Hi…it's time for (you guessed it) a really long chapter! Plus climactic, suspenseful, emotional, and important to the storyline…I call it the 14th chapter! One more thing…I'm changing the rating to T because of some brief language.

OK, Nathaniel's weakness returns, forcing them to rest in dangerous territory…you get the idea. Yes, visions come true. Not saying any more here! Warning: major cliffie at the end, but please don't kill me...

Disclaimer: I don't own anything, really. I mean, honestly, I don't. You do believe me, right?

Don't Call Me Helpless

"Blue, blue windows
Behind the stars,

Yellow moon on the rise,
Big birds

Flying across the sky,
Throwing shadows on our eyes."

- Helpless (Neil Young)

The forest seemed to stretch on for miles, and Kitty wondered if it was something of the magic of the island; the faster you needed to get somewhere, the longer it would take. She was getting tired, and she knew Nathaniel was as well. He walked along beside her, breathing heavily, his face pale and set.

"Do you need to rest?" she asked, giving him a quick sideways glance.

"No," he replied quietly. "I'm fine."

He stumbled suddenly, grasping his staff for support.

"Okay, we're resting," said Kitty, grabbing his arm and leading him to a nearby tree. "Or you are, anyway."

"I'm fine," said Nathaniel furiously. He passed a hand wearily over his eyes.

"We can't stop here," said Bartimaeus. "It might be dangerous."

"Is there any place on the island that isn't?" she retorted, sitting down beside Nathaniel.

"Whatever, kids," said the djinni, shrugging. "I'll go scout ahead. Just stay here. I know it's hard for you to take orders from the nasty demon…"

"Shut up." Kitty said. Kathleen giggled, settling herself against a tree opposite Nathaniel.

"Love you too, blasted humans." Bartimaeus changed to hawk shape and flew off.

Kitty leaned against a tree beside Nathaniel and closed her eyes. It was so peaceful here; almost like a dream…she wondered what it would be like to go here for a long time. Nathaniel was lucky in that respect at least.

"Kitty," came a shaky voice beside her, "does it seem – cold here to you?"

"No," she said, not opening her eyes. "There's a jacket in my pack if you want."

"It's fine."

Kitty gradually drifted off to sleep, this time thankfully without nightmares. Nathaniel, Bartimaeus, and even Kathleen drifted in and out of her dreams, never speaking, and she wondered if any of it meant something.

She awoke quite suddenly an hour later; Bartimaeus had not returned, and night was falling. Hoping that nothing had happened to him, she turned on her side towards Nathaniel to try to get back to sleep.

A voice startled her out of her drowsiness.

"Kitty..." it was barely more than a whisper. Kitty looked up at the young man beside her. He was corpse white and shivering like a leaf in the north wind.

"Kitty...so...cold..."

She touched his arm, then yelped and yanked it back. Nathaniel was much too warm to be healthy. Carefully, she placed the back of her hand on his forehead to find it burning as well. Panic rose within her.

"Bloody hell, Nathaniel," she cried. "Why didn't you tell me you had a fever?"

He didn't answer, his entire body shaking fitfully. Kitty reacted at once, pulling her jacket out of her bag and placing it on him.

"Shit," she said quietly. "What the hell am I supposed to do now?"

Kitty automatically looked at Kathleen, who was watching her with wide, frightened eyes. Well, at least the strange girl could feel emotions such as fear...

Kitty dove through her pack once more, wishing they were back at the clearing, where there was at least a spring...pulling out a water bottle, she unscrewed the cap and threw some of the contents at his face.

Nathaniel coughed and spluttered.

"Sorry, I'm trying to cool you down," she said quietly, opting for less extreme methods. Kitty poured some water on one of her spare shirts and placed it on his forehead. What on earth could have caused this?

"Were you ill before?" she murmured to him. His lips, but she couldn't hear him...she bent close.

"Yes...when I first...got here..."

The wound then; it could only be that, a weakness caused by it perhaps?

Then another emotion rose in her throat. Nathaniel could die...after all she'd done, after all the pain and suffering they had both gone through, he could die before she ever got him back. Before she ever told him...

No. Not that.

A small whimper escaped the lips of the boy beside her, a small, pathetic sound. Still only a boy, really...only seventeen years old...that was the kind of tragedy that ended up in Holocaust documentaries.

"Well, that was rather pathetic," Kitty said quietly to him, trying to bring a bit of humour back to the situation. "Aren't you supposed to be seventeen?"

Nathaniel closed his eyes, breathing heavily once again as his body convulsed. Evidently, he didn't seem to find anything funny about it. Kitty buried her head in her hands.

"Shit," she whispered again.

Beside her, the girl Kathleen had moved up beside Nathaniel and was stroking one of his pale hands.

The weakness seemed to consume him, worse than before. Why did he have to pay for this over and over again? His mind felt foggy, and every inch of his body ached. When Nathaniel tried to open his eyes, to comfort her, it felt as if fire attacked his eyelids…

Then the people came.

He was five again, standing beside Mrs.Underwood at his bedroom window. The Houses of Parliament were there…he had to make her proud…

There was Mr.Underwood, telling him…what was he telling him?

"You want to cloak your ambitions…you'll find yourself brought down in flames before you reach your twenties…"

Well, that was ironic, really…and Ms.Lutyens…Ms.Lutyens…he had never spoken to her since that day in the street, never had a chance to tell her how he had changed…how he had become himself again…

It all ended in suffering. Kitty, in the theatre box, crumpled on the floor like a lifeless doll…lying in the pentacle with a face worthy of one many times her age…and Bartimaeus, willing to die with him at the very end…no fear there, only calculated caution and bravery…

Tears stung in his eyes. Nathaniel had failed them all, left them as good as dead; he had seen it in Kitty's eyes when she found him. Were there any limits to despair?

I flew back in what seemed to be late evening, my mind still puzzling over what I had seen (and believe me, it takes a lot to leave me puzzled), to find Kitty and Nat and Kathleen again. It took a little while; the forests of Phasma Mortuus can be pretty tricky at times (see above comment in parentheses).

I landed on a tree near a rather unfortunate scene: my dear former master was lying against a rock, looking in a very bad way. Kitty was beside him, mopping up his forehead with what looked like one of her wet shirts, and cursing frequently under her breath.

Talk about a rough day.

I knew immediately what was wrong, of course; Nathaniel, wounded in the battle against the demon hybrids, was succumbing once again to his weakness. Kitty looked worn out and desperate.

"What's up?" I asked, landing lightly on a tree above them.

"He's…not feeling well," Kitty said lamely. "He's really hot."

I stared at her and she giggled a little.

"I mean he's got a fever. I don't know what to do, he's -"

Nathaniel's eyes fluttered open and Kitty's attention snapped back to him immediately.

"Nathaniel?" she said gently, stroking his cheek with one finger. "Are you all right?"

My former master's fevered gaze travelled to me above them.

"Mrs.Underwood?" he asked weakly.

"Oh, thanks."

He continued to mumble to himself.

"I think he's delirious," I whispered to Kitty.

"Thanks, I hadn't figured that out for myself," she snapped at me.

"Had to…prove myself, didn't I? Hope you…were…proud…"

"Of course," Kitty whispered into his ear, although she had no idea what Nathaniel was talking about.

"Never got a…chance to say…goodbye? Dead…not proud…of me…" His face screwed up with pain. Kitty patted his shoulder.

"It's all right; it's just a dream…"

"Mrs.Underwood! Have to…warn her…"

"I told you we couldn't do that," I said irritably. Kitty glared at me.

"Everything's going to be fine, Nathaniel…it's all right…"

He fought her, thrashing about unconsciously. I flew down and pinned his arms down by his sides (with no real trouble, in case you were wondering).

"No!" he cried. "No! Ms.Lutyens…"

"Who's that?" I asked. Kitty shrugged; she knew less than me about Nat's history.

"I…changed in…the end…never…told her…"

"I'll tell her, it's all right," said Kitty, who looked slightly frightened. "It's all just a dream, Nathaniel; you can wake up any time…"

"Cloak…ambitions…"
"There's something I never thought I'd hear you say, Nat."

"Brought down in…flames…before I reach my…twenties…that's…funny…"

"No it's not, Nathaniel, it's really not," Kitty babbled, her face worried. "You're not dying…it will all be fine…"

His eyes opened all the way now, and he seemed to see Kitty for the first time.

"Kitty…" he whispered. "What's…happening?

"You're very ill, Nathaniel," she said, looking relieved. "I need you to try to sleep now, all right?"

He nodded slightly, and then closed his eyes. He was whiter than a ghost.

Kitty collapsed against a rock. She couldn't take much more of this…she had thought it would be so easy to just come here and bring him back, but she was wrong in more ways than she could possibly imagine.

What was more, there was something…unappealing about the small clearing where they had been forced to stop. She knew they were nearing the part of the island where the dragons lived, but all the same she felt as if they were already practically on top of it. Her recent vision haunted her every minute of the day, and if she were to actively prevent it from taking place in reality than they needed to stay as far away from the dragons as possible.

Not that Kitty would ever tell anyone else. She didn't need the others to be as worried as she was, and now Nathaniel was too ill to move.

"Kitty." She looked up; Bartimaeus was directly above her on a tree branch. Kathleen was up there too, heaven knows how.

"What?" she whispered, not wanting to wake her patient.

"Maybe you should get some sleep as well. You look absolutely spent."

"I'm fine, Bartimaeus."

"As I recall, that's just what Nat said before he started hallucinating."

Kitty sighed.

"All right," she said, "but not for long, because -" she stopped, sniffing the air.

"Erm…Kitty?"

Kathleen cocked her head at her, her penetrating eyes wide.

"I smell smoke." Kitty said, her heartbeat quickening.

"Where?" Bartimaeus looked around. "Oh, bloody hell…"

The forest was on fire barely twenty feet away from them. Kitty reacted immediately, shaking Nathaniel hard.

"Come on, wake up Nathaniel, we have to move…"

He shot up, his eyes wide.

"Kitty…what's wrong?"

"We have to get out of the way…it's the dragons…"

She was surprised to see Nathaniel's face regain some of its stern determination. He pulled himself painfully to his feet.

"Let's go," he said, picking up his staff.

Although his head spun and his side ached, Nathaniel felt strangely alive as they fled the clearing where they had rested. He knew it was just adrenaline, and soon he'd be feeling just as bad as before, but the exhilaration was oddly pleasant.

If only it wasn't the dragons.

Nathaniel remembered all too well their last encounter; Kitty had saved them, then, thrusting her knife upward into that single weak scale above the heart…he shuddered. She could have died. But that must not happen this time…

They could hear the roars now, and see the fires all around them; the dragons must have sensed their presence, and were now attacking. The four them ran around and around, trying to escape any confrontation, but eventually they came clear of the forest and straight into the fire zone.

The thick smoke made him cough, but he could see the multitude of multi-coloured dragons that were destroying the trees. And now they were trapped in the middle of it…Nathaniel felt as if a cold hand had clenched his insides. He stopped, paralyzed with fear for the others and himself.

"Nathaniel, run!"

But no, he wasn't going to run this time. He turned to her, and saw Kitty's eyes widen in terror.

"You have to come, we're helpless against them!"

Helpless. Such a hateful word…

"Don't call me helpless," he said quietly.

Then he turned to face his fire-breathing nemesis, leaving the others behind.

A black dragon spotted him and reared in a challenge, sending a burst of fire to the heavens. Nathaniel's heart quavered, but he stood firm.

"Leave us!" he cried, surprised at the power of his voice in such a situation.

The dragon roared.

"You have no business with us!" he cried again. "Leave us alone!"

Was this how Kitty had felt, challenging a dragon?

Unfortunately, he had no chance to answer his own question; the black dragon let forth a burst of fire straight towards him, and Nathaniel knew no more.

Just like her dream…just like it…there was Nathaniel, vulnerable against a monster's power.

"No!" she cried, as he stepped forward to meet it. Bartimaeus held her back with both of Ptolemy's arms. "Let me go! You don't understand!"

Her eyes widened in horror as the dragon opened its jaws wide. An immense ball of fire enveloped Nathaniel within seconds.

Kitty screamed.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH! What have I DOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNEEEEEEEE! Please help…Nathaniel's survival into the next chapter depends on your reviews!