Disclaimer: I own nothing but my own OCs and storylines…

Just a quick note! For those of you who have read "Hands All Over" and "It Won't Be Soon...", Angela and Koz have known each other a lot longer in this story! 😉

She Will Be Loved

Chapter 16: Healing Calls

By Love Ink

Angela's stomach felt full for the first time in weeks. Vanessa's enchiladas had been delicious, and after the first bite, she found she couldn't stop eating. She practically inhaled the entire plate and went back for seconds. She was starting to feel just a little better. With Lino and Vanessa there, she didn't feel so alone.

The three of them sat at the dining room table, Lino and Vanessa doing most of the talking, trying so hard to make it feel like a normal night. Angela appreciated that. She needed some sense of normalcy. She stood, grabbing her empty plate and going to grab Vanessa's too. Lino held up a hand. "Stop. I got this. I was kiddin' about the cleanin'," he said with a smirk. "I got somethin' for you."

Angela ignored him and stacked his plate on top of hers, carrying them to the kitchen. He followed after her, digging in his pocket for a moment before pulling out a perfectly wrapped joint and offering it to her. "Where'd you get this?"

"Smuggled it over," he said on a shrug. "Let me clean. You two go up to the roof. Get some air. Smoke a little. Relax. Just don't smoke the whole damn thing. I didn't bring that much, 'n' its good shit."

She took it from him and raised her eyebrow at Vanessa. "You smoke?"

Vanessa smirked, crossing her arms over her chest as she shrugged. "I got anxiety. Got a card for it 'n' everything."

Angela couldn't help but grin a little at her. "I knew I liked you. C'mon, let's grab some blankets and I'll show you up."

They carried up blankets, pillows, and a lantern and headed to the roof. Vanessa gasped as she stepped out of the stairwell onto the roof, her dark eyes wide. "Wow. This is beautiful. Is that...is that the Empire State Building?"

She nodded slowly, stretching out the blankets and setting up some pillows. "Yeah."

"Wow. There's so many lights! You can't even see the stars!" she exclaimed, walking around the small space. "No wonder Lino went on about how cool this place was. This view is amazing. Do you come up here a lot?"

Angela sat down on the blanket with a sigh, remembering the nights she'd spent up there smoking with Juice. They'd spend hours up there talking about the most inane shit, just enjoying each other's company. Once they'd even stayed out there long enough to watch the sunrise without even realizing how long they'd been up there. She missed those nights. "I used to."

She must've sounded just as sad as she felt because Vanessa grimaced. "Shit. Sorry. I didn't mean to..."

"No, no. I um…Raj didn't like coming up here. Said it was a waste of his time. It was my...my best friend and I used to come up here all the time, though," she explained, looking down at the joint in her hand. "He's gone now, too. Not dead, just…not here. Got into some shit and had to move back to California."

"Yeah, Lino mentioned him. Juice, right?" Vanessa asked. Angela nodded, a little shocked Lino would mention him to her. "He seemed to think very highly of him."

"Oh. Yeah. He um...he's a great guy," she muttered, lighting up the joint and putting it to her lips. She sucked in a long toke and let out the air smoothly before handing it to Vanessa. Her fight with Raj was on her mind, weighing on her shoulders like a dumbbell. She hadn't told a soul about it and was a little afraid to. Her phone buzzed in her pocket. She had a feeling it was Esai. Again. Much to her surprise, when she pulled it out, it was Juice's number that flashed across it. "Speak of the devil."

"Answer it! I'll go back down and help Lino," Vanessa said eagerly. At Angela's hesitance, she rolled her eyes. "You should talk to him. If he's as great as Lino says, he might help you feel better."

Angela nodded, looking down at the phone. With a sigh, she answered it and put it to her ear. "Hey you," she greeted, feeling a lump form in her throat. Vanessa handed her the joint back, leaning over to kiss her forehead sweetly before disappearing out the door.

"Hey Angel," he replied sounding relieved. "How are you?"

She felt a sob catch in her throat at just the sound of his voice. "Fine," she managed to get out. Her hands shook as she brought the joint to her lips and took a toke. The weed didn't do much to calm her down like she wished it would.

"You sure?"

She pulled up her knees to her chest, setting the joint down in the ashtray that was always on the roof. "No," she sniffed, wiping at her eyes. "How are you?"

"Better than you. Wish I could be there," he said on a sigh. "What the hell happened? Why didn't you call me?"

Angela felt a pressure in her chest, another sob threatening to escape her hold. "I um...I don't know. Raj died, and I...I had so much to do for him, and then there was nothing and everything was just...empty."

"Why didn't you call me?" he repeated, sounding a little hurt.

Because we fought about you minutes before he died, she thought. She didn't know what to say, though. She certainly couldn't tell him that. "I didn't call anyone," she dodged, grabbing the joint again.

"I'm not just anyone."

That's the problem, she thought again. "Juice..."

"Raj was my friend, Angel," he interjected, a little anger in his tone. "You shoulda told me."

"Why? It's not like you could do anything about it from the other side of the country," she shot back feeling a little angry herself.

"I woulda sent Hap and Koz to you!"

"Oh yeah? Where are they then? If that's what you would have done then why aren't they here? Why haven't they even called?" she asked, surprised at her own outburst. She hadn't realized how hurt she was that the two men she considered family hadn't called her.

"We didn't know! You didn't tell us! What the fuck were we supposed to do? Read your mind!?"

"I don't know!" she exclaimed, wishing she'd never answered the damn phone. He certainly wasn't making her feel any better. "But sending Ham over to check in on me was real fucked up! I would've thought someone would've called me eventually! It took weeks!"

"I did! I called, and you never fuckin' answered! I can't speak for Hap and Koz, but I called!"

Angela hung her head; she'd seen his missed calls while she was busy making funeral arrangements. They'd fought before she left Oakland, and he'd kept his distance, clearly waiting for her to make the first move. When she hadn't, he'd decided to call her, and she'd ignored him like an asshole. Hadn't even told him his friend had died because she was neck deep in her own pain. She let the sob that had been stuck in her throat escape as she hung her head. "I'm sorry," she whispered, hating herself just a little. "I'm so sorry."

"Angel," his tone was softer now, sweeter. "Don't, Angel. Don't be sorry. I just...I just want to be there for you. Don't push me away, please."

"I'm sorry."

"Stop...sayin' that," he pleaded, and she could've sworn she'd heard him sniffle a bit. "God, I wish I could be there with you."

Angela wiped at her eyes, nodding slowly. Despite the way she'd fought with Raj about him, she wished he was there with her. It would've been nice to have him to lean on, to hold her. "Yeah, me too."

"I um...I got a good story for you," he offered, trying to change the subject. "You're gonna laugh your ass off."

God, she needed a laugh. "What happened?"

She listened as he launched into some ridiculous story about how he'd been helping her Aunt cook when he fell asleep standing up and burned whatever he was cooking. Apparently, she'd gotten so mad she smacked him with a wooden spoon. "And that lady hits hard," he ended in disbelief. "Felt like I had a welt there for days."

Angela giggled, she couldn't help herself. She knew exactly how hard Elena could hit with that wooden spoon when she was mad. She'd been hit with it many times growing up. "Goof. How tired do you have to be to fall asleep standing up?'

"I dunno. This prospecting thing is no joke. They had me up all night once just cleaning up their shit. I swear all I do is clean and bartend. Its pretty fuckin' gross," he explained, and she could just picture him wrinkling his nose. "Can't wait for them to start trustin' me a little more so I can actually do some cool shit."

Her smile faded as a sense of dread filled her. "Don't get so excited. 'Cool shit' is what sent you over there in the first place. If you have to run from Charming, I don't got another place for you to go."

"Nah, don't worry, Angel. I'll be good." He sighed softly. "So...you're almost done with school, right? Couple months?"

"Three," she answered, cringing when she realized she'd missed a few classes. "I um…when you left, I kinda…decided to graduate early since I had a little more time. I mean I was s'posed to, but I skipped a couple classes, so hopefully they'll let me make it up somehow."

"They will. I know it. And then what?"

Angela hadn't really thought that far. Raj had already planned out their future. She was going to graduate and he was going to take the bar and go to law school. She was sure the funeral home she was apprenticing with would ask her on full time, so she'd be employed already. She'd work there, and he'd go to law school and when he was done, he'd help her buy her own funeral home, and they'd live happily ever after. Now that he was gone, all those plans went with him. The feeling of loneliness and helplessness was a little overwhelming. "I dunno. Guess my future plans died with Raj."

"Don't talk like that. You can still do whatever your plans were with him without him," he assured her, his tone sad. "You know that."

"Yeah," she answered, flicking the ash off the joint in her hand. She sniffled a bit, letting out a long sigh. "Maybe I'll head home. There's nothin' for me here anymore. Just gotta make sure I got some work lined up for me over there first, I guess."

"Yeah?" Juice asked, sounding a little too excited. "I can start askin' around if you want. There's a funeral home here in town that's a total shithole. Bet you could help turn it into somethin' good."

"Maybe," she mused, though she didn't want him to do her any favors by getting her a job in Charming. She did want to go home though. Had wanted to since before Raj had died. It's what started their fight to begin with; she hadn't want to stay in New York for the rest of her life, and he had. Now was her golden opportunity to do what she wanted. She raked a hand through her hair, a little surprised by its shorter length. It took her a minute to remember what she'd done. Thank God, Nessa knew how to cut hair. "I um...I cut my hair. Thought I'd tell you before shocking you when I visit next like someone I know."

He chuckled. "Yeah? You get a mohawk too?"

"Nah, but I think it's the shortest I've ever had it," she admitted, playing with the ends. The door opened and Lino and Vanessa stepped out onto the roof. Lino scowled at her, reaching over and taking the joint out of her hand before heading to the other side of the roof. "It's super weird."

"I'm sure you look great, Angel. You always do."

That familiar fluttering sensation filled her, and she found herself blushing at his kind words. "Thanks."

"Yeah," he replied awkwardly. She heard someone call his name in the background and frowned; she knew what came next. "Angel, I gotta go."

"I know. Thanks for calling."

"Don't thank me," he said on a scoff. "Wish you woulda picked up earlier. I...I miss you. 'm sorry we had that stupid fight 'n' that you don't approve of what I'm doin', but...I don't want to lose you. Ever."

Angela felt tears sting her eyes as she let out a shaky breath. She wasn't mad at him for prospecting, not anymore. She was more worried about him than anything. She just didn't want to lose him. "Miss you too," she admitted softly. "You don't have to be sorry. It's...it's all good."

"Can I call you tomorrow?"

"You don't have to ask for permission, goof. I'll be here."

Juice let out a sigh of relief. "Good. I'll talk to you soon, Angel."

She said her goodbye and then hung up the phone, setting it the side and letting out a sigh of relief. Vanessa had been right, talking to him had made her feel better, though guilt still lingered like a bad taste in her mouth. She couldn't stop going back to the fight she'd had with Raj. To the way he'd accused her of having feelings for Juice. She ran a hand over her face, sighing softy. Raj hadn't been wrong, she did have feelings for him, but they were complicated and confusing. This whole situation was so fucked up.

Her phone screen lit up. Another text from Esai. She laughed in disbelief. How had her life get so fucking messy? First Juice got run out of New York, then Raj died, and then Esai decided to insert himself back in her life as if he'd never left it. If she moved back to California, there was no doubt in her mind Esai would be the first one to ask her out. She just had to be smart enough to keep him away.

Juice hung up the phone and let out a long breath. That conversation had been one hell of a roller coaster, a testament to Angela's unstable frame of mind. He leaned back in his chair, rubbing his hands over the strip of hair down his scalp as his mind went over the conversation. She'd sounded so sad, so heartbroken, and there was fuck all he could do about it. He looked over his shoulder to see Kozik waking towards him; he was the one who'd been calling him to begin with. Kozik raised an eyebrow at him and asked, "Who kicked your puppy?"

"Just got off the phone with Ang," Juice answered on a frown. He rubbed at his forehead a bit. "She's a mess."

"Shit," he swore in response, messing with his hair. "How bad?"

"Pretty fuckin' bad," he replied bluntly. "Why haven't you or Hap called her? She's...she was really upset about that."

Kozik grimaced, shoving his hands into his pockets. "I um...we don't talk like that. Hap and I let her be out there. That's what she wanted."

"Not for shit like this," Juice said on a scowl. "She needs family. I get Hap doesn't do the touchy feely shit, but he shoulda called her. Just to check in."

"That what she said?"

"She didn't need to! She was feelin' fuckin' abandoned all alone out there! At least Lino is there now, so she's not alone but from what he said, she was a total mess when he got there. I mean, she coulda..." he trailed off; the idea of losing her made it hard for him to breathe. "She coulda ended up six feet under with him, and we wouldn't even have known."

Kozik cursed softly. "I'll call her, I guess. See if I can get Hap to too."

Juice felt relieved as he nodded. "Good, I think she needs that. I think she needs to know she's not alone."

"That's what we sent that Leo kid over there for," he dismissed with a wave of his hand.

"You and Hap are a little different then Lino."

Kozik smirked, puffing out his chest a bit with pride. "Guess so."

Juice fought the urge to roll his eyes at him. He messed with the phone in his hand; he'd ended his phone call with Angela for this? A stupid conversation with Kozik? "Did you...need somethin'?"

"Yeah. Shit, yeah," he muttered, digging into the pocket of his cut for a moment. He handed him the keys to his bike. "Clean it, will ya? We're headin' out for the run in two hours, and I want my baby to shine."

He grit his teeth tightly, his hand forming a fist around the key. Most times, he didn't mind his prospect duties; they gave him something to do and most of the time it was computer shit anyway. He liked doing the hacking. Today, when he'd finally gotten to talk to Angela, and stupid shit like Kozik's bike interfered with it, he found he resented the duties. He was over this hazing shit. He wanted his damn top rocker already.

At least he'd gotten to talk to Angela for a few minutes, though. He hoped she would move back. Maybe then, he could finally get his chance to be with her. He hated that Raj had to die for him to get his chance, hated that the thought even crossed his mind so soon after it happened, but Raj was gone now. She couldn't mourn him forever. And he could help her move on. He just hoped she felt the same way, that she wanted him as much as he still wanted her.

Kozik stared at his phone, frowning at his own reflection in the screen. He knew he should've called Angela earlier. Knew the kid needed him. A part of him felt too weak to do so, though. He didn't want to hear her cry knowing there was nothing he could do to help her from the other side of the country. But Juice was right; she needed him. Needed Hap. Her family. It was small family, but they supported each other in all ways. He knew he wasn't actually a blood relative, but Hap's family never treated him any differently. They'd accepted him with open arms since the moment he'd stepped into their house almost ten years before. He and Hap had started prospecting together and for some reason, Hap had decided to invite him over for dinner. Angela had been just a kid then and cute as hell, running around them and asking them all sorts of questions. Just happy to be in their presence.

He and Hap were a good team when it came to Angela too. Hap was good at giving her tough love, and he was good at softening it up a bit. Letting her be weak just a little and then encouraging her to be stronger. In return, she'd helped him kick a nasty drug habit. He'd needed her help then, and now, she needed his. Taking a deep breath, he dialed her number.

It took her a minute to answer making him wonder if she was screening her calls. "Hello?" her voice came on the phone. She sounded tired and a little sad.

"Hey Angie-pie. How you doin', kiddo?" he greeted, trying to sound as happy as he could.

She chuckled softly. "Lemme guess. You talked to Juice."

Kozik hated that she was right, that it took the prospect to get him to call her. He should've done it the second he'd found out about Raj. "Yeah, but I was just givin' you space. Y'know how much I love you. Me 'n' Hap woulda been there in a heartbeat if we could. Just got a lot of club shit goin' on."

"I know. I get it," she replied, though her tone told him she wasn't thrilled about it.

"Well...how are you?"

Angela sighed softly, raking a hand through her hair. "I was...really bad for awhile. Think I just felt...alone. Then Lino came, and...he kinda woke me up. I'm still not...one hundred percent, but I'm better."

"Good, good. I'm...glad to hear that." He paused for a moment, running his hand through his hair. Something didn't feel right. Their conversation was stilted and awkward. He'd never had that problem with her before. Usually she talked his ear off. They must've really hurt her feelings by not calling her after they found out about Raj. "Shit. I'm sorry, kid. We shoulda been there for you from day one. Dunno what we were thinking. The second Ham called, we shoulda gone out there. I'm gonna see if I can get out of this run and head over there. Might take me awhile since I can't fly, but I'll get there eventually. Help you out."

"No, no. Don't. I'm okay. I have Lino, and he brought his girlfriend over, so I've got all the company I need right now," she assured him on a sigh. "Thanks though."

"Yeah. 'course, kid. You know we're here for you," he said, though his and Hap's actions clearly didn't support that. "Anything you need."

Angela sighed again, a heavier sigh. "I need...I need someone to tell me what to do now," she replied honestly. "I just...Raj had this whole wonderful life planned for when I graduated and he's gone and I graduate in three months. What the fuck do I do now?"

"Come home. Juicer's waitin' on you. Think he'd be real excited to get you home," he teased, grinning to himself. He knew the two had feelings for each other. It didn't take a rocket scientist to figure that one out. There was a long pause before he heard her breath catch in her throat. Had he upset her somehow? "I'm only teasin', kid. Don't get upset. You don't have to move on until you're ready."

"No, no, it's not...it's not that," she said, sniffling a bit. "It's that...you know what? It's nothing. I'm just in a weird head space right now. Think I'm really high."

Kozik ran a hand through his hair; as much as he wanted to let that one slide, he knew there was something weighing on her. "Spit it out. I don't give a shit if you're high and tell me purple aliens told you to stay away. Just say it so you can get it off your chest."

She chuckled sadly. "I um...I haven't told anyone this yet. I didn't want to tell Lee or Ness. I don't want to see that...that pity on their faces anymore," she started, and he could picture her messing with her rings. "That night Raj got hit...he um...he wasn't coming to meet me at the diner for...for dinner. He...we had a fight. A big one. I um...I told him I wanted to move back to California eventually."

"Yeah. And?"

"He said...he said the reason I wanted to come back so badly was 'cause of Juice. Said that I...I loved him," she admitted, her breath catching in her throat. "I told him he was crazy. That I didn't...I didn't love Juice. Told Raj that I loved him and that I just wanted to be with him. He kept pushing it, so I left. I walked out of the place to get away from him, to blow off steam. Went to my spot. A diner nearby that...Juice and I used to go. A lot."

God, he could see where this was going. No wonder she'd had such a bad reaction when he'd teased her about Juice. "Shit."

"Raj was...he followed me. Of course he did, right?" she said on another sad chuckle. She sniffled a bit before taking a breath and continuing, "He was such a great guy, and he wanted to apologize, and he left this long, sweet message as he was getting to the crosswalk about how he knew I loved him and Juice didn't matter and then..."

"He got plowed down by some dumbass."

"Yeah," she rasped. "And every time someone brings up me and Juice, I feel this immense guilt because if it hadn't been for Juice, I wouldn't have gotten angry and walked out. I would've stayed there and talked to him. Discussed our future and moving back home like an adult, but I didn't. I got so angry and I did the most immature thing and walked out. Which I hate doing, but for some reason, when it came to fighting with Raj, I just walked away. Both times it was because of Juice too! The first time was because Raj told me he didn't think we could come home for Christmas, and I was mad I wouldn't get to see you guys and him. Then this time...I did the same thing. Which I never do! You know me, Koz! I fight my battles! I don't run away!"

Kozik grimaced. No wonder this was hitting her so hard; she blamed herself. "Jesus, kid. Why'd you leave then?"

Another long pause followed. For a moment, he thought she'd hung up the phone. Then he heard her take a shaky breath before she answered, "Because he was right. He was right, but also wrong because I loved him too. So much. How can I love them both? It doesn't make any sense."

He cursed softly, surprised she even admitted it. "I dunno. I can't...I don't have any experience with that shit. I just...they're two really different guys that you probably loved for very different reasons. Maybe that's why you could love them both at the same time."

"Maybe."

"This isn't your fault, kiddo. He was the one that brought Juice into it. Sounds like you were fighting about somethin' else, and he deflected," he told her honestly. "And then you deflected by leaving 'cause you sure as hell didn't want to admit he was right. Yeah, he went out there to follow you, but you said this had happened before with no problem. Him getting hit with that car? Nothin' to do with you. Coulda happened to him at any time on any street. Yeah, it sucks that it happened under these circumstances, but when it's your time to go, its your time to go. You should know that more than anyone, undertaker."

Angela sniffled a bit, a clear indication she was crying. He hated to hear her cry. "I dunno, Kozi."

Kozik sighed, walking out of the clubhouse. He spotted Juice working on cleaning his bike and smirked. "I do. Let it go, Angie. It ain't on you, kid. Let it go," he advised, hoping she'd listen to him for once. "Come home. No pressure on moving on, but at least come home. Hap 'n' I will find you a place to work, no problem. As for Juicer? Think he'll be just as happy bein' your friend. Poor idiot needs all the friends he can get right now. Bein' a prospect ain't easy."

"Be nice," she chastised on a laugh. "I know he's a prospect, but I hope you're not beating the shit outta him. He's a good guy."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," he said, waving her off even though she couldn't see him. "We're takin' care a him. Don't worry about it."

Angela sighed again, a happier, relieved sound. "Thanks for callin', Kozi. Miss you and Hap."

"We miss you too. Love you, kiddo. Stay strong over there. You're not alone. Got a whole bunch of people who love you over here. Come home. You don't gotta be alone. You know that, right?"

"Yeah," she murmured, sniffling again. "Think I lost sight of that for a bit. Love you too, Kozi. You and Hap. Tell him I'm gonna call his Ma soon, so he doesn't have to worry about that."

Kozik chuckled; she knew Hap too well. "All right, will do. Take care of yourself. Call me if you need anythin'. No more going silent on us, okay? Don't make me send Ham over there again. Think you traumatized the poor guy."

"Yeah, I feel a little bad about that, but...he was not helpful," she said on a laugh. "I gotta go, Kozi. Lee and Nessa just got back from their walk with a ginormous cheesecake, and I'm about to eat the whole damn thing."

"Munchies goin' strong, huh?"

"Maybe."

"Good. Eat everything. Eat two!" he exclaimed before saying his goodbyes and hanging up the phone. He headed over to where Juice was polishing his bike with a big grin. "Just got off the phone with our girl."

A light blush colored his cheeks as it usually did when he mentioned Angela. "Oh yeah? She sounds messy, huh?"

"Yeah, but I think I convinced her to move home soon," he told him with a proud smile. "So get your act together and move the hell out of Elena and Graci's house. She'll need her room back there."

The smile that spread across Juice's face could've lit a dark room. His smile just reaffirmed Kozik's belief that Juice was the right guy for her. The guy not only cared so deeply about her that he was willing to go up against one of his patched brothers, but he looked happy as hell to hear she was going to come back. That was the kind of guy Angela needed. "Roger that," Juice said, trying to diminish his smile. "How's the bike look?"

Kozik's motorcycle was practically sparkling. It frankly looked better than it had when he'd first bought it. He didn't say that, though. Instead, he put his fingers on the body, grimacing when he moved them and saw his own fingerprints. He pointed to them, fighting against a grin as he said, "Missed a spot."

A bit of a filler but I swear it's for a reason! 😉
Let me know what you think!
💙

~Love Ink