Chapter Ten: Feelings
Second Officer Lightoller woke early in his small cabin. The sun had not yet risen in this part of the ocean. He stretched and yawned. It was Sunday; to him, that meant there were a few more days left of the maiden voyage.
After the return trip, he would probably make first officer while Bill Murdoch, the Titanic's current first officer, would probably make chief. He briefly wondered what Chief Officer Wilde would go to next.
He stretched again, and without thinking sat down on his bed again and crossed his legs.
He then began to whisper a chant; "Azarath, Metrion, Zinthos...Azarath, Metrion, Zinthos..."
His eyes snapped open and he stood up in shock. This was the second day this odd event took place! 'I hope I'm not possessed!' he thought.
He went to his sink and washed his face. He was comforted by one fact; his spell lasted only a few seconds, were yesterday morning, he did that strange chant for nearly five minutes! He changed into his uniform and went for the Officer's Smoking room, with a craving for herbal tea.
Terra found herself alone in her cabin.
"Where is everyone?" she said aloud.
"You killed them, remember?" said a familiar voice.
She spun around and saw...Slade!
"No! How did you get here?" she exclaimed.
"Through you, my dear apprentice!" he said, sadistically.
"I'm not your apprentice anymore! I'm going to make you pay for what you did to me, and for what you did to my friends!"
"Dear child, you don't have any friends, or have you forgotten?"
"That's all in the past, Slade! I put it behind me, and so did the Titans!"
"But did she put it behind her?" He held up the blood streaked body of Raven!
"What did you do to her?"
"It's what you did to her. You killed them. You killed them all!"
He went to a closet and opened it. The bodies of the rest of the Titans fell out, all of them covered with blood!
"You did this, Terra." Slade said calmly. "You know what you really are! You know your place!"
"No!" she yelled, tears in her eyes. "I'm not a killer! I'm not evil! I'm nothing like you!"
"You can't fight it, Terra. You did things beyond forgiveness. Think of all that you did to them! Do you really think you're their friend? Do you really think he loves you?"
He indicated Beast Boy. "Face it Terra, you're not welcome amongst the Titans. You're not even welcome amongst the world. You're too easily manipulated. You let yourself become my apprentice, and you yourself destroyed the Titans. Do you really think you're their friend again? Did you think they would forgive you?"
"Leave me alone!" she screamed.
"You will always be mine, Terra. And you are evil. You messed with their minds, putting on a show just for the purpose of them to love you. You'll never get them or anyone else to love you, Terra! No one!" He laughed at her.
Terra screamed at the top of her lungs...and bolted upright in her bed. She had been dreaming!
'No,' she thought. 'It was the nightmare.' She started sobbing.
"Friend Terra?" Starfire said, waking up to Terra's crying. "Is something wrong?"
She turned away from her. "No, I'm fine. Just a dream."
Starfire sat down next to her. "Terra, you are my friend and I know you when you are in trouble. Now please, explain to me way you are so upset?"
She sighed and explained her nightmare to Starfire. Afterward, she put her head on Starfire's shoulder, crying.
"It is okay, Terra." she said, placing her hand on her friend's head. "You are safe and welcome with us. And we are not dead."
Terra smiled and faced her. "Thank you. I just wish I could convince myself of that. Um, that I'm your friend and safe with all of you."
Starfire thought for a moment. "Perhaps friend Raven can help." She stood up.
"Oh, let's not wake her up, okay? She needs her rest." She heard a moan.
"You two mind keeping it down?" Raven said. "I'm still trying to sleep here!"
Starfire approached her bed. "Sorry to wake you up, friend Raven, but Terra could use your mental help."
Terra blanched at the term. 'Great,' she thought. 'She'll probably think I'm a nutcase or something.'
Raven got out of her bed and stretched. "So I have to play head shrink too, huh?" she said.
"I do not understand." Starfire said "Why would one want to shrink another person's head?"
"Cannibals do it, I think." Raven replied.
Starfire gasped. "You are not going to be a cannibal, are you Raven?"
She chuckled. "No, Star, it's...oh, never mind, I'll tell you later."
She walked over and sat next to Terra. "Now, what seems to be the problem?"
Terra retold her story to Raven. She was in tears again when she finished. Raven thought for a moment.
"Sounds like you need dream therapy." she said.
Terra wiped her eyes dry. "What do you have in mind?"
"Meditation." she replied. "Just meditate with me and you'll feel better. In fact, why not do it right now?"
She got up and opened the porthole, then sat down on the floor, crossing her legs. Terra joined her, assuming the same position.
Starfire sat with them as well. "I wish to join you in the meditation!" she said excitedly.
Raven scoffed. She remembered all too well what happened last time Starfire tried that, but she was in no mood to argue with her. She invited her to sit.
"Okay, now focus on your dreams, Terra." she said. "Take control of them. Tell yourself that you are in control. Azarath, Metrion, Zinthos..."
She repeated the chant several times aloud before lapsing into silence, chanting in her mind. Terra and Starfire did the same, their heartbeats slowing as they concentrated on relaxation and their subconscious minds.
They kept this up for an hour before Raven awakened. "Terra?" she said.
The geomancer opened her eyes and breathed deeply.
"Wow, that's was invigorating!"
Her attention was caught by the sound of someone snoring. She and Raven looked to see Starfire fast asleep, head slumped to one side and drooling. The two girls laughed.
"Here, I got it." Raven said, approaching her. She bent over to Starfire's head.
"Wake up!" she yelled.
The Tamaranian gasped. "Ah! CLORBAG VARBLERNELK!"
The two girls were laughing, nearly falling on the floor.
"Raven, that was not very humorous!" Starfire said angrily.
"I'm sorry Star, but I couldn't resist!"
The Tamaranian glared at her. Then, a devious look came on her face.
"I am going to get you two!"
She tackled Raven, pinning her on the floor. Terra jumped on top of Starfire, trying to pull her off. Starfire removed her hands off her easily, causing the geomancer to fall back. She grabbed a pillow.
"Pillow fight!" she exclaimed, whacking Starfire with it. She got off Raven, grabbed a pillow of her own. Raven sat up just in time to receive a blow by Terra's pillow.
"Traitor!" she said.
She used her powers to obtain a pillow. For half and hour, the three girls pelted each other with their pillows, causing the room to be littered with feathers. Afterwards, they rested on the floor, panting and sweating.
"Well, that was fun!" Terra said. "Come on, let's wash up."
Starfire got up first, grabber her robe and soaps and left the room.
"Wonder what her hurry is?" Raven asked.
"Too excited." Terra replied. She then stared at Raven. "Thank you." she said.
"For what?"
"For helping me. You are a good person, Raven." She sighed. "I think I love you."
Raven gasped, backing away from her.
Terra laughed. "Not in that way! Like a sister!"
The mystic calmed herself. "Shit! Please don't scare me like that!"
Terra laughed again and hugged her. Hesitating, Raven hugged her back. When they let go of each other, they obtained their items and went to the showers.
Cyborg was the first to awake in the boy's room. He sighed, unplugged his charging wires and stowed them. He stood up and washed his face with cold water, feeling somewhat refreshed.
He sat down in his chair again, brooding over last night's incident with Raven. At the dance, she seemed open and welcomed his presence and actions. But at the mast, after they kissed, she was terribly self-conscious, as if she felt she did wrong. What was so wrong about a kiss? Why did she feel it was wrong to show affection toward him, whereas none of his teammates felt the same way?
Perhaps because the feelings of being open with emotions like love was new territory for Raven. Perhaps it was a shock to her system. After all, she wouldn't deliberately hurt his feelings like that. It was silly to think she would. But still, he couldn't shake the emotional pain out of his mind.
'Maybe I ought to forget about her.' he thought. 'Maybe she is wrong for me. I just need to find someone else. After all, there're plenty of women out there that find me attractive.' He sighed. 'Still, none are quite like Raven."
Just then, Robin and Beast Boy woke up. Robin stretched while Beast Boy wiped the drool off his face.
"Rise and shine!" Cyborg exclaimed, standing up. "Today's the day we make history!"
Robin had grabbed his robe and soap. "I'll feel more up to it after I get clean." He left, with Beast Boy following him.
Cyborg sat down again, wondering how Raven might react to his presence this morning. He waited there until the two boys returned. They dried off and started to get dressed. They had to apply more perfume to their clothes to freshen them.
"So, how'd you do with Raven last night?" Beast Boy asked.
"Why do you ask?" Cyborg replied.
"I'm just curious, that's all. I tell ya, Terra and I got it off!"
Robin stared at him. "How's that?"
"Oh, just making out. You know, hugging and kissing."
"Good for you. Starfire and I did the same."
"I knew you had it in you!"
"Hey, I'm human too!"
"Yeah, I know. What about you, Cy? Did you and Raven hit it off?"
He sighed. "No, we just talked and looked at the stars."
Beast Boy scoffed. "That's so Raven. Never into romance. All seriousness. And what's she doing it for anyway? We defeated her father, so she's not the portal anymore and isn't influenced by him!"
"It's her way. She's like that because she was raised that way."
"Yeah, well it bites. She has no excuse now for not lightening up."
"Look, you put up with her ways for a few years now, so you ought to be used to her!"
Robin stepped between them. "Look you two, this is no time to argue about Raven, okay? Right now, I'm hungry. Let's go and see if the girls are ready for breakfast."
They followed him out of the room. The girls had just walked out of their room when Robin locked his door.
"Ready for another great breakfast, 1912 style?" Beast Boy said.
"I want to go someplace different." said Raven. "I was thinking of the Café Parisen."
"What's that?" asked Robin.
"It's a restaurant on 'B' deck that has a great view and is mostly sun-lit. I figure it's a fine way to dine on our last day aboard."
Robin sighed. "I hope it's out last day. Lead the way."
Raven went ahead of the rest of the Titans. Rather than standing by her side, Cyborg trailed the group. He felt uncomfortable around Raven now, unsure of how to react. They had allowed each other to get close last night, but she shied away abruptly. He wondered if she realized the heartbreak she caused for him.
After walking a few minutes, the Titans arrived at the verandah. The most any table could seat was four, so Beast Boy and Terra opted to sit at a nearby separate table from which they could still listen to the conversation at the other table.
The meal was marvelous, even by the standards they were somewhat used to. Cyborg said very little, avoiding eye contact with Raven. He still felt uneasy around her. He didn't want a repeat of last night.
When they finished their breakfast, they went back to their cabin, slinking through the crowds of the other first class passengers going about their business.
In the girls' room, the Titans sat down at various spots, relaxing.
"Well Titans, today is the day." said Robin. "Tonight we make history by saving the Titanic. It's the big moment for us."
Terra stared at him. "Is our leading lady ready for it?" she said.
Raven glared at her. "You make it sound like it's a movie or something."
Terra laughed at her. "Now there's irony for you, if I ever heard it!"
Beast Boy was confused. "I don't get it, what do you mean?"
"You know, the movie Titanic?" He still stared at her. "Oh, forget it." Terra sighed.
Raven giggled at the scene. "Your first lovers quarrel! How cute!"
Beast Boy glared at her. "What would you know about love?" he snapped.
She stood up, glaring at him with a hurt expression. "More than you would know, asshole!"
She stormed out of the room.
"Nice going, Gar." said Cyborg. "That's the last thing we needed; upsetting Raven."
"Well, if she wasn't so moody!"
"You know how she is with emotions!"
"Yeah, when she shows them!"
Robin stood up. "Look you two, we're not here to argue about Raven or her feelings! I don't know what kind of bullshit you're playing, but it's going to stop now!"
Beast Boy scoffed. "What's bullshit is how she wound up in charge of us since we got here."
Now Starfire stood up. "Beast Boy, you are acting like a clorbag varblernelk!" she yelled. "Look at us! We are getting on each other's final nerves! This will lead to the Rekmus if we are not careful! We must stop teasing one another, especially Raven! She is more sensitive than you would think! She cares for us all, and acting as you did to her makes her care less for us and the mission we must do to save this wondrous ship with its kind people! Now, let there be no more teasing of friend Raven!" She sat down, fuming.
Beast Boy's mouth was agape. Then, he sighed. "I'm sorry, guys. I didn't really mean to hurt her feelings." He looked at Robin. "Mind if I go find her to apologize?"
He glared at him. "Go ahead. We'll be here."
Sighing, Beast Boy got up and went out the door.
He wondered the corridor leading to the Grand Staircase. As he walked the steps, he was trying to imagine where Raven might be. He felt perhaps she may be where the boats were at.
He went to the Boat Deck and began his search, first on the starboard side going aft, then on the port side going forward. He found her by sitting on a bench that overlooked lifeboat eight. Her hood was up and her head turned away, so she didn't notice him.
"Um, hi Raven." he said.
She turned to him, scowling. "Come to humiliate me even more?" she asked.
"No." he replied. "I came to apologize."
She scoffed. "A favor for Terra so she will still like you?"
He stood next to the bench. "No, actually Star-, Kori, got on my case. Well, I felt really guilty, so I decided to apologize to you."
"So you're doing this out of guilt?"
"That and you're my friend." He sighed. "I think what got me upset at you was how you treated Cy-, er, Victor last night."
She glared at him. "He told you?"
"Well, he said you two just looked at the sky and didn't do anything. I felt that you two should've done something more."
"Why?"
"Because...well, you and Vic are the only Titans not attached. And I though that you two ought to try something out."
Raven sighed. "Well, we did kiss each other."
"Really? Well, it looks like he owns me an apology for lying, then!"
"But I didn't think it was right. I told him so and left him."
"You left him out in the dark alone like that? What, were you trying to break his heart?"
"No! I was...I just didn't feel right about it. There are too many quirks between him and me to be a good couple like you and Terra or Robin and Star." She didn't care that she used her friend's real names.
"Raven!" he said, also not caring, "Star and Robin have a shit load of quirks in their personalities! Robin is so serious, uptight, and headstrong! Star is loving, easy going, and upbeat! As for Terra and I, well we both like to party, yes, but we still have little things between us."
"What's your point?"
"My point is, having quirks between the two of you is no real excuse for not being together."
"But it doesn't feel right between us!"
He put a hand on her shoulder. "Few things in life are like that, Raven. But you know what? After a while, you feel that you wouldn't have it any other way."
She thought for a moment and then smiled. "Thanks, Garfield. Apology accepted. Now, if you're going back to the cabin, would you mind sending Victor out here?"
He smiled at her. "Sure."
He walked away, feeling better than he thought he would. He hoped Raven's words weren't hollow in meaning. He then laughed at that; nothing Raven said was ever hollow. At least, he that's what he hoped for.