Chapter 12: If You Only Knew

Emilia finished her shower and quickly opened the door to retrieve the clothes that Subaru had brought her. Her normally pale face was bright red as she only wore a towel. However, she noticed that Subaru wasn't in the room.

"That's odd." She noted as she stepped into the room.

At that moment, the door opened, and Subaru walked in. His hair was wet, and he was wearing different clothes. "You sure take a while."

"Eep! Well, uh, I was thinking about something." She tried to convince him that she wasn't doing anything strange. In reality, she hadn't been. But the blush on her face gave off a different idea.

"Okay. Well, Rem and Ram are almost done with breakfast."

"Subaru?"

"Yea?"

"Where did you go?"

Subaru chuckled. "What, miss me already?"

Emilia's face went even darker. "N-No, uh your hair is wet, and I was in your shower so…"

"Rem let me borrow hers." That came out wrong.

"Sh-she let you borrow hers?"

"Yea." He rubbed his neck. "She was already dressed and making breakfast. I told her about earlier and she said I could use hers while you used mine."

"You told her that I was in here?"

"Not really. I told her that you came in here because of a bad dream and I let you use my shower. I didn't tell her that you weren't wearing clothes."

Emilia seemed to relax a tad. "I guess that's alright."

"Now, come on. Time to eat."

The two walked down to the dining room in an awkward silence. By the time they reached the stairs, Emilia was frightened again. Her purple eyes showed confusion and terror. Subaru noticed when she stopped walking.

"Emilia?"

No response.

"Emilia!" He gently shook her shoulders.

"Huh?" Tears were rolling down her cheeks. "Subaru!" She jumped on him and cried.

"What happened?"

Emilia wiped her eyes. "I-I don't know. It was part of my dreams, but I'm awake." Her voice hitched. "Subaru, I'm scared."

"I know. Shhhhh." He tried to comfort her as she held onto him. "It'll all be alright. I'm right here." They stood in the hallway together for a while. Eventually, someone came and found them.

Downstairs

Rem was getting impatient. She had gone through all the trouble to make a special breakfast for the man she loved, and he was still not here. Ram just told her he was slow to get out of bed, but Rem was still a touch annoyed. So, she went to get him.

As she walked through the halls, her mind began to wander. She remembered the night she spent in his arms. The warm feeling of his embrace brought a smile to her face and a skip in her step. Rem skipped down the hall giddily, happy with her memory. When she reached the bottom of the stairs to go up, she heard crying from above her.

'What's that?' She thought as she slowly walked up. She heard Subaru talking to someone else. When she got to the top, she peeked around the corner to see Subaru holding Emilia. 'I wonder what's wrong?'

Rem stepped up and slowly approached the two. "Subaru, Emilia, breakfast is ready whenever you are ready." She really didn't want to interrupt them, but she had to do her job. "Take your time."

Subaru noticed her sad tone when she said that last bit. "Rem."

"Yes?"

"Thank you. We'll be down in a little bit. Just let me get her calmed down again and we'll meet you down there."

"Right." Rem skipped off once again leaving the two to their own.

Emilia looked up with red puffy eyes. "I'm sorry Subaru."

"For what?"

"Being a burden."

"You're not a burden, Emilia. You're precious to me. I love you." He held her to him as her breathing began to calm down.

Her heart began to race at his words. "I, I love you too Subaru." She pulled him to her with as much strength as she had. "I love you so much my heart hurts." Before she could stop herself, she leaned up and kissed him. "You make all the bad things go away. I don't know how you do it, but you do."

"I love you, Emilia. But like I've said before, Rem is also very special to me. I, I don't want to have to choose."

"Then don't choose." Her sweet voice brought him out of his thoughts.

"Wait, what?"

"Don't choose. There are plenty of people that have more than one spouse or love interest."

"Emilia, two weeks ago, you had no idea what love really was. Now you know?"

"It was one of my dreams." She started. "I see a man in a purple and red robe and a woman that looks like me. The way they talked and acted around each other, the smiles that were always on their face, the laughs they shared. That's what love is I think."

To be fair, that was love. Although she saw it as a dream, it happened. She was there to witness it.

"Well, I'm glad you understand how I feel about you. I also get how that can hurt when I say the same thing about another."

"Yea, it hurts a little, but I get it. I've seen your heart at work. I know that it's big enough to love more than one person. I just wish it could all be for me." She mumbled the last bit to herself.

"Say the word and I will tell Rem that I can't love her because I'm with you."

"No! I, I can't do that to her. Subaru, she's loved you since that night in the forest. She is borderline obsessed with you. I heard her speaking to Ram the other day. She said that she didn't care if we were together, as long as she was close to you, she'd be okay."

Subaru took a second to think. 'How could she be that dedicated?'

"Subaru, if you are going to choose. Please, choose her."

That shocked him more than any of the times he'd died. He spent so much time, so many lives spent on ensuring her happiness. Now, she was telling him to choose Rem. It wasn't that he loved Rem any less, but…

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. I love you, I think. But I don't want to be wrong and hurt you. Rem knows what she wants. She wants to love you and for you to love her. Maybe, after the whole Selection thing is over, I can think more on the matter." She stood on her toes and kissed him.

"I will always be by your side Emilia. I will help you win this election."

"Thank you, but please, show Rem the love you show me. Maybe, you'll be happier. If you'll excuse me, I need to get something from my room." She turned to walk off. "I'll see you down at breakfast."

"O-Okay." Subaru was stunned. The girl he had loved since he got to this world just told him to love someone else. He didn't know what to think.

Emilia walked to her room with great haste and shut the door behind her. As if on cue, Puck came out of the crystal on her desk.

"Are you okay, Lia?" Puck saw her go to her bed and sit down. Her head in her hands.

"Puck? What are these things I keep seeing? Do you know?"

Puck hoped this day would never come. The hold on her memories was slipping. She was beginning to remember who she was prior to the ice. She was remembering her people and her family.

Realizing that he couldn't dodge the subject forever, he decided to tell her what he knew. "Emilia." He used her full name to get her attention. "My hold on your past is coming undone. I'm sorry. I had hoped that you could have gone through life and not ever worry about this. What you're seeing is your memories from before the ice, your life before the ice."

She sat back on her palms for a second. This was big news. Her entire life before Puck had been shut into her own mind and locked away. However, she didn't know why. "Puck? Why did you shut my memories away?"

"Because I love you, my daughter." That was always Puck's reasoning.

"No! I want the truth Puck!" Her outburst even shocked herself. "Please."

Puck sighed. "I know. I'm sorry Lia. I wanted to shield you from whatever hurt you in your past."

"Hurt me?"

"I don't exactly know what it was. But I do know that whatever it was caused the icing of the forest."

"I-I did that."

"I believe so. I didn't want you to have to live with the pain of whatever caused you to lose control of your powers. So, I shut the memories away. I guess, your mind is growing out of my hold. I'm so sorry Lia. I wish it didn't have to be like that. I just wanted to protect you." He placed his little gray paws over his eyes.

Emilia just sat in thought for a moment. She had caused the frost that she lived in for many years. Puck was just trying to keep her happy and safe. "It's okay Puck. I forgive you." She wrapped Puck in her arms gently as not to squeeze his small form. Together they sat there in silence and let the revelations of the past few minutes wash over them.