Hey readers! Sorry I haven't even touched this fic for like 2 months. But now Cloud is back and as pissed off as ever. With Chain of Memories and Kingdom Hearts 2, Cloud has gone through a lot. He shall tell of his horrors once again in Cloud's Rant 2.

Cloud's Rant 2

"Hello again everyone," Cloud said to his ever loving crowd. "I have returned from the land of pain, torture, and placing clones of various strength on little cards. Yes I have come back from the set of Kingdom Hearts."

"What do you mean by clones?" A man from the audience asked.

"WHAT DO I MEAN BY CLONES!" Cloud foamed from the mouth. "In 2004's hit GameBoy Advance game, Kingdom Hearts: Chain of Memories, Sora and Riku used cards to battle. Well how do you think they got all those cards to attack? Clones. Yes they cloned me to make cards. But they did not stop there."

"Why not?" The same man asked.

"If you just let me finish…" Cloud growled.

"What will you do?" The man sassed.

Cloud picked up three level nine Cloud cards "Cross-Slash!" He attacked the man. "Anyways… when they cloned me they made the clones vary, IN WEAKNESS! The strength of each clone was from zero to nine, and if you combineded them the most strength you only get a maximum of twenty-seven in power, while I clearly am a thirty at my weakest."

A person with third-degree burns stood up. " 'Combineded'?"

"Don't make fun of my grammar! Wait… I remember you… Firaga!" Cloud held up three fire cards."

The scorched figure held up a random zero card. "Not this time!"

"Damn-it! Foiled again! Also Zeros can get rid of any card if played at the right time… stupid cards… Well anyways I know you all are horny with anticipation of Kingdom Hearts Two. Which they should have waited and made it on the new PS3…Oh well, one of the new stars is here to talk with us. You may know him by his famous phrase, 'Why is the run gone?' It's Jo…Jack Sparrow!" Cloud smiled.

"Hi….. Heehee…" Jack laughed.

"Did you just… giggle?" Cloud said appalled.

"Mehyesh…."

"But you are supposed to the best damn pirate this side of the Spanish Maine." Cloud pondered.

" 'Maine?' " the person with the burns questioned Cloud again.

"You…" Cloud grabbed his sword. The burnt person held up a level zero Dumbo card. "Not this time." Cloud cut the card in half. "We'll be back after this short break."

CCCCCRRRRRAAAACCCKKKKK!

"My arm!"

"Ok and we're back. Now can we get this guy some rum?" Cloud asked.

A guy came out from behind the curtain. "Here is some rum."

"Give a hand to Marluxia, also known as, my bitch." Cloud turned on the applause sign. The audience was silent. "Ok, don't clap then." Marluxia handed Jack and Cloud a glass of rum each. "Now shoo." Marluxia ran off the stage.

The audience clapped.

"Yeah, now you clap. Anyways… So Jack could tell us about your terror in KH2?"

Jack took a sip of rum. "Ahh… that's the stuff. I haven't had any in months. They never let me have rum while making this vile game. This explains that little giggle, sorry about that. I know Cloud that you don't like Disney very much, and I'm sorry that I am from Disney; I am starting to hate them myself. I am from the best Disney movie ever made and then they do this to me. Why? Why? WHHHHHYYYYY….." Jack started to sob.

"Well folks it looks like I'm not the only person that hate 'em. So Jack what happens in this game? What do you do?"

"Oh not much, I…..fi…ght…. sleeeeeepy……" Jack fell asleep.

"What is that coming out of his ass!" Cloud yelled.

"That's a…" The burnt and broken audience began to say.

"Did I ask you? That's a tranquilizer dart! Oh well I guess I'll tell you about my role in this game. Well there have been rumors that there is a Final Fantasy world, I just want to tell…. Yo…..u……Tha….." Cloud yawned "What… the… hell…, whats… that…?"

The room went Dark. "CLEAR" "GO! GO! GO!" "Red Squadron Leader we are all clear cut on the lights." The lights came on.

"Hello. I am Cloud Strife." A Cloud clone with really skinny muscles said on the stage. "Poodles!"

Behind the stage… "Hey what are you doing?" Cloud cried

"We are taking you back to Square; they are making remakes and stuff of your game." Mickey Chuckled.

"That's great! I get to see Tifa again… She looks so hot in that oh so tight shirt and sweet short skirt, oh and when it rains you can se…."

"Actually, Heh heh, they got rid of that…. Nice outfit….." Mickey's ears perked up.

"Mickey are you getting…. never mind, but at least I still get a little action right?"

"I don't know, Square hasn't told us much, but probably not."

"NOOOOOOOoooooooooo…….." Cloud fell to his knees crying. "I want to see Tifa's Tight See-through shirt!"

"It's on PS3." Mickey said

"Really?" Clouds eyes lit up, "I'm sure every if she's not wearing her hot… tight … shirt…. You can still get a good face full of her b…"

Well that's that. Can you believe that Jack is in KH2? And can you believe with all detail PS3 has they got rid of Tifa's tight skimpy outfit? The game would fly right of the shelves, not to mention Vasel…. Um moving on. I hope you enjoyed this update of probably my best story, But I'm not sure if I will update it again. It depends if I get anymore ideas. Well Peace Out.