Happy New Year everyone! I wish you all good health and a great 2021!

Big thanks to Ang R for some ideas for this one! I enjoyed writing it a lot! :)

Disclaimer: I own nothing but my OCs

She Will Be Loved

Chapter 45: Butterflies

By Love Ink

Juice watched half of his brothers get ready to head back to Charming, a sinking feeling in his stomach. Clay had told him to stay behind for another week to help update the Tacoma charter's technology. He knew he had to do what his president said, but he was tired of the rain and sleeping on some sweat-stained cot in the storage closet of the SAMTAC clubhouse. All he wanted to do was go home to his bed, to Angela. He missed her. Jax, Clay, and Tig started up their bikes, the sound of their engines filling the air. He watched them leave with a frown wishing he was going with them. Sighing, he grabbed his phone and dialed Angela's number.

"Hey you," she answered, that familiar warm note to her voice that sent butterflies fluttering in his stomach. He'd never admit, but he loved the feeling; it made him feel warm and fuzzy. "You about to head home?"

He swallowed hard, feeling miserable as he sank down onto the bench in front of the clubhouse. "I wish," he muttered, rubbing a hand over his head. "No, I'm...I'm stuck here for another week. Gotta update all their tech."

"Oh." There was a hint of disappointment in her voice that made him feel just a little better; maybe she missed him just as much as he missed her. "That sucks."

"Yeah," he agreed, leaning back a bit. "How are you? What are you up to? Everything okay?"

Angela sighed softly. "All good here. Finally healed up enough to actually work with some clients. Koz is being a big baby about it all, but apparently, Piney refused to take his spot no matter how much tequila he promised."

Juice wondered how much protection Piney would really offer her anyway. He much rather she be with Kozik. The guy may seem like an easy going guy, but he could turn on you in a second. Kozik, like Happy, was lethal when he needed to be. "Think you'd need your own bottle of tequila if you had to put up with him anyway."

Her responding laugh made him smile. "Need one to put up with Koz too, to be honest. He gets all fidgety when he's bored. Drivin' me nuts."

"Got some weed in my top drawer if you want it. Good shit too," he offered, wishing he could be there to smoke it with her. "How was your girl's night?"

"Good," she chirped, her voice higher than usual. "Just got drunk with Nessa, Ro, and Lino. Nothing too exciting. You having fun with the SAMTAC crew?"

"Wouldn't call it fun. Lots of bitch work and computer shit."

"Lucky you," she replied on a chuckle. There was a sharp whistle, and he saw Quinn heading over to him. "Ooh. I know that whistle. Say hi to Gigantor for me."

Juice nodded, wondering what the hell Quinn could possibly want from him. "Yeah, will do."

"Guessin' you got to go?"

He scratched at his eyebrow, hating to end the call so soon. It felt like he hadn't been able to talk to her in forever, and he missed her. "Looks like it."

"Be safe over there, goof."

"You too. Don't go dodging Koz. He might be a whiny ass, but he's there for a reason," he pointed out.

Angela sighed heavily. "I know, I know. I'll talk to you later?"

"Yeah, for sure. Maybe for more than five minutes next time."

"Promises, promises," she sang. "Go, goof. 'fore you piss off the Thing."

Juice smirked at the Fantastic Four reference as Quinn neared. "Just how many superhero names do you have for him?"

"Too many."

"How many do you call him to his face?"

"Zero," she said on a laugh. "Don't want him to hulk out on me."

Juice looked up at Quinn as he stood before him. The guy was huge, and intimidating as hell. He wondered what he acted like with Angela since she seemed to think he was some big softie. Juice had yet to see that side of him. "Yeah, that would be bad."

"That the kid?" Quinn asked, nodding at the phone.

"Tell him I'm a grown ass woman, and I have a name," Angela said, though he could tell she was smiling.

"Yeah, I'm not repeating that," Juice muttered, just as Quinn swiped the phone from his hand. "Hey!"

Quinn put the phone to his ear. "Hey sweetheart! How you doin'? You givin' the prospect a hard time?" he asked as he began to walk away with the phone.

"Hey! That's my phone!" Juice called after him.

"You'll get it back," Quinn said, waving him away. "Get inside. Pres needs you for something."

Grumbling to himself, he headed inside already missing her. He hated how they were so often interrupted. He wished he could just spend some time with her without the club or that asshole Mayan intervening. He missed the nights they'd spend on her roof in New York, smoking weed and talking about nothing. "One more week," he murmured to himself, already counting down the days.

Angela hung up the phone with Quinn, a small smile on her face. She loved that guy. He was a big brute, but he had a huge soft spot and once you got to know him, he was actually pretty funny. Still...she would much rather have stayed talking to Juice. She missed him always being around. The house felt lonely without him there, despite Kozik sleeping on the couch in the living room. She hadn't mentioned how things had ended with Esai, wasn't really ready to go into it with him. A part of her still couldn't believe it was true. Her relationship with Esai was finally over. For good this time, she'd decided. After being in love with him since she was fourteen, she'd finally closed that chapter of her life.

Leaning back in her work chair, she glanced at her phone as it buzzed again. It was Esai. He'd been texting and calling her since she'd ended it, and she refused to reply to a single message. There was no point to it. Nothing he could say was going to change her mind.

The front door chime went off, and she glanced over at Kozik, who was asleep on the couch in the office, his feet kicked up on the cushions. Sighing, she went over to shake him awake. He came to with a start, rubbing a hand over his face. "What?" he asked grumpily.

"Someone just walked in. I'm gonna see what's goin' on. Thought you might want to know since you're supposed to be my bodyguard and all."

"Right," he replied, getting up with a groan. "Just keep within earshot and holler if you need me."

"You got it." Angela sighed, raking a hand through her hair as she headed towards the parlor. To her surprise, Chloe was standing there with some pamphlets in her hands. "Hey Chlo. What are you doin' here?"

"Hey," Chloe replied with a smile. "I always forget you work here. Feels like I haven't seen you around the hospital for awhile."

"Yeah, I've been out of town," she lied easily. She didn't know Chloe well enough to tell her about the car accident and what happened after that. "What's up?"

Chloe handed her the bundle of pamphlets. "I kinda...have been helping start this group for grief counseling for women who've lost loved ones," she explained, shifting a bit nervously. "We just got these printed up, so I thought I'd...bring some straight to the source. Would you...would mind putting them on display somewhere or like...giving them to people you think might need them?"

Angela glanced at the pamphlet, smiling sadly at the cheesy butterflies on the front of it. "You believe in this stuff?"

"It helps more than you would think. A lot of the times when you lose someone, you feel so alone, and people...they tell you they're sorry and give you their condolences, but, unless they lost someone too, they don't really know how it feels. Every single person in this group does, though. So you can be messy and angry and sad and they get it. It's kinda...freeing."

She flipped thumbed through the little pamphlet. It was filled with cheesy sayings and the typical images associated with grief. Doves, butterflies, cloud with sun shining through...Angela had seen it all. "There a lot of people there?"

"Think the most we've had is about five. Including me. Hence the pamphlets," she explained with a little smile. Her eyes grew sad after a moment. "A-are you asking for you or for a friend?"

Angela stared down at the butterflies again. "Me," she stated softly. "I um...my boyfriend died in a hit and run couple months ago, and I know it's silly for me to be so hurt 'cause he was just my boyfriend not my husband or whatever, but..."

Chloe touched her arm in a soothing matter, her almond-shaped hazel eyes filled with sadness. "Not silly, at all," she assured her with an understanding smile. "My fiancée was a police officer. NYPD. Had just made detective, just proposed. He went out on a call and never came back. He wasn't my husband either but talking things through with these other ladies feels...good. Has given me a lot of healthy coping mechanisms and helped me stand on my own a little better. We got a meeting tonight. You should come."

She shrugged a shoulder, not sure if she was comfortable talking about Raj to a bunch of strangers. It was hard enough to talk about him with people she did know. "Yeah, maybe."

"We don't bite. I promise," she told her with a wink.

Angela smirked, fanning out the pamphlets and setting them out on the side table. "I'll at least set them out for other people."

"Thanks," Chloe said with a smile. Her phone buzzed, and she grimaced. "Shit, I'm late for work. Hopefully, I'll see you tonight."

She watched Chloe rush out with a smile, shaking her head at the girl. "You know, it's not a bad idea," Kozik said from behind her. She turned to glare at him, and he shrugged it off. "It's not. You go, talk about sad shit with other sad people. You got this stupid idea in your head that you're alone, and you're not. You're not the only one to feel this way. To lose someone."

"I dunno, Koz. A therapy group?" she asked, wrinkling her nose. Her family was staunchly against talking to outsiders. They relied on each other for help.

"Just go once. You might like it. Get you some new friends or somethin'. Be good for you. Healing and shit."

Angela hesitated, staring at the cheesy butterflies again. "I'm not a widow."

"She said it didn't matter. Just fuckin' go! If you don't like it, you can leave. No one will give a shit. I went to all those Narcotics meetings for you, you can go to this for me."

She stared at him, slack-jawed. She'd helped him get sober, making sure he went to the meetings, and stayed true to the program. It was shocking to her that he'd throw that back in her face. "You can't pull that card!"

"I can, and I did. Go. Do it. Earn your sad lady chip or whatever. Bet you they'll at least have homemade cookies and shitty coffee. Those kind of meetings always do."

She sighed heavily before shrugging. He wasn't entirely wrong; it might be nice to make some new friends outside of the Mayan and SOA circles. "Fine. 's not like I have anything better going on."

He chuckled, nodding enthusiastically. "That's the spirit."

Angela was surprised when she walked out of her bedroom, freshly showered and changed, to find Jax Teller sitting on her couch instead of Kozik. To her knowledge, Jax had never been to her house, and she had no idea what he was doing there. She finished tying off her braid, wondering where the hell Kozik was. "Umm...what are you doing here?"

"Kozik needed to step out. I'm your shadow," he explained with a sly grin. "Under strict orders to tail you to some therapy meeting and make sure you actually go."

"And you're okay with that?"

Jax shrugged nonchalantly. "Sure. Maybe I can pick up a grieving widow."

"Lovely," she muttered sarcastically. "I'll have you know, most of the grieving widows are probably old enough to be your mother."

"Bummer," he said, though he was still smiling. He got up from the couch with a grunt. "Ready to go?"

Angela hesitated. She was really nervous about going to the meeting; she wasn't used to sharing her feelings period, let alone with strangers. What was she supposed to say to them? How could she compare losing her boyfriend with losing a husband? It felt trivial and stupid. "Maybe we should just stay. I don't really...belong there."

"Nah. You're going. I was told to force you to go even if I had to tie you down to the back of my bike and take you over there."

She glared at him; she'd like to see him try. "It just...what happened to me seems insignificant. These people lost husbands, fiancées. Raj was just my...boyfriend."

"Who you saw get plowed down by a car. Think you're good trauma wise. No one's gonna think you're weird for bein' there. Just go. If it feels wrong, leave. I'll be waitin' right out front, 'n' I won't tell Koz you bounced early. Promise."

"How 'bout you just tell him we went, and we can stay here instead?"

Jax shook his head at her. She hated how amused he looked by it all. "Nope. You gotta go," he insisted.

Angela sighed, grabbing her car keys and gesturing to the door. "Fine. But you're not coming inside."

"Wasn't planning on it," he muttered, leading her out the door. "Lead the way, undertaker."

She rolled her eyes at him as she got in the car and started it. He stayed beside her as she drove to the small community center and watched her as she headed inside. Taking a deep breath, she opened the door, not at all surprised to see those shitty plastic chairs all set out in a circle formation. Half of them were filled with women of different ages. There was a table in the corner filled with home-baked goods that smelled delicious.

"Hey! You made it," Chloe greeted with a warm smile. "Just in time. Grab a cookie and take a seat."

Angela grabbed a cup of coffee and a cookie, taking a seat next to one of the older women there. Kim, the director and apparently a licensed counselor, started the meeting off, and she listened as the women discussed their losses. The youngest one there couldn't have been more than eighteen and was grieving the loss of her high school boyfriend to cancer. As sad as her story was, Angela felt a little better hearing she wasn't the only one who there for the loss of a boyfriend, not a spouse.

"Angela, what about you? Anything you would lie to share?" Kim asked, her hazel eyes looking her over. She pushed a piece of her dark red hair behind her ear. "What brought you here tonight?"

"Oh. Um. Chloe did. I'm...a mortician over a Dubrowski's, and I...m-my boyfriend, Raj, was hit by a car a few months ago, and...died. Aaaand that's why I'm here."

Kim nodded slowly. "And how have you been processing your grief?"

Angela grimaced, looking around the room awkwardly. She hadn't really thought about her own grieving process. Her eyes met Chloe's, and the other woman gave her an encouraging nod. "Oh. I um...don't really know," she lied, playing nervously with her ring. In honesty, the answer was she'd jumped straight back into bed with Esai despite knowing it was doomed from the get go. Had things been different, she would've never given him the time of day. Losing Raj had made her weak, vulnerable. "Guess part of it was...getting back together with my cheating ex."

"Classic. Getting over someone by getting under someone else," one of the girls chimed in with a nod.

"I did it," Chloe said with a smirk. " 'cept not with my ex. With a lot of...other guys. I went wild."

Kim chuckled, shaking her head at Chloe's comment. "It isn't out of the normal for things like that to happen. When you lose someone you love, you seek comfort in others. It's hard to be alone. Where are you at with him now?"

"We ended things. Not well, but yeah, it's over."

"Can I give you some advice?" Kim asked, leaning forward and narrowing her eyes a bit. "Don't jump into bed with anyone else right away. Take some time for yourself and learn who you are again. Allow yourself to be vulnerable and alone...romantically, that is. Seek support in friends, family, us. Talk about Raj, find your peace with what happened. Once you do that, you can move on."

For some reason, Angela's thoughts drifted to Juice. She nodded anyway, knowing it was good advice. It was something she should've done from the start. "I'll do my best."

"Good. Now, Roberta..." Kim set her attention on someone else, and Angela relaxed a bit.

Angela found she actually enjoyed the meeting. Listening to the other women talk was relaxing and while she knew she had a lot of friends and family to fall back on, it was nice to know she wasn't alone in her grief. That there were other people out there who'd been through what she had and had come out on top. It was a much healthier way to deal with grief than the way she'd opted for. Once the meeting was over, she headed over to the baked goods table planning to grab a cookie for Jax as a peace offering.

Chloe elbowed her side softly. "So? Wasn't so bad, huh?"

She smiled, shaking her head. "Not at all. Kinda enjoyed it actually."

"Good. I'll add your number to our phone tree and e-mail it to ya. You ever feel so lonely you want to get back into bed with blue-eyes, you give one of us a call, and we'll show up with some red wine and have a dead lover party," she told her with a warm smile. Angela was surprised by her bluntness, which made Chloe grin. "You gotta laugh about it a little. If you don't laugh, you'll end up crying and that's never fun."

"Been there. Too many times, usually with a bottle of tequila," she said on a laugh. "Can I help clean up?"

"Nah. Narcotics Anonymous comes after us. We leave all the goodies here for them. Widows cook better than recovering addicts," she joked as she walked away. "I'll see you next week, though?"

Angela nodded, wrapping up several of the homemade chocolate cookies in a napkin. She headed to the door, surprised when she walked out to find Jax leaning against his bike talking to a very pretty woman. She made sure he saw her before hanging back a bit, letting him finish his conversation. The woman pecked his cheek then walked towards the building, breezing by Angela. Once she was inside, she headed Jax's way. "You know the meeting after ours is typically Narcotics Anonymous," she said, feeling a little guilty about calling the girl out but also not wanting Jax to go into something blindly.

"I know. Me and Wendy go way back. Old drinking buddies. Didn't know she was back in town," he said, flicking ash off his cigarette.

"Ah. She's the mysterious one that got away, then."

Jax snorted at that, shaking his head. "Nah. Not this one. She was a Croweater awhile back. Really liked her, actually. When she's not high, she ain't bad. Takin' her out tomorrow."

Angela nodded slowly. "Out on a date?"

He shrugged a shoulder. "Sure, why not? Think I might need to start settlin' down a bit. Grow up. Clay said I could be VP when Piney steps down, but I got growin' to do first."

"Getting a girlfriend doesn't really show maturity," she pointed out to him, leaning against her car.

"Getting an Old Lady will. Shows I'm loyal, faithful. All that bullshit. Plus, you said it helped you get over your dead guy, maybe I need this to help with my ex problems," he stated, shrugging again.

Angela shook her head at his logic. "It definitely wasn't the right move to help me get over Raj, so please don't justify what you're doin' by using me as an example," she said, wrinkling her nose.

Jax rolled his eyes at her. "Just one date, Ang. That's it. Ain't gettin' married or anythin'."

"Uh-huh, just...don't rush into this it because you want the VP patch. Seems stupid."

"Just a date. See where it goes from there," he repeated, shrugging. He nodded to the building behind her. "How'd it go in there?"

Angela shrugged a shoulder. "Good, I think. I dunno. Not one for all this therapy bullshit, but it was nice to be with other people who know how it feels."

"You gonna come again?"

"Think so."

"Good." He nodded to the napkin in her hands. "Whatcha got there?"

She handed him the cookies. "Cookies. My way of saying thanks."

Jax took them from her with a smile. "You are very welcome," he said, taking a bite of one. "Wasn't so bad bein' your shadow. Got a cookie and a date out of it. Think I'll opt for shadow duty more often. Much better than workin' in the garage."

She laughed, shaking her head at him. "You were my shadow for half a day, Teller. It only gets harder from here."

He gave her a shit eating grin. "We'll see about that."

I'm really digging Jax and Angela's friendship, if you haven't noticed. ;)

Thank you all for your reviews! I've taken them to heart and the story has veered a little off the course I had originally had it on. ;) So please keep those reviews and thoughts coming! I love appreciate them all! :)

~Love Ink