A Gamer Fic – Your Own Hogwarts House!
"We're worried about you is all," Hermione half pleaded, half sighed. "I know it's been a rough year and all and I know we didn't exactly make it better over the summer by not writing. But please Harry, open up to us."
Harry looked up at his friend who looked on the verge of tears. Ron by contrast was keeping his face blank, which Harry knew from experience was his tell when trying not to take either side.
Harry let out a little sigh. It wasn't that he was angry at the two of them or anything really, though the summer hadn't been exactly fun. But when he was dealing with the other stuff he always felt weird talking too much about it with Ron and Hermione, especially the more he began to understand the sort of powers he could wield – if he could get around to actually figuring them out. Being basically a demigod but without a clue how to actually access 99% of his powers was as frustrating as it was existentially confusing.
Still, they were his friends/party members, so long as he didn't blur that line too thoroughly he wouldn't lose his sanity completely. And honestly, this MiniQuest was ridiculous in its complexity and length, no matter the promised reward. Maybe they could help.
"I'm not mad at you," he said at last. "No really, I'm not," he repeated as Ron could not keep the look of incredulity from flickering on his face. "Tell you what, let's go up to the seventh floor and we can talk about it in my... well, supposedly it's my 'house'."
"You're what?" Ron asked. "Is this another part of the you-know-what.
Harry nodded. "Fraid so. I've been tinkering with Dobby and I unlocked an achievement." He grinned. "It's honestly quite brilliant, c'mon." He led the way past yet another of the ubiquitous suits of armor and then came to a complete stop, shuffling sideways up to the tapestry of three dancing druids before reappearing on the sixth floor just a few yards from the nearest stairwell.
"Harry, you shouldn't be 'tinkering' with Dobby," Hermione hissed by his side, completely unaware that they had just teleported though a wall and ended up half the castle away. "He's a sentient being." Harry didn't argue with her – the number of arguments he had had with her in the past two years about what constituted humanity or personhood within the system she was part of was one of the least attractive things about her, even if he admitted it helped from time to time keeping him from doing anything he might really regret, she could be like a dog with a bone about it when it struck her fancy.
Still, perhaps it was time to clip her wings a bit. "He really isn't," he said while keeping his stride. "I like him, I do – but technically he qualifies as a rare accessory. His actual classification is 'rare pet'. If I hadn't failed the secondary objective in the Chamber of Secrets I literally wouldn't be able to interact with him at all."
Hermione went silent. "Rare pet, eh?" Ron questioned into the silence as they ascended the stairs. "Any chance I can get one?"
"You did actually." Harry grimaced as it clicked for Ron, and he went rather green. "Yeah, I know right? Another secondary objective we failed actually; not sure what we would have gotten if we had successfully captured Pettigrew, but Pigwidgeon was the consolation price for baseline completion. No offense." Harry finished off a touch awkwardly.
"Anyway," Harry said into the silence as he paced around a portrait of a wizard trying to teach trolls to dance. "This is an achievement I didn't fail and so I got a pretty nifty reward. Behold!" He waved an arm dramatically and a door appeared in front of him.
Hermione and Ron, prior issues now giving way to this new mystery, look poleaxed. "Well, come on in."
In they went. It was a cozy room with a large fireplace filling up much of the back wall, already lit and filling the room with a pleasant warmth and comfortable light. In one corner was a large bed, identical to the one up in the Gryffindor dormitory. Perfectly positioned around the fire were a half-circle of richly colored and puffed chairs, around an a scruffy looking table. Above the fire in pride-of-place hung Harry's Firebolt, flanked by the first snitch Harry had ever caught on the left and a photo of Daphne Greengrass in all her stolen veela glory, at the moment playing coyly with her tie before giving Harry a twirl, the hem of her robes going up just past her knees as she did so.
On the other side of the room, a giant bookshelf organized by a variety of topics filled the wall from top to bottom, though only about a third of the shelf was full; in the corner where most of the books were jammed there was a very shabby desk that again didn't match the rest of the decor. By the foot of the desk was an empty owl cage and a just as empty dog bed. The other two walls were completely bare, save for a long silver sword hanging by itself.
"It's rather eclectic," Hermione said diplomatically when she had recovered from her shock.
Harry shrugged. "The room doesn't let me upgrade everything at once. I have to ahhh, unlock it, if that makes sense. But once I have I can make it whatever I want. Watch. Harry's desk popped out of existence and in its place a desk similar to that they sat in at Transfiguration appeared in its place. Then it popped out again and a girly vanity appeared.
"I can see why you went with the desk," Ron said after a moment as the original furniture reappeared.
Harry nodded. "To be honest I haven't bothered changing anything in a while, some of the stuff is cool but it's just a waste of time for the most part. So I've gone for a clean and comfy look just keeping around the stuff that's actually useful.
Ron's eyes went to the picture of Daphne and then back at Harry. "Useful, eh?"
Harry didn't bother responding.
"This place is amazing though! What else can it do?"
Harry sighed, good mood evaporating. "And that's the problem..."
"You're own army!" Hermione squeaked. Ron didn't say anything but he looked equal parts amazed and impressed.
Harry nodded. "That's what it says at any rate. I get a 20 slot army that I can fill with any silver-tier... uh, that's like you guys... Hogwarts students that I have at least a neutral reputation with. This room," he waved his arms around grandly, "will gain a second form as a dueling headquarters. AND each of my main party members gets two points in any combat subskill I want!"
Hermione patted his knee as Harry slumped further back into his chair. "I've been at it for the last two months and it's driving me crazy."
"Well the first problem is, you've been doing it all on your own," Hermione replied primly.
"Not entirely," Harry admitted. "Daph's been great. Oh don't look at me like that – please." Harry interrupted when Hermione's thoughtful look crumpled. "It's not about favorites or choosing her over you, I swear. It's just..." he rubbed his face with his hand as he tried to think how to word it.
"Basically, I have until the Christmas Hogsmeade trip. By then, if I have third tier negative reputation with The Prophet and The Ministry and Delores Umbridge – that bitch is her own bloody faction if you can believe it – and I maintain at least a neutral reputation with Hogwarts Students, then I get the army. It sounds brilliant. But it's almost impossible to balance everything. I'm barely managing. The only thing that works is screaming at Umbridge in class about how You-Know-Who is back. The rest of the students hate her enough that when I do that when she's around, I don't lose rep with them, even with the likes of Seamus or Zacharias. But the rest of it? It's always a lose-lose."
"I don't see how Daphne helps with that," Hermione replied somewhat snootily.
Harry waved an arm vaguely. "She's Slytherin and well connected. Her family is keeping my Prophet reputation from falling too quickly so as to utterly sink my position in the school. She also has been needling Malfoy; turns out a lot of the goodwill I have around here is because people hate Malfoy so much they see me and him go at it and they like me out of spite."
Hermione frowned. "That's no way to make friendships." Harry snorted. "Yeah, I know."
"Well, least we know why you keep going at it with Umbridge," Ron said at last, trying to put a positive spin on things. Then he looked a bit nervous. "Does it cost you anything?"
Harry shook his head, rubbing the back of his right hand gently. "A few hit points temporarily, no big deal." Ron just nodded at that.
"Ok, so!" Hermione plowed forward in her 'we can solve this' voice. "You've got a way to keep things afloat and Daphne" - she could not have said the word more tonelessly if she had tried - "is stemming the tide of the groups you need to think poorly of you anyway, but not too much." She frowned at the very idea. "I'd like to think Ron and I have been supporting you publicly anyway, but we can definitely take a more proactive approach now that we know what needs doing."
"Maybe it's time for you to fill your sixth spot? It could be useful. And are you sure that Ginny's friend is really the best choice for slot number five. You could exchange her too, right?"
Harry shook his head vigorously. "Not gonna happen, sorry. She's hilarious. If I'm dealing with the likes of Umbridge and Snape as yearly minibosses then I'm going to take what enjoyment I can while I'm at it. She makes me forget that this is a game, sometimes. Or maybe that it's a game but one we're all playing equally. Whatever. Luna stays."
He didn't mention that if he started thinking too much about this from a gaming point of view and not his mental gymnastics that this was just another part of magic, the person he was really annoyed with was Hermione. Despite all his efforts, she refused to min-max. She grabbed needless points in skills that were of no use for him or were antagonistic to his team spread. Yes she had some pretty incredible character-specific intrinsics but frankly if he stopped thinking of her as Hermione and solely as Best Mate (F) then despite her own personal strengths there were at least a half-dozen students that would be a better fit from a team point of view.
He didn't like when his thoughts took him there, but he couldn't deny they flitted across his thoughts from time to time, especially when the daunting thought of actually taking on Voldemort came to the fore of his mind.
If he were honest, a good chunk of his effort towards grinding out his own army was to somewhat have his cake and eat it, where Hermione was concerned.
"I've been thinking about slot six," he said eventually, getting back to the topic at hand. "I'm thinking Neville." Ron raised an eyebrow.
"Neville is.. he's basically me." Harry said at last. "No, really. We have almost identical base stat spread. Even some of the same character bonuses, although they've got different names and a few superficial differences. Properly applied he's pretty powerful all-around, except for potions. His baseline points are all jammed in Herbology which ok, useless," he ignored Hermione's affronted look, "but he's got plenty more he could gain that he could max out most of the DADA substats and still be a half-decent wizard everywhere else. Plus I've got a few MiniQuests involving him that aren't a total waste of time." He paused for a moment. "I might do the Escort to Saint Mungo's one around Christmas. Seems simple enough."
"Well, I supposed you know best," Hermione said at last, not really sounding like she believed it.
Harry gave her a smile, knowing how much it took from her to concede that much out loud. "I do appreciate you both helping me out, and I am on pace to get it, it's just... well it's good to have an evening to just relax a bit," Harry gave himself a mental pat on the back for how his eyes did not turn to stare at his bed and how he successfully suppressed his smile turning into a silly grin. "Anyway, I have something else to show you guys – I couldn't bring you guys in until last week anyway, but I've got something to help improve my spell accuracy and it's pretty fun. Maybe you guys will enjoy it too."
He led them to a battered trunk in the corner, half hidden by the shadow of his bed in the flickering firelight. Opening it, he stepped over the lip and began to climb down into it. "Expanding trunk," he called up. "A bit gimmicky to be honest but best I can tell it's just a convenient place to put whatever portal I want to use. C'mon. The two followed."
The room was bright, though there was no obvious light source. The floor and walls and even ceiling were patterned like chess boards. It was disorientating if you looked at any particular point for too long, but Harry had sussed out that was the point. On the floor were three identical broomsticks.
"Oh, I don't know..." Hermione said, nibbling her lip. Ron on the other hand beamed; running forward and snatching a broom off the floor.
"Nimbus Two-Thousand-And-Two" Ron said with a cheer. "Cor, you did go all out, didn't you?"
Harry shook his head, though he returned Ron's grin. "I can't take them into the real world. I think the room just has a sense of humor. C'mon Hermione, it'll be fine, I promise."
She didn't look sure, but she came forward and hesitantly picked up one of the two brooms left.
"Right then," Harry said while picking up the remaining Nimbus and sitting himself upon it in one fluid motion. "Wands out, the only spell that works here is Superfragilious, and the motion is a full clockwise circle followed by a counter clockwise circle and a stabbing flick. Like this."
Harry demonstrated the full motion. Ron and Hermione frowned.
"Seems overly complicated to be honest. Bloody brutal on the wrist you do that more than a few times."
Harry nodded. "Yeah, but that's the point. Long cast and tricky motion all while staying as accurate as you can and getting progressively faster. If you can do this then other spells will be a cinch."
He didn't wait for them to answer. "Now with three of us, this will be new to me too. If you pop someone else's Snape then you lose a point, so we've got to be accurate but also that you only aim for the right target." Harry shot up into the air, one hand gripping the broom firmly, the other giving his wand a flourish.
"Our Snapes! Harry Potter what on earth-"
But it was too late. From out of nowhere on the opposite side of the room three balloons came toward them; one a sickly green, the other a putrid yellow and a final one a rather offputting shade of purple. All with the animated face of Severus Snape inked onto them.
"Detention, Mr. Potter" drolled the yellow balloon just as the purple one called out, "Five points from Gryffindor, Mr. Weasley". Harry hissed out the incantation and a white light popped the yellow balloon with a satisfying crack. Ron fumbled for his wand but took out the purple balloon just as it tried to assign a detention. The third balloon continued to sneer as it came forward.
"Don't shoot," Harry called out as Hermione prepared to do just that. "You have to wait, it might not be for you.
Sure enough, the balloon Snape drifted almost two-thirds of the distance before letting out a sneer and beginning "Just like your fath-" Pop!
"Don't let them trick you into thinking the colors mean anything either," Harry called out his eyes focused on the area where the balloons came from, though it was hard to focus given the design of the room. "They'll get faster too, and more of them." Ron grinned, and even Hermione after a single put-upon sigh gripped both wand and broom with renewed purpose.
Soon the room was full of all sorts of derisive Snape-isms and then enough pops and cracks so as to make Harry unexpectedly remember Bonfire Night at Privet Drive.
"Ha, that was great," Ron wheezed as they came back to Harry's room some forty minutes later, falling into a chair with a loud fwump. And you said it helps our stats, right? So it's basically a class! He gave Hermione a saucy wink, and she snorted rather primly at the assessment. Harry let out a dry laugh.
"I wish. It helps, but honestly our stats are a bit of a joke. It's something else I've been working on, to be honest." Harry said after a moment. "There's not a student at Hogwarts over level twelve. Snape's fifty."
"Yeah, but you've got the Con-soul," Ron pointed out.
Harry shrugged. "Still figuring it out. And Snape's untouchable. Literally. Can't change a single thing about him. Even tried to wink him out of existence. Can't be done. Least I don't know how at any rate."
Ron looked disappointed. Hermione looked scandalized. "Harry, please tell me you haven't just vanished anyone!"
Harry looked a little uneasy. "Not on purpose," he hedged. "And technically, I didn't actually delete so much as change."
Hermione frowned. "At least you turned Fleur and Daphne back."
Harry kept silent, as there were a few particulars there he had never told Ron and Hermione when he figured out how to swap people's bodies, with the drawback nobody but himself noticed.
One, he never changed Fleur and Daphne back, and in fact had been making tentative inroads into making the change visible to everyone but without the knowledge that it had ever been any other way.
Two, he'd felt bad about sending Daphne's original body back to France, and so had decided to make a few more swaps to keep it around, just in case.
Three, deciding it was much easier to deal with Fleur's smack-talk when she wasn't wearing Fleur's body, he'd decided to go 'all in' and had exchanged Daphne's body on her for Millicent Bulstrode's.
And four, he'd felt that Daphne's body hadn't deserved that, and so he'd done another swap, giving Daphne's body this time to Eloise Midgen – a move he felt was in all honesty both a benefit for Eloise and Millicent, leaving Fleur holding the only real short straw – not than anyone noticed.
He'd also neglected to mention to Ron that his older brother was inadvertently robbing the hag's cradle now, but he figured this was for the best.
"Yeah of course, but that wasn't what I was talking about. You know Hestia Carrow?"
Ron didn't. Hermione did after a moment of thought. "Quiet sixth year Slytherin girl. Always looks like she's walking on something foul. Has that odd twin that doesn't speak."
Harry nodded. "Yes, well she used to be a muggleborn named Sally Perks."
At the stunned silence, he continued. "Technically, the odd twin – Flora – was also Sally Perks." Harry looked sheepish. "I accidentally copied Hestia but I buggered up the accent marker in her character code. She's got Hagrid's voice and I've no idea how it got there so I just gave her the 'mute' tag."
"Oh."
"Yeah."
Hermione fiddled with her robes. "You haven't changed anything about me, have you?"
"No!" Harry said quickly. "I swear. After I created the Carrows I've been really careful trying to figure out the Con-Soul. And even before then I only practice on Slytherins... well except for Sally Perks," he finished lamely.
Harry looked around the room and then let out a small sigh. "Don't know why it keeps disappearing," He said before focusing on the wall behind Ron. A grandfather clock appeared out of thin air against it. "Bloody thing will disappear next time I leave the room," he grumbled without any real heat.
It was just about eight. "You two had better head back," he said after another moment. "Almost curfew."
"What about you?" Hermione asked as she began to stand up, Ron still enjoying the luxury of the room, his eyes half closed.
Harry nodded his head towards the bed. "Shares some sort of portal with my bed in Gryffindor tower – I close the sheets and can appear in either one."
"Brilliant," Ron commented around a yawn.
"Yeah," he chuckled absentmindedly as Hermione helped Ron up and the two started toward the door, saying 'goodnight' as the room was closing behind them.
Harry for the first time in a while felt simply content. It had been an evening quite heavy on exposition, but things between them needed to be said. Pop-a-Snape, officially ingame called 'Severitus' for some odd reason, had been fun too. And in a few weeks this grind would be worth it when he would be able to add 20 slots to his party, even if they came with penalties that would make them less useful than his six-member core. His mind started to drift over which twenty he would pick. Definitely not Edgecomb – once upon a time he might have allowed it for the bonus to his reputation with Cho, but frankly Fleur!Daphne had turned out far better than he expected.
And, a little voice in his head added, even though for his own sanity of trying to keep track of everyone he had stopped permanently swapping his classmate's bodies, he could always spice things up temporarily with no harm done and nobody else being the wiser.
Speaking of, he turned once more to the clock. It was almost eight. He gave the photo of Daphne a wink and then got up and headed to the bed. He hadn't been entirely honest with Hermione about how that worked, either.