Disclaimer: I own nothing but my own OCs and storylines

She Will Be Loved

Chapter 19: Doubt

By Love Ink

Juice sat at the picnic table outside of the clubhouse eating lunch with Chibs and Jax. They both had sandwiches Gemma prepared for them, while he still had the leftover food Elena had sent home with Angela from the dinner he'd missed the night before. He'd heated it up in the small, stinky microwave inside the clubhouse, and it tasted just as good as it had the night before. Made him think of Angela. She'd already been living with him for a week now, and he was enjoying every minute of it. He wondered how her day was going and hoped they let him off early enough to go pick her up. She still didn't have a car, and while he'd been trying to find a good one that had been repo'd to buy her, he hadn't found one he liked just yet.

"Smells good. Hap's Ma make it for you?" Chibs asked, biting into his sandwich.

Juice nodded, taking a big bite. "Hap's cousin came home, so his Ma's been cookin' her favorite foods almost every night for her. She brought some home for me last night since I missed dinner."

"Ah. The lovely girl who saved yer ass is finally home," Chibs commented with a wistful grin. "We gonna meet this lass anytime soon?"

"Yeah. Think she's comin' to the party tonight."

Jax leaned forward, intrigued. "Oh yeah? She hot?"

Juice clenched his jaw; he really didn't want to answer that question. Thankfully Chibs intervened. "You don't want to go there, Jackie. Juicey boy here is in love. Think you'd break his heart."

Jax smirked, leaning back with a cocky grin on his face. "That so? You ever do anythin' with her?"

He scowled, shaking his head at both of them. "I'm not…in love. I just…like her a lot. And no, she's always had a boyfriend," he answered honestly, pushing his food around the little Tupperware container. "This is the first time she's been single. She's actually stayin' at my place too. For now."

"Damn. You think she likes you too?"

"I dunno," he replied on a shrug. "Never asked. Probably not, but it won't hurt to try, right?"

Both of the other club members nodded. Jax looked deep in thought for a moment before he cleared his throat. "Y'know what you should do?" he started, waiting for Juice to raise his eyebrows before continuing, "See if you can make her jealous. At the party tomorrow, let her see the Croweaters flirtin' with you, you flirtin' back. See how she reacts. Makes you look wanted. Girls like that."

Chibs didn't look so sure. He shook his head. "Don't think so. I say, you want this girl, best thing you can do is tell 'er."

Jax scowled at him. "That's old school. You gotta make her come to you! 's always worked for me!"

Juice looked between them as they continued to argue, his head spinning. He'd been so busy with the club, he hadn't considered how to tell Angela about his feelings for her. How to make that next step. He wanted her so much, but how the hell was he supposed to tell her he wanted to be more than friends? What if she didn't want that? What if it ruined their friendship? What if he told her he loved her, she rejected him, and then they had to awkwardly continue living together? What if she left him, stopped talking to him all together? He couldn't handle that. He didn't want to lose her. He couldn't. He felt a little sick to his stomach as he considered both options. Chibs' suggestion was scary as shit. There were way too many ways it could go wrong. Jax's on the other hand…maybe if he flirted, he could gauge whether she was jealous or not, and he'd have a better idea of what her feelings were, so he didn't make an ass out of himself. "I dunno. Dunno what to do."

"I'm tellin' ya, Juice. Get her jealous, then go to her. Make sure she knows she's the one you want. It'll make her feel special. Hasn't failed me yet," Jax said with a cocky shrug.

Chib didn't look quite so sure. "Just follow yer gut, Juicy," he advised, slapping him on the back. "Just careful not to hurt her. She's got Hap and Koz wrapped around her little finger 'n' they'll kill you."

Juice groaned, running a hand over his head. "Don't remind me."

After her first week at work, Angela was exhausted. Dubrowski's funeral home was old, outdated, and dirty. The owner, Skeeter, an older guy with a serious gambling problem had been overeager to have someone help him out especially since he'd inherited the place from his father and had little to no training. It didn't matter much in such a small town, but Angela could see things that were not up to code. If someone came by to check on them, they'd be in serious shit. She'd spent the majority of the week cleaning up every room. The fridge was disgusting as was the crematorium, not to mention the prep room. She'd ordered a ton of supplies to update the place too. Skeeter, shockingly, was game for it. She had to admit she loved the place. Loved that Skeeter seemed open to her suggestions and willing to fund certain things she wanted. He was just thrilled to have help.

She sat outside Dubrowski's, patiently waiting for someone to pick her up. It was within walking distance of Juice's place, but Hap and Koz had been stopping by to give her a ride home, or at least sending Juice to pick her up. Hap was working on getting her a new car, but in the meantime, she didn't mind hitching a ride with one of the guys. She actually looked forward to it.

The sound of a Harley neared, and she smiled slinging her backpack over her shoulder. She felt like a kid getting picked up from school. Her mind went back to the many memories of Happy and her Uncle Chico swinging by her elementary school to pick her up, their Harleys glistening in the sun. Her friends and schoolmates would go nuts. She'd loved that as a kid. She still loved it. The sound of those Harleys and riding on them always made her feel untouchable. It didn't matter who she was riding with, she loved that feeling. Craved the adrenaline rush.

It was Kozik who pulled in front of her this time. A wide grin on his face as he stopped, grabbing the extra helmet from his bitch seat and holding it out to her. "How's it goin', kiddo?" he asked, waiting for her to put the helmet on.

"Good! Long day! I'm starving," she exclaimed, getting onto the back of the bike. "There a pizza place around here?"

"Gonna pale in comparison to New York," he told her on a chuckle.

Angela shook her head. "Nah, get me some a that California shit with the healthy crap on top."

He laughed, shaking his head at her as he started his bike. "God, I missed you."

They arrived at a small hole-in-the wall pizzeria tucked between two random shops in Charming. If you blinked, you'd miss it. It smelled heavenly, though. Kozik grabbed a small table in the corner, making sure to angle himself so he could see the door as he always did. They ordered some weirdo pizza with white sauce, artichoke, and garlic on top that Kozik swore would be the best thing she'd ever tasted.

"So, how was your first week with Juicer?" he asked, leaning back in his chair and draping an arm over the empty chair beside him. "You two been havin' fun?"

Angela rolled her eyes but nodded. "Yeah. Its been nice catching up. When he's home, that is."

"He missed you."

"He told me."

"You missed him."

She bobbed her head slowly, sliding the salt shaker back and forth between her hands. "Yep."

"What happened?"

Angela thought back to the moment she'd woken up next to Juice. The guilt she'd felt when she realized all she'd wanted to do was go back to sleep curled up next to him. "I dunno, Koz. I just...that first night we fell asleep, and I woke up...with his arm around me and my head on his chest, and I...it felt safe. Good. I...I didn't want to..."

"Leave? You liked bein' cuddled up on him, huh?" Kozik asked, the biggest smile on his face.

"I did, and we've had these little moments throughout the week that just...give me those stupid butterflies. But then I start thinkin' about Raj and I think about how we fought about my feelings for Juice right before he died, and basically if we hadn't fought, he'd still be alive, so I..."

He scoffed, rolling his eyes at her dramatically. "You gotta let that go, kid. Raj is dead," he stated bluntly. "He's not comin' back. And I didn't know him well, but I know that he'd want you to be happy. If Juice makes you happy, fuckin' go for it. Feelin' guilty about it, keeping yourself from relationships, that ain't gonna bring him back."

Angela nodded slowly. "I know. I just...its kinda soon, isn't it?"

"Nah. Stop making excuses. You deserve to be happy. Go after what you want, 'cause that boy ain't gonna wait around forever. He's got Croweaters just waiting for him to get his top rocker so they can pounce. Best get at him while he's a prospect. Hook him early."

She wrinkled her nose, hating the image of Juice with a Croweater. "He wouldn't want one of them. Would he?"

"If he doesn't think he can have you, he just might," Kozik stated on a shrug, thanking the waitress as she set the pizza in front of them. He winked at her, and her cheeks turned scarlet as she quickly scuttled away. "He wants you. It's painfully obvious. You like him. Put all your guilt and shit behind you and move on. You have to move on. You're too pretty to be an old maid."

Angela sighed in response; she knew he was right. "So what do I do?"

"I dunno. You're comin' to that club party tonight, aren't you? Make a move then. What do you got to lose?"

"His friendship?"

Kozik snorted, shaking his head at her. "That's dumb. You got enough friends, anyway."

She laughed, taking a big bite of the pizza. The mix of garlic, white sauce, and artichokes was pretty damn delicious. "This is actually hella good."

"Told you," he shot back around a mouthful of food. "See? I know what I'm talkin' about. You should listen to me more often about more stuff."

"Shut up, Kozi," she said on a laugh.

"Just do it. Will ya, kid? Take some shots and then take your shot. It'll be good for you. Help you move on and heal a bit."

Angela sighed again, raking a hand through her hair. He was right. She had to take her chance, or she'd regret it. Still, it didn't feel quite right to jump from Raj to Juice so quickly. She didn't want Juice to be just a rebound or someone she used to help her move on. She wanted more than that. Taking in a deep breath, she nodded. "Fuck it. I'm just gonna...do it. Whole hog. Just tell him I like him and see what the hell happens."

Kozik grinned at her, holding up his fist for her to bump. "That's my girl."

Juice hadn't been able to go home to get changed before the party; he'd been forced to stay at the garage for clean-up duty. Thankfully, he had started leaving a change of clothes in his locker to change into after long days. He showered and was immediately shoved towards the clubhouse bar to start prepping for the night.

It was Founder's Day which meant brothers from all across the country were coming to celebrate the club. The clubhouse was packed with people. Scantily dressed sweetbutts meandering around, flirting with the boys as they usually did. There were more than usual. Juice figured some of them came down with the visiting charters. He looked for Angela through the masses, but he hadn't spotted her yet. His guess was she was riding in with Kozik since Happy was already there.

He was busy pouring a shot of Jameson for Chibs when she walked in. His heart stopped in his chest when he saw her. She looked absolutely stunning in a black halter top with a deep v-neck and very, very tight blue jeans with some heeled boots. Her hair was a mess of waves, make up done just right, lips painted a dark berry color he knew was called Burning Love.

"Easy, easy, brother!" Chibs exclaimed, pulling him out of his head. He looked down and noticed he'd gotten so distracted, he'd overfilled the shot glass. "Close your mouth and look at what yer doin'."

He hadn't realized he'd been staring at her, slack-jawed until Chibs had mentioned it. "Shit! Sorry, sorry," he cursed, his cheeks heating up in a blush as he quickly wiped down the bar. He glanced back towards Angela again; he couldn't take his eyes off of her.

Chibs followed his glance, a large smile spreading across his scarred face. "That her, then?"

Juice nodded, unable to say anything else. She was coming closer, a big smile on her face. He noticed she was wearing a little black, velvet choker above her usual silver necklace with the flower charm. He wanted to bite the necklace, scrape his teeth against the smooth skin of her neck. Swallowing hard, he tried to stop those thoughts from going farther before he had a serious situation going on in his pants. "H-hey Angel," he stammered, wishing he could jump over the bar, wrap his arms around her, and kiss her until she couldn't breathe.

Her smile grew even bigger. "Hey you," she replied, leaning over the bar. "You bartending tonight?"

He hesitated to which Chibs smirked. "Not all night, love. Just for now," the Scot said before extending a hand. "Name's Chibs. I'm his sponsor."

"Angela," she replied, putting her hand in his. "Nice to meet you. Hope you're takin' good care of him."

"Doin' my best, love," he said on a nod. "What brings ye over to this place? 'sides Juicy, a course."

"I'm the new undertaker over at Dubrowski's."

"No shite."

"I'm also Happy's cousin," she told him with a smirk. "But you knew that already."

Chibs grinned back at her, letting out a loud laugh. "Smart one, isn't she? I like her."

Juice felt a little proud that Chibs seemed to approve of her. "She's a good one," he agreed, feeling his heart skip a beat when she laughed. "Tequila on ice?"

"You know it." Angela nodded, her dark eyes sparkling as she leaned over the bar giving him a great view of her cleavage. He grabbed the best tequila they had, some ice, poured it in the glass, and squeezed in a lime. After knowing her for so many years, he knew exactly how she liked it. She took a sip and sighed happily. "Perfect."

"Tequila on ice. Like ye even more now," Chibs said, tipping his own glass at her. She clinked it against his with a smile. He leaned into her conspiratorially. "Now, tell me how ye met this rascal."

Angela laughed, the sound of it making Juice's heart skip a beat. Then, she launched into the story of how they met. Juice loved listening to her, watching the animated way she talked with her hands. Chibs was eating up every word, a huge grin on his face. He re-filled her glass just as she finished the story.

" 'ey! Prospect! Bring me a beer!" someone called from across the room.

Juice grimaced. "That's my cue. Be right back, Angel."

He grabbed a couple beers and headed towards the voice, not thinking twice about leaving Chibs with Angela. He ran around for what felt like hours, doing everything his brothers ordered him to. The next time he got to check on Angela, his heart sunk in his chest. She was talking to Jax. And smiling. "Shit," he muttered under his breath. Was Angela going to be charmed by Jax in the way it seemed most women were…or at least, in the way Jax claimed most women were? He had to catch her eye again, get her attention, or he might just lose her to Jax.

Angela watched Juice as he moved through the clubhouse, handing out beers and talking with his brothers as any good prospect would. Her stomach was churning; this was going to be the night she told him about her feelings for him. She'd tell him and let the chips fall where they may. Leaning against the bar, she watched him work the room in mild amusement. He was enjoying every minute of it, which made her smile until her view was blocked by a guy in a cut. Her eyes travelled from the patches on his chest up to his face. She'd seen him a couple of times, walking around the clubhouse with a certain strut as if he thought he was hot shit with his shoulder-length blonde hair and blue eyes. "Hey. You're Hap's cousin, right?" he asked, a smooth smile on his face.

"Angela," she introduced herself as she nodded.

His blue eyes raked over her appreciatively in a way that made her uncomfortable. This guy was trying way too hard, she thought. "Jax," he replied.

"Nice to meet you, Jax," she said with a smile. As flattered as she was to receive his attention, she wasn't interested in him. Blondes weren't her type. Plus, she had her sights set on Juice.

"Heard you came over from New York. How you likin' the big move? Big Apple's is a long way away from California," he said, leaning against the bar next to her.

Angela smirked, taking a sip of her drink. "I grew up in California. I was only in New York for school, so actually, I just came home."

He looked surprised for a moment; clearly, she'd knocked him off his game. "Shit, really? Where's Hap been hidin' you?"

"Oakland," she answered simply. Her eyes back on Juice, following his every move.

"No shit."

"Yep. Are you from Charming?" she asked, trying to be friendly.

Jax nodded slowly. "Born and bred."

"Lucky you," she drawled sarcastically. She spotted Juice with a Croweater leaning against him, her long, bright pink nails on his chest. He was leaning into her, a huge grin on his face. Angela's heart dropped in her chest, and she fought the urge to grimace. Instead, she took another long drink of tequila, ignoring the way it burned down her throat.

Jax's eyes followed her gaze, a smirk spreading across his face. "Juice, huh? He's a favorite around here. You meet him yet?"

A small stab of pain hit Angela's heart. Had Juice not told anyone but his sponsor about her? Was she stupid for expecting he would? Could he be hiding her to make himself seem more available? Maybe he didn't care about her as much as she thought he did. "Oh um. Yeah. I've...I met him back in New York. We've been friends for...for years."

He raised his eyebrows in surprise. "No shit? Were you guys...together?"

Angela felt a blush heat up her cheeks as she tucked a stray hair behind her ear. "No. No we were...just friends."

"That's shocking. Dude's a total pussy magnet," he stated, nodding over to where not one but two Croweaters were draping themselves over Juice now. She didn't know how to respond to that. Instead, she stared down at the liquid in her glass. Maybe she had misread the situation. Maybe Juice wasn't into after all, and she'd missed her chance. She'd been with Esai through his prospecting year with the Mayans. Had seen the way it changed him. Could the cut have changed Juice too? Looking over at him now, she just caught one Croweater laying a kiss on his lips, the other one's hand at his belt. The sight was a confirmation to her fear. The Juice she knew and loved wasn't some man-whore who let girls grope him in public places. He was kind and sweet, respectful. Had he changed so much? Jax chuckled, shaking his head. "Looks like he's getting lucky again tonight, the bastard. I dunno what he does, but he's got 'em all hooked. He's got a new girl every night."

Was that why he hasn't been home until late the days before? Why he'd missed out on dinner at her Aunt's place? Was he busy fucking the sweetbutts? That lonely feeling she'd had during the weeks after Raj died suddenly filled her again. She didn't know where it came from or why it had come on so strong, but she found herself fighting to catch her breath. "Yeah. Lucky him," she managed to say, downing the rest of her drink and slamming the glass on the counter. "Excuse me. I need some air."

She pushed her way through the masses towards the front door and outside. Taking in deep breaths of air, she raked her hands through her hair and cursed softly. What had she been thinking? Did she really believe Juice was going to wait for her after all this time? God, she was an egotistical moron. Of course he would move on. He was young, handsome, and now had girls throwing themselves at him. Why would he wait for her? Especially when just a few months before she'd been in a committed relationship that he knew was heading straight to marriage. What the hell was wrong with her?

Her phone buzzed in her pocket, and she pulled it out, secretly hoping it was Juice asking where she was. It wasn't. Rosa, her best friend from high school, had been on her ass about meeting up. She'd wanted to go out clubbing, but Angela had told her to reschedule so she could go to the SAMCRO party instead. A party she really only went to for Juice who was currently preoccupied leaving her to fend for herself against the other Sons. She really didn't want to go back in there and watch Juice carry on with the sweetbutts. She'd rather pour bleach in her eyeballs. She needed to clear her mind, needed something to make her forget what she'd just seen, make her feel less lonely.
A night out with Rosa and her old high school crew sounded like a perfect way to let loose a little.

Her phone buzzed again. A text from Lino this time offering to come pick her up and drive her back to Oakland so they all could party together. He'd even offered up a spot on his couch for her to crash, so she wouldn't have to worry about getting all the way home to Charming. Angela grinned, texting him Juice's address. He lived within walking distance of the clubhouse, so she started heading in that direction at a quick pace, already planning on her outfit change on the way over. She was going to let loose and go all out to forget Raj, forget Juice, and just have fun.


Looks like Juice made a bit of a mistake in following Jax's advice...

Angela's also kind of a hot mess right now and not thinking very clearly...
Not a great combo.

Let me know what you think!
~Love Ink