Disclaimer: I own nothing but my own OCs and storylines…

She Will Be Loved

Chapter 41: Weak

By Love Ink

Esai headed towards where Raffa was standing with all of the new Santo Padre boys. They were at a big Mayan meet up with charters from all over California. They were rallying up, making plans, making moves, and he had a feeling some of what his father had planned was going to rub SAMCRO the wrong way, chiefly trying to push into Charming's city limits with their heroin trade. The Sons were at odds with the Niners, so his father thought it'd be a good idea to slide in and blame it on the rival gang. Esai had a feeling it wasn't going to work, though, and they were going to fuck up whatever peace they had with the Sons, which would only make it harder for him to win his girl back. Angela had asked for space. She'd told Lino to tell him not to contact her for a whole week while she figured shit out. Passing along the message like they were in damn high school instead of adults. He was going to respect it, though. He was willing to play by her rules if it meant he'd get a second shot. That was all he wanted. With a sigh, he sat down in a chair next to his dad, leaning back, and surveying the scene.

"Where's Angelita? Thought she'd be here for sure," Marcus asked, looking over to where Lino was standing with Vanessa and her dad, his new sponsor.

Esai had been pissed when he'd found out Lino had asked to change sponsors, even angrier when he'd found out his father had allowed it. It was yet another reminder of what a failure he was in his father's eyes. He couldn't even keep a prospect. The only silver lining about not having Lino's whiny ass as his prospect was he didn't have to listen to him complaining about the way he treated Angela. With Lino off his back, it was like he flicked away the angel portion of the devil and angel on his shoulder and could breathe a little for once without worrying about everything getting back to Angela. "We're takin' a break," he answered on a shrug. "Givin' her some space, y'know? Accident spooked her bad."

Marcus didn't look like he believed him. "Gracias a Dios, she's okay. Your mother has been worried sick about her."

"Mmm," he replied on a nod, glancing over to where his mother was talking with Vanessa's mother. "Ma talk to her?"

"They talked earlier today," Marcus replied, puffing on his cigar. "You gotta straighten up, mijo. Treat her right,or you're going to lose her. And a good woman like her don't come along every day."

"I treat her just fine," he muttered, uncomfortable with his own father meddling in his relationship. "I made a mistake, Pops. We were on a run, y'know? Didn't think cheating'd be that big of a deal."

Marcus eyed him with disappointment as he shook his head. "No big deal," he scoffed, flicking the ash off of his cigar. "I've been with your Ma for twenty-three years now, and I never found the need to stray. Not once. How you treat your woman reflects on how you treat your club. Got to show her loyalty, respect. If you can't respect her, how can I trust you to respect the club? How can I ever think of giving you that VP patch if you can't even be loyal to your girl? What you did, makes you look weak."

"Aw, c'mon, Pops. The club's different than a girl. I needed a release like...sexually," he grumbled on a shrug. "She was hurt, and I was feelin'...lonely. Club can't do that kind of shit."

"You want a release, you use your hand," he stated without a shred of embarrassment. He stood from his seat, drawing up to his full height and squaring his shoulders to look more intimidating. He stuck his finger in Esai's face like he did when he was a kid. "Angelita is a good woman. Strong, smart. You need that. You want to keep her, you have to step up your game. That stupid teenage shit won't fly anymore. Grow some balls, or you're gonna lose the best thing that's ever happened to you. Don't disappoint me, son."

Esai watched him walk away feeling like a little kid who'd been chastised. He'd never thought his father was going to be angry at him for cheating. Worse, never thought it would instill doubt in his father about his position in the club. The pressure to get back together with Angela fell heavy on his shoulders. What if he couldn't win her back this time? What was he going to do? With a sigh, he got up and headed over to where Raffa was standing with some guys from another charter. The Santo Padre boys all greeted him with handshakes and hugs. He liked the Santo Padre crew; they were all closer to his age than his own charter.

Angel Reyes's smile faded after a moment as he swigged his beer. "Heard what happened to your girl, man. How's she doin'?"

He was surprised by the question; he didn't know Angela had talked to any of the Santo Padre boys, and he definitely didn't like the idea of her getting cozy with Angel. Angel had a reputation of being a flirt and a lady's man; Esai didn't want his girl anywhere near him. Still, the guy seemed genuinely concerned for her well-being. "Yeah. Was a bad wreck. She's...she's good, I think. Thanks."

"You think?" Gilly asked around a chuckle. "You mean you don't know?"

He scratched at the back of his neck. "Nah, we...we're on a break for a little," he answered, shifting uncomfortably. He didn't know why he was being so honest. He could've totally bullshitted them, made up some lie, but his mind was too discombobulated after the talk with his old man to think fast enough to lie.

" 'cause you cheated?" Coco asked, bobbing his head as if he already knew that was the answer. Angel smacked his arm, and he scowled. "Shit, were we not supposed to know? My bad. Don't worry, man. She'll get over it. Probably."

Raffa chuckled good-naturedly. "Don't worry about it. She'll come back. She always does. Esai's like the other side of her magnet. They're just like drawn to each other, y'know?"

"Other side of the magnet repels, dude," Esai muttered on a scowl. "That don't make any sense."

"Whatever, y'know what I mean," Raffa said, taking another swig of her beer. "Esai's like a pussy magnet. The girls always go to him. Angela ain't no different. She'll be back, you'll see."

Esai wasn't so sure. He'd seen the hurt in her eyes when she'd left that night. Heard the way she'd asked for Juice instead of him when she'd woken up in that hospital bed. That had hurt. A lot. If he wasn't careful, he'd lose her to that idiot Son. If that happened, she'd be gone forever. "We'll see."

"She will, and when she does, you gotta like poke holes in your condoms. Knock her up 'n' she'll stay for sure," Raffa said, laughing drunkenly. "Ang would never leave her baby daddy. Girl's got some daddy issues for sure."

None of the other men laughed. In fact, the three Santa Padre boys looked a little put off by the idea. Even Coco, who'd always been a little unstable, didn't seem to agree. "That's fucked up," Angel said, shaking his head.

"Just kiddin'," Raffa covered up quickly. "Ang is like a sister to me. Want what's best for her, and that's my man, Esai."

"Whatever, man," Gilly said, shaking his head slowly. "I'm gonna get another beer. You guys want?"

The other two nodded and followed him towards the cooler of beer, effectively ending the conversation. Raffa rolled his eyes at them. "Man, fuck those guys. 's not like they know you and Ang. Your history. You guys are meant to be. Knock her up now, knock her up in a few years? Same shit."

Esai chuckled softly. Rafael had been his best friend since they were in diapers. He was the reason he'd met Angela in the first place. And while Raffa said he'd been joking about knocking Angela up, Esai couldn't help but think...it wasn't that bad of an idea. He wanted kids, anyway, and he wanted them with her. If knocking her up meant she'd stay with him, it didn't sound like the worst idea ever. "You really think that's a good idea?"

"I dunno. Maybe," he said on a shrug. "Do what feels right. I'm just sayin'...y'know? Girls do that shit all the time to hook guys."

"I know, I know," he replied, nodding his head. He'd already had one of the other girls try it. It turned out she was making it up the whole time, but he'd almost married her because, according to his father, it was the right thing to do. "Let's see if she give me another chance first. Hate that she's livin' with that SAMCRO idiot. He's gonna try to fly in under the radar, I'm tellin' ya."

Raffa shrugged a shoulder. "So be good. Don't fuck around on her for now. Prove you can do it, and she'll go back to you. You're a hell of a lot easier to deal with than startin' somethin' brand new with that guy. You guys know each other. The unknown is scary, man. He's unknown. He's scary."

Esai marveled over how deep Raffa could be after a few drinks. The guy was a lot smarter than some people gave him credit for. "Think I could be good if it meant I got to keep her."

"Then do it, man. Stop mopin' around and step up your game," Raffa said, smacking him on the back. "Send her some damn flowers or some shit. Romance her! Show her what she's missing! She loves you. Remind her of that shit!"

Esai chuckled and nodded in agreement. "Best idea you've had all night!"

"Fuck yeah!" Raffa said, clinking his beer bottle against his. "Now come be my wing man! I'll pick up what you reject. Let's go!"

Esai let his friend drag him towards the group of girls, already determined not to let any of the girls tempt him into fucking them. He was going to prove to his father he could be a loyal man, a man who deserved someone like Angela. No way would he let his father down. Not this time. He was going to show him he was worthy of that VP's patch no matter what.

Angela trudged to the kitchen feeling tired and achy. It'd been a week since her accident. A week since she'd last seen or heard from Esai. He'd been giving her space. To her surprise, Esai was respecting her request. She had to admit, a part of her missed him. Missed waking up beside him and being in his arms. Going to sleep and waking up alone gave her way too much time to think, and she usually ended up thinking of Raj, of Esai, of Juice...all in one big fucked up circle that kept her up half the night. It didn't help that she'd gotten a text from one of Raj's old classmates, Nadia. The girl had always had a crush on Raj, and while they'd gotten along, that crush had kept her and Nadia from ever being true friends. Still, Nadia was calling to "check in" on her since it was almost Raj's birthday...and ask for her address so she could invite her to her wedding. Angela had acted like she was excited for her, and told her she'd try to go to the wedding but inside, she was wondering if she would be in the same place now with Raj if he was still alive. If they'd be engaged by now. Planning a wedding. The thought of it kept her up all night with a lonely ache in her heart.

It was still early in the morning, and she shivered a bit in the cold living room, spotting Juice's sweatshirt on a nearby chair and putting it on without another thought. She could hear Juice humming to himself in the kitchen, hear the blender as he prepped whatever health shake he was making for the day. She couldn't help but smile when she saw him in the kitchen, half-naked, humming to himself. God, he was cute, she thought, her eyes on his ass. Cute and sexy as hell. She bit her lip, feeling a rush of heat overtake her when he started moving his hips to whatever song he had in his head.

"Jesus Christ," she whispered under her breath, trying to banish the dirty thoughts running through her mind away before he caught her looking. He was just making a damn smoothie! There was nothing sexy about it! So why couldn't she shake the image of him on top of her, moving his hips in just the right way to drive her crazy.

Luckily, he didn't hear her; he was too wrapped up in his own thoughts for that. Turning, she decided to sneak back to her room before he saw her. She made it halfway there when the floorboard squeaked underneath her feet.

"Angel?" Juice called out, leaning back so he could see out in the hallway.

She cursed under her breath, spinning around to face him. "Hey...hi...um...good morning!"

"You goin' back to bed?" he asked, raising an eyebrow at her.

Angela grimaced, trying to find a good excuse to let him be and go back to bed. "I um...didn't want to intrude on your underwear and Saturday morning cartoons routine."

"I told you, it's not cartoons, its anime," he said with a roll of his eyes. "Don't act like you don't got the Pokémon Rap memorized 'cause I know you do. I've heard you do it. C'mon, I turned on the coffee pot 'n' everythin'."

She smirked; he wasn't wrong. She'd seen enough Pokemon with him to know almost everything about it. "Fine, but only 'cause there's coffee involved," she stated, going to the kitchen and grabbing a mug out of the cupboard.

His responding smile made her heart do a little flip. "Awesome," he replied, pouring out his bright green smoothie. "Want me to put an Eggo in the toaster for you?"

Angela shook her head, standing on her toes to grab the box of Fruity Pebbles. It was just barely out of reach, though. "Shit," she muttered, about to climb onto the counter when she felt his chest press against her back, the heat of his skin sending shivers down her spine.

"This shit ain't healthy for you, you know. Too much sugar," he said, handing her the red box.

She swallowed hard, trying to ignore the urge to turn around and lean into him, wrap her arms around him and let him warm her up a bit. Instead, she focused on making her coffee, ignoring how close he was to her. "You have your fruit, I have mine."

"Whatever you say, Angel. Cheers," he said, clinking his smoothie glass to her mug before heading towards the living room.

"Goof," she shot back, following after. He sat down on one side of the couch while she took her seat on the other. She watched him watch the kid's show, listening as he shouted out suggestions of the best Pokemon to use in the battles and complained about how whiny the main character was. She should've been annoyed by him, but she found herself laughing and enjoying every minute of it. It was hard to stop smiling with him.

"What are your plans for today?" he asked during a commercial break.

She stirred her spoon around the bowl for a moment, shrugging a shoulder. "No plans really," she answered around a yawn. "Thinkin' about goin' back to sleep. Couldn't sleep all night."

"What? Why?" A look of concern crossed Juice's face. The bruise on his nose had turned into a light green color. It was a constant reminder of how he'd saved her life. Of how stupid she'd been to leave the damn road show without someone to protect her. They both could've gotten killed.

She looked down at the cereal bowl again to keep from staring at his bruised face. "I um...I got this weird call from Raj's old friend, Nadia. She wanted to check in on me, which again, was super weird. And then she invited me to her wedding. She's...she's marrying Raj's best friend, Keith. Said having me there would be like having a piece of Raj there."

His eyes grew wide in surprise. "No shit. Nadia's getting married? Are you serious?"

"Yeah, dude. Why are you so surprised?"

"I dunno. We kinda...hooked up that one New Year's party you guys had a couple years ago, and she was...all about Raj. Surprised she found a guy so soon after he...passed."

Angela's eyebrows skyrocketed up in shock. "What?"

He nodded exaggeratedly. "Yeah. We were both trashed and kinda in the same boat. She was upset about seeing you with Raj and I was upset about...other things, so we kinda just...did it in the guest room. She called me 'Raj' like twenty times. It was awkward. Thought I told you."

Her stomach churned a little with something like jealousy. Straight-laced, stick up her ass Nadia had hooked up with Juice? "No, no, you definitely didn't tell me," she muttered, trying not to look as irked by it as she was feeling. "What the hell were you so upset about that you fucked Nadia?"

"I uh...I don't remember," he answered, scratching at the back of his neck. "Why? What's wrong with Nadia? She's not ugly."

She thought about calling him on the obvious lie. The idea he was upset about seeing her with Raj crossed her mind, but she quickly pushed it away; he hadn't seen her like that back then. There was no way. "No, she's really pretty, but I just didn't think she was your type," she explained on a shrug. Nadia was taller than most men, blonde, and way too smart for her own good. She intimidated the shit out of most guys. Blondes had been a pattern with Juice. Something she'd noticed over the years she'd known him. He'd have brief hook ups with random girls, and they were usually blondes. Maybe blonde was his type after all, and she just didn't want to see it. "That's so weird. You know she and Raj hooked up before we got together, right? His one and only one night stand."

"Look at Raj, gettin' wild," Juice replied on a smirk.

Angela nodded, laughing a bit. It was the first time she'd been able to talk about Raj without ending up in tears, and it felt good. "So you've slept with Nadia who slept with Raj, who I slept with."

He chuckled, nodding his head. "Yeah and if we had sex, it'd come full circle."

Angela almost choked on her coffee at the suggestion. Her eyes met Juice's, holding his gaze for a long moment as all sorts of dirty scenarios filled her head. She honestly would not mind completing that full circle. If she was honest, she'd had dreams where they'd had sex before. Dreams where he was hers. Hell, she'd had dreams where they'd hooked up right there on the damn couch they were currently sitting on. If she set down her coffee, she could lean into him now, kiss him softly as her hands roamed all over his bare chest like they did in her fantasies. She wondered if his skin was as soft as she imagined. Heat flooded through her, turning her cheeks pink at the thought of it. His fingers fidgeted nervously, his tongue poking out to wet his lips as he leaned in just a little.

Then her phone went off. Loud and obnoxious from her room. Cutting through the heat that was sizzling between them like a blade of ice. "Shit," she cursed, inhaling sharply. She set her coffee mug down, raking a hand through her hair before practically jumping off of the couch. "I should...I should probably get that."

He nodded slowly, his Adam's apple bobbing as he swallowed hard. "Yeah, yeah, go," he said, shifting uncomfortably in his seat. He gestured to the TV screen and the stupid animated show on it. "I'm gonna...keep watchin'."

"Yeah, right. Of course," she stammered awkwardly. "I um...I'll see you around."

"Yeah. Right. I live here."

"Right."

"Fuck, this is weird," he muttered, shaking his head. " 'm sorry. I shouldn't've said that about me and you...doin' it. Didn't really think before...I mean, you're my best friend and we're just..."

"Friends. Right," she finished with a nervous laugh, though there was a stab of disappointment in her belly. "I um...I'm gonna get my phone now, and I'll...see you when I'm done with my phone call. Maybe?"

Juice nodded quickly. "Yeah, no, of course. I mean, this show's like a couple more minutes long and I'm your shadow still...and you're gonna miss that phone call so..."

"Yes! The phone. Yeah, no, going to get the phone, and um...bye," she said, mentally smacking herself as she turned and walked as quickly as she could to her room. Her cheeks were on fire as she closed the door behind her, leaning against it as she pressed her hand to her aching heart. He'd said it. Just friends. They were just friends. Which was fine with her, she told herself. Glancing at her phone, she frowned when she saw Esai's name on the caller ID. Right on time. Exactly a week. With a heavy sigh, she answered the phone and leaned back on her bed, mentally telling herself to be strong and not give into him unless he put up one hell of a fight.

Juice stood up from the couch with a groan, his heart feeling heavy. That moment with Angela was still on his mind. The way she'd looked at him with that fire in her eyes had stirred something inside of him. God, he'd wanted to kiss her then. Just grab her and kiss her until she couldn't breathe, treat her like the strong, smart woman she was. He wanted to take her out, show her to the world, hold her damn hand and never let her go. He hated Esai with a passion for hurting her the way he had. She deserved better. So much better.

He rinsed his glass out, putting it in the dishwasher before heading back to his room to change for the day. On the way past her room, he heard her sigh. A long, heavy, sad sigh that made his heart ache. Leaning against the wall, he listened to her conversation.

Her voice was louder than usual. Angry and confrontational as if she was trying to start some kind of fight or at least defending herself if they were already in one. "Yeah...no. Yeah, I shouldn't have run off like that, but you promised you wouldn't cheat again, convinced me you were different, and here we are in the same damn place!...If you love me so much, fuckin' act like it," she urged, and Juice could hear the floorboards creak under her feet as she no doubt paced the room. "No, no you don't act like it. You cheated! Again! How would you like it if I cheated on you? You wouldn't right?...So why the fuck do you think you can do it to me?"

Juice bit his lip to keep from smirking at her reasoning. For once, it sounded like she was sticking up for herself. Angela sighed, and he could picture her raking her hands through her hair. "I don't deserve this, E," she murmured, her voice softer, sadder.

There was a long pause, and he wondered what story Esai was weaving for her. "You say these beautiful, wonderful things, but you don't act like it. If you think I'm wife material, then treat me like it. If you just want to have fun, then maybe we should just take a break. You do you and I'll do me."

A sliver of hope filled Juice at the idea of Angela and Esai taking a break. It wasn't even for his own selfish reasons that he wanted them apart; he just wanted Angela to be happy. Ever since she'd gotten back together with Esai, there was a heaviness about her, like a black cloud was perpetually hanging over her head. She didn't smile or laugh as easily as she had in the past. She was unhappy, and it killed him to see her like that. She deserved better, and it seemed like she was just starting to realize that.

"No, Esai, its not because I don't love you anymore. I do, I just...I feel like I can't trust you anymore," Angela murmured, sniffling slightly. "You said you'd be better. You promised...You think you can be better? Fuckin' prove it! You want to get married down the line, and I'm not gonna do that if you're fuckin' other girls!"

Juice slid down to sit on the ground by her room, tilting his head back against the wall. It hurt to hear how hurt she was. The conversation switched to Spanish, and he could hear the pain in her words even if he couldn't understand them. Everything was silent for a moment before he heard a loud crunch, followed by another, and then the sound of glass breaking. Without hesitating, he pushed open the door, something he'd never done before. His heart broke at what he found there. Angela was standing at her vanity, its mirror cracked and broken. Her head was down, shoulders heaving as she breathed heavily. Her hands were braced on the edge of the vanity, blood slowly dripping from her hand onto the wooden floor.

"Jesus Christ," he breathed, taking a step closer.

"I'm okay," she murmured softly. Her hair was in front of her face, hiding it from view.

Juice took a step closer, shaking his head. "No, you're not. Let me see your hand," he said, reaching for it.

She moved it out of his reach, turning away from him. "I'm fine."

"You're bleeding," he pointed out lamely.

She stretched out her hand, looking at her split knuckles as if shocked she was hurt. "Shit. 's okay. Doesn't hurt."

"Angel. Look at me. What happened?"

Her dark eyes were filled with pain when her gaze finally met his. She swallowed hard and shrugged a shoulder. "Nothin'. He said he was sorry. We're on a break for now. If he can keep his dick in his pants, I'll give him another chance."

Juice frowned, wondering how on earth she could do that. Esai had treated her like shit, cheated on her, and she was willing to take him back. "Why?"

"I dunno," she said, raking her non-injured hand through her hair. She smiled sadly, a soft chuckle escaping her lips. "Because I'm weak, and I love him?"

"That's not true, Angel. You're not weak, you're just..."

"Stupid," she supplied, still smiling just a little.

He chuckled softly and shrugged. "Your words, not mine," he said, tugging her hand gently as he walked to the bathroom outside of her room. "C'mon, I'll patch you up."

She followed after him slowly, almost as if in a daze. Once inside, she sat down on the closed toilet, her injured hand resting on her sweats, her blood soaking into the dark grey fabric. She stared at the wall in front of her, eyes unfocused while he got out the alcohol and band-aids to patch her up.

"Let me see that hand, baby," he said, holding his hand out to her. That snapped her out of her daze, her dark eyes meeting his. He'd only called her 'baby' once before after her accident, and he wasn't sure if she even remembered that. Her expression was curious as she studied his face, her eyes boring into him so intensely, he had to look away. He focused on her hand, gently touching the cotton-ball soaked in alcohol to one of the cuts on her knuckles. She winced, hissing softly in pain. He frowned, hating to hurt her. "Sorry, sorry. Just want to make sure you don't got glass in here."

" 's okay. Sorry about the floor. I'll clean it later."

Juice raised his eyebrows at her, surprised she was apologizing about the floor when she was bleeding all over the place. "That's nothin', Angel. Just want to make sure you're okay."

She looked a little relieved as she nodded. "Thanks."

"Hey, you cleaned me up back in New York. Figured I'd return the favor," he teased, gently wrapping gauze around her hand.

"You needed a lot of cleaning back then. Always somethin' new with you," she mused, shaking her head at him. "Fuckin' Ozone Crew always gettin' you in trouble."

Juice chuckled a little, nodding in response. "You always took care a me, though. Even when Raj was over, you never gave a shit. Always made time for me."

She smiled a little, shrugging a shoulder. "You're my best friend, Juice. 'course I made time to take care of you when you needed it. Raj was always busy anyway. He was just thankful you were around to keep me entertained so he could study without me bothering him."

"I loved those nights. Getting high on the roof and watching whatever shitty movie you picked," he said, knowing it'd make her smile again.

"Not shitty. Brilliant," she corrected, though it did get her to smile again. Her smile faded after awhile. She sighed heavily. "I'm sorry I've been such a mess lately."

Juice shrugged a shoulder. "Nothin' to be sorry about," he said, starting to throw away the cottonballs. "Just want you to be happy. Hate seein' you hurtin'. Mentally, emotionally, physically..."

Angela nodded, letting out a long, relieved breath. "Thanks."

He leaned forward and kissed her forehead, something he'd never done before. It felt right to do it now, though. "I got you, Angel. Always."