Disclaimer: I own nothing but my own OCs and storylines…

She Will Be Loved

Chapter 23: A Hard Place

By Love Ink

Angela keep her mind from racing on her taxi ride home from Oakland. Had she really just agreed to give Esai another shot? What had she been thinking? Did she really think he'd be different now? That things were going to change? Or was she so lonely that the idea of being with someone else had made her desperate enough to run right back to Esai? She cringed when she rode by the SAMCRO clubhouse; how was she going to explain this to Hap and Koz? To Juice?

"God, you're dumb," she murmured to herself, shaking her head as the taxi driver pulled in front of the house.

"Excuse me?" the driver asked, looking at her in the rearview.

Angela blanched, backpedaling quickly as she got out her money and gave the guy one hell of a trip. "N-no. Not you. Me. I'm…sorry. Just thanks."

He muttered something in a different language while she got out of the car. She'd barely closed the door when the car sped away. Angela shook her head at the taillights; she really needed to get a car. Juice's motorcycle was parked in front of the garage. She hadn't expected that. She thought he'd be busy doing prospecting crap. Suddenly, she wished she had somewhere else to go. That she hadn't agreed to live with him and had found a place of her own, or at least stayed at her Mom and Aunt's place for a little longer. How could she face Juice after spending all day with Esai? Would he realize she was seeing someone? Would he even care? Maybe she was getting all worked up for no reason. They were just friends, after all. No matter how much she'd wanted more; it didn't seem like he did. Not like Esai. Esai wanted her; he'd made no secret of that. It felt damn good to be wanted. Being with him that day was like sliding into her favorite boot. He was comfortable. Made her feel protected, stable. Something she hadn't felt since she lost Raj. Maybe the familiarity she had with Esai was something she needed. Maybe she wasn't ready to spend time figuring someone new out. He was easy, safe. Her life had been so chaotic after losing Raj, it was nice to have something relatively stable.

She opened the front door, surprised when she didn't see Juice sitting on the couch like she thought he'd be. "Juice?" she called out, wondering if he was even home.

"Out here," he replied from the backyard.

Raising an eyebrow, she wandered towards the sliding backyard door. The backyard of the house was pretty spacious with some trees here and there and some mismatched patio chairs. He was sitting on the concrete step just below the door, his knees pulled up to his chest. The prospect patch on his bare cut seemed to glow in the moonlight. A plume of smoke rose from in front of his face, the smell of marijuana wafting towards her with the soft breeze. "Hey you," she greeted, sitting down next to him.

"Hey," he replied, his voice raspier than usual from the smoke. The sound of it paired with the way the glow of the joint illuminated the angles of his face made her heart skip a beat. She looked away, focusing on the sky as she messed with her ring. He didn't seem to notice and nudged her arm gently as he offered her the blunt. "How was your day?"

Angela took a toke, holding in the smoke for a second before exhaling with a little cough. "Good," she replied, her thoughts drifting to Raj as she remembered the way she'd sat in his lap on Christmas Day, Juice beside them, pointing out constellations to them. "How was yours?"

He shrugged a shoulder. "Uneventful. Where'd you go?"

"The beach," she told him with a little smile.

"Oh yeah? Still haven't made it out there yet."

"We'll go in the summer," she said with a smirk as she passed him the joint. "It's fuckin' freezing now."

Juice nodded slowly, a small smile on his face. "Sounds great." He picked at some of the grass below the step. "I um...Clay asked me to go on a run with them this weekend. Heading up to Arizona to meet with SAMTAZ. Leavin' tomorrow."

"Gotta meet all the charter presidents before you get your top rocker," she stated, knowing it wasn't the reaction he was looking for. She knew he wanted her to be as excited as he was about prospecting, but she just didn't have it in her. She was afraid for him, afraid he'd get hurt, afraid that top rocker would change him. Nothing about what he was doing made her happy.

"Yeah," he said, sounding a bit surprised that she knew. "This is the first run I'm going on."

Angela nodded slowly. "Good for you," she replied flatly, taking a long toke. "Make sure you bring condoms if you plan to...have fun. Croweaters are notorious for spreading STDs."

He wrinkled his nose in disgust, shaking his head. "Gross."

She shrugged. "Just sayin'," she breathed, exhaling the smoke smoothly. She looked up at the sky, spotting the Big Dipper. Her thoughts drifted back to Raj, and for a moment, she felt his presence as though he was right there beside her. She swallowed hard, closing her eyes and enjoying the feeling for a moment.

"You miss him?" he asked, as if he felt the same thing.

Angela smiled sadly and nodded. "Yeah," she murmured, playing with the lotus charm on her necklace; she hadn't taken it off since Raj's mother had given it to her. "I'm okay during the day, when I'm busy, but every so often, when things slow down, it hits me that he's never coming back...and it hurts. Feels like I have this big gaping wound in my chest. Every time I think its started to heal, something happens and the scab gets ripped off."

Juice frowned, his light brown eyes focused on her with a look of concern in them that made her heart ache even more. "I'm sorry, Angel. He was a good, good guy. Didn't deserve to go out that way."

She swallowed hard, sniffling a bit. "No...no, he didn't." She raked a hand through her hair, flipping it to the side as she did so. "But I gotta keep pushin' forward...or I'll just...drown."

He reached out a hand, his calloused finger gently poking at her neck. The feel of it sent shivers down her spine, a blush igniting in her cheeks. "That you pushing forward?"

She'd forgotten about the hickey Esai had left on her neck. Forgotten about the way his teeth had scraped her skin as his lips moved across her throat. "That is Rosa's curling iron," she lied, slapping her hand over it. "She's uh...she burned the shit outta my neck doin' my hair last night."

Juice gave her a look that told her he didn't believe her. "You don't gotta lie to me. I know what a hickey looks like."

"Then you know this isn't one. Its obviously a burn," she insisted, hoping he'd drop the subject.

His mouth twisted in disappointment before he shrugged. "Whatever you say, Angel."

Angela handed him the joint back before rubbing her hands on her pants. "I'm gonna go to bed," she said, standing quickly. "Thanks for the weed."

"Angel. Wait," he said, catching her attention before she could head inside. She stopped at the door, turning to face him. He was still sitting, the joint dangling between his long fingers, a strange look on his face. "Um...be careful with...whatever it is you're doing. You deserve better than some stupid hook up. Its not going to fix anything, and I...I don't want you...getting hurt."

Those butterflies fluttered in her stomach again at the earnest look in his eyes. Maybe he did care about her a little bit. She gave him a small smile. "I will, goof. Thanks."

She headed inside with her head still spinning. Thoughts of Raj, of Esai, of Juice were whirling through her mind at a rapid pace. She tried to distract herself as she slowly got ready for bed, taking off her makeup, brushing her teeth, washing her face. Nothing she did worked, though. She lay there in bed staring at the ceiling, feeling mentally exhausted. Closing her eyes, she let out a long breath and silently prayed for some kind of sign that she was doing the right thing.

Juice had left for his run before Angela woke up the next morning. He'd left the coffee pot going with a quick note saying 'goodbye' and the keys to a car she hadn't known he had. She smiled at the simple note, running her fingers over his neat handwriting. Her phone buzzed in her hand, and she looked down to find two separate texts. One from Rosa, one from Esai, inviting her to a Mayan barbecue in Oakland. She smirked; that sounded like fun. She used to love going to those little parties with their amazing food and great music. She texted a quick answer, draining the rest of her coffee before going to get dressed. She was actually excited about going out with the Mayans and thankful as hell Juice was out on his run and not around to ask questions. That made things a hell of a lot easier. She grabbed her iPod, plugging it into the speakers, and choosing some Selena. She grinned as "Amor Prohibido" filled the air. Despite the way she'd tossed and turned the night before, she felt a new excitement flowing through her.

The drive to Oakland didn't take nearly as long as it should've. Angela had driven on the faster side, relishing having a car again since she didn't get to drive much in New York. It wasn't long before she pulled up to the small park in the middle of town, feeling a twinge of excitement as she spotted the shiny bikes with ape hangers and sparkling low-riders crowding the parking lot. The Mayans were having their own founder's day party at the local park, and it was packed with people. The barbeques were all going, sending delicious smells into the air that made Angela's stomach rumble. "Angela!" Rosa shouted, running over to her with a big grin. "Finally! Fuckin' Soli was talkin' my ear off, and I couldn't get away!"

She grimaced in response; she hadn't considered the idea of Soli being there. Soli was the daughter of one of the Mayan officers, and she'd had a huge crush on Esai since high school. She was determined to have him, and the only person standing in her way was Angela...which meant Soli had been a royal bitch to her all throughout high school. She was excited to get reacquainted with all of her old crew, except her. "Soli's here? Fuck me," she groaned, shaking her head.

"Dude, her Dad's road captain. 'course she's gonna be here!" Rosa said, linking her arm through hers. "But damn, girly, you look good! Esai's gonna be all over you!"

Angela laughed, rolling her eyes. She had worn an old Pendleton of Esai's, tying it in the front so it was more of a crop top, and her jeans. It wasn't anything fancy, but she knew Esai would like seeing her in his old shirt. Love the idea that she'd kept it after all these years. "Guess we'll see," she answered with a shrug. "Who else is here?"

"Lino and Nessa are around here somewhere. Nessa's dad is tryin' to convince him to prospect," Rosa explained with a sigh. "And Esai has been staying as far away from Soli as he can. Been dodging her and having Raffa run interference."

The idea of it made Angela smile; she appreciated Esai's effort. In the past, he'd let Soli flirt with him until it pissed her off. "That's a change," she commented, spotting Esai easily.

His blue eyes landed on hers, a smile gracing his face that gave her butterflies. He excused himself from a conversation with some out of town Mayans and headed towards them. Angela barely heard what Rosa was going on about; all she could focus on was Esai's handsome face and the way he was smiling at her. Gone were the worries that had been vexing her the night before. This felt right.

"Angelita," he greeted when he was finally close enough, opening his arms and enveloping her in a tight hug. "Glad you made it, chiqui."

Angela hugged him back, surprising herself when she stood on her toes to touch her lips to his in a sweet kiss. He grinned back at her, sending a fresh stampede of butterflies through her stomach. A loud wolf whistle broke the sweet moment as Raffa approached. "Look at that!" he exclaimed, clapping his hands together. "The little rebel has returned."

She rolled her eyes at him, stepping away from Esai to punch his shoulder. "Shut up, Raf."

Esai chuckled, slinging his arm around her shoulder and kissing her temple. "See? Everyone's happy to have you back, chiqui."

Angela laughed, shaking her head at him as they walked towards the group of Oakland Mayans huddled around the barbecue. She smiled as Dia gave her a big hug, kissing her cheeks. "Welcome home, mija," Dia murmured in her ear.

Strangely enough, it did feel like home. She knew these people, felt comfortable amongst them. She'd been friends with Rosa since kindergarten, so she was familiar with some of the older Mayans from her family gatherings. They'd seen her grow, watched as she and Rosa ran amuck around the house, playing hair dresser with dolls and chasing after Raffa when he started to mess with them. "Feels good to be back. Missed this," she replied honestly. She had missed the family aspect of it all. New York had been so lonely. Raj and Juice were the only two people she'd considered family. The rest were all acquaintances and classmates. New York had never truly felt like home. Not like Oakland did.

"Go say hi to Marcus," she said, pushing her towards where the Mayan President was manning the grill with some of his officers. "He still doesn't believe Esai got you back."

Angela smirked up at Esai who'd scowled at his Mom's honesty. She laughed, shaking her head at him. "Better go surprise him then," she said, winking at Esai as she walked away.

Marcus's dark eyes spotted her as she neared, the smallest hint of a smile making his mustache twitch. He stretched out an arm, and she filled the empty space it left, giving him a side hug. "Good to see you, mija," he told her, kissing her forehead. "Esai told me you were back, pero I didn't believe him."

"Yeah," she replied on a laugh. "I um...finished school and decided to come back to the West Coast. Got tired of the snow over there."

"Well, I'm glad to have you back. Maybe you can whip my son into shape," he told her with a wink. He nodded towards where Esai was watching them, a concerned look on his face. "He's been a mess without you."

Angela shrugged, smiling over at Esai. "I'll do my best."

Marcus nodded appreciatively. "Good," he said, setting a heavy hand on her shoulder and squeezing it. "Welcome back, mijita. Now go back to my son before he pulls a muscle thinkin' so hard."

She smirked as she headed back towards Esai. He stretched an arm out to her, pulling her into his side. "What'd he say?"

"Don't worry about it," she said, pecking his cheek. "C'mon, let's go get some grub!"

Juice finished cleaning the last of the bugs from his patched brothers' motorcycle's headlights. Standing up, he stretched out his back, grimacing when he heard it crack. Being a prospect on the run was shitty. He was the last rider in the group meaning he got all of their exhaust and couldn't really ride as fast as he wanted since he had to keep the pace with them. When they pulled off at gas stations, he was in charge of making sure everyone was gassed up while his brothers enjoyed cigarettes and snacks.

At least the bitch work got his mind off of Angela. All he could think about was that dark mark on her neck. She'd said it was a burn, but he wasn't stupid; he'd known exactly what it was. She had a hickey on her neck. He had no idea how she got it, but it certainly hadn't been there when he'd last seen her the night before. The idea of some other guy giving her a hickey made his stomach churn. Just a few nights before, when she'd been at the clubhouse with that little black choker on, he'd pictured giving her a hickey there, his lips against the warm skin of her throat. Just thinking about it now made chills run down her spine. Had someone else gotten there first?

" 'ey, Juicer!" Kozik called, pulling him from his thoughts of Angela. "What ever happened with the kid that night? She tell you where she went off to?"

"Oh...um...yeah," he stammered, scratching at the back of his neck. "She came home the next morning. Said she stayed over her friend's place in Oakland. She went back there again the next day."

Happy and Kozik exchanged glances, suspicious looks in their eyes. "What friend?" Happy asked, crossing his arms over his chest.

Juice shrugged a shoulder. "Think she said Rosa?" he answered. He knew better than to mention the hickey on her neck. As much as he sought out their approval, he wasn't about to sacrifice his friendship with Angela for it. Not being able to hang out with her at a party was one thing, knowingly telling her psycho-psuedo brothers that she came home with a hickey, was another thing entirely. She'd never trust him again.

"She wouldn't..." Koz trailed off.

Happy sighed, shaking his head. "Better not."

"I dunno, Hap. She's...a little lost..."

"He ain't gonna be the one to find her."

Juice looked between them; he couldn't understand what the hell they were talking about. "Who? Lino? She said they didn't..."

"Not him," Kozik said with a scowl. "That car we left her, the one that was repo'd...it got a tracker of some sort?"

He took a sip of his water and nodded. "Yeah. I haven't taken the GPS system out yet."

"You got your laptop?" Happy asked.

"Yeah."

He nodded towards the picnic table by the cafe. "See where she's at. Right now."

Juice hesitated, knowing it was likely going to piss Angela off. She would think he gave her a bugged car on purpose, which hadn't been his intent; he hadn't wanted to strand her at the house while they were gone so he gave her the only available car. "I dunno, Hap..."

"Do it, Prospect," Happy demanded with a murderous glare.

With a sigh, he set up his laptop and little Wi-Fi hotspot on the picnic table. In a few quick keystrokes, he found where her car was parked. Oakland. "She's probably visiting Rosa," he said gesturing to the map.

"Fuckin' Mayan turf," Happy said on a frown. "Shoulda killed him when we had the chance."

"We don't know that's who she's seein'. That Rosa girl has Mayan ties too. The kid ain't that dumb," Kozik tried to reason.

"She's not right in the head right now."

Juice looked between them, totally confused. He'd missed something. "What..."

"What's goin' on over here?" Clay asked as he approached, his eyebrows raised up to the bandana tied around his forehead.

Kozik and Happy exchanged looks again. Kozik cleared his throat. "Nothin', Prez. Juicer's just checkin' somethin' for us."

"Well, pack it up. We gotta get a move on," Clay ordered on a scowl.

"Y-yeah, you got it," Juice said as he quickly shut his laptop, packing it up.

As he was putting it into his bag, Happy cleared his throat, catching his attention. "You see more a this shit, you tell us. She comes home with anyone who ain't female, you tell us."

"She's not gonna like that," he replied on a grimace.

"Don't give a fuck about what she likes. 's for her own good. Got it, prospect?"

Juice swallowed hard, nodding exaggeratedly. "Whatever you say, Hap."

He went through the motions of packing everything up, feeling like a black cloud was hanging over him. All of a sudden, he'd come from being Angela's friend, her roommate, to being her fuckin' babysitter. If she ever found out, their whole relationship would be destroyed. She'd never trust him again. On the flip side, he desperately wanted to be a part of SAMCRO. If something came up and Hap found out he hadn't said anything, his place in the club would be jeopardized. Rubbing a hand over his head, he cursed under his breath as his mind went on overdrive. He had to figure out a way to appease both sides, or he was going to lose something or someone he cared about.

Looks like Juice is between a rock and a hard place...

Let me know what you guys think! :) I always look forward to your feedback!

-Love Ink