Disclaimer: I own nothing but my own characters and storyline... :)

She Will Be Loved

Chapter 11: Dreams

By Love Ink

Juice couldn't help but love the way it felt to ride with Koz and Hap back to Elena's house. He made sure to ride a little behind them, as a prospect would. He was well aware they'd just gotten out of their weekly SAMCRO meeting, or "church" as they called it because he'd been sitting at the computer the whole time. The chapel was sound proof, so he had no idea what they were talking about, but he had a small hope they were talking about him and considering whether to give him the patch. They'd all come out of there with smiles on their faces, talking about Gemma's dinner happening the next night. Most of them slapped him on the shoulder on the way out, teasing him a bit or telling him 'thanks'.

He parked next to Kozik, hooking his helmet on the handlebars and following them inside. His mouth watered as it usually did when he walked inside and Elena was cooking. His heart did somersalts in his chest; God, it was nice to come home and know she was there. He wouldn't mind coming home to her for the rest of his life. He paused in the doorway as that realization his him like a ton of bricks. What the hell was he doing thinking like that? It was never going to happen. She lived in New York with Raj, and that's where she was going to stay.

"You all right?" Kozik asked, his heavy hand coming down on his shoulder.

"Yeah, man, yeah," he said, rubbing at his eyes and trying to hide his blush. "Just hungry. Enjoyin' the smell of it all."

Kozik chuckled, shaking his head at him. "Fuckin' weirdo, but all right. C'mon. We gotta help set the table or Lena will kill us."

"I heard that!" Lena called from the kitchen. "Veni, Juancito. Come wash the good wine glasses! I don't trust these brutos with their rough hands." (Come, Juan. Brutes)

Juice chuckled, heading towards the kitchen. He smiled at Elena, giving her a kiss in greeting. "Something smells amazing, Lena."

"Thank you, mijo. Me and Angelita have been working hard at this all morning," she said with a hint of pride in her voice. "She's a great cook, you know."

He nodded a little, remembering the sweet treats she used to make back in New York. Occasionally, she ventured into actual food, and it always came out amazing. "I know. Takes after you, I guess."

She laughed, shaking her head at him. "Silly boy," she said, taking the glasses from him and starting to dry them. "Angela's taking a nap in her room. The time difference is getting to her, I think. Go wake her and tell her to come help again."

Juice's heart sputtered in his chest; Angela was sleeping in the bed he'd been sleeping in for months now, which meant she was on his pillow...his pillow that would probably smell just like her for at least a little while. He nodded in agreement, trying to head up the stairs as discreetly as possible; he was already getting shit from Gemma for his crush on Angela, he didn't need to have Koz and Hap in on it too.

The door to the room was slightly opened, and he pushed it open a little more to find her lying on her side on the bed in a velvet burgundy long-sleeved dress. The skirt of the dress had ridden up her leg a bit, showing off one of her long tan legs and just a peek of the strap of her panties. Red lace. His mouth went dry as all the blood in his body rushed to one part of his body. Dirty thoughts ran through his head. Was she wearing a matching bra? What kind of panties were they? Hipsters? Cheekies? A thong? God, the thought of her in a lacy red thong made him feel hot all over. He wanted to kiss every inch of that thigh, grab her underwear with his teeth and pull it down, bury himself underneath the hem of her dress and make her scream his name. He swallowed hard, shaking his head a bit. He had to get a hold of himself. If she woke up and saw him staring at her, she was going to think he was a total creeper.

Clearing his throat, he knocked on the doorjamb to get her attention. It didn't work, though, and he found himself walking in closer. He was about to shake her awake when she sighed his name, making him freeze to the spot. Was she dreaming about him?

"Angel?" he replied, setting a hand on her shoulder. Her eyes opened slowly, blinking a bit as she rolled onto her back. The top of her dress was low cut and had pulled down a bit, revealing the lace of a red bra. Juice swallowed hard; she was wearing a matching bra.

"Shit," she murmured sleepily rubbing at her eyes. She sat up slowly, pulling up the front of her dress and yawning a bit. "The time difference is kicking my ass."

He chuckled, happy to see she wasn't freaked out by him being there. "Having some sweet dreams there?"

She looked confused for a moment before she shrugged. "Don't remember what I was dreamin' about, actually," she muttered, though the blush that colored her cheeks betrayed her lie. "How are you? Surprised to see they let you out of work."

"Its Christmas Eve. Gemma told me to get lost," he said on a chuckle. "Surprised to see you're wearing a dress."

Angela smirked, pulling down the skirt of her dress as she shifted to sit next to him on the bed. "Lena likes me to dress up for Christmas dinner. I'm just thankful she stopped buying me dresses to wear. You shoulda seen the shit she used to dress me up in as a kid."

He chuckled, wishing he had something a little nicer to wear. "Gotta look good for baby Jesus, right?"

She laughed, the sound of it making him grin; he'd missed her laugh. "Somethin' like that." Her dark eyes met his, and she smiled warmly at him.

"Where's Raj?"

Angela gave him a mischievous look. "Lena sent him and my Ma out for groceries. Poor guy. She insists my Ma needs to get to know him more."

"Oh, that sucks," he said, laughing loudly. "I've done that once before. Never again."

"Right? She's the worst person to go shopping with ever," she agreed on a nod. "How was work?

"Good, I think. The guys seem to be trusting me a lot more. Think I heard Chibs mention something about me prospectin'," he told her. He knew he was baiting her a bit, but he wanted to have an honest, one on one talk with her about it. "Can't wait."

Her eyes held a mixture of anger and sadness. She looked down at her hands, twisting her ring around her finger. "Why? Why do you want to join them so badly?" she asked, her brows furrowed in confusion. "After everything you went through with the Ozone Crew and the mob, why on earth would you want to be a part of some motorcycle gang?"

"They're not a gang. You know that," he said on a scowl. "They're a club, a family."

"They're not much better," she muttered, rolling her eyes. "You were run out of New York by thugs who you used to consider family, remember? They turned on you the second they didn't need you anymore. What makes you think the club will be so different?"

Juice shrugged a shoulder. "I dunno. I get a different vibe from them. They're...they're good guys. Shit, you're related to one of 'em. Can't be that bad. Would nice to have friends here. Don't really have anyone other than your Ma and Aunt."

"So join a social club or something! Make new friends! You don't need those guys!"

"It is a social club!" he shot back, raising his voice only because she did first. He was starting to get a little frustrated with her reaction. It didn't make sense to him. She was the one who sent him to California, who hooked him up with her cousin and a job. Why was she so against her joining a club she'd introduced him to? "Angel, what'd you think was going to happen when you told me to come here?"

"I didn't think...I thought they were going to protect you. Help you get on your feet before you found a nice, normal job!" she exclaimed, clearly frustrated. "I didn't think you'd jump right back into danger!"

Juice scoffed at her. "It's not...I need this. I need to not feel alone out here, Angel. I can't...I want to be a part of them and be part of somethin' bigger than myself. I don't want to be alone anymore. 'm tired of it."

Her eyes softened a bit, her hand reaching out to cover his. "You have me, Juice, a-and I'm gonna move back, and I'll introduce you to all my friends."

He took her hand in his, rubbing his thumb over her knuckles. For some reason, what she'd said made him so sad. She was his best friend, and while he knew she'd always be there for him, she was just his friend. His only friend at the moment. And she was in New York. Despite how she talked about moving to California, he knew if she stayed with Raj, she'd stay on the other side of the country. "You're not moving back, Angel," he stated softly. She opened her mouth to deny it, and he cut her off. "You're not. I know you're not. Raj is there, and he's gonna go through law school there and take the New York state bar, and then he's gonna stay there. Face it, you're not coming back."

Angela was silent for a long moment before she gave him a shaky smile. "I haven't...I don't want to accept that. We can come back. If he can do the New York bar, he can do the California bar. I don't...this is home for me," she admitted with a sad smile. Her breath caught in her throat, as she stated, "I don't really want to stay in New York. Not for long, anyway. I didn't really want to go there to begin with."

A flicker of hope filled him. If she didn't want to stay in New York, that meant she didn't want to stay with Raj. That she would move back and if she did, it might be his chance to finally be with her; something he'd been dreaming about for years. "What about Raj?"

"I mean, we never really talked about it. Its so far in the future..."

"Not that far, Angel," he reminded her, squeezing her hand. "What are you going to do when you graduate? Look for jobs out there?"

She pulled her hand away from him, raking it through her hair. He instantly missed the contact, the feel of her hand in his. If he wasn't such a coward, he'd take her hand again. "I dunno. I haven't gotten that far."

"Can't keep runnin' from it."

Angela laughed sadly and shrugged. "I'm not running from it. I just, want to figure out what I want before I start setting fire to all my relationships."

"Well, you'll always have me. I'm inflammable," he said, nudging his shoulder with hers.

She turned to meet his gaze, a small smile on her lips. Her face was so close to his, he could feel her breath against his cheek as she said, "Thanks, goofy."

God, he wanted to kiss her then. It wouldn't take much. All he had to do was lean in just a little and press his lips to hers. Her eyes were dark and so pretty; he swore he could get lost in the depths of them. He glanced at her lips, noticing the way they were slightly parted, the same way they'd been the night he left. It was as if she wanted him to kiss her. To take that next step. He set his hand on hers again, curling his fingers around hers. Electricity crackled between them, and he could've sworn she saw her eyes dart to his lips. "Angel, I..."

"Angela!" Raj's voice came from down the hall.

She stood up quickly, her cheeks flushing a bright red as she raked her hand through her hair. "Up here!" she called back. She looked back at him for a moment and gave him a little smile. "Just...promise me you'll think before accepting that cut. Make a pros and cons list or something."

Juice scratched at the back of his neck as he nodded. He agreed to do it for her sake, but he didn't need to make a list; he knew what he wanted. He wanted to prospect, whether she liked it or not. "Yeah, will do. I-I'm gonna change," he said, nodding to the drawers. "I'll meet you guys down there."

Angela nodded, slipping into the black high heels he hadn't noticed were by the door before she walked out of the room. As she left, it felt like she'd taken the air with her. He lay back down on the bed, closing his eyes for just a moment as he tried to stop his quickly beating heart. Ever since he arrived in California and started living in her old bedroom, surrounded by her, he'd have vivid dreams of being with her. Of kissing her and holding her. Sometimes they were dirty, sometimes they were innocent stupid things. Old memories that were slightly altered so they were more than just friends. And that moment. That moment before he left. How many times had he day dreamed about having kissed her that night? So many he'd lost count. He'd kiss her, and she'd kiss him back and then spontaneously join him on the cross country trip to California. That was his favorite dream. One he went back to over and over again on his hardest days. It made him feel safe, made him feel happy until he woke up and realized that was all it was. Just a stupid dream. She wasn't his and probably never would be. It would always be just a dream.

Raj watched the way Angela and Juice interacted throughout the whole dinner. They were so comfortable around each other. He'd made her smile that big smile that lit a fire to her dark eyes. Made her laugh so hard, tears brimmed her eyes. All things Raj knew he hadn't been able to do for a long time. In fact, he wasn't sure he'd ever made her laugh like that. It was almost painful to watch them knowing he was the one standing in the way of them ever being together. But he loved Angela, and while she may laugh and smile like that around Juice, Raj knew she loved him too. It was a different kind of love. More serious and deeper. They connected more on an intellectual level than anything else, and he didn't want to let that go. Not for some goofy guy who was bound to disappoint her eventually. Not that he'd ever say that to Juice's face. He liked the other guy. Even considered him a friend.

He wasn't an idiot; he knew Juice would jump at the chance with Angela should he ever leave her. It was one reason why he was glad the man was on the other side of the country now. While he didn't worry about them cheating, sometimes he worried about Juice sweeping her off her feet and taking her back to California. Back to her home. She was happier on the West Coast, Raj had noticed. Something that made him uneasy. All the plans they'd made together were centered around New York. They'd never talked about moving to California. He'd never even considered it. He had a feeling that after this trip, that conversation was going to happen soon. He was dreading it.

The dinner went fairly well. The conversation was easy with no awkwardness. He liked Angela's family. The women were all smart like her and the bikers were hilarious in their own right. He could see why Angela loved them all so much.

After dinner, Happy and Kozik left without cleaning up or staying for presents. They'd excused themselves to go to some party at their motorcycle gang's clubhouse. Angela had explained before they didn't really do presents anymore. None of them could really afford it, so they just enjoyed their time together instead of exchanging presents. Raj offered to help clean, Juice too, but they were both pushed outside to the backyard. Juice with his beer, him with his glass of wine in hand. Juice easily settled into one of the fading deck chairs, digging in his pockets for something before producing a little white joint. "You mind?" he asked, the joint in his mouth.

Raj shook his head. "Go for it," he said, sighing as he sat in the chair next to him. The skunky smell of marijuana filled the air as Juice lit the joint. He took a long toke before offering it to him. "No thanks."

"Right. Law school," Juice said on a shrug. "How's that goin'? Heard you got some big internship."

"Good. Yeah, it's a good job. I'm making some great connections, though it has been keeping me busy," he answered on a tired sigh. "How's your new job?"

"Good. Great. Really liking it."

An awkward silence overtook them after that. The two had never really spent any time alone together, not without Angela being there to provide some commonality between them. His heart hurt a little when he thought of Angela and Juice. After a long moment, he sighed, clearing his throat. "I know you love her."

"What?" Juice asked, his eyes wide. "I don't..."

Raj chuckled, shaking his head. "Don't deny it. Its written all over your face."

"Yeah. I do," he rasped, hanging his head a bit.

"Its not...its not a new thing. I've known how you felt about her since the moment I met you," he admitted, swirling the wine in his glass a bit.

"You never said anything, man."

Raj shrugged a shoulder nonchalantly. "Didn't know what to say. I trust her, and strangely, I trust you. I have no reason not to."

Juice scratched at his eyebrow, shifting slightly. "Well...thanks, I guess."

He smirked a little and nodded. "I love her too, you know. A lot."

"I know that," he said on a little frown. "She loves you back. A lot."

"I know," he said, though he had to admit, it felt good to hear Juice say that. At least her love for him was obvious to people outside of their relationship. That made him feel good. "But I also think...I think she might love you too, which sucks."

Juice stared at him, his mouth hanging open. "Wait...what?"

He nodded, taking a sip of his drink. "Yeah."

"N-no, she...Raj, there's nothin'...she's never...we've never. She loves you."

"I know. I know that," he said softly. He stared at the liquid in his glass for a moment before taking another sip and sighing. "I also know the day after she met you was the day she turned me down for a date. That I had to keep asking her for a week until she finally said yes."

Juice furrowed his brows together in confusion. "W-what?"

Raj smirked a bit and nodded. "I could hear her. Through her living room grate. She was talking on the phone to a friend, and she was telling them about me, and then she mentioned she'd met this guy in the park, and she really liked him. Wanted to see where things would go with him before she said 'yes' to me. It bothered me at first until I realized her heart was in the right place. She didn't want to lead me on. I thought that was respectable and kind of her," he said on a laugh. "Only made me like her more, to be honest. And then a week passed, and she came down to my place and asked me out for drinks and the rest is history. She gave me a chance, and I wasn't about to let her go."

"Fuckin' Prulow," he muttered under his breath. At Raj's curious look, he elaborated. "My roommate. Angel called, and he...he didn't give me the message. I thought she never called back, that she wasn't interested."

"Your loss," he replied bluntly. Sometimes, he couldn't believe how lucky he got. He wanted to meet his Prulow guy. Shake his hand and thank him. "She's...fantastic. And I...I don't want to lose her."

"I don't blame you. I wouldn't want to either," he admitted softly. "This you asking me to stay away?"

Raj was quiet for a long moment; he hadn't even considered that before. Having Juice out of the picture would probably help strengthen his relationship with Angela. She'd be less distracted by Juice and their long distance friendship. But she'd probably drive him insane too. Despite the distance, Juice kept her sane. He wasn't sure what would happen to their relationship with Juice out of the picture. "I'm not going to kid myself into thinking I could threaten or intimidate you in anyway. I'm not that stupid or selfish to ask you to stay away. I don't think it's the right thing to do. I want her to stay with me because she wants to, not because I've removed you from the situation."

Juice looked a little surprised by his honesty. "You're a really good guy, Raj. And she loves you. We both know that. You're...really lucky. "

"I know," he agreed softly. "I just hope that's enough."

The back door opened, making both of them turn around. Angela stood in the doorway, a small smile on her face. "What are you boys talking about out here?"

"Sports," Raj lied, smiling when she sat down in his lap. She draped an arm over his shoulder as he moved one around her waist, leaning in to kiss her quickly. "Mets and Yankees and all that."

She laughed, rolling her eyes at him. "I don't believe that for a second," she said, taking the joint Juice offered. She took a long toke, exhaling the smoke smoothly. "Mmm, missed that shit."

"You were right, it's much better here," Juice commented with a small smile. Raj noticed how he was looking anywhere but at them. The mohawked man glanced up at the sky for a minute. "You were right about the stars too. Can't believe how many of them there are."

"Right?" she asked around a laugh. She pointed to a particular grouping. "There's Ursa major."

Raj listened to her point out other constellations, explaining the way they moved, and which ones were planets. He found himself falling more and more in love with her as she showed off her intellect. God, he loved this woman. He glanced over at Juice, noting the lovesick look on his face. Raj held Angela just a little closer and prayed he would be enough for her. That her love for him was stronger than the one she had for her best friend. She was his dream girl, and he wasn't ready to lose her. He vowed to do better. To spend more time with her. He wasn't going to lose her. Not without putting up a good fight.

They stayed outside for an hour or so, reminiscing over times they had in New York. It was a perfect kind of night for Angela. She loved being there with two of the men she cared about most. Loved that it wasn't awkward between Raj and Juice, and she could enjoy being with both of them without having to worry about any jealousy. The weed was soothing, and while Raj wasn't smoking anything, she could see his eyelids start to grow heavy with sleep. She chuckled softly, reaching up to tuck a stray hair behind his ear. "Ready for bed, Rajah?" she asked softly.

"Mmm." He nodded sleepily, leaning in to kiss her cheek. "Ready to go when you are."

She smiled warmly at him and got to her feet. "I'm ready. Why don't you go inside and say 'bye' to everyone? I'll be right there."

Raj nodded, getting up and extending a hand to Juice. "Good to see you, Juice," he said, shaking the other man's hand.

Juice took the joint out of his mouth and shook his hand. "You too, Raj. Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas," Raj replied on a sigh. He gave Angela a quick kiss before heading back inside.

Angela sat back down in the seat he'd vacated, grabbing the gift bag she'd hidden behind it when she'd walked out. She handed it over to Juice with a little smile. "For you."

He furrowed his brows as he took the bag from her. "You didn't have to get me anythin', Angel. You already got me so much," he said, pulling out the tissue paper.

"Shut up and open it," she encouraged, taking the joint from him and leaning forward excitedly. "Thought it was something you might need."

He pulled out a black KA-BAR knife in its black leather sheath. "Angel, this is…awesome," he said, looking it over. His thumb brushed over the three numbers pressed into the leather. His old area code. "You do this?"

She'd personally bought the tools and pressed the numbers into the leather. It was the area code attached to the first phone number he'd given her. She'd originally meant it as a joke, to tease him about how he hadn't called her that night, but now, she felt it meant something different. She nodded, smiling warmly at him. "Don't forget where you came from, Ortiz."

Juice smiled a little sadly. "How could I? 's where I met you."

Angela felt butterflies stampede through her stomach at the warmth in his eyes. Again, the impulse to kiss him was strong, but she stopped herself. "Mm-hmm. Also where you grew up."

"That too," he said on a chuckle. He cleared his throat and dug into his pocket. "I actually got you something too. Well, its old, but I…fixed it."

Her brows furrowed together as she took what he was offering her. It was a vintage Swiss Army knife she recognized instantly. She ran her finger over the word 'Ruiz' that was haphazardly carved into the side in ugly handwriting as though the owner hadn't wanted it stolen. It had been her father's. She'd thought she'd lost it. "Where did you find this?"

"Found it under your chest of drawers when I was cleanin' one day," he explained, looking a little nervous. "I um…I cleaned it up, fixed the things that were stickin'. Hope you don't mind."

Angela shook her head, feeling a lump form in her throat. "No, not at all," she murmured smiling a bit. "Thought I'd lost it. It…it was my Dad's."

Juice smiled in triumph and nodded. "That's what Lena said."

She flipped it open, smiling at the clean knife. Sighing softly, she handed it back to him. "Hold onto it for me. I um…I only brought a carry on so I can't exactly transport a knife."

His smile faded as he took it from her. "Oh. Shit. I didn't think of that. Sorry."

"Don't be sorry! I love it! Just…keep it safe until I come back," she said with a smile.

Again that sad smile crossed his face as he took the knife back from her. "Angel…"

"Stop," she cut him off quickly. She knew he was going to say she wasn't coming back again, but she wasn't going to let him. She hadn't quite accepted that just yet. She got to her feet, waiting for him to do the same. She poked a finger into his chest. "I am going to come back. This place is my home."

Juice didn't look so sure. With a sigh, he pulled her into a tight hug. "Whatever you say, Angel. Whatever you say."

Angela closed her eyes as she leaned into him. In that moment, she didn't want to leave. She wanted to stay there in the circle of his arms in her Ma and Aunt's backyard forever and forget about everything else. She heard Raj call her name from inside and reluctantly let go of him. She gave him a small smile. "Merry Christmas, goof."

He smiled back at her. "Merry Christmas, Angel."

I know its the first day of fall and far, far away from Christmas, but hopefully y'all liked the Christmas-y chapter! :)

Let me know what you think!

~Love Ink