Broken Smiles
Intro: Thirty-third fic! (screams) I hope I did alright… This number scares me. Me no likey. Well, I uploaded a lot of fics this time so I'm in the merge of going insane. (not that I wasn't already)
A/N: Everyone knows Fai doesn't smile sincerely, so numbering his smiles was fun. (smiles) Iono. Kinda 'Win a Date with Tad Hamilton'-like? Yes. It got horrible reviews but… I loved that movie. (hides)
-AD INFINITUM-
"Don't... Leave me. I love you."
-O-
Fai has twelve smiles. I decided that one week ago. It was then when I realized it's the only thing I have. These broken memories of him…
-1-
He looks into the sky and smiles widely. "Look, Kuro-Min. The sky really looks wonderful tonight doesn't it? Number the stars with me, won't you?" He starts counting in his language, an airy and billowy tongue much different from my own. I'm left speechless as I listen to him ramble on and on about astronomy. He looks at me and his smile softens. That's my okay to hold him. Grasping a hold of him and positioning him in my lap, I warm his freezing body. Yet again he looks up into the sky for his smile to stretch wider across his face. The color escapes from his face once again.
-O-
His first smile is his fake smile, an empty smile pertaining the nothingness and loneliness within him. It's worn every single waking second and has no psychological bearing to anything.
-2-
He carefully sits there, by the lake of a new world, humming and swinging his legs by himself. He probably expects me, but I've learned to expect that, too. I walk up behind him, cooled down by the leafy shade and the clear, reflecting water. He turns around to his side, cocking his head up to look up at me. I sit down next to him and he snuggles up to me, grabbing me by my shirt. Exhaling I look into his eyes and lay an imperfect kiss on his lips. He's quiet, but then a smile tugs at his cheeks. Commencing in laughter to shrug it off, he just sits there smiling to himself and holding my hand.
-O-
The second of his smiles is a quirky smile when something pleasantly unexpected happened. The only change might be that his voice is carried even more confident because he's insecure that something could have slipped past him.
-3-
His darker side is shown in that combat smirk of his. It's his only smile where he's willing to show the world a true side to him – a wild and tainted, heartless killer of a man. Afterwards, he just sits down and plasters a bright smile like a child in a candy store – a child that just got the most expensive and sweetest candy in the whole store. It's not like he killed anyone, but to have your blood boil for moments is just thrilling, something I can relate to. He looks me up and down, licking his lips before making both of our blood veins tingle in pleasure.
-O-
The third smile is his combat smile although it's more of a somber and serious smirk. Sometimes he laughs within that smile. It's filled with mockery that someone could even try to match him at combat. That's when the smile drags, though. The refusal of his magic must haunt him.
-4-
It was when we entered that world and we didn't know what to do. Fai may suggest lucky-guess answers, but I know that inside the wheels are turning. He often thinks when eating or participating in activities by himself. His mind works very differently so I'm not sure what exactly he thinks about. He's very serious, actually, which is why when he looks at me while thinking, I get uncomfortable. I look at him, he looks at me, he smiles that same smile yet the interior seems so different. It's strange when you can't explain these feelings because words just can't seem to cut it. I guess this is just one of the many mysteries of being in love.
-O-
The fourth smile is when he's thinking. With no traces of sadness, when he harbors this smile and looks at me, I get the feeling his thoughts change slightly. He smiles even broader and gets an unknown expression in his eyes.
-5-
We walk in – the four of us – and begin our interrogation in this world. The smile quirks up and the awkwardness ceases. The world is at ease and everyone can breathe for the short while it lasts. It's really pitiful that I can't help in stupid situations like this. All I can do is stand there in the shadows and watch as his 'brightness' exercises the company. It really is a shame, but it's not anything. It's just a fake smile pasted on with a cause in tow. All I can do is stand there; being the anti-social person I am… putting on a mask to keep my pride safe, just like Fai.
-O-
Fai's fifth smile is for civility. It's sincere and innocent yet still forceful. Although a small variation, we owe this 'personality' for all it's achievement in aiding in the boys' quest and bribing.
-6-
The conversation continues and that taboo is called. It's just another world with another variation. The face looses its color and the smile drags for just a small moment in time. Again, another smile forms, yet it's nothing alike to the previous. I can only stand behind him and get what little physical comfort I can, a glance or two at most. Memories blur, but none of it is important. What's important is that the two of us get into the room and intertwine in this bizarre ballet once more. I guess this is all I'm good for, helping him forget. But I can't make him forget, and I can't replace him.
-O-
The sixth smile is reserved for thoughts of the past and that person. It pisses me off that he can still think about him! His eyes show trances of dullness and boredom, but he can still make it gleam brighter than any of the others.
-7-
Laughing with the white thing, he turns around, twirling in his robes. More fidgety than usual, it's so abnormal to see him this way. Getting used to what he is and choosing what's real and illusion is hard, but at this point I know that this isn't even a fake smile. He's trying to cope and so the best I can do is hold him. He pushes his head into my body and holds there in that position. He looks up at me and smiles. It doesn't change, but at least I can feel the ease that maybe – maybe I'm of some help.
-O-
His seventh smile is when he's trying to cope. It's frantic and quizzical. He sometimes slips up when trying to paste a fake smile on afterwards. The smile is completely open and free, yet shackles him in these delusional chains.
-8-
"Kuro-Min, you look funny in those clothes," he says. I shrug it off. I avert my gaze and stare at the other side. He crawls onto me and smiles, pulling my chin towards his mouth. "Just like the big, black, furry puppy you are!" He pulls my head toward him and leans in. Quickly he pushes back laughing, "You thought you were going to get some?" He drapes off me once more and hangs off my limbs kissing me everywhere lightly, turning the situation into more than what it was to begin with.
-O-
The smile when he teases is number eight. At some point, I'm sure some other person saw this smile, however I have never seen him flash it to anyone else. It's his only lingering smile that has sincerity within.
-9-
Dodging my eye, he smiles with closed eyes. He turns his head and laughs strangely. You can almost see the tears behind his eyes flow, yet these dry tears of his never fall. The sorrow within that he bottles up never seems to surface the top – and that scares me. Taking the glass from the table he drinks another alcoholic beverage, his fifth bottle for the night. He's too damn self-destroying. All I can do is pull him into bed when he passes out and tuck him in. He slightly opens his eyes and gives that faint smile. "Thank you, Kuro-bon."
-O-
His ninth smile is when he feels weak and insignificant. Of all his smiles, this smile is the fakest. He can't even bring himself to try and make it look brighter. I know he hurts because he dodges all direct eye contact and conversation.
-10-
He lies on the bed and blushes to himself, quietly contemplating his thoughts. Somewhat similar to a high-school girl's crush, he rolls around the bed squealing and then calming down. Repeating the process, he squeals even louder with each beginning round. Sometimes, he even adds an, 'I love Kuro-Chan!' or a, 'Kuro-Mitchu is mine!' After all the yelling and giggling, his head starts to throb. Smiling, he digs his face into his pillow and drifts into his dreams, calling my name when he knows I'll never reach him.
-O-
The smile when he thinks no one's around is number ten. It's more genuine and sincere than all the rest of the other smiles, but not nearly as bright or shining. It's frantic and exploding. Actually, the most annoying.
-11-
Breathless, voiceless, loveless. It's so erotic. When I'm loving him personally, or even glancing at him across the table with the others around, that smile forms. A smile just for me. A sensual, loving, wanting smile. Shameless and unceasing, that's exactly what it is. My smile. Striding together in sync, he grabs my hand, looks into my eyes with power and shakes it off with that smile. He looks up again and winks while pressing his lips together to blow me a kiss. "I love you, Kurogane, you and only you. Do you know why? Because you're sexy and fuck me hard." Myself, shocked at his choice of words, stand there open mouthed. He laughs causing his lips curl up even more, knowing he won yet another stupid battle.
-O-
Fai's sexual smile marks number eleven. Again, this is another smile meant for only me. The kids haven't quite figured it out, but…
-12-
Syaoran and Sakura clasp their fists on their palms. "Ah! Kurogane-San explained this to us once!" they shout in unison. Fai's said shocked smile overwhelms his face and a rosey color appears on his cheeks. "He said that's when you and he fuck, right? He didn't really explain what 'fuck' meant, though." He tries his best to keep it together while smiling this one in particular. Unfortunately, this is past his limits. With that much of a shock, he faints.
-O-
Fai has a shocked smile. Similar to any John Doe's shocked or embarrassed features, his face burns up and the eyes widen. He's rarely ever embarrassed yet sometimes you just can't run away from those dirty, little secrets.
-13-
I take the sheet of paper called a 'receipt' in this world. Our order is my least favorite number. "Damn it. Thirteen? Fucking thirteen is unlucky," I say.
"That's strange. Where I come from, thirteen is reserved for royalty and is considered sacred," he murmurs with his hands encompassing his chin.
Glaring at him, I sharpen my gaze. "Are you," I begin, "Are you serious?"
He sighs. "Of course not, thirteen is a number of death.," he retorts.
"Don't say that!" I growl loudly, not wanting any of the spirits of the unnatural to haunt me.
"Kuro-Yun is superstitious? Interesting," he comments.
"That… is not interesting," I say, with the glare from before.
"Ah! Kuro-Bun! That was a cool face! Can you do it again?" He smiles, truly content with his remark.
My lips hint upwards, but I force them down and plaster on the best frown I can. "Nope. No way am I going to model just for your damn pleasure."
"But-Kuro-Sii!" he pleads, smiling without the intention of doing so.
There we go. That's what I love. "Fine, but only if you stop bugging me!"
"Yay!" he laughs, unnoticing his biggest fault of all.
"…Like this?"
"Yes!" he chimes with the smile brighter than the one before. This is Fai – the real Fai. Fai's real, down-to-the-core, cloud-nine smile.
Afterthoughts: I feel like eating a yam. If KuroFai were a spud, they'd be a yam. So naturally sweet and yummy inside while looking similar to a potato outside. Also, the crust is kinda hard and the inside is orange instead of the regular yellowish. Moving on from my food poetry, please review. I might feel compelled to give you a yam as well.