A/N: The rumors of my demise have been greatly exaggerated. I had originally planned to put up a new chapter every week or so but life had other things planned for me. I'm on break for a while now so I'll try and get writing for y'al. I feel especially bad for keeping Wanda/John pairing so long from Lady MR, and evolutionary spider but i've read some other fics and there seems to be some more Wanda/John matching-making going on so I hope you have been sustained until now :)

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the X-Men/Marvel/WB characters, some of these lines are not even mine but taken or paraphrased from various cartoons and comics I've read. What can I say, but I suck with dialogue. Just have some story in my head that won't go away so I'm writing it down. I don't get any money for this, only a mild break in boredom.

thoughts
~~la la singing/music~~


NINE TO FIVE: Chapter Six - I always figured you'd like it kinky

***Previously in Nine to Five***

"Come, Peter, we'd better be gettin' back to base, if dere's anyt'ing left of it," Remy greeted his solemn friend.

"Yes, I do not think it was a good idea to leave John alone, playing with the gas stove. I do not think he was only making macaroni and cheese," Piotr joked.

His friend laughed. "Oui, but I don' t'ink it would have been safe if we stayed either, non. I don' wish to be barbecued. 'sides Mastermind an' Sabertooth bailed out 'fore we did, dey are just as responsible as us." Remy paused. "I hope it is still dere. I t'ink dat Monsieur Magneto would be non too pleased if dere was no base when he gets back." Remy mused for a second. "He'd have to put world domination on hold and work twice as hard on dose etch-a-sketches of his."

They pulled up to Magneto's base. From the outside the building looked fine, despite the worries of leaving a firebug alone in a secluded area for much of the afternoon. "Let us go see if anything remains inside," Piotr suggested.

Remy and Piotr approached the base carefully - expecting it to explode at any second. Piotr changed into his metal form and slowly opened the door.

The living quarters were dark, silent, and surprisingly intact save a steady vibration of bass coming from a certain Acolyte's bedroom.

"Dis reminds me a little too much of a horror flick," Remy commented, noticing the silent, stagnant nature of the house.

"Yes, if a knife-wielding homicidal maniac should sneak up behind us or jump out of a closet, I would not be surprised," Piotr agreed. "Perhaps we should go make sure John is still breathing." Remy nodded in agreement.

The two moved together back to back toward the room of the pyromaniac, still wary of the silence. As they got closer they were able to make out some of the words to the rock music playing in the Aussie's room: ~~...And I will not die, I will not die, I will not die...~~ "Dat homme has some strange taste," Remy muttered.

They knocked: no answer. They knocked again: Again, same result. Peter tested the door: unlocked. He preceded to swing the door open to reveal a most peculiar sight.

St. John stood on a chair with his back to the door. He was wearing one of Magneto's capes and a newspaper hat on his head. In his hand he was holding an uncooked spaghetti noodle. Littered about the room were over a hundred candles. The flames rose and fell and leaped from candle to candle like the fountains at Disneyland while John conducted them to his favorite Australian band by brandishing the spaghetti noodle in the air.

Being too involved in his work, John did not notice Remy and Piotr watching him until the song ended and they started clapping.

"Bravo, encore, encore," Remy shouted. Piotr whistled.

Startled, John slipped on the chair and fell to the ground. "Don't you blokes know any better than to sneak up on a guy like that?! What the hell happened to knocking?"

"We did, John," Peter answered, "but you were too involved in your 'work' to notice." Piotr and Remy laughed.

"Why did you come in here in the first place?" John asked as he stood up. "If I had left my friend alone out in the bloody boondocks for half the day, I wouldn't want to mess with him."

"De place was still in one piece, we wanted ta make sure you were still breathin'," Remy answered.

"You're just lucky that I took that anger management class while I was at juvie," John responded and brushed off his pants.

Remy replied sarcasticly, "You? Manage your anger? Nice hat, mon ami. Really brings out your eyes." St. John reached up to the top of his head and pulled off the newspaper hat, crumpled it up in one hand and tried to hide it behind his back.

John kept his cool. "Yeah, but I might make an exception just for you, mate."

Piotr decided it was time to stop teasing John. He was starting to feel bad for leaving him alone in the big, impersonal base all afternoon. "Come on, Remy, we should go check the rest of the base."

Remy couldn't leave without one more comment: "Yeah, we should leave John-boy here wit' his candles." Remy laughed. "You'd t'ink he'd got some hot fille comin' over here. Is dere somethin' you aren't tellin' us, Johnny-boy?

John didn't even dignify that comment with a response. I hate how he rubs it in that he can have any girl he wants, and I'm stuck here all day without even my "friends" by my side. Just 'cause I'm not off stalking some X-Geek like them. John glared at Remy, created a fire dragon out of the candle flames, that chased the X-Geek smitten Acolytes out of the room. Once they were outside his room, the fire dragon dissipated, and John slammed and locked his door.

From the other side of the door Remy shrugged his shoulders and said innocently, "Wha'd I say?"

"We are his friends, we should not leave him here alone," Piotr reasoned as they walked to their own quarters.

Remy started to feel guilty. "Ya, you're right, but dere isn' much we can do 'bout dat now. Maybe I'll buy 'em a new lighter or somethin'."

Remy started to open the door to his room, with his thoughts already drifting back to Rogue. Now how do I go 'bout convincing da belle to go out wit' me? His thoughts were interrupted by loud cracking and booming and flying pieces of white string followed by an avalanche of crumpled up newspaper covering him.

What de hell?!?! Remy's eyes narrowed. Pyro."Oh no, Piotr!!!" Remy shouted.

Remy soon realized that his warning came too late as he as saw Piotr slowly and angrily making his way down the hall covered in Saran wrap and honey. Piotr stopped before Remy, who was still standing amidst a mountain of newspaper and remnants of twenty or so Fourth of July snappers. Piotr declared: "John has lost all of the sympathy I had for him."

"Good," Remy replied with an evil grin forming on his face. "You got any duct tape?" Several minutes later screams are heard throughout Magneto's base.

Two unsober figures came stumbling into Magneto's base an hour or so after Peter and Remy had sought revenge. Actually only the scraggily, bum looking one was stumbling, but he was leaning on the taller shaggy one, setting him off balance. It wasn't helping that Mastermind was making Sabertooth imagine walls and stairs where there weren't walls and stairs and vise versa. Sabertooth was getting a little pissed, but didn't want to beat him down because one, the boss would beat him later for hurting the telepath, who was essential for some future plan of his (A/N: This takes place before "The Toad, the Witch, and the Wardrobe," aka Wanda still wants to kill her father) and two, he was his only drinking buddy. Sure, he could drink with the Russki or the Cajun, but the Russian's no fun and the Cajun always steals his wallet and ditches him. The Aussie was fun but underage in the States and would never shut up about the superiority of Australian beer and how beer in the states was disgraceful to beers everywhere. Besides it's fun watching Mastermind mess with people's minds at the bar. Sabertooth smirked remembering the mayhem that night.

Sabertooth tripped again, glared at Mastermind, who laughed. A muffled sound came from above them. They both looked up. Hysterical laughter ensued.

Another hour passed. Outside the base an enemy of Magneto descended from the night sky. Her combat boots lightly touched the ground, and she confidently marched toward the entrance with the evilest of grins on her face and the taste of revenge on the tip of her tongue. At last he will pay. She tried the doorknob: locked. She studied the keypad next to the door. No problem, she thought and raised her arm toward the door and concentrated. In response the door clicked and swung open a little.

The girl looked inside, all was dark. Her hesitance stopped there as her rage and anger for her father, Magneto, swelled up again. She raised her arm again and then threw it to the side causing the door to slam hard against the opposite wall. She stomped into entry way and ominous lightning flashed silhouetting her form in the doorway. It's too quiet in here. Was he expecting my attack? But how? He didn't even know that I found out where his base was, or did he? Dammit! He set me up and I fell for it! No matter, the Scarlet Witch can handle any trick he may have up his sleeves. I will not be denied my revenge!

The darkness and the silence was too much for her so she turned on the lights. To her right was a large room with several couches around a large entertainment center, and a bar and some stools along the opposite wall. Near the bar there was a swinging door that she assumed led to some sort of kitchen. Further up and to her left was a hallway with several closed doors and there appeared to be a similar hallway on the far right wall.

The silence continued, there was no attack. Yet, she thought. Where is he?!?! She took a few more steps into the base, and then she heard something. Finally, some action! The witch halted and prepared herself for an attack that never came. Wanda relaxed her body but remained annoyed. Then she heard it again. It's coming from above me. Her eyes followed the ten foot ceiling until they came upon a strange grey cocoon. What the hell? She walked closer to the gray mass. Eventually she made out that it was a person covered, head to toe, in duct tape. The only part that wasn't covered in duct tape was his head with the exception of his mouth.

Wanda Maximoff, the Scarlet Witch, crossed her arms, slanted her eyes, and demanded, "Where is Magneto?" All she got was a muffled response and some eyebrow movements from the Acolyte above her. Wanda let out an incompetent sigh and rose herself up within reaching distance of her future informant. Her fingers gripped one side of the duct tape covering his mouth. She smiled evilly at him until his frightened eyes satisfied her, and then she ripped the tape off.

"YAHHOOOOOOOWWWWW!!" exclaimed the captive. "Could you have been a little more gentle, love?"

"No, it's not in my nature," Wanda replied after lowering herself to the ground and resuming her annoyed look.

Pyro flashed a mischievous smile, "The gentle ones are no fun anyway."

Wanda's eyes narrowed. This boy is duct taped to a ceiling and he has the audacity to hit on me? How stupid is he? Well he does work for my father. "Where is Magneto?" she demanded again.

"Aren't you at least gonna help me down?" pleaded John.

"Not if I can help it," she replied. "This could all be apart of Magneto's elaborate plan to trap me and prevent me from killing him."

John continued to flirt with her. I'm duct taped to a ceiling, I've lost my dignity, if I had any to begin with. What more have I got to lose? "Has anyone ever told you how beautiful you are when your paranoid?"

Wanda raised an eyebrow. "Flattery will not help you. Now tell me where Magneto is before I have to hurt you."

John paid no heed to her warning, "I'd love to, but I can't seem to remember with this blasted tape all over me. So if you would be so kind."

Wanda was getting pissed. "Is the tape cutting off the oxygen to you brain or do you normally enjoy pissing off violent, crazy people?"

"Well, I did put Kool-Aid in Sabertooth's bed today so that as of tomorrow his new codename will be The Amazing Techni-colored Dreamcoat, so I'll have to go with the second one," the Aussie replied.

Wanda started to laugh at the thought of a multicolored, fruity flavored Sabertooth, but she caught herself after a chuckle. I don't laugh, especially right now when I'm so close to my revenge. I haven't laughed since I dumped a bucketfull of sand down Pietro's pants the day before I was taken away to the asylum. Wanda's anger swelled up again and the smile left her face. "I'll give you one more chance to tell me where Magneto is."

John would not back down on his stipulations. "Huh, I still appear to be adhered to the ceiling."

"Fine," Wanda growled and she turned to walk down the hallway to her left.

"FINE!" John shouted from his cocoon. "The view is better from up here anyway," he added.

Wanda stopped dead in her tracks. The little perve! She flew back over to John and looked him straight in the eye. She tried to frighten him with a glare, but he was too pissed about still being stuck up on the ceiling covered in duct tape to care. She pulled the piece of duct tape she had removed from his mouth out of here pocket and stuck it back in its previous location. She again walked away from John, smiling happily at the muffled expletives she heard coming from the duct tape tumor.

As she rounded the corner she reconsidered her actions. He does seem willing to help me as long as I get him down. The others might not be so forthcoming, and I need to save my strength for strangling Magneto. She made sure she was out of view from the Aussie and raised her left hand. She felt a change in the atmosphere as she made the probability that the duck tape would lose all adhesiveness at that moment probable.

I can't believe she left me up here! St. John thought. Talk about a - Before he could finish his thought, St. John felt the tape that held him to the ceiling becoming slack. Oh, shit, was his last thought as he belly flopped into the hard, cold metal floor of the base.

Wanda stifled another laugh as John groaned and rolled over, still encased in the duct tape, but at least no longer attached to the ceiling. She almost lost it again as she watched him try and wiggle himself over to her. Why in the world do I find him so amusing? The Brotherhood acts twice, no, twenty times as stupid as does and they only seem to annoy me. Maybe I'm just reveling in the fact that my father will be dead soon.

St. John mumbled something from behind his duct taped mouth and looked expectantly at Wanda. She just raised one eyebrow and pretended not to understand that he wanted her to help him get out. St. John grew angry and started thrashing about and raising his eyebrows in aggravation. Wanda then smirked and left the room. Thinking he was abandoned, John banged his head floor and started to whimper. His eyes widened when he saw Wanda reenter the room from the kitchen. In her hand was probably the largest knife she could find and on her face was the wickedest of smiles. John tried not to look as frightened as he felt. Wanda was disappointed that he was not squirming, but she cut him lose anyway.

After John successfully removed the tape from his body Wand looked at him expectantly. "Now where is Magneto?" she asked impatiently. Wanda was still dangling the knife from her hand, which made St. John even more nervous about telling her that Magneto wasn't even there and wouldn't be back for another week.

"Uhh," John started and he backed up to put a couple of feet between them. "Magneto isn't exactly here at the moment."

"WHAT?!!?!?!" Wanda exclaimed. "YOU LIE!!!" she shouted and she hex bolted his ass to the wall.

"No, no, really, he's gone, outta town, won't be back 'til next week," John started to explain as he tried to slyly pull his lighter out of his pocket.

"NO! HE'S HERE SOMEWHERE!! HE MUST BE!!" she yelled. "I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT -" Wanda was cut off by a firey serpent swirling around her. While she was distracted St. John fell off the wall, this time landing on his feet. His success was short lived as Wanda had bolted the serpent and now it was surrounding him and catching his shirt on fire. Luckily John's powers allowed him to dissipate the creature, but not before it burned his shirt.

"DAMMIT WOMAN!! This was one of my favorite shirts!!" John exclaimed when he looked down and saw his Led Zeppelin shirt in tatters.

"That is not even the beginning of your suffering!" Wanda shot back.

John reached for his lighter again and started to run toward her, and Wanda hastily threw a hex bolt at him. It hit John at his waist and the probabilities aligned so that his belt broke causing his pants to fall to his ankles and him to trip at fall to the ground, sending his lighter sliding across the floor to the Scarlet Witch's feet. Wanda promptly bent down and picked it up. She examined it closely. "Is this all you got? Pathetic." She pocketed the lighter.

After looking down at his jeans around his ankles, John almost laughed at the situation. "If you wanted me to take my pants off, love, you could have just asked."

That was definitely not the right thing to say to Wanda at that moment. Her face grew hot and reddened to match her uniform. She wasn't sure if it was out of embarrassment or anger, well, she was pretty sure about the anger part. John realized his error when he found himself not touching the ground anymore. He looked over at Wanda: Her arms were in the air, and she elevated various other objects about the room as well. Then the room started spinning, well actually Wanda was making everything orbit around herself so to John it appeared as if the world was spinning.

I really shouldn't have eaten the whole box of mac & cheese, John thought to himself after choking his stomach back down.

Wanda appeared to be having a lot of fun spinning the objects faster and faster around herself. The pale look on John's face added to her enjoyment. By that time, the centrifugal force she was creating had thrown John's pants off his body and down the right hand hallway hitting a bedroom door.

"What de hell?" was Remy's response after he opened his door to find a pair of St. John's jeans on the floor outside his bedroom. He picked them up in one hand and headed toward the living room. "John what de hell are your pants doin'..." Remy stopped as he entered the room.

By the time Remy had made it there, St. John was desperately clinging to the chandelier in only his smurf boxers and his scorched Led Zeppelin Tee while Wanda was playing Darth Vador, using her powers to toss things at him, like lamps and chairs. "Whoa, John-boy, looks like you really did have a fille coming over," Remy mused at the scene a bit. He looked from John to Wanda who had just acknowledged his presence, then back to smurf-boxer John. "Huh, I always figured you'd like it kinky."

"WHAT?!?" Wanda growled and turned her evil look toward Remy. Wanda then stopped trying to dislodge John and turned her anger onto the Cajun. It was now his turn to have his ass hexed to the wall. Remy struggled to get free but Wanda had turned all her attention to kicking his ass. "Is everyone in this place a complete idiot?! You do not insult crazy people!!"

"Yes, Remy sees the error in his ways and profusely apologizes to the lovely belle," Remy said to try and smooth things over.

"Who the hell is Remy? I'm talking about you two morons!" Wanda replied not realizing that sometimes Remy switches into talking in the third person. Luckily for Remy, John had used this distraction to get down from the chandelier and, using some moves Gambit had taught him, he moved stealthily behind her.

Wanda continued her tirade, "...All I wanted to do was kill Magneto, but nnnoooo, you too had to be difficult and lie for him." Wanda pulled another Darth Vador and lifted Remy higher off the ground. He started to gasp for air as if he was being choked. "It doesn't matter how long you protect him, I will find him and - AAHHHH!" St. John tackled her from behind holding her arms down her sides in a bear hug. When Wanda lost her concentration, Remy fell to the ground, but landed gracefully despite the fact that he was practically strangled. He ran to Piotr's room after realizing that John was not going to be able to hold her for long.

"AARRRGGGG!!!" Wanda struggled to free herself from John's grasp, but he held on for dear life. I'll definitely be dead this time if she gets out. "Let me go you...you..."

"Run out of insults already," John interrupted.

"No, there is just none so horrible as to describe you!" Wanda tried throwing some random hex bolts hoping to hit John, but only succeeding in breaking some lamps and flipping a couch.

"You need to calm down," John tried soothing her. "Magneto is not here, I'm not lying. If he was, do you think he'd hide from you? He's all big shot and arrogant, he'd never admit he was frightened even if he was! And he definitely wouldn't hide behind us. He knows were more competent than the Brotherhood, but he doesn't trust us that much."

Wanda stopped struggling and considered it for a minute. He's right. He wouldn't hide, he thinks nothing can stop him. Or maybe this is still a part of a trap. "You're trying to trick me; it won't work."

"Will you stop it with the paranoid fantasies, already?!" John shouted in exasperation.

"'It's not paranoia if your right (1),'" Wanda retorted.

"But your not, so it is. Now CALM DOWN!" replied John.

Heavy footsteps announced Piotr and Remy's return. Wanda had wiggled so much that she and John were now halfway in the kitchen.

"I did not believe it when Remy told me," said Piotr. "You are quite a kinky fellow, John." Both Wanda and John's eyes narrowed. Despite the fact that John wished to punch Piotr right then, he did not loosen his grip on Wanda.

"Oh, aren't dey so cute, Petey," Remy commented on their similar facial expressions.

"Yes, I do believe this is a Kodak moment," Piotr replied and pulled out a camera from behind his back. FLASH, CLICK.

Wanda strained her neck around to look at John. "I'm not stoppin' ya, love," John said and he let her go. "Let 'em have it."

Wanda again smiled evilly as she sat up, and an "I'm screwed" expression appeared on Piotr's face.

Pioter pointed to Remy who was slinking away into the shadows. "It was his idea."

First Wanda hex bolted Peter who turned into his metal form only to have it magnetized by the hexing. Piotr soon realized that being magnetized and in a kitchen was a bad thing as forks, knives, spoons and pots and pans started flying toward him. He quickly exited the kitchen and ran outside the metal base and hid in a ditch until the hex wore off.

Now the Scarlet Witch turned to Remy who had almost made it safely out the kitchen window. "Kitchen window, real original. Let me help you make an original exit." Wanda flung Remy out into the living area where she noticed a fireplace. "Gambler man or whatever you call yourself, how does if feel to be the first person to successfully pull off a Santa Claus?"

"Oh, no," was all Remy could get out before he was being launched up the fireplace. But halfway up chimney, Remy stopped moving up. "What's the deal? I t'ought the big jolly man made it out of da chimney," came Remy's muffled cry from behind the brick mantle.

"Yes, but you forgot to put your finger next to your nose," Wanda said. "Too bad."

All the while John laughed hysterically at the fate of his friends. "You're good, I will never forget the look on his face – ha, ha, ha - when you – ha, ha, ha. This is great! You should come over more often."

The last comment bewildered the witch. "Why would you want me to come back? I wrecked you house, spun you around the room and tortured your friends."

"But it was all in good fun, luv. Anything that makes you laugh is worth it. And they'll," indicating Piotr and Remy, "will get over it. It'll give me something to rag on them about later." John smiled playfully at Wanda. "Now where did that camera go? I believe that we have some blackmail photographs to take."

(1) Quote from the X-files.