Pervert!

Intro: -QUEEN, 'Under Pressure'- 'Cause we all know deep down that Kuro-Min is a HUGE pervert when it comes to Fai… (heh)

A/N: I'm grateful for all the reviews… (bows) Thank you for making this happen.

It was the start of a new day – or at least in book it was. The day doesn't actually begin until something actually happens. You can say, 'oh! My day started out boring! I did nothing until lunch and then I went on a date!' In that case, your day didn't actually begin your day until you went on your date. All the mundane things in life don't matter. You say, 'last week I went on a date!' not, 'last week I woke up, trudged out of bed and ate the same cereal as every morning. Then I repeated the same thing all over again. Oh, I had a date, too.' People who say the later have lost hope in life and thus haven't even started their day – Fai, for example. Except his sugar-coats everything…

This, however, was the start of my day. Nothing had really been going on. I could say the same damn crap about being dumped into an entirely different place and repeating all our, 'let's find shelter! Let's find food! Let's find clothes!' crap but that really doesn't matter. It was late at night and I couldn't sleep. God knows I tried, but I just couldn't.

You see, our current lodging was some sort of evil, capturing place where demons grab humans off the street and force them to limbo. I'm serious. It's frickin' scary. Even worse, the damn mage willingly wanted to limbo! After that he said something about learning samba and the tango… Who the Hell cares? Point of the matter, it was late and there was frickin' loud noises down-stairs.

So, as I was known to do, I re-read the same magazine I had been for eight worlds straight. By now, I could tell you what was on each page and a brief summary on each article. On page twenty-four there's an exclusive on Ringo Seto…some pop star who plays this funky game… Oh well. I re-read it some more. This time, I was set on memorizing each worthless ad in that magazine.

Which was when Fai entered.

"Kuro-Chan! Guess what! Guess what! Guess what I learned?"

Ah…such a damn loud voice so late at night… Screw that. He's always loud.

"What?"

"I, Kuro-Min," he proudly announced, pounding a fist to his chest, "learned how to dance to Cantonese music!"

"Is that going to help us any?" I smugly asked. It's comments like these that show that I really don't care. Still, never once has he actually picked up that clue. Instead, he goes on and on and on and on and on about useless ranting! It's living Hell!

"No…" he says with a disappointed sigh. I hate it when he does this because next comes the worst puppy-dog face in existence – by which I mean it is the best and completely irresistible. Still, due to my awesome ninja powers, such a tactic is useless against me. "But I thought Kuro-Chu might want to see!"

"Why the Hell would I?"

"Fine. Just read your stupid magazine!" he contorts, clearly angry at the point I'm not paying him any attention. He pouts he face up again and sighs in an annoyed tone.

"Will do," I assure, digging my face deeper into the magazine in case he uses some secret Fai-tactic only known to the demons of his hyper-active kind.

I can't really see what he's doing now and that's probably a good thing. I hear Fai's voice lingering about, floating aimlessly. And then a muffled grunt. Strange, to say the least. After that, there's a clicking sound and for God's reason, I just had to look. Gah. Stupid thoughts – you didn't have to look! You were just tempted to do so by that the ultra-sexy sound of Fai's- er, we'll skip that.

Anyhow, I looked up. And then, right before my eyes, he's turned around, shaking his hips with some clicky heels and then waving his butt in front of me. Oh, that's not the worst part. What was worse was that I couldn't tear my face away. I was trapped within my own clutches…

Oh, but the way he moved! It was mesmerizing! It was sexy! It was, like, totally erotic…And then, just as soon as I think this whole mess can't get any worse, he looks around. Worse, straight in my eyes. It's moments as such I know I've been caught red-handed arms down.

"Hm. I think I know how to get Kuro-Puu's attention from now on…"

-O-

We had been in the scariest world yet. Seriously, the demons dress up in frilly pink things and attack random people! More over, the people make no attempt to protect themselves from the pretty fiends! I, of course, being the great, powerful, all-knowing ninja I am, was able to fend off the imps due to my awesome ninja skills.

However, Fai hit me straight on the head with a slurred phrase. It was something like, 'Kuro-Cha! They're street performers! You don't just pull a sword on them!' And then, the ominous creatures began asking for money. Like Hell I'd give them my hard-assed worked money.

So the damn mage gave them a dollar or two and dragged me off to the side. We were currently shopping for clothes. You see, we have this dandy little routine where the manjuu, the girl, and the brat get clothes in a group and the idiot and I have to go in our own group to get clothes. Otherwise, me, the wizard, or the brat go out and get clothes for everyone. This wasn't the case, sadly. Every time we get the lodging before the clothes we split into groups.

As we walked around aimlessly, we received from very friendly stares from the locals. What they didn't know was that I could, at any moment, sick a devilish attack on the mark then and there. For their personal safety they strayed meters away at a time from my killer glares.

"Kuro-Pan! You're scaring everyone away!" Fai pouted, wailing in my ear. Yeah, his voice is annoying – and loud. The only good thing about his voice is that he can practically coax anyone to do anything with it. I don't really like it when he does that, but I have absolutely no clue why. I really gotta adjust my ninja skills for that problem…

"Whatever," I snarl. Pulling out a piece of paper, I examine the writing on it. There aren't any words I can understand – the moron, for that matter – but there's a map for us to follow. I nod my head with a growl and we walk into the shop. A man greets us hastily and immediately starts pulling off random outfits from their prospective plunks.

He throws the clothing at us and urges us into two different dressing stalls. By this point in my journey to find eternal strength, I have realized that when stores as such are entered, you have to try them on and about fifty other garments just so you can buy one. Anyhow, black was my color and from my appearance, the guy picked up the note. So far, he was the only demon of this world I didn't feel the urge to exterminate.

I heard muffling from the idiot's stall. Now I wasn't one to be a Peeping Tom or anything, but I was curious as to what was biting Fai. The stalls were a black cloth material to conceal one person from another – a useless tactic, but effective nonetheless.

So I peeked over to the damn mage's stall whose was next to mine. I shouldn't have. I knew I shouldn't have. Still, the resistance was futile. What if the idiot had gotten caught in the clutches of a dragon demon? What if the moron was stupid enough to drink some poison given to him by the so-called, 'host,' of this place? Only Fai was that big of a moron to fall for such illusions and I was the only one bright enough to save him from such circumstances.

And Fai was taking off his pants oh so slowly. His shirt and those long black gloves of his were already off but the pants were on. So he slowly – slowly – took them off, finally dropping them to the floor like this was some sort of strip tease.

He still had his boxers on but it was still wrong! Then he grabbed the nearest clothing possible – a button, white blouse. He slid an arm through one sleeve and flipped the shirt over to accommodate the other arm. He straightened the garment out but made no bother to button it up.

I had a clear view of the moron's perfect, pale-skinned chest. It was way too much for the pure, perfect, ninja mind I had trained so harshly. Of course, I wasn't the type to lunge at geishas after spending about ten minutes with them, either. It's just different with this certain fool…

So after not making any attempt to button the shirt up he ruffles he hair in contentment, staring at himself in the mirror. After what seems a few minutes, he pulls the shirt shut but still doesn't button it up.

"Kuro-Ban…" he murmurs. Then my heart stopped. He shook his head. Pulling up some pants finally I just began to breathe really, really hard. Of course, being the awesome ninja I am, am able to keep it under regular noise-level.

He pulls the pants up. They're khakis – predictable considering white is, like, his signature color. But he makes no attempt to close them shut ether. Instead, he debates about where on his waist to have them sit. He pulls them up, down, up again, finally down. They're sitting like a bikini. For most men, it would probably be a mortal sin – a ticket to Hell – to be wearing their underwear like this, but for a girly guy like Fai its okay… At least it's okay in my book…

So after finishing his whole ensemble, he looks at himself in the mirror. He still – after about twenty-five frickin' minutes – makes no attempt to close the garments. Then he looks at himself in the mirror again, moving slowly as to see each angle of his own body.

It's really pretty scary because he's moving slowly into positions that make it prime for you to get a nosebleed or something. Anyhow, I'm all disturbed and mesmerized into a trance which was when judgment time arrived. He flipped his golden locks around with a sadistic grin.

"What do you think, Kuro-Tan? Do you like it?"

-O-

So we came into another world… As said before, my day had not even begun. The kids were out finding information on their precious feather. It was early morning so of course I was hungry. I was too manly to make myself some sissy kind of breakfast, though. Besides, it always tasted better when Fai made it… (slap)

This world was no different than the last but people seemed to have the ability of seeing stuff – ghosts, spirits, devils…all that crap. Anyhow, due to that and the fact the manjuu was needed to find the feather, I was relieved of one nuisance. Point of the matter, I was hungry, Fai needed to make breakfast, and the damn mage had been taking a seriously long shower. By, 'long shower,' I refer to Fai's habit of taking more than two-and-a-half minutes.

It started innocent as any story does. Of course, the innocent hero is always tempted by the devil. The devil himself was Fai in person – and this time, Fai just happened to be naked.

I cracked the door, mumbling his name under a hushed breath. His shower wasn't clouded with mist as I ever imagined Fai taking his showers to be. In fact, it was chilly just upon entering the room – frickin' cold water! Things only escalated down from there… These.Damn.Show.er.Doors.Were.Glass.

So I had a clear view of Fai and his extremely sexy body which I had never had a single perverted, violently erotic thought of. As said before, he was naked.

It was disturbing, so I slammed the door – or so I thought. Instead, the damn door – magically – opened on its own to appease my lingering thoughts with a sliver of door opened. I had a clear view of Fai lathering up his body with a bubbly soap. His started with his chest moving down. As those elegant hands moved down a slender body, my heart pounded harder and harder.

He stopped there, rinsing his chest off and soaking his hair wet. My God… Fai has to be the only person on Earth who can make washing hair sexier than pole dancing. He started with the shampoo – that damned object that makes the perfect, fluffy, messy, blonde hair of Fai's possible – all over. It ran down from his head down his body. It was sex- no, it wasn't! My ninja instincts started screaming at me.

Then, he didn't even care to put on the conditioner. Instead, he grabs the soap again. Lathering, circular motions go up and down, up and down, somehow ending up more down than up.

And then his legs…Oh my God. I thought nothing could be worse than the hair. The legs…the legs! He frickin' pulls out a razor out of nowhere without even conditioning his hair! What is wrong with him? We'll skip that. There's too many problems to list.

Finally – finally – he rinsed himself off! Everything went down…down, down, down…down…and more down.

Gah. It was terrible. He turned to the other side, rinsing his back off before he commenced in the lathering…I shouldn't be seeing this. I really, really, really, really shouldn't… Screw that – it was the doors fault, not mine. It just needed to close like it magically opened in the first place.

He started low…(ahem) his ass. He lathered up that bad boy…Oh, he was a very bad boy, if you're wondering. No – he wasn't – he couldn't be! Because…because…if I thought Fai was sexy, then…then… He stuck a finger up his ass.

I gasped. I couldn't stop. My heart was thumping, trying, attempting, anything to end my life by destroying its cage. And then he giggled. Oh my God…that giggle! He moved his finger out quickly, moving it to the front side. No, no, dead wrong! But yes, he did it. He began playing with himself… I gasped again.

And then, he just magically popped out of his trance. Instead he flipped his head over as if he had actually heard me. A golden eyebrow poked up, slowly returning to its position. He took a breath, grabbing himself in a pumping motion.

I gasped again. I couldn't stop myself. Then my mouth was gaping open and shut as he started sighing in that sadistic, airy sigh of his…

Then he rinsed himself with an annoyed expression.

"I can't get my back… I needed something to lather it with… A towel, I need a towel to scrub my back with…" he murmured, nodding as he debated this. The towels were on a rack next to the toilet. Fai was getting out of the shower. Holy crap! I had to get out of there!

So I ran. I held my breath and decided to run to my sanctuary where no Fais were allowed – my room. Before, however, I could do so, the bathroom door slammed open. And then I felt a tug at my collar. I looked back. I was welcomed with an entirely nude Fai with a psychotic grin on his face.

"My, my Kuro-Pon. If you wanted to see me play with myself, you should have just asked."

And then he pressed his face against mine. I finally had those luscious, moist, pink lips against mine and all I could think was…'BLOODY MURDER!' But he was, like, an amazing kisser. Oh, but my awesome ninja skills were screaming, 'red light! Red light!' and at the same time, they were spiraling green lights all around. And still…I broke off.

"I…uh…I mean…Um…F-Fai, I…I think, I think I…What I mean is I-"

"Mmhmm, Kuro-Chan. I think so, too. You're a huge pervert."

Afterthoughts: That's not what Kuro-Chu was going to say, by the way. (wink wink) (nyah) Now review! I command you to! No, but if you have some spare time, it would be appreciated.