Chapter Ten

I have lost my illusions

I have drowned in your words

I have left my confusion to a cynical world.

I am throwing myself at things I don't understand.

So Beautiful – Darren Hayes

Lily's tiny face scrunched up as she yawned as I held her. Well my left arm was holding, with the sling still on my right I could only really hold the feeding bottle I was about to feed her with. She was beautiful; she had her Daddy's eyes.

"You're so beautiful." I told her, moving the bottle towards her mouth, she began to suckle it.

"Wow, you were hungry weren't you baby." I cooed at her. I couldn't believe that me and Tim had made this tiny creature. I couldn't believe I nearly didn't end up meeting her at all. I took the bottle from Lily for a second wiping around her mouth a little with the bib. In my mind I knew I was lucky. I felt guilt twinge at the edge of my consciousness. Mari was dead, living a husband and son to fend for themselves. I felt tears begin to well up in my eyes. A small cry interrupted my overwhelming emotions. I looked down at Lily, nestled in the cook of my arm and smiled, moving the bottle towards her.

I had been lucky, when the bullet had hit me I'd fallen forward, with Oliver in my arms I'd been unable to protect my stomach, hence falling onto it. By the time the ambulances got there the baby was pretty much ready to come out, unfortunately the stress of the situation caused complications, which resulted in me being rushed to surgery to order to stop me bleeding inside and to save our baby. After the operation Lily was put into an incubator for a while due to her premature status. I was apparently unstable, which is why I crashed, after a few rounds of the shock pads I was alive and they persisted to do as much as they could to stabilize me. While the doctors were stabilizing me, Horatio was in the other room watching his wife die.

After the funeral we'd decided to follow Horatio and Eric's instructions and stay here, at home with all the kids. Tim was teaching Abbey and a one year old Oliver how to bake cookies, while giving me some time with Lily and to contemplate a few things. It was now evening and as soon as the kids had finished with the cookies it was time for baths and bed. Taking the bottle from Lily I wiped her mouth again.

"My you're a mucky pup aren't you?" I said softly to Lily as she blinked up at me.

"Tim?" I called into the kitchen, with only having one arm in full use; carrying or even burping Lily was a problem. Tim appeared in the doorway flour in his hair and dough on his clothes. I tried to suppress a giggle and failed.

"Abbey." He muttered moving towards me he reached down and took the baby. I pushed myself to my feet. Tim lifted the baby up at eye level.

"I wonder if your going to as messy when you make cookies." He said to Lily before putting her over his shoulder and patting her back gently he ambled in the general direction of the kitchen to keep an eye on the other two. The doorbell went. Tim shot me a guarded look, his eyes searching mine. I moved into the bedroom unlocking the drawer next to my bed, I took out the gun. Moving slowly towards the front door while Tim ushered the kids into the kitchen. The Mala Noche had already tried to kill me once I was taking no chances. I peered through the glass at the vaguely familiar shape, the gun cocked in my left hand. Even though one of my arms was problematic, I was still a damned good shot. Yet I put the gun down on the table beside me, and opened the door.

Eric stood there his eyes dark and haunted. His eyes went to the table behind me and he nodded, picking up the gun, he closed the door behind him and out the safety catch back on. I returned to the bedroom slipping it into the drawer and locking it again. You can never be too careful with kids about. I heard Tim's footsteps as he entered the living room. A few words were exchanged before I walked in.

"Wow I'm surprised you managed to make something so beautiful, must get her looks from her mother." I heard Eric joke as I crossed the thresh hold. Tim snorted crossing his arms. I saw the baby in Eric's arms.

"She's so small." He said staring at the baby. Lily gurgled.

"How'd things go?" I asked Eric pointedly.

"That's what I came here to talk to you both about." Eric said grinning at the baby as yawned at him.

The sounds of laughter and chaos echoed from the kitchen. Tim moved back towards the door muttering the words.

"If I find dough on the ceiling…"

I let my eyes rest on Eric while he watched the baby. I sat down on the chair across from him.

"How are you doing?" I asked him quietly. He looked me; I could see it all in his eyes.

"Fine." He said simply, and then added.

"I can't believe she's gone." I wrapped my arms around myself nodding. Neither could I. Tim exited the kitchen with a squirming Oliver, around his face was covered in chocolate. His small blue eyes found Eric and reached for him, as he let out a noise that sounded a lot like "Errri" Abbey trailed closely behind covered in mass amounts of flour.

"I'm going to bath these two." Tim announced moving in the direction of the bathroom. I cringed wondering what state the kitchen was in.

"I'm guessing Abbey let Oliver eat the chocolate chips." I murmured to Eric. I returned my gaze to him.

"So…what happens now I asked?" Eric let out a sigh before replying.

"We're going to Brazil." I didn't think I'd heard him right.

"What?"

"Her killer just cut a deal with the FBI, their deporting him to Brazil." My head spun but suddenly there was also a moment of clarity.

"So we're going to brazil to do what?" I asked him carefully not entirely getting what the hell going to Brazil would really achieve.

"You're not going. Me and Horatio are." He told me. I found myself simply starring at him.

"So you're going to go over there and…" I trailed off piecing together the scraps of information I was getting.

"You're going to kill him." I said finally. Eric gave Lily his finger, I watched as she tried to grip it. Eric said nothing.

"I'd love to say that I don't understand, and your wrong, but I can't. This bastard tried to kill Eva and our baby too." Tim said from the open doorway. He was leaning in the doorway; I could hear the bath water running in the bathroom. Eric glanced up his eyes on Tim.

"So you agree?" Tim crossed his arms over his chest.

"Let's just say I'm not totally opposed to the idea." Tim said quietly, turning his back on us and going towards the bathroom. Eric's eyes moved to me.

"If the justice system worked in this case I'd disagree, but the FBI have fucked us over. You lost your sister, Horatio, his wife and Oliver his mother, and their letting him go free." I shook my head resigned. I really could see no other way to deal with this.

"Your forgetting we also nearly lost another member of the family." his gaze went down to the baby in his arms, she was asleep, her little hands by her face."

"Members." He corrected. I smiled grimly and nodded.

"Could…Could Oliver stay with you for a while, when we're there?" he asked me cautiously. Oliver's crib was already here from where we were looking after him for a few days for Horatio.

"Sure just bring some more of his stuff over. Eric…" I started, fiddling with the engagement ring on my finger.

"Just don't take any risks, I can't… can't stand to see wither of you dead, and neither can Ollie." I told him.

Eric stood up, I followed suit, and he handed the baby back to me gently, in the crook of my good arm.

"I'll drop the stuff off tonight. I've got to get home and pack. We're leaving in the morning." He told me moving towards the front door.

"Be back in time for the wedding." I warned him. "The best man can't not be there."

Eric turned to me surprised.

"We talked about it last night you're the only person we'd want to have that position." I told him. Eric's boyish grin was back for a split second and then it was gone again.

"I'll see you later." He said softly. I looked down at Lily and then back in Eric's direction.

"Look after Horatio for me Eric." I said as Eric turned to walk out, Eric turned his head in my general direction.

"I've got his back."