Oldest Story in the Book

Chapter 34

Author Note:

So this chapter got lost somehow and I have no clue how so I'm sorry for just sort of sticking it in here but it's not whole without it.

Jack and Emmie rowed them steadily toward the whip as cries rose from the boats around them. "I don't believe all these people will fit on the Black Pearl," Norrington repeated. "Even on the deck..."
"Most will stay in the boats," Pearl answered. She laughed outright when she caught sight of Elizabeth's wide-eyed gaze around her. "And you thought your wedding was crazy."
"Only because I was afraid Jack would show up," Elizabeth answered. "But this...it's madness."
"It's perfect," Pearl chuckled. "It's also ironic, that the first place we met was their wedding and here they are at ours."
Norrington chuckled and shook his head. "I met Bethany Maltrey at their wedding. I had no idea about Pearl Sparrow."
"Neither did they. It was only fair I not tell you either."
"So it was all in the name of justice then?" Norrington asked with a laugh.
"That. And what would you have done if I had told you?"
"Straight to the prison with you," he admitted.
"There you are. Not much incentive for me to be truthful then, was there?"
"I suppose not. Not that it matters all that much now. Things seem to have turned out for the best in the end."
The crew whistled as they approached, throwing down a rope ladder. Jack and Emmie climbed up first, followed by the rest of the party.

The moment his feet hit the deck Jack made for his cabin. "Excuse me. I'll be right back." With that Jack dashed off, the sound of the door to his cabin slamming firmly shut echoing in his wake.

Will and Ethan worked together to get Diamond safely onboard, which the rather weak old woman found hilarious.

Pearl tripped her way over the rail, refusing any help as she struggled with the layers of green cloth.

Jack stepped onto the deck, walking purposely in front of Norrington and Pearl, pausing to put his hands on his hips and strike a proud pose as those assembled turned to look at the formerly absent pirate who stood in a black robe with white caller. As soon as Pearl had her dress back in line she looked up and moaned. "You stole Luc's robe? You're going to hell for certain now."
"Who's Luc?" Norrington asked.
"Jack's brother. He's a priest," Emmie chirped helpfully.
"Jack's brother is a priest."
Will, Elizabeth and Norrington suddenly stood stock still. "Jack's brother is a priest?" Elizabeth repeated. "Jack SPARROW's brother is a PRIEST?"
"I know. Ironic in the extreme. He's the black sheep of the family. Can't tell you when he went down the wrong road but he did, in a big way. Disapointment to the whole family if you ask me. But the guy knows how to have fun though. He can marry us properly in the eyes of the church with our real names, when we get to it," Pearl added to Norrington.
"I...he's a priest?"
"Yes."
"He doesn't pretend to be a priest? He's an actual-"
"Yes, he's an actual, honest-to-God Catholic priest. Not exactly standard issue, but he's a Sparrow so that's to be expected."
"Are we going to do this then?" Jack interupted to ask. "This thing is bloody hot."
"I think that's the point," Pearl said, following him up onto the poop deck. "How would you knew you were serving the Lord if you weren't physically uncomfortable?"
"Have you ever asked a priest that?" Jack asked her.

"I try not to talk to priests. It usualy ends with them screaming 'sacralidge' and trying to exercize my demons."

"What priest ever tried to do that?" Emmie asked.

Pearl shrugged. "The one in my head. I don't need to see it happen to know it would."

"That I sincerely doubt," Norrington said. "The point is that you don't know. And I wish you wouldn't say things like that."
"And i wish you wouldn't say things like, 'Hang that pirate,' but you don't hear me whinning."
Norrington shook his head at her. "I have never once said 'hang that pirate.'"
"You have. You just use more words," Pearl argued.
Jack turned to Diamond, seated in a chair next to the spot Jack had chosen to conduct the ceremony. "Is it their first fight as a married couple if they have it during the ceremony?"
"You're asking the most famous whore in Tortuga about marriage?" Diamond asked.
"Fair point," Jack said, a very serious look painting his face. "Anyone?"

"I don't think it counts unless they've said 'I do,'" Ethan answered.
Jack groaned in consternation. "'I do.' That's right, I have to let them talk. Help me remember that," he told Diamond.
"I will," she promised.
Meanwhile the argument had degraded to Pearl's yelling, "Thou shall hangeth yonder pirate is the same thing!"
"I've never said 'thou shall hangeth yonder pirate!'" Norrington returned.
"You just did!" Pearl cried.
"Pearl, that's a bit immature," Ethan said.

"But he did!" Pearl cried, holding her hand out to Emmie as if searching for proof.

Emmie shrugged and nodded. "He did."

"Prior to just a moment ago I have never said-" Norrington began, only to be cut off by Jack
"Hey!" Jack interupted. "Are we going to marry you two?"
"I don't know," Pearl shot at the Commodore. Diamond sighed and dropped her head into her hands. Jack put a gental hand on her shoulder, soothing the poor woman who was pretending to sob. "I don't know if I want to marry a hipocryte who wants me to himself and to hang my family every chance he gets."
"I've spent the better part of my LIFE securing my position and now I'm giving it up to go galavanting around the sea with you. I'd say that should count for something."
"'Galavanting around the sea?' Is that all I've done with my life? I've cultivated a reputation as a fearsome pirate, which is no easy thing to do. And I'm giving that up to turn private and just sail from one bloody boring port to the next. Do you believe that isn't a sacrifice for me?"
"Seventeen years they've been chasing each other," Jack sighed. "You'd think they'd have had this conversation before now."
"Mama, I'm surprised at you," Emmie broke in, hands on her hips. "Do you know what sort of reputation you'll have after you marry a Commodore?"
"And you've been saying the job is nothing but trouble for years, Father," Ethan added. "You've wanted out ever since you married Mother."
Ethan and Emmie turned from glaring at their parents to nod at one another in agreement in perfect unison.
Pearl looked up at Norrington. "We just got spanked by our kids."
"So it would seem," Norrington agreed.
"You get used to it after a while," Jack muttered.
"Let's try not to let that happen too often," Pearl suggested.
"Lets."
"If the two of you are FINALLY ready," Jack said.
"We are," Pearl assured him, taking Norrington's hand as they stood before the captain.

"Hey, you have to walk down the isle," Emmie interupted.

Pearl glanced behind her at the gathered pirates. "There isn't any isle."

"Make room!" Emmie bellowed. The pirates suddenly split in two, making a perfect path. "There."

"You just like proving me wrong," Pearl accused. "Fine. I'll walk it all by my lonesome and-"

"Escourted by your father," Ethan put in. "That's how it's supposed to go. So he can give you away."

"No one is bloody giving me away. I'm a woman with a practically adult daughter. I'm perfectly capable of escourting myself and very capable of deciding who I'm going to marry. Besides, my father looks like one of the sails fell on him."

Jack huffed a bit. "Still, it's my job." He grabbed her, dragging her back to the end of the aisle.

Pearl shook her head, putting her arm through his and squaring her shoulders.

"There should be music," Ethan remarked as she paused to straighten the dress.

"There is," Emmie said, inclining her head toward the crash of waves against the bow of the Pearl. "Don't you hear it?"

Jack nodded, then, back straight, looking straight ahead, marching her forward. He growled at Norrington as he reached them, retaining Pearl's hand as long as he could before releasing it for Norrington to it up.
"Good. Then, we are all gathered together here on this fine day," he threw his arms wide to encompass the cheering pirates gathered behind them, "to join this man," there was a slight sneer as he looked at Norrington, "and my beautiful, talented, amazing daughter. Now, marriage requires an oath, on the part of the man, to protect his bride, forsaking his soul and his life and anyting else that must be risked to keep her from hurt, lest he be punished in the most horrible, arduous way by, well, God I suppose, as well as those closest to her." The pirates behind him snickered. "And the wife, well, to do whatever she likes I suppose. She may try to make the man happy if she feels like it."
"Wait, I get an oath to protect her no matter what and she get an oath to do whatever she likes?" Norrington asked.
"And make her happy, and treat her fairly," Jack added thoughtfully. "And the little one too. Emmie's your responsibility as well." Pearl shook with supressed giggles as Norrington turned an increasingly bright shade of red. "Basically follow their every order-
"Come, that's a bit far, don't you think?" Norrington asked.
"'Obey' is traditionally in the vows," Pearl said.
"For the woman," Norrington put in.
"So for once the man can cover that," Pearl said.
"Well, I'm not taking it out," Jack broke in. "So I don't see any point in continuing unless you're willing to swear by it."
Norrington sighed. "May as well. Pearl's going to get it in the proper church wedding."
"This is going to be interesting, if they're both to obey one another," Emmie remarked. "It's going to disolve into a race to see who can order who around first."
"If I may continue?" Jack asked.
"You may. And you'd best hurry. The sun is setting."
Jack turned to glance over his shoulder, muttering, "Bloody hate being rushed."
"Could you not curse in our vows please?" Norrington asked.
Jack eyes him. "I'm conducting this ceremony and I'll bloody curse as much as I bloody want. This is proper pirate business," the crowd behind them cheered, "and if you don't like it you may just see how well you do trying to drag my daughter into a church before going through it."
He turned to Pearl, one questioning eyebrow up. Pearl's look quickly turned to a glare and she crossed her arms. "I do hope you know better than that."
Norrington sighed. "Very well. Please continue."
"Right then." Jack cleared his throat, pulling himself up to his full height. "Do you, Miss Pearl Sparrow, take this tight-assed, stuck up, maraudering bit of Commodorship to be your husband for whatever unfathomable reasons you may have."
Pearl giggled. "I do." The pirates screamed.
After the cheering subsided Jack continued, "And do you, Master Commodore, swear on pain of the most horrible death I can immagine," the pirates snickered, "swear to honor, obey, protect, and in every way please my darling daughter and her darling daughter far more than any mortal woman could possibly deserve."
Norrinton looked at him as if afraid he were being tricked. "I'm not certain that's possible, but I shall do my very best."
"Good enough, I suppose," Jack sighed. "In that case, by the power vested in me by this slightly stolen robe, and by her mother," he added with a nod for Diamond, "but most importantly by this ship and the sea she sails on and the winds that command her, I pronounce you joined together in marriage until death and beyond." Teh last rays of the sun fled at that moment, leaving only pink sky reflecting on darkening water to welcome the couple.
Pearl pounced on the Commodore as he turned, wrapping both arms aorund his neck to plunder him firmly as the crowd of pirates and few privalaged gypsies whistled and whooped. Even Diamond lifted her fingers to her mouth and let off a piercing whistle.
"All right all," Jack called over the whistles. "Back to land for the celebration, I've been assured all as want to come are welcome. The rest of you may stay here and celebrate on your own."
They whistled again, making a break for the boats. Norrington moved to follow, but found himself held close to a motionless Pearl. "I love you," she whispered. "My husband. And I promise, I will do my best to make you happy. Even to obey if that's what you ask of me."
Norrington smiled down at the woman. "I would never ask it of you. I love your wild freedom." His hands ghosted up and down her arms. "And I love you as well, my wife."
Pearl grinned, giving him a rather more chaste kiss. "We had best go celebrate then." With that she grabbed his arm and drug him toward the boats screaming, "Oy! Make way for the guests of honor, you mannerless scum!" Jack chuckled as the cat calls and howles reseaded, the happy couple lost in the grove of trees. He turned and moved the few steps to plop down beside her. She rested her head on his shoulder, as sad smile on her face as he stroked her hair. "Seems we've done the impossible, luv. We've finally married her off."
Diamond closed her eyes and sighed deeply. "And I'm happy I saw it. I am going to miss her."
Jack shook his head. "She's sailing, the same as before. She'll pop in for visits yet."
Diamond shook her head. "Pretending won't cure everything, Jack. There's no use acting as though I'm going to haunt this world much longer. I'm so tired."
"S' been a big day," Jack agreed, anxious to change the subject. "Want me to take you to your bed? You must be exhasted."
"I'm not ready to sleep, not just yet." Diamond snuggled into his arm. "Although I'll go to my bed if you'll come with me."
"Scared of the dark?" Jack asked with a chuckle.
"Aye. It's the secret you'll never hear. We whores, we have plenty of other options, we're just so damn scared of the dark."
Jack laughed as he swept her into his arm. "I never could refuse a pretty face."
He took her to her cabin, nodding shortly to Emmie, who returned his knowing look before laughing at a joke her rather drunken brother, who she had spent most of the evening hiding from their smitten father, made.
He kicked the door open, settling her on the bed before closing the door. SHe held her arms open and he crawled into the, careful no to lay on her too heavily. She seemed so fradgile suddenly, his beauty all waisted skin and bone. He pulled her close and kissed her forehead.
"Oh, to be twenty years younger."
"While you're wishing may as well make them big," Jack suggested. "Why not thirty?"
Diamond laughed. "Indeed. We did have a great deal of fun in beds thirty years ago. I'm sorry Jack. I do wish I were up to a last tumble."
"Don't you worry about it for a moment," Jack ordered. "I had my run this evening. One or the other is good enough for old Jack."
Diamond chuckled. "'Old Jack' indeed. Nothing so old about you. Do wish I'd stayed as young as you have."
Jack stiffened suddenly as the thought entered his head. In the twenty years since he'd pulled the aztec gold from the chest he'd aged perhaps five years. Will was in much the same position. "Diamond, I may have a proposition for you." The gold was still there. Had to be. He would have heard if the curse were running rampant. If he took her to the Pearl now, if they had fair winds-
"No, Jack."
He blinked down at her. "What's that?"
"I said no. There'll be no living longer than I should for the devil's ransom. Do you think you're the first to suggest it?"
Jack sighed. "Pearl."
"And Emmie. Both of them, soon as I started to go downhill. I wouldn't hear of it then, and I won't now."
Jack sighed. "Wish I'd thought of it sooner. Might have convinced you." Time. It all came down to time.
Diamond shook her head. "I've endured enough of curses. I'm ready to move on. Soon enough, anyway. Certainly not just this moment." She cuddled closer to Jack. "Why don't you tell me a story Jack."
"What story?" he asked. He would lull her to sleep quickly enough. She was exahsted. Tomorrow he could try again to convince her.
"The story of your life. Starting at the begining."
Jack kissed her cheek. "You've heard it."
"In bits and pieces. Never all together."
"It's a long story."
"We've time. Dawn is a long way off yet."
There was no way she would stay awake to dawn, Jack knew. Still, for old times' sakes, and the memory of the two of them tucked together under the eaves of the Tortuga tavern, he began his story. Began with his earliest memory, sprinked in the stories his ma had told himof his glavanting about before his memory served him.
He moved on, told of his work on any ship as would take him. Growing up in the pirate world, learning his lessons the hard way. When he came to the part of the tale where the boney slip of a boy he had been walked into her tavern he looked down and was surprised to find her eyes open, sparkling with joy as she listened. He had figured her long asleep.
"And I walked into the tavern and the most beautiful woman in world set her sights on me. I'll never know what she saw in the pile of bones and hard-earned muscle."
"I could never refuse a pretty face," she said.
Jack laughed, then continued the tale. Stories of adventure on the high seas, of working his way up in the hierarchy of the ship. Of ammassing his fortune, gaining the Pearl. He spoke lovingly of the day he met Pearl, the gift of a daughter he'd been given. Then he moved on to the tales of the two of them on the high sea. Eventually Emmie joined the exagerated tales of adventure ranging over the sea.
He became morose as the false light of dawn eeked into the room, thinking of how empty his life would be, sailing without his daughter.
He stroked Diamond's hair as he finished his tale, listening to her breathing ease although her eyes stayed open. "And then there was the wedding today," he said with a grand gesture. "Not the indefinite end for me, but an excellent end, I'd say. Wouldn't you agree?"
"I do," Diamond whispered, a wheezing cough escaping with no energy behind it. "A perfect story. A perfect end." She sighed the air from her lungs, didn't inhale for a moment, then whispered, "I love you Jack."
"And I you Diamond," Jack whispered around the lump in his throat.
The first rays of fun trespassed into the room, lighting Diamonds hair as if a fire burned. "I believe I'm ready to sleep now," Diamond whispered, her eyes falling shut. "I'll see you in the morning. All of you."
"I won't keep you waiting," he promised, stroking her hair as the air whispered from her throat in one final warm puff on his chest. He closed his eyes and let the tears fall as he stroked the departed woman's hair. A wedding one day and a funeral the next. Yes, a fantastic end.