Chapter Nine

I'm so tired of being here

Suppressed by all my childish fears

And if you have to leave

I wish that you would just leave

Because your presence still lingers here

And it won't leave me alone.

These wounds just seem to heal

The pain is just too real

There's just too much that time can not erase.

My Immortal - Evanescence

Speedle

The coffin stood in front of me, a big black beacon of the anger and the grief I was feeling. The service was long and almost intolerable. I knew that we were all struggling to get through it. To the right of me I saw Eric's face solemn and tense. His thoughts as clear as mine. He wanted revenge. Later on today there would be a raid on all key members of the Mala Noche. They were going to hell. I tilted my head up to the sky feeling the first drops of rain falling on my face. I heard a sob escape the woman next to me. I only had eyes for that coffin. She began to sniffle; I could feel her desperately try to hold back. I let my hand touch hers gently before encasing it in my own. I couldn't believe that there were nearly two deaths to mourn. Eva squeezed my hand gently in return. Her right arm was in a sling, she was physiotherapy two maybe three times a week until the wound healed completely, it had damaged some of the muscles in her neck, as a result she couldn't move her head in either direction without being inflicted with pain.

Marisol was one of her closest friends. She must be devastated, and all I could think about was the fact that it wasn't her, that Eva wasn't in that coffin, that Eva didn't die. Eva was still here, mothering both her children.

Suddenly the funeral was over and people were leaving as the rain poured from the sky fixing the mood for those of us left to mourn.

To my left I saw Horatio, his eyes, his expression masked by his sun glasses, I found myself moving towards him involuntary. I knew there were no words I could think to say that could display all my feelings to him, but somehow I found he always knew.

I stuck my hand out; as he took it I was surprised at first to find his grip weak, he took a deep breath before tightening his grip. Or a moment I knew I'd seen a glimpse of weakness in Horatio Caine.

"I'm sorry." I told him, the memories of all the feelings I'd felt at the hospital when I saw Eva crash sprung into my head. Horatio was taking this a lot better than I would of, in my head I knew he hadn't even begun to grieve, instead he was planning justice. Horatio nodded, a grim smile passing over his lips. His head moved to Eva who stood next to Delko, in deep conversation.

"Rather me than you." He said softly, and I knew he meant those words. I swallowed hard crossing my arms over my chest. I didn't want to show him anymore.

"So what's the plan of action?" I asked curious, my eyes on the soft grass beneath my shoes.

"You… Speed…Your going to go home and spend sometime with Eva and your girls." His voice was stern. I felt my eyes narrow a strong urge running through me.

"I can help; maybe nail the bastards that did this." I argued. Horatio shook his head.

"Let me and Eric handle this, your family needs you." Horatio spoke even quieter than before. I chose not to argue, some part of my logic was overrode by the knowledge of him being right. Eva couldn't look after the kids by herself due to the injury in her shoulder.

"If you need anything, Horatio call me…call us." I returned. Horatio nodded.

"I'll do that Speed." Turning away I saw Eva step towards me wearing the same expression I knew I was.

"Eric wants us to keep an eye on Oliver while they work the case." I could feel her frustration; she hated the idea of being useless as much as I did. We walked in silence for a few minutes in silence; our heads bowed working over our own separate puzzles.

"I guess we can only wait until they call us." Eva said finally. She was pissed because her injury wouldn't let her work. I was glad she got off with some muscle damage as opposed to her being killed.

I held the car door open for Eva waiting for her to climb in before closing it behind her.

Climbing into my own seat, I sat simply for a second my hands resting lightly on the steering wheel. I knew Eva's eyes were on me but I couldn't shake the feeling of dread I was experiencing. It was like watching what could have been. I rubbed my face with my hands feeling the emotions rise up in me.

"I just need a minute." I murmured to her. I needed to tell myself that that wasn't her funeral that she wasn't dead. She was not in that coffin. I felt Eva wrap her free arm around my head and cradle it into her shoulder, whilst attempting to avoid the sling. I wrapped my hands around her waist, leaning my head against hers instead.

"I was so scared." I confessed. "I kept thinking it was you in that coffin."

"I know." I opened my eyes and stared into hers. I let my lips brush hers gently.

"I couldn't do this without you." I told her honestly. She drew me into a slow kiss; I became intoxicated by the feel of her lips on mine, the scent of her hair, the feel of her skin underneath my fingertips. She was real and she was here with me.