Disclaimer: I own nothing by my OCs and storyline

I'm warning y'all right now, this is not a happy chapter and was one of the hardest I've ever had to write.

Proceed with caution...

She Will Be Loved

Chapter 13: Goodbye

By Love Ink

Raj walked into Angela's apartment to find her sitting on the couch, glass of wine in hand. Her finger was absentmindedly tracing around the rim of the glass as she stared unfocused at the TV in front of her. She hadn't been the same since their visit to California. He'd thought it was because she'd been homesick, and she'd eventually get over it, but it'd already been almost two months and she still seemed unhappy. It didn't help that he hadn't been able to spend a whole lot of time with her. His new internship was very labor intensive which meant more time spent at work and less time with her. Every now and then, he was able to give her a date night, but it was rare. Most days, the only time he saw her was when he came home after work. By then, they were both exhausted and didn't do much other than drink a glass of wine, watch some TV, and go to bed. Sometimes, he was even too tired to go to her apartment and settled with sending her a goodnight text instead.

Tonight, she didn't even look up from the television show. "Honey, I'm home!" he exclaimed, knowing it would get her to smile. She didn't respond, just stared at the television. Poetic Justice was on, and she seemed totally enraptured in it. "Angela?"

Her eyes looked glassy as if she'd been crying; he knew the ending was sad, but he'd never seen her cry at a movie before. "Hey. Sorry," she muttered on a tight smile.

"What's going on?" he asked, sitting down next to her.

She furrowed her brow for a moment, shaking her head slowly. "I don't...I don't really know. This movie came on, and they're going to Oakland, and it just made me...miss home."

"Home? New York is your home now," Raj said, reaching out to stroke her cheek lovingly. "Isn't it?"

She smiled sadly before nodding. "I guess. But I've...been thinking of moving back. Maybe in a few years or something. Is that...is that something we could build into our future plan?"

Raj felt his heart sink. He'd known this conversation was coming and had been dreading it. Going to California for Christmas had been a bad idea from the get go. It'd reminder her of what she'd been missing while she was on the other side of the country. Her family, her friends, Juice. "Angela, love, I'm taking the bar in New York. I can't go from state to state," he lied. He had never looked into it really, but he knew it was doable. He also couldn't see himself practicing law anywhere but New York. "My profession isn't like yours, I can't just choose wherever I want to work and go there."

Angela didn't look convinced, though. "You can transfer your credits if you score high enough. Which you will, of course. I asked Nadia. She told me it was a possibility."

Damn Nadia, Raj cursed mentally. Nadia went to school with him and worked at his internship. Angela was convinced she had a wild crush on him, but he didn't see it. If anything, he thought Nadia just wanted to use him for schoolwork. Regardless, Nadia was always included in the group when they went out, and her and Angela had formed a strange friendship. "But...I want to work in New York. I grew up here. I want to serve my community."

"I know, and I'm not asking you to leave now, I just...I want you to tell me that in a few years, we can move to my home. My whole family is there, and I...New York was always supposed to be temporary for me," she said, twisting her ring around her finger nervously. "Other than you and your friends, I don't really have anyone here. And you're always so busy, and it just feels so cold and lonely sometimes."

"This is because of Juice, isn't it?" he asked, feeling a little irked. She had never mentioned moving back to California before. Not until Juice left. "Because you miss him and would rather be with him than with me."

Angela scowled at him and shook her head. "No. Don't be ridiculous. It's because I miss my family, Raj. Juice is just a friend, you know that."

He stood slowly, shaking his head at her. "I don't. Not really. Not anymore. Ever since we came back from our California trip, you've been acting strange. Sad a-and depressed almost. I get that you're homesick, but you've never been homesick before, never once had an issue with being halfway across the country. Not until he left."

"What?" she asked, narrowing her eyes at him. She got to her feet as well, hands clenched into fists. "Are you crazy? This has nothing to do with Juice!"

"It has everything to do with Juice! You have feelings for him, Angela!" he blurted out before he could stop himself. "That's why you want to go back to California so badly! To be with him!"

"No, I want to go to California because I actually have friends there! I want to go because you are never around anymore and I'm always alone because you pick your fucking internship over me!" she yelled right back. "If you would actually spend some time with me, maybe I wouldn't be so fucking homesick!"

Raj knew she was right in a way, but he also knew he couldn't forsake his studies and his work for her. If he wanted to be successful, he had to do the work to get there. "I am doing the best that I can!"

"Are you?" she shot back, throwing her arms to the side. "Because it doesn't feel like it! I haven't seen you for a real date in a month, Raj! You always cancel! I'm not a needy person, but it'd be nice to actually see you every once in a while! Its not enough for you to come here at night after you're exhausted wanting to nothing but eat, drink, and maybe just maybe have sex! We don't talk anymore! You don't listen to me anymore!"

"That's not true! We just hung out together last week!"

"To study, Raj! We didn't talk at all! In fact, when I tried to talk to you about something else, you asked me to be quiet!"

Raj fought the urge to cringe; he'd regretted doing that the moment it'd happened. "I apologized for that!" he pointed out. "And I thought you liked studying together! You never had a problem with it before!"

Angela rolled her eyes at him. "Before we would actually go out together after!"

"Before, you had Juice to keep you distracted!" he replied in frustration, changing gears again. He knew they were fighting about him and his time management, but he couldn't help but steer it back to her and her feelings for Juice. "And now, he's still all you can think about! I'm not an idiot, Angela! I saw the way he looked at you! Saw the way you looked at him! You haven't been the same since he left! And you want me to spend time with you, I get that, but is it because you're trying to convince yourself to stay with me or is it because you actually like spending time with me?"

She looked like she'd been slapped in the face. Slowly, she shook her head at him, taking a step away. "Fuck you, Raj. You know how much I love you," she seethed, her voice shaking. Her fists were still clenched, an angry tear slipping down her cheek. "I wouldn't still be here fighting for your attention if I didn't love you. I would be over there with him. If you don't know that by now, then why am I even trying?"

Raj felt his heart sink to the bottom of his stomach. "Angela..."

"And if you think this has something to do with Juice, you're wrong. This is about you and your time management. I love you, and I want to be with you. I don't know why you don't get that!" She raked a hand through her hair, shaking her head and grabbing her jacket. "I gotta get outta here. I need some air."

"Angela, don't..."

He went to reach for her arm, but she pulled it away quickly. "Don't fuckin' touch me."

He immediately put his hands in the air. "Don't go. Talk to me," he pleaded, wishing he could take it all back. This was not how he wanted things to go.

"What, you have time now?" she spat back, walking towards the door backwards.

Raj clenched his teeth together at the dig. "You can't leave, this is your apartment."

"You can see yourself out. Just lock the door behind you," she said, stepping outside of the door and slamming it behind her.

He stayed staring at the door for a moment before letting out a long breath and sinking onto the couch. Moving his fingers through his hair, he hung his head. He didn't know where his argument about Juice had come from. It'd been something he'd been telling himself ever since Juice left. Blaming Angela's loneliness and sudden want to spend time with him on Juice's leaving instead of looking at his own actions. He'd been pushing her away for so long knowing this conversation was coming. He'd seen the writing on the wall, known she'd want to move back to California once she graduated. Why hadn't he just spent more time with her? Why hadn't he initiated a normal, adult conversation about it instead of waiting until it got to its boiling point and letting everything out all at once?

He stood slowly, running a hand over his face as he grabbed his own jacket. She'd left without her purse meaning she didn't have her wallet or Metrocard. She couldn't go very far. The last time they'd gotten in a fight, he'd found her at the diner just a few blocks away. Shee knew the owners well so not having her wallet probably meant she could still have a cup of coffee or something sweet without paying.

Raj headed out to the street, grabbing his cellphone out of his pocket as he went. He took the first few blocks to clear his head until the little diner came into view. He smiled a little when he saw her sitting in the front window, her hands around a mug of coffee. She was beautiful. He was so lucky she was being so patient with him. That her main problem was she wanted to spend time with him. How could he have ever doubted her love for him?

He dialed her number, raising the phone to his ear. From the window, he saw her check the caller ID before sending it straight to voicemail. He smirked, that was his stubborn girl. He waited for the answering machine beep before taking a deep breathing and saying, "Hey love. Listen, I'm so sorry for what I said. I know you don't love Juice. Not like you love me. I think...think I've been putting the blame on him for our problems, when its really me. And I'm sorry for that. I'm going to make more time for you because you deserve that. You are everything I could ever want, and I'm so lucky to have you. I can see you now, sitting at the diner," he said, smiling to himself as he started to cross the crosswalk, "And I'm just hoping against all hope that I can say something to make you smile. Because I love you. I love you so...so..."

Before he could finish that sentence, he felt something slam into his legs then everything went black.

Angela saw it all happen in slow motion. Saw Raj walking towards her on the phone, realized he was going to cross, and saw the car barreling towards him. "Raj!" she shouted, waving frantically at him, but it was too late. The car slammed into him, sending him flying into the air, over the car, and back down onto the pavement. Hard. Angela pushed away from the table, knocking over her mug as she did so. "Mrs. Z, call 9-1-1!" she ordered as she rushed out and towards him. She looked down the street, making a mental note of the car that was speeding off into the distance. That fucker had to die, like a lot.

A car had stopped just behind where Raj had landed, blocking off other traffic. The driver of it was already out and kneeling beside Raj. Angela fell to her knees beside him. The first thing she noticed was blood. She didn't know where it was coming from, but the pool of it below Raj's head was slowly growing bigger and bigger. His eyes were closed, his breathing labored, a strange gurgling noise coming from his throat. "Shit," she murmured, brushing his hair out of his face. "Raj! Raj! C'mon, open your eyes, baby. Stay with me."

"Miss, I'm gonna start CPR, okay?" the man said from beside her. "Paramedics are on their way, but I'm gonna need you to move, okay?"

Angela nodded, grabbing Raj's hand and holding tightly to it as the man started compressions. Raj's hand was limp and warm in her hands, slightly sticky with blood. "Raj, please," she begged, the vision of him blurring as tears filled her eyes. She kissed his hand, hating the way his fingers didn't curl around hers like they usually did. "Please be okay. I love you."

Out of nowhere, she found herself in an ambulance. She wasn't sure how she got there, just that Raj's hand was still in hers. Paramedics asked her questions about him, which she answered mechanically. His name, address, birthdate, shit, she even knew his blood type.

"Miss, what's your name?"

"Angela. Angela Ruiz. I'm...I'm his girlfriend."

"All right, Angela. Were you hit as well?" one paramedic asked her.

She looked down at her bloodied jeans, eyes wide. "N-no, no. I was...he was walking to the diner and the...the car came out of nowhere," she said, her voice catching in her throat. "He...is he going to be okay?"

"We're doin' everything we can. Promise you that. I'm going to ask you to let go of his hand, okay? It'll help us take better care of him," he assured her, his gloved hands covering hers.

Angela nodded and let go, watching as his hand flopped lifelessly towards the floor. She pressed herself against the side of the ambulance to give them more room. She had no idea what they were doing, but she knew the machine monitoring his pulse was still beeping steadily. She focused on that line, watching the spikes and falls. The drive felt like forever, but she knew it was barely four minutes. They pulled Raj out, running him into the emergency room, leaving her behind.

The paramedic held out his hand to her. "Angela, can I help you down?"

Her hand shook as she extended it to him, letting the kind paramedic help her out of the ambulance. "Is he going to be okay?" she asked again, desperate for some kind of reassurance, some sort of answer.

"We did everything we could to help him. It's in the doctor's hands now," he said, putting a reassuring hand on her shoulder. "Is there anyone I can call for you?"

Dozens of names went through her head, but none of them lived near her. "No. I'm fine," she breathed, grabbing her phone out of her pocket. Her heart sunk guiltily when she saw the missed call and voicemail from Raj. Had he been on the phone when he was crossing? Was that why he hadn't seen the car speeding at him? She couldn't remember now. "I um...I need to call his family."

"Miss, I'm going to have you wash your hands, okay? If you give me the phone number, I can have a social worker call for you," he said, walking her towards the sink at the nurse's station. Numbly, she nodded, telling him which names and numbers to call. She washed her hands, her stomach churning as the water turned pink with blood. Once she was done, he guided her towards a waiting room. "Sit right here. I'm going to get the social worker. Here's a bottle of water and some tissues for you."

"Okay," she said, the word getting caught in her throat. "Is he going to be okay?"

The paramedic frowned a little. "I dunno, Miss. I hope so. Can I leave you here for a moment? I have to get back to work unfortunately. Someone should be out shortly with an update."

"Yeah, o-okay," she answered, nodding just a little. "Yeah, I-I think I'll be okay. Thank you."

It wasn't long until someone occupied the seat next to her. She lifted her head and found a female NYPD officer seated beside her. Her nametag said 'Ramirez'. "Angela Ruiz?" she asked, a kind look in her eyes.

Happy had always taught her not to trust police officers, but she knew she had to in this situation. She wanted to help Raj and catch whatever asshole had run him over. Swallowing hard, she nodded. "That's me."

"I know you're going through a lot, but do you mind if I ask you a few questions? I understand you were a witness to the collision?" Ramirez asked, taking out a small pad of paper in pen.

"Yeah. Sure. I um...I'm his girlfriend. We've been together for almost four years." She felt a lump rise in her throat, tears brimming her eyes again.

The officer's eyes warmed, and she set a hand on her shoulder. "That's a long time. Can you tell me what happened?"

"I um...I wanted him to take a break from work. To meet me at the diner a few blocks away from our house for some food," Angela replied, hating the way her voice shook as she spoke. She knew it was a lie but telling the officer they'd got in a fight before wasn't necessary. It'd bring up a suspicion that wasn't needed. "We walk there some times. Not lately because he's been so busy, but it's not unusual. He was going to go back to our apartment building to change and meet me at the diner. I umm...I saw him from across the street. He was...he crossed in the crosswalk, and then this...silver car sped through a-a-and hit him. Hard. He...he went flying over it and landed on his back. I think he hit his head. I um...I ran out of the diner to him and there was just...blood...everywhere."

"A silver car. Do you remember make and model?"

Angela squeezed her eyes shut, trying to remember. "Not really. Think it was a sedan of some sort. I um...he was on the ground, and I just wanted to help him. I didn't think...someone at the diner might have. I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry. You witnessed some traumatizing stuff. I'm surprised you remember any of it."

"I um...I think Mrs. Z at the diner has cameras around," she told her. In fact, she knew she did because Juice had helped install them. A pang of guilt made her stomach turn; she should not be thinking of Juice right now. Not when he was part of the argument she'd had with Raj just minutes before...She couldn't finish that thought. She raked her hands through her hair. "Do you need anything else?"

The officer asked her for her contact information, which she rattled off without really thinking. She answered all the other standard questions she threw at her, trying to get through it as fast as she could so she would leave her alone.

Once the officer finally left, Angela wasn't alone long before Raj's parents and sister, Priya, came rushing in. Much to her surprise, they all embraced her. His mother, Suni, hugged her, crying into her shoulder as his father, Dan, asked what happened. Again, Angela went through the details, trying her best not to cry but finding it hard in front of Raj's family. When she was finished, she looked Suni in the eyes and swallowed hard, "I'm so sorry. I-I just wanted to spend time with him. Not this."

"What are you saying sorry for?" Suni asked, wiping at her tears. "Unless you were driving that car, you have nothing to be sorry for. He loves you so much, Angela. He really does. And he is going to be okay. Raj is a strong man. He'll get through this."

Angela nodded quickly, fighting back a sob. How could this have happened? Raj was supposed to be the safe one. The one she could always count on to be there with his steady job and normal family. How could he have been hurt like this? It wasn't right! It wasn't fair! Leaning forward, she buried her face in her hands and cried. Suni shed her own tears, rubbing Angela's shoulder as she did so. Comforting her despite the way she was hurting too.

It felt like an eternity before a doctor came with an update, though she was certain it was only a few minutes. The doctor didn't need to say anything, though, Angela knew that look on his face. She held her breath as the doctor sat on the table in front of Raj's parents. "I regret that it is my duty to inform you, your son succumbed to his injuries, and we were unable to save him. He's unfortunately gone."

Angela flinched; that was the wrong way to tell someone their loved one died. The doctor was going strong until his last words. Raj was gone? Where did he go? Suni and Priya were sobbing loudly while Dan, a doctor himself, thanked the doctor for her efforts before asking exactly what happened. Most of the medical terminology went over Angela's head, but she understood it well enough to know what the cause of death would be. Blunt impact injuries because he had been struck by a car, something she still couldn't wrap her mind around. They weren't allowed to see him. Not until after the coroner finished their investigation, and that would most likely take a day or two. Dan looked towards her and nodded, "What do we do now, Angela? What comes next?"

She took a deep breath and wiped at her eyes, trying her best to strengthen herself. She had to be strong for them, for Raj. "There's nothing we can do right now," she told him softly. "But we'll start looking into funeral..." her breath caught in her throat and she swallowed hard before continuing, "funeral arrangements. I know some good places. Just tell me what you'd like, and I'll make it happen."

Dan nodded slowly. "Thank you," he said, his voice cracking. "We so appreciate it."

"Of course. I loved him too," she murmured, a tear slipping down her cheek. She wiped it away quickly. She had to start making calls and seeing what she could do. If she kept herself busy with what came next, she didn't have to deal with what was happening at the moment. She knew it wasn't the healthiest move, that eventually her grief would come back to haunt her, but she ignored it. Now, she had to focus on taking care of Raj in the best way she knew how. That was how she would pay tribute to him. That's the way she would say goodbye.

The next few days passed in a blur. Angela busied herself in making plans and arrangements to help Raj's family. She personally made the hotel reservations for his family from overseas, spent time making sure every custom was followed, and everything was properly planned. She didn't stop to eat or sleep. Didn't feel the need to do either. Every time she stopped for even a moment, the image of the car slamming into Raj flashed in front of her face. She could practically feel his blood on her hands, smell the iron scent of it. So she pushed on. Threw herself into her studies and her apprenticeship when she ran out of stuff to plan. She didn't stop to call her own family despite the way her phone buzzed almost constantly. They didn't know about Raj, and she wasn't ready to tell them. Not yet. She didn't want to go through the story again. Didn't want to relive it. Not to mention, Raj's last voicemail notification was still there, and she knew how much listening to it would hurt. She wasn't ready for that.

The day of his funeral came faster than she'd thought it would. After a quick shower in her guest room—she hadn't set foot in her own room since Raj died -she went to her closet and pulled out the white dress Priya had insisted was proper funeral attire. She'd asked if she wanted to wear a saree, but Angela hadn't felt comfortable doing so. She changed into the dress slowly, remembering how Raj used to love it. He'd told her before it was his favorite white dress, and it would keep being his favorite white dress until he saw her on their wedding day. Angela squeezed her eyes shut. "Stop," she said out loud, willing those happy memories to disappear before she ended up in a sobbing mess on the floor. She went through the motions of braiding her hair back, not stopping once to even look at herself in the mirror.

The next thing she knew, she was standing in the prep room of the very same funeral home where she was apprenticing. Her mentor had given them one hell of a deal, thankfully. Raj was to be cremated, as was custom in his family. A witnessed cremation with all of his family there to watch before a small reception. Raj's parents hadn't wanted a viewing; they hadn't even wanted to see him. But Angela didn't feel that way. She needed this type of closure. Taking in a deep breath, she moved the cover off of the cardboard casket, a lump rising in her throat.

Tears fell before she could stop them. Despite the trauma he'd sustained when he'd been hit, he still looked as if he was sleeping. The same way he looked early in the mornings when she'd woken up before him. His long eyelashes pressed to his cheeks, his wavy hair neat, mustache and goatee well-groomed. So incredibly handsome. Her Raj. "Rajah," she murmured, stroking his hair away from his face lovingly. "I hope you knew how much I loved you. Because I did. I do. I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry."

"For what?" Priya's voice came from behind her.

Angela turned and smiled at Raj's younger sister. She looked beautiful in her white saree. "For wanting him to take a break from his work and meet me at that stupid diner," she lied, hating herself for it. She didn't want to tell Priya about their fight. Didn't want to tell anyone about it. "He would've been safe if he'd just stayed at home studying."

"That's what he loved about you, y'know?" she replied with a sad smile. "Besides how smart you are, he really loved that you forced him out. That you took him out of his little studying cave and forced him to live."

"And look where that led him," she murmured, nodding towards him. "He'd be better off if he'd never even met me."

Priya rolled her eyes. "Don't say shit like that. You made him so incredibly happy. I'd never seen him so happy. He loved you. You made his life better. And yeah, it was short, but it was good. We're all so grateful to you for that."

"Thanks, Pri."

She smiled in return, leaning her head against Angela's shoulder. "I'm so mad at him. What kind of idiot doesn't look both ways when they cross the damn street?"

"He had the right of way, was in a crosswalk. He did everything right. He always did everything right." She swallowed back a sob as memories hit her like a freight train. He'd been so good to her. Treated her right. And she'd doubted him. Had thoughts of leaving him for Juice, and he'd known it. Had called her on it, and instead of accepting it, she'd gotten mad at him. It was their first big fight...and their last. "This wasn't supposed to happen."

"No, it wasn't. Love you, Raj. I'll see you around," she choked out, sniffling as she went forward to touch Raj's face. Angela knew Priya and Raj's family were firm believers in reincarnation. It was why they were cremating him, to set his soul free. It was a comforting thought, and Angela found herself believing it right along with them. Priya turned and pulled Angela into a hug. "I will always love you like a sister, okay?"

"Yeah." Angela hugged her back, a soft sob escaping her hold. "Love you too, Pri."

Priya let her go, wiping at her own tears. "I'll see you out there."

She nodded slowly, waiting for Priya to leave before approaching the casket again. "Goodbye, Rajah. Thank you for everything. I didn't deserve you, but I'm so glad I had you. I love you and I'm going to miss you. So incredibly much," she whispered to him before leaning over and kissing his forehead. Carefully, she closed the casket, tapping on it softly before she walked away, her heart feeling even heavier than before. Her stomach churned anxiously at the idea of the finality of his funeral. After it was over, she was going to have to go back to her apartment and be all alone with no one to lean on, and it honestly scared the shit out of her.

Yeah, this was a hard one to write, and I'm so sorry, but it had to happen to lead to other things.


Let me know what you think and if you have any predictions as to what comes next...

~Love Ink