Author's Notes: Forgive me! That's all I have to say. I started this fic in French class, while hyper, after a week with no sleep. It's also a way of relieving stress for final exams. So, my apologies to those with delicate sensibilities. ENJOY!

Summary: AU. ONE-SHOT. Graveyards. Most people see them as dark, scary and sad. But what if something good can come from visiting the lonely forest of stone? RoyxEd. Yaoi.

Pairings: Roy/Ed, hints of past Ed/Winry

Disclaimer: Why bother writing this? Would I be writing on if I actually owned anything? NO! So read this illegal material and enjoy!

My Own Private Hell

"I hate Mondays." Roy muttered to himself as he entered the cemetery. The gray, depressing sky - coupled with his mood and the freezing rain - didn't make things any better.

Fall was one of Roy's least favorite seasons. He hated how the leaves turned red, like blood. He hated that they fell off and covered the ground with red, like blood. He hated how the trees looked like they were in anguish; their bare branches reaching up to the heavens from the red hell of their blood and fire colored leaves.

The only reason he came here every week was to see Hughes. "Maes, why did you have to die?" He asked his friend as he stood in front of his grave stone. He saw that Gracia and Elysia had already been there. Fresh flowers were laid out carefully on the tomb stone.

"If I died, the only person who would have put flowers on my grave was you, Hughes. Al would've too, but he's gone now. Ed wouldn't. He hates me." Roy mumbled, feeling a slight tightening in his chest as he said those words. He shook the feeling off.

I'll go visit Al's grave, then I'll go home. He looked at his watch. He was here later than usual, but that didn't matter. He didn't have anything to do, or anyone to worry about him.

He walked towards Al's grave. It was right beside the grave the boys had created for their mother the year before. Right before Al died. Ed must have felt something. He never shows it. He's the same old Ed. It's weird. His brother dies, and he doesn't react. He just stares. His brother's armor changes into what was once Al's body, but too late.

He stopped short. Isn't that Ed up there? He hid behind a tomb stone nearby.

Ed sat in front of his brother and mothers' graves. "I'm sorry guys. I couldn't do it." He spoke aloud. After all, there was no one there to hear him. No one. That hurt. That was the reason he was there. Because it hurt. "I promised you I'd get your body back, Al. They GAVE it back. But you were dead. It was too late. Winry says it wasn't my fault, That's why I left. I couldn't deal with her constant sympathy and pity. I could have done something, Al. But I didn't. I was scared. Too scared to keep my promise. I'm worthless. Less than worthless. I should just die."

"Coward." Was all Roy could think of to say as he stepped out from his hiding place. "You think you're the only person who's lost someone? Who's broken a promise like that?"

Ed turned around quickly. His eyes and cheeks were wet with tears. Or maybe rain. Roy couldn't tell. He looked at Ed with eyes full of understanding. "Ed, let's go to my house. I think you need to talk to someone as much as I do." He grabbed the younger man's real hand and pulled him to his feet.

The two through the town in silence. They were both lost in their own thoughts.

Roy opened the door to his house. "Would you like something to drink? Eat?"

Ed just sat down on the couch, staring at his hands. "Why did you bring me here, Roy? You could have just left me out there. I was going to kill myself, you know."

"Yeah, I kinda figured." Roy hesitated, and decided not to tell him... Something. He hadn't figured out what he meant to say himself.

Ed laughed softly, "Of course you would, Colonel Mustang. You always know, don't you. That's why you're always in command." Ed stood up and walked to the window, looking out with his hands clasped. "You wanted to talk? So talk."

Roy went to stand beside Ed. "You seem... Depressed lately."

Ed smiled bitterly, "No, really? My entire family is dead, I broke the promise that kept me going after the accident, I love someone who doesn't know I exist. Well, maybe they do, but they ignore me, except to call me names. Oh, yeah. It doesn't help that you've got everyone believing I'm a foul-mouthed kid."

"You are a kid. And you are foul-mouthed. There's a spare room down the hall. It's connected to my room via the bathroom. I think what you need most of all is sleep. Good night." Roy walked down the hall and went into his room, slamming the door behind him.

Ed sent a baffled look down the hall, and went to the room Roy had talked about.

Roy sat on the edge of his bed. It was 11:30, around half an hour after Ed had gone to bed. Roy had heard him rummaging around in the bathroom.

He'd been hard put at when he'd heard the shower going, but he'd managed to keep himself in line for the last two years. Ed was still only 17. And I'm 32. Gods, I'm old.

He jumped up and started pacing around his room. He's not talking about you, you idiot. You heard him in the park. He's not gay. He talked about Winry. You're just torturing yourself needlessly. Go back to bed. Hang on... Go to bed in the first place.

He was heading towards his bed when he heard Ed whimpering in the other room. "Nightmares?" Roy ran through the bathroom and opened the door to Ed's room.

The young man lay twisting and writhing against an unknown enemy. Roy went over to the bed. "Shhhh. It's okay, Ed. It's all right. I'm here. There's nothing here except me. Shhhh."

He took Ed's shaking hand in his own. Ed's eyelids twitched as he relaxed. "Roy."

Roy got up to leave, to find that Ed was still clinging to his hand. He looked at the eldest Elric. The only Elric. His braid had come loose when he was fighting the monster of his nightmare. It lay tangled on the pillow, framing his pale face. He looked so peaceful in sleep.

Roy traced an imaginary finger along Ed's face. He felt more peaceful and calm than he had in years; since Hughes died, since the Elric brothers had come.

Roy fell into the first true sleep he'd had in a long time, looking at the young man he loved.

Ed woke up the next morning surprised he'd slept the entire night. He remembered the nightmare, and then someone had come and comforted him. Roy? He looked over and saw the older man, years fallen off his face. He looks like he could be only a few years older than me.

Ed looked down and saw that he was holding Roy's hand. He blushed slightly. He got up and put a blanket on the sleeping Roy. He got dressed and left the room.

Roy woke up to find his hand was holding... Nothing. "Ed?" He got up, the blanket falling off. He looked around the bedroom, a heavy feeling in his chest when he saw that Ed wasn't there. He walked into his room and got dressed for work.

Roy couldn't concentrate at the office. All he could think of was what Ed looked like when he slept, when he realized he loved him. Numerous staff members looked into the office, puzzled as to why the colonel was even pretending to work.

At the end of the day, Roy went back to the cemetery. He stood at Maes Hughes' grave. "I understand why Ed wanted to die. Living these last few years has been my own private Hell. My best friend dying, finally figuring out who I love. He hates me. No one to care," he looked out at the blood red sunset. "That's what hurts most, Maes. No one to care."

"I care." A voice spoke from behind Roy. He turned and saw Ed.

The younger Elric smiled as he came to stand beside Roy. "Yes, I do care. Surprised? You shouldn't be. You're like an older brother to me."

Roy turned towards Ed and kissed him gently. "I've never thought of you as a younger brother, even though you're short enough to be." He stroked Ed's cheek and turned to go.

"Bastard! You can't just leave after that and call me short! I'll kill you!" Ed tackled Roy's retreating figure. "I might want to have my say as well, you know." He rolled Roy over and kissed him deeply.

If I didn't know better, I would think the Murderous Pip-squeak had been practicing. Roy thought to himself.

After a serious snogging session and a walk to Roy's house, they were cool enough to talk for a while. Roy lay down on the couch, spooning Ed. They had wrapped a blanket around themselves, and were currently watching the fire that Roy had lit.

Roy pulled Ed closer. "So, will you say it first? Or shall I?"

Ed asked in a totally fake innocent voice, "Say what? That you're sexy?"

Roy grinned lecherously, "Well, that too." He sobered up a bit. "Ed, I love you."

The last Elric turned around to face his lover. "I know. I love you, too. I was so close to giving up that day. I mean, we've both seen some things that would make most people collapse under the pressure. I almost did. You looked like you were going to, too, at the graveyard tonight."

Roy kissed his forehead and hugged him close. " I was going to. I was so close. Ed, you are what dragged me back. I probably would have done something stupid if you hadn't come. You saved me from my own private Hell."

Ed smiled and ground his hips into the older man's. "I can save you from that hell again, love." He breathed as he licked Roy's ear.

Roy groaned.