From Hell with Love

Intro: This is my thirty-second fic. I'm starting to become quite active. (smiles) Nirvana play list is on so maybe that's where some of the weirdness comes from? I don't know. Please enjoy, I know I enjoyed writing this up!

A/N: Whoo-Hoo! I've wanted to one of these for a while, so I'm glad I finally got around to it! (smiles) Please don't try this at home! Even if you do happen to find a wonderful Fai and Kurogane (which you won't because I ate them all up! (wink wink)) It won't work!

CAUTION! Handle recipe with care. This recipe holds no responsibility for explosions, raging mad ninjas, or hyper-active giggles. Side effects include realizing your true love and heart burn. It is highly suggested that you leave a review immediately after use. Keep in mind that this recipe is not liable for any hazardous results or outcomes for it's your heart's desires and not mine.

-O-

Ingredients:

1 hot-headed Kurogane

1 bubbly Fai

2 'manjuu buns,' one black and one white if possible for better results

400 pounds of sugar

½ dash of salt

3 cups of a long, dark past

25 bottles of foreign liquor

A single can of fake smiles

1,000 nights of love

74 broken promises

An infinite amount of nicknames

2 children, a male and female; female MUST have a serious case of amnesia

2 separate and completely different wishes

56 dreams that will never come true

8 tubs of ice cream

9 bottles of various mixed spices

1 complete Chippendales outfit, hot off the press

500 quarts of water

4 bottles of 100 percent pure vegetable oil

A single curse that prevents death

Memories of a land long ago, must be imported from Nihon

160 gallons of blood

1 shake-out can of black pepper

A tablespoon of denial

A pink heart-shaped box filled with chocolates

Necessary Utensils:

3 extra large mixing bowl

1 Ginryu

A oven stove-top

A frilly pink apron and outfit complete with matching oven mits and towels

A matching set of forks, knives, spoons, and other various common kitchen utensils

A kitchen with an extra-long island

A working sink

Baking pans, must have at least one bundt cake pan

3 Stove-top-safe pans

1 frying pan

Before conducting recipe, make sure that the Kurogane and Fai have been grown in the same crop and kept together for a reasonable amount of time. It is suggested that a year or two is better for results.

Procedure:

1. Take out Kurogane and Fai, freshly chilled from the freezer and defrost in toaster oven.

2. While the Fai and Kurogane defrost, take out the two children and place each in a single stove-top-safe pan filled with water. While the children soak, make sure that two burners are pre-heated to medium temperature. Let the boy soak for about five minutes and the girl about fifteen minutes. Place on burners until called for again.

3. Place a mixing bowl on the kitchen island with a flat surface. Place another mixing bowl adjacent to the other. In the first, put in the black manjuu bun and place the other in the one next to it. Fill bowls with remaining water, 350 pounds of sugar (dispersed evenly), and three hundred different nicknames in each bowl.

4. By this point, the Fai and Kurogane should be finished defrosting. Place the Fai in a complete Chippendales outfit. Outfit must be fresh from ironing for recipe to work. Make sure that the blonde is given the remaining nicknames.

5. Put the apron and matching outfit on the Kurogane and give him the Ginryu.

6. Let the Kurogane and Fai set as the ninja chases the mage after calling him a cute name. Make sure that the wild brunette doesn't actually cut the Fai. If this does happen, pull the Kurogane off and take the Fai to the emergency room. Stop conducting recipe and never pull it out again.

7. Leaving the Kurogane and Fai to play, stir the two Mokonas thoroughly. Mix the two manjuu bun into the boiling water with the children. The black manjuu must go into the boy's bowl and the white must go with the girl.

8. Place the Fai on the island and give him the ice cream to eat. It is natural for the blonde to tease the other man continuously. Make sure that the Kurogane obediently helps in the procedure. Most likely, the Kurogane will put up a little pout to the best of his abilities, but he will not be able to resist the mage's charms.

9. At this point, turn the burners onto medium-low and clean the working area up. This is highly necessary due to the next few difficult processes.

10. Turn on a third burner to high and place the frying pan atop. Once the pan is at a reasonable temperature, put in vegetable oil and mix in the following: salt, the cups of a long, dark past, the can of fake smiles, broken promises, and the dreams that will never come true. Take the Fai and place in the frying pan until a pale crisp.

11. Before the Fai is placed in, make sure the following is prepared in the last mixing bowl: a single curse, memories of a land long ago, the blood, black pepper, and the denial.

12. Place the Fai in the frying pan and the Kurogane in the bowl at approximately the same time. Make sure to mix both evenly into a thick batter. DO NOT over mix one more than the other. If this happens, you have failed your recipe! Commence yourself for an explosion and look for a booking in a mental hospital.

13. After the two are evenly mixed, take the Fai out and clean him off in the sink. After the Fai is out, do the same to the Kurogane. The Fai must come out before the Kurogane. Place Fai on the counter with the ice cream again.

14. Take the frying pan out and place in sink. Grab the bowl with the white manjuu and amnesia-case female and mix into the bowl with the black Mokona and Syaoran. Turn burner onto Medium-High. At this time, the Mokonas and children should be quite toasty and warm.

15. Wait about a few hours for the Kurogane to come to terms with his sexuality. After so, give him the box of chocolate to give to the mage. Turn the burners off and place the Mokona and child mixture to mold in the fridge. Leave the two to set until the morning.

16. Welcome back, make sure to do the final steps quickly, if you don't the Fai and Kurogane's hearts will break! This is a procedure for true love. Take out the frozen mold and place in the sink to defrost. Leave under warm running water until called for again.

17. Preheat oven for the highest degree possible.

18. Take out a large mixing bowl. Make sure the Fai and Kurogane are in their correct outfits. Place into bowl with the remaining sugar, nights of love, wishes, liquor, and spices. Mix thoroughly.

19. Dump the Fai and Kurogane mixture into a bundt cake pan and place in oven. Place the Mokona concoction in a separate dish if desired. Let cakes bake for about 3 ¾ hours.

20. Return to kitchen and take out cakes. Cut in half horizontally and then into fourths vertically. You should have eight thin slices from each cake. Congratulations! You have officially baked a cake for true love! Make sure to decorate your wonderful dessert!

Usage: This dessert serves multi-purpose in daily life. It is recommended for daily offerings of love and for use of proposal. Others uses including cleaning in dire of a sponge, a replacement for WonderBalls, and an anti-age cream when smudged.

I'M NOT AT FAULT IF YOUR BALLS SMUDGE NATURALLY

This recipe created by: Yuko Ichihara

-O-

There they stood, open mouthed with the sign of death in their mouths. "Wh-What the Hell is a Chippendale's outfit?" he asked, not really wanting to know the answer.

"Yuko-San always gives us the most thoughtful gifts!" Fai exclaimed, holding the paper up with a chime in his voice.

Syaoran scratched his head. "I'm not sure if I entirely get this," he apologized, Sakura nodding in unison. Fai laughed.

"It just means that Kuro-Pii and I were made for one another!" the blonde giggled. Kurogane shot a glare at him.

"'Made for one another?' I don't think I like how that sounds, you damn mage," the brunette sneered.

"Oh! Mokona knows! That means Kurogane and are Fai are an item! That means they're lovey-dovey, kissy-smoochy!" the white manjuu happily sang, bouncing here and there.

"Lovey-Dovey, Kissy-Smoochy-? No way! Are you crazy? What the Hell are you talking about? Me and that-" the ninja started rambling about, making motions in the air with his arms.

Fai, grabbing the broad man's arm and pulling him into his embrace, smiled. "Ah! It's me and Kuro-Ness forever!" Kurogane, trying to shove the slender blonde away, was running like the stars do from the moon – always failing miserably.

"Ooo! Kurogane and Fai are hot n' heavy!" Mokona merrily snickered.

The two children, heads exploding in the whirlwind of 'adult' matters, stared at the letter a little harder and found another note.

-O-

P.S.: I'm sure you kids will understand this later in life. Just ignore the bumps in the night and noises from their room. I'M STILL WAITING FOR MY WHITE DAY PRESENT! YOU OWE ME BIG!

Sincerely Yours Always and Forever,

-Yuko-Chan

Afterthoughts: (evil laugh) I don't think I've ever seen anything like this, so I think I got some originality in it. (smiles) Well, I'm hoping to do the next fics based on pure action and dialogue because I did too much thought and analyzing in my last upload… I guess I'm just like that…? Oh well. Review and you might get to eat some of this delicious, scrumptious, marvelous, KuroFai cake… OR NOT. (evil laugh)