply out of fear he will displace her from her marital home."
"She seated me on the other side of Miss Elizabeth at dinner, she must have some ambitions."
"She may very well but she has no control over you, so you need not worry. What is more important is where do your ambitions, where does your happiness, lie? Our Bennet ladies are remarkable women, worthy in the ways that truly matter. No gentleman would have cause to repine, given the extraordinary sources of happiness necessarily attached to their situation." Bingley noticed Darcy did not object to his use of "our" Bennet ladies, which told him more than anything else had this evening. "Regardless, this will all be resolved in a fortnight."
Darcy's surprised caused him to jerk violently, making the carriage sway slightly. "What do you mean it will be resolved in a fortnight?"
"Miss Bennet told me that Mr. Collins, at the direction of your aunt, seeks to marry soon and return to Hunsford with his bride, in two weeks. I would no more push you towards Miss Elizabeth than I would Caroline if there was no partiality, but if you care for Miss Elizabeth, as I suspect you do, you need reveal it soon or make peace with the lost opportunity."