Disclaimer: I do not own anything. But you, my wonderful readers already know that.

---Cloud's Rant 4 ---

"Hello once again! I, Cloud Strife, have come back to rant about Kingdom Hearts Two. This game is even more anticipated by horny fan boys than the original and semi-sequel combineded! Don't even say it…" Cloud pointed a threatening finger at the horribly malice-ed audience member.

"RIKU+RIKU UBER KAWAIIIIIIII!" the littlest fan boy screamed.

"SILENCE! That is impossible anyways…" Cloud held his sword high, "I will tell you all you need to know about KH2 before it comes out!"

"But Cloud… Strife sir… it is already out… It came out March 31…" a man dressed as a bard reminded him.

"Really? Well shit…" Cloud put his sword down.

"We'd still gladly listen to you, not all of us have it yet…" A random fan-fiction author commented.

"GREAT!" Cloud spun his sword, "Duh-duh-duh-duh-DA-duh-Da-duh-duh! Ok then. This game really pisses me off. First and foremost, there is a Tron world. A TRON WORLD! One in a million people liked that movie; most of them were the ones who made it. Raise you hand if you liked that movie." The audience remained still, not a one raised an arm. "Good. Point proven. Next… this REALLY pisses me off: Tifa; hot, smooth, slender, and busty got put into the game."

"But wouldn't you like that? She is your girl." Cid asked

"Cid… you know as well as I do… they made her wear her Advent Children get-up. Not the little, tight, white shirt and over all shorts… AND WORSE! They digitally made her bust a C. A C! She is a size D bust, size D! Still, you all would say 'If you truly love her for who she is, you wouldn't care.' And you are righ--"

"WE WOULDN'T SAY THAT!" A group of hardcore Tifa fan boys yelled at the top of their lungs. "TIFA ISN'T TIFA WITHOUT HER WONDERFULLY HUGE BUST!"

"Come on guys… You don't even know Tifa as a person… she's very kind and sweet." Cloud smiled, "I'd love her even if she was a size A…"

The Audience let out a big group "Aww…."

"Also, this pissed me off… you know the X-2 girls? They were like all fine looking women, nice busts, pretty faces… Stupid Disney… can we all say 'Chibi pre-teen cardboard box'?"

"Chibi pr-" The Audience began.

"That was a rhetorical question… you're not supposed to answer it." Cloud shook his head. "What am I doing? Every time I get up here I talk about boobs and mutilate audience members… oy… I'm as pathetic as a super nerd-geek on steroids…"

A near to death member of the audience came to the stage, "Cloud… It is ok…"

"Really? It is? I'm not a loser?"

"Hush my child. Do not freight"

"I'm sorry to you, I injure you so much, and I don't even know your name." Cloud wept.

"My name… it is better that you not know…" The disfigured figure remarked.

"Please tell me…"

"Ok… my name is… Locudx…"

Cloud let out a blood curdling scream " NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO…"

A pink short-hair man stood up. "Damn-it Locudx! You gave away our cover. Ventxcin, Red Twenty Three, Xaberrt, and Hixa-Shctt grab Locudx and run!"

"I'm sorry Dicx!" Locudx cried as the bright, yellow jump-suited members of Group of People and Stuff 42 grabbed him and ran.

"Um…I guess I should explain that… It make contain spoilers but hey who cares! First off…"

We Interrupt This Rant To Bring You This Special Offer!

"Tired of that old rusty sword that's too big to fit in your garage or shed, and hasn't cut like it used to in months? Well bring it down to Zack's sword shop! Our deceased owner had a passion for swords as tall as himself! Was he a 'Soul Reaper'? No he was a member of Solider! Just call me, Reeve, that man in a giant Chocobo suit in front of Bone City, at 555-BIG-ASS-SWORDS. Ta ta ta!"

Thank You For Your Time

"..and that's all you need to know about Nobodies." Cloud sat back own in his chair.

"Cloud… does Sora really get to wield dual keyblades?" A little girl asked.

"Are you one of those horrible gay fan boys?"

"No… Cloud I'm a gir-"

"Then I shall tell you. YES it is true. Speaking of dual wielding… Has everyone seen me dual wield my huge ass swords?" There was a dull silence. "Anyone?" … "OK! If there are any of you out there, and you viewers at home, that haven't seen me dual wield my kick ass swords, GET YOUR ASSES OFF WHAT EVER YOU ARE SITTING ON, LEAVE WHERE EVER YOU ARE AND WATCH… Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children."

"I've seen it Cloud." The littlest fanboy smiled.

"Oh…. No…." Cloud shook his head.

"IT WAS SO HOT! OMGAWD! BARRET HAD A SEXY FISH NET MESH SILVER TOP AND VINCENT WAS ALL WOOOOSH… AND THOSE THREE GUYS WITH GRAY/SILVER HAIR WERE SO HOT AND WHEN THAT ONE TURNED INTO SEPHIE, I SCREAMED 'SEPHIE MY BISHIE!' AND I WAS LIKE Ahh…….."

"Thank GOD I wasn't include in tha-"

"AND THEN CLOUD WAS ALL 'TIFA I LOVE YOU' AND TIFA WAS ALL LIKE 'LET'S MAKE LOVE' AND THEN I CAME OUT OF NOWHERE AND WENT 'VAAWAABOOSH!' AND KICKED THAT BITCH'S ASS! THEN ME AN CLO-"

And We Interrupt This Rant Once Again For This Campaign Ad:

"Hello this is Rufus. Midgard, once rebuilt, will need a new strong leader. One that can survive a hellish explosion, a large fall, and listening to people. But in our day and age, who could have all of those qualities? That's were I, Rufus, come in. I once was the leader of Midgard, I and can be so once again. Vote for me Rufus in the next election."

Again Thank You For Your Time

"… and that's how you paint a studio with blood. Just to clear that up, he never even came close kicking Tifa's sweet, tight ass, tho' I do wonder how he got those arms sown back on… and there was not a single love scene in the movie, it is too bad. But I got my fair share off-sets. I think Zack scored a little too. In that life stream all alone with Aeiris…"

"I want to learn what you know about that, um 'radical', (whisper: they say radical these days right?), game named Dirge of Cerberus." A red cloaked man inquired.

"Vincent… is that you again?"

"Damn… you caught me."

"Why don't YOU come down here and tell US about YOUR game."

"Fine. This video game uses guns. Obviously, my artillery consists of guns. The set up is rather 'cool'."

"IS THAT ALL YOU'RE GOING TO TELL US?"

"Yes Cloud, that is all that I can share."

"Fine, get out of here. Well that is it for now! I'm off to go spank Tifa! Ta Ta Ta!"

--- End ---

Note: The comment 'Soul Reaper' applies to the SJ Graphic Novel: Bleach.

Sorry this took so long. I started a little bit before KH2 came out, this project bled over and so I had do different stuff with it. I quit on it for a while then came back with more info, quit, came back, then...I finished it over a month ago but my lazy ass never put it up. There will be more rants, but it will take a long time.