The Kissing Game
By Drunken Shinigami

The nights would get cold in the house sometimes, I even remember seeing frost forming around eight o' clock on the inside of my window screen. The winters were always harsh for our family, our house was pretty old anyways.

But the winters were especially harsh on my brother Yuki.

He hated the cold more than anything; it was such a hassle for mom to catch him in the morning to put on his coat. Even when we were able to get that done, he wanted everything else on him to keep him warm. Mom would always sigh and mutter out things under her breath as she would button up his coat, carefully snap the hood on and pull down the blue toque he always wore.

I just stood by, saying goodbye to dad as he left for work. He'd pat me on the head and smile, then tell me to do good in school for him.

Actually, I never saw him much, mommy said that I shouldn't be talking to him because he was "selfish".

Anyway, when her and Yuki were done, donning matching backpacks and lunchbags, we'd get shuffle out the door and into the freezing cold winds. As soon as we step out onto the first step, I'de feel Yuki grab onto my left arm and smother his face into it, whimpering.

I just smiled sympatheticly at him, patting his head while trying not to clonk him with my lunchbag.

It was that very same winter that I began hearing loud noises coming from the living room late at night, or early in the morning – I can't remember. They'de start out soft, then became louder as the night went on. There were even some large bangs that shook the floor sometimes, and I'de hear Yuki whimpering for me to come over into his bed a few seconds later.

I would pull back the covers, shivvering as the cold air hit my bare skin. I'de then grab my teddy bear, tuck him under my arm, hop out of bed (making sure to pull the covers back over neatly) and run as fast as I could to Yuki's bed. Back then, we didn't have, or need, the dividers to separate us.

As far as I was concerned, I never wanted to be seperated from Yuki.

"Onii-chan, I'm scared. Those noises… they're so loud!" Came the hoarse whisper from the small Yuki Aiba, his legs dangling off the side of his bed. Small hands gripped the covers, while his eyes large were threatening to tear.

Kouji's almost identical green pair closed, wrapping chubby arms around his younger brother, "I'm here, and those noises won't hurt you any more, Yuki."

A smothered whimper into a flannel PJ top, and Yuki scuttled over to let his brother climb into his bed.

Once in and the covers were pulled back over, Yuki cuddled into the heat from his brother's chest. "I can't sleep." Came the weeping reply, the soft voice breaking as tears began pouring out of the corners of his eyes.

"Ah, Yuki, don't cry!"

The chocolate-haired boy took his younger brother into his arms, kissing his face, neck and any other part of his body that had smooth, tanned skin gleeming in the moonlight. Yuki gasped softly, tiny balled fists gripping his brother's PJ top. He mewled his happiness out slowly, and Kouji smiled against his brother's neck.

"Are you feeling better now?" The sea-green-eyed boy asked excitedly, happy to make his brother feel better. Emerald eyes blinked twice, then a smile broke out over Yuki's face.

"Of course!" He cheered happily, hugging his older brother tighter. Kouji laughed softly, holding his brother close till morning came.

Why did we started this game in the first place? I look back on it now, sigh and shake my head, and mutter out something about us not knowing anything.

All we knew is that is felt good, and that we both liked it.

Sometimes I wish we could revert back to those days of innocence, bright eyes blinking and brains churning as we try to make sense of what our parents were telling us.

"You are Yuki's older brother, you should KNOW better than that! Brothers don't do that."

Sea-green eyes began watering, the corners of his mouth beginning to quivver. "He's scared of the noises, mommy! What can I do to make him stop crying?"

"Stop kissing him then! He's probably scared because he knows it's wrong too!"

"No he doesn't! He said he likes it!"

"KOUJI AIBA! You will NOT, I repeat NOT sleep with your brother again!"

"MOMMY!"

Yes… those painful days when we were young. Aoi would look at us wierdly, maybe even shrivel her nose when I would kiss Yuki's cheek. But back then…

…I didn't know better.

Soon after, my mother installed the divider between the room, making me sleep on one side and Yuki on the other. She would lock it and put us to bed, but I quickly learned how to unlock it and crawl over back to Yuki.

It was in that time frame that we invented a game called 'The Kissing Game', when we would see who could kiss the "hardest". It was more like "shove your face against your brother's and see how long till he starts suffocating", but we never saw any wrong in it.

We were both happy, wasn't that enough?

Yuki fell down against the pillow, hands over his head, eyes closed and panting. "All… right… brother… you win…"

Kouji smiled triumphantly, falling beside his younger brother and put his larger hand against the mahogany-haired boy's. "It's only fair, you won the last two games."

Yuki stuck out his tongue. "It's only because I'm better than you at it."

"You wanna bet!"

In a second, both hands of the emerald-eyed boy were thrown to a side, an identical pair of sea-green hovering over Yuki's expectantly. He paused, squirming a bit from his twisted leg in the sheets, then lowered his face slowly onto his brother's.

"Mmm… Kou…ji…"

They stayed like that for a while, both feeling at peace with themselves and the tightning of their chests from the lack of air. Yuki's hands found their way to Kouji's shoulders, gripping tightly as his brother carried out his minstrations.

That was our game known souly to us. As the years go by, your knowledge of what's right and what's wrong grows aswell.

That was when the Kissing Game was no more.

I, Kouji Aiba, now lie in the very same bed where Yuki and I used to cuddle together in the winter so many years ago. I can hear him listening to his music with his headphones on the other side of the divider.

I hate him now, so much so that I wish he'd dissapear!

A tear slips down my cheek.

I want him to dissapear so I can forget what we used to be.

My heart aches as I bring up the memories, reopening old wounds.

I can't help it. I just can't.

I look out my window into the dark sky, small stars twinkling back at me. They're all smiling sympatheticly.

The nights would get cold in the house sometimes, I even remember seeing frost forming around eight o' clock on the inside of my window screen last week. The winters were always harsh for our family, our house was pretty old anyways.

But remembering those winters so long ago were always harsh for myself.

-Owari

(I appolagize for the minor shota between the brothers. -hides face- I just felt like writing something sad like this. Oh, and halfway through writing this, it dawned on me this was underage shounen-ai. XD I jumped up, yelled, saved the document and hid in a hole of shame for the rest of the day.

Sad case, aren't I? XP)