Chapter 0ne – Unsteady by X Ambassadors
Jackie's P.O.V – January 1, 1980 - 12:11 AM
Jackie clutched onto the sides of the sink as her eyes focused on her reflection in the Forman's bathroom mirror. She was finally coming to terms with the facts that this plan of hers, or maybe it was a lack there of, either way it had backfired rather massively. She and Fez had just rung in the New Year's by sharing a passionate kiss. The problem was, that kiss made her quite literally sick to her stomach, just the same as the one they had shared on the water tower had. She had tried to convince herself it felt nice, that she'd enjoyed it and it may have worked until... Her eyes had met with Steven's for split second, a brief moment that was no more than a glance really, and that was all it took for the past to start clawing back to the forefront of her brain. Making Jackie rush to empty her stomach and lock herself away. Now here she stood in the Forman's bathroom, mouth rinsed out as the darkness and the pain began to rush back in, making her unable to deny the truth any longer.
She can acknowledge that she needs the numbness to live her life now. In the last seven months the numbness has become the ONLY thing she looks forwards to… longs for even… truly needs to get her through each and every day. She had endeavored at first to deal with the pain of losing Steven, she attempted coping with seeing him married to another woman with tears and angry words; but watching the few people she loved, the people she had come to think of as her family her push her aside for his stripper's attention… she can admit now that it broke her.
Whatever, strong part of her that still existed after both her parents had all but abandoned her had finally shattered when she lost them all. To make matters worse he had watched her crumbling, they all had really. Not one of them had sought to help pull her up from the darkness she'd been drowning in. Then again, maybe she hid it well, at least she knows she does now, the numbness helps with that. Well, she had the numbness and Dylan to thank for that. If she hadn't met Dylan, she honestly didn't know how she'd be able to cope right now.
Dylan had been the one to spot her as she'd been trying to put herself back together one night in the alleyway behind Grooves, doing her best to keep her tears at bay as memories of their life together was on replay before her eyes, only for Jackie had been replaced by some blonde bimbo. Not just in Steven's life but Donna's, too. Jackie had known on some level that she shouldn't have accepted what Dylan was offering. She was aware that this could be a dangerous and potentially addictive action, she just couldn't bring herself to care anymore.
She needed the pain to end and if that white oblong pill had a chance of stopping her frayed heart from causing her more agony, like Dylan was implying, then at that point really, she had nothing else to lose. Dylan had called them Cloud-Nine, his own special brand of uppers he said. He had warned her to be careful with them, to never take more than a three or at the max four a day.
So, Jackie started out slow, taking only half a pill that first afternoon she'd worked up the courage to take one. She had ended up dressed to the nines, heading out to the bar with Fez and Donna. She was amazed at how well they worked, she had felt light and airy. Even Donna had said that "she was all better" and in that moment, Jackie had truly felt all better. At least until she ended up flashing the entire bar with that nip slip, then it all came crashing down. If she had been smart at the time, she would have brought the other half of the pill with her, instead of hiding it away with all the others in her underwear drawer. Of course, after that incident Jackie had learned her lesson and she had made sure to always carry some in her Altoids mint tin, where she could easily place in her back pocket or purse.
As time passed, and everyone became more distance to her especially Steven and Donna, the two people she'd always counted on the most. It was only natural that she and Dylan became closer, so close in fact Jackie consider him her new secret best friend. As she and Dylan grew closer her pill dosage increased and as her usage increased her sanity seemed to diminish. She still has no clue where the irrational idea of having Fez as her boyfriend came from. Although she was high as a kite during the therapy appointment, and she suspects that had something to do with it. Dylan thinks she was latching onto Fez in a desperate hope of not losing all contact with her "beloved group", and with the way her stomach rolled each time they shared a kiss like the one they had tonight; if she was being honest with herself, she was starting to believe Dylan was completely right. Maybe it was time for Jackie to let all of this go, to just cut her loses and walk away from the people she had grown to love, the people who no longer loved her.
Then maybe she could start cutting back, Dylan had tried to warn her to slow down, that she might be starting to take too much. Jackie had to admit her pills were getting too expensive. She had already hawked all the real jewelry she managed to hang on to over the years because after paying the bills she split with Fez, her crappy job at the Salon just wasn't cutting it. Thank god for Dylan just the other day he had mentioned that if she needed to, he knew a way she could work off the price with him. And with the way this night was going she was certain she was going to have to look into taking him up on that offer. She was already up to four a day and had taken and had extra four today just for this evening's festivities.
Jackie turned away from her imagine in the mirror, resting her butt against the sink as she pulled out her Altoids mint tin, popping it open and counting in her head. Somewhere inside her muddled brain, she knew that it was too soon to be taking more, especially all ten of them. Then again, if she took the time to crawl through all the fog in her head, she was aware that what she was doing was altogether wrong period, otherwise she wouldn't have been so vigilant at hiding her coping mechanism from the others, but like so many others time in the past seven months Jackie's logic was based on one question. To feel or not to feel the pain?
So, after ringing in the New Year's, knowing she would have to put up with more of Fez's constant attention and that she would be cooped up in a room with both him and Hyde for the next three hours at the very least, quite honestly, she didn't care about the rules or Dylan's warnings, she didn't even want to be in the realm of thinking, or caring about her past or the people around her. Love, caring, the whole mess that feelings brought were the reason she needed these damn pills in the first place to numb the broken state she was truly in.
Which was why she found herself swallowing all of her beloved emergency Altoids stash, and washing all ten pills down with the help of a little faucet water. She simply wasn't as numb as she needed to be to survive the rest of this night. Then knowing tonight was going to be an emotionally trying one, she made her way out of the bathroom and into the kitchen and made her a drink with some of Mrs. Forman's secret Kahlua stash. Gulping it down quickly, Jackie then made another in hopes that it would help her pills kick in faster, if nothing else maybe she could acquire a good buzz before she had walked back into living room of doom.
As much as she wished for it, even with the added boost of the alcohol she was drinking the effect wasn't as immediate as she wanted it to be. It had taken a full fifteen minutes after Fez had pulled her back into the living room with the others begging her to play charades with the group before she finally sensed it when the numbness kicked in and she felt her lungs loosen like she could breathe again. A smile pulled at her lips as she her eyes clouded over and everything started to feel just right.
She was sitting next to Fez on the couch, his around her shoulders a few minutes later when she suddenly felt her lungs tighten, a strange constricting feeling Jackie had never suffered before. Her face pinched a moment when it did again and Jackie stood up, stumbling her way to the kitchen as her vision began to lose focus causing her to feel light headed as if the room was spinning around her. Heading towards the basements, she held on to the walls around her shaking her head as heaviness began to spread through her arms and legs making her feel as if she no longer had the strength to move them. Jackie wasn't sure how or when she'd made her way downstairs to the dingy basement but she'd never been happier to see that dreadful couch before in her life.
An overwhelming sense of rest and peace consumed her as she curled up on her side, getting comfortable on the lumpy cushions of the old couch that held so many memories. It was like drifting into a utopia as her eyes slide shut, never had she felt this warm and relaxed, except when she had laid in his arms, she missed his arms.
In that moment Jackie could feel herself fading, feel the life in her draining away, sensed her breath and heart beat slow. She was so very exhausted, but if she had known getting this trashed by taking so many pills was like this… lost in the memories of his arms, everything was always so easy in his arm, so peaceful. She might have done this sooner. She could even hear him whispering her name, almost like the universe's last gift to her as she left this painful world behind
Hyde's P.O.V – January 1, 1980 – 1:38 AM
He was no closer to being wasted than he had been when this excuse of a New Year's party had started. In fact, he had lost what little buzz he'd been able to achieve more than an hour ago after being force to watch Fez ring in this stupid damn year with his tongue down Jackie's throat. Jackie however, was wasted Hyde had noticed when he'd watched her shrugged off Fez and stumbled towards the kitchen a few minutes ago. Waiting as long as he could Hyde quietly trailed after her hoping everyone in the group would pay him no mind and simply continue with their childish game. Once he got to the kitchen and found no sign of her, he knew she'd gone down the flight of stairs to the basement. He also knew that following her into the basement would only end in a fight; he recognized that if he continued on the path, he was on, he would inevitably say something mean and hateful to her in hopes of bringing tears to her eyes. But God help him, he couldn't help himself.
No matter how much it hurt or how much he attempted to convince himself and everyone else that he didn't need or want the tiny beautiful brunette doll… he knew it was a lie. A lie he had condemned himself to living with once he accepted and invited Sam into the Forman's house as his wife. Something that would have never happened if his Doll hadn't slept with Kelso, the voice in his head reminded him bitterly. So, for better or worse here they were stuck with fighting day in and day out. Still, it was all he had left, fighting with her on a daily basis was better than not having her in his life at all. Knowing that she cared even enough to simply be hurt by the malicious things he slung her way, was better than her not caring at all. And as much as he hated it, he still wanted, needed her to care for him in some way.
As he descended the stairs, he arched his brow a bit confused as to where she was until he neared the back of the couch to see her curled up on her side. His doll never really could hold her liquor and it sort of pissed him off that Fez wasn't down here checking on her or taking care of her. Disgusted at his own train of thought, he reached out a hand and shook Jackie's shoulder a little harsher than he probably should.
"Yoko, get up! You can go pass out and hurl all over your own place cause I'm sure as hell not cleaning up after you." He barked out in a gruff voice as he shook her shoulder again. This time the movement jostled her small body enough for her fall back flat and her head lulled to the side so that he could see her full face and not just her long soft ebony tresses falling around her profile.
It wasn't the rise and fall of her chest she was lacking that he noticed first, it wasn't the slight tinge of blue that marred her beautifully full lips, it was how petrifyingly still she was. His own breath was caught in his throat as his heart clenched in his chest at the lack of her making a sound of objection, no shutter at the feel of his hand touching her, not even a flutter of her eyes in recognition that someone was trying to wake her.
"Jackie!" Hyde tried again in a louder more insistent tone as he quickly walked around the couch to take a seat beside her as he pushed the few stands of her hair out of the way before placing a hand on each side of her face really taking in the look of her now.
"Jackie, come on Doll open your eyes and look at me." He demanded this time in a shaky voice as panic set in and his vision became blurry when the realization that she wasn't breathing hit him.
"No, no, no, don't you do this to me." Pulling her up into his arms and against his chest he commanded in whisper as single silent tear fell behind his sun glasses when he still received no response from only woman he'd ever truly loved.
"HELP! MRS. FORMAN! HELP ME!" Hyde bellowed pushing his voice with the force of all the terrifying fear that was threating to consume him before cupping the back of his Dolls head with his hand and pressing his forehead against hers.
"Please don't leave me." He was able to choke out in one last whispered request as he heard the flurry of feet thundering down the stairs.
"Steven, what's going on?" Kitty yelled as she made her ways towards them before getting a good look at the lifeless beauty in his arms. "Oh my, Red call 911 NOW! Steven honey, I need you to let her go."
It was the last thing he wanted to do, let her go, but reluctantly Hyde did as he was told and placed her limp figure the floor in front of the couch where Mrs. Forman had pointed. The voices, questions, and maybe even accusations from all of their friends around him were nothing more than a bunch of white noise that surrounded him as he kept his focus on the unresponsive exquisite girl Kitty was now preforming CPR on. "I need you to let her go." Let her go, let Jackie go, he didn't know how to let her go. If he knew how to do that, he would have never followed her to Chicago. If he had known how to let Jackie go, he would have never used Sam to repeatedly hurt her, he would have never used Sam as a reminder of Chicago and why he shouldn't love brunette goddess he'd thought was his soulmate. If he knew how to let Jackie go, he wouldn't have to cage the raising fury and let it build up inside him at the sight of her trying to move on with Fez.
Suddenly he was pulled out of his inner term oil as three paramedics filled the rooms, speaking with Kitty in a bunch on medical terms that he and apparently Red, Bob, and all of his other friends didn't understand if the lost looks on their faces were anything to judge by. Kitty had moved to stand beside him, sliding her arms around him, giving him the support and comfort, he hadn't realized he needed. When one of the medic's took Kitty's place next to Jackie taking the collar of her blouse in each of his hands before ripping it down the center, leaving her in just her silky white bra making Hyde's hands ball up in tight fists as a shot of protectiveness ran through him.
"Going at 250, Clear." He man all but yelled as pressed a couple of paddles to his Doll's tiny body before hitting her with a jolt of electricity that brought her small frame almost completely off the ground. That sight as bad as it was, it wasn't even the worst of it. The worst part had come during the pause and the silence that filled the room as line to detect Jackie's heart beat remained unmoving.
"Going again at 300, Clear." Words, paddles, and the jarring thud of her falling back against the floor repeated itself for the second time, ending with the same deafening stillness and Hyde wanted nothing more in that moment than to trade places with her.
"Going one last time at 350, Clear." Silence for two more seconds, then finally a weak bleep from the machine filled the room. "We got a heartbeat. Let's bag her and get her on the gurney. Newman radio into the hospital and let them know we have an unresponsive teenage female with an unstable heartbeat in critical condition on the way so they can have an ER team ready."
Hyde didn't hesitate in brushing his fingers across her hand as they passed him and Kitty to carry her upstairs to the ambulance and he didn't care who saw or their opinions about how he was the first to follow them out with Kitty and Red close on his heels. He wasn't concerned with the fact that Red had to practically restrain him from climbing into the ambulance with Kitty or the hurt look that Fez kept sending him as Red sped down the road in an attempt to keep up the emergency vehicle in front of them. His only thought, his only concern, the only thing he cared about at the moment was that the heart of the love of his life to continue beating.
Kitty's P.O.V – January 1, 1980 – 4:03 AM
If I'm honest with myself, I had known things had been off with Jackie for quite some time. If I'm brutally honest with myself, I sensed something bad coming from the day I watched that hussy Sam walk in my home and Jackie ran off in tears. The first signs were Jackie's bizarre mood-swings starting when she suddenly shifted from her heartbroken state of losing Steven, to the carefree or rather care about nothing attitude, and then out of blue crush developed for the foreign kid. The one guy in the group Kitty had always heard Jackie say would never ever stoop to date. Add Steven, plus the torment of his short lived "wife" and the actions of their behavior, in the past few months made absolutely no sense indeed. While on the other hand, in hind sight, obviously added up to a time bomb. A bomb which apparently had just went off, because well here they all were.
"Mrs. Forman, I assume you haven't been able to get ahold of her parents." Dr. Asher more stated than questioned as he walked up and Kitty shook her head.
"No, I'm afraid not. I have no idea where her mother is or when the last it was that she even contacted Jackie, and as for her father, well he is in prison. Red and I are all she has, please Dr. Asher, I know legally we may not be her parents but we are the closest thing she has to family." Kitty pleaded with her co-worker as a friend and father, while clinging on the Red's arm.
It had been two hours, two hours of unbearable anguish not knowing if Jackie was even still alive. Finally, she and Red had been called back to the ICU to talk to a doctor and she would beg for answers if she had to. Watching as Dr. Asher nodded his head and opened Jackie's folder, Kitty let out a sigh of relief knowing before he began that he was going to list them as Jackie's next of kin and which would give them access to her medical information.
"Kitty, Red, I'm not going to beat around the bush here and I'm afraid I don't have good news. The next 48 hours will be critical for Jackie, so I will need all of us to be honest with each other here, her life is depending upon it." Dr. Asher stated in a no non-sense tone making sure to keep good eye contact with both Kitty and Red.
"Yes, of course." Kitty agreed without hesitation as Red placed his hands on her shoulders, she wasn't sure, if he was preparing to brace himself or her for the news that was coming. She knew out of all the kids that hung around the house he and Jackie had always seemed to share a special bond.
"We found extremely high traces of Cocaine, Methamphetamine, and a mixture of Opioids in her blood work. The highest we've seen in someone and have been able to keep breathing in fact. Which tells me without a doubt that this is not an isolated incident. However, it leaves me with a couple of questions, the first of which is do you think it was intentional? Second is how long has she been an addict?"
She felt Red tense behind her, his hand tighten around her should and she knew it was in anger so she had known his outburst was coming before he lifted one of his hands and point a finger in Dr. Asher's face, his low rumbling voice immediately following it.
"Now you listen here, that little girl has been through hell in back in the last couple years but she is no damn drug addict. Maybe, maybe she had some medicine and a beer or two to take the edge off of everything she has been dealing with but she would never…"
"Red stop." Kitty commanded in a strong whisper as she put her hand on his outstretched finger. She understood, she knew his heart was breaking right now, hers was too. But lying to themselves was what had gotten them here in the first place. It was time, time for her to really be honest. Giving Red a loving look before patting his chest and taking a deep breath Kitty then turned back to Dr. Asher.
"I am not a hundred percent sure when it started exactly, it could have been as early as May when she and her boyfriend Steven broke up but it was really a couple of months after, maybe around July when her behavior started to seem off." Kitty pause a she wiped away her tears and catch her breath, she should have confronted Jackie. She should have done so, so many things, but she had thought her kids knew better, that they were there for each other.
Red's P.O.V
"I'm sorry Kitty I know this must be hard for you both, I can see you and Red care for her a great deal. But I still…" Dr. Asher began before Red cut him off with a scoff.
"Excuse me, but you don't know a damn thing about what we feel. That girl couldn't be any more our own if Kitty had given birth to her. That is my girl laying in that bed in there, and someone is going to a foot in the ass, if I don't get see her soon and some answers." Red stated putting his hands on his hips, doing his best to resist the urge to head back to the waiting room and demand some answers from that knuckle headed group of Jackie's so-called friends. How had he not known what was going on under his nose? Were some of the others taking this crap too? Well by God you better believe he was going to find out.
"Red honey, I need you to please calm down. Dr. Asher as for your other question… I don't know, I can't tell you if it was by accident or not." Kitty said honestly, after taking a moment to trying am calm him. Good God, he prayed Jackie wasn't that far gone. That she was in so much pain on the inside that she had planned to end her own life, right there with basically all of them watching, and not one of them doing anything to stop her. Swapping away a silent tear, that had found its way out of his eye Red looked down to find Kitty's arm had wrapped around his waist as she waited for Dr. Asher to write a few things down in his chart.
"Alright, now it's my turn. This is something we have been trying to keep a lid on around here but Jackie makes the fifth teenager we've had in the ER just the past four months with the exact same blood intoxication make-up. The police say there's a new dealer on the street who is grinding, mixing, reshaping, and then selling this new stuff he's comes up with. It's called Cloud-Nine, which is pretty convenient because as far as we can tell it seems to be made of at least nine different narcotics." Dr. Asher sighs with a heavy sigh as he gestures towards a group of chairs for them to sit in. Red wanted to hate the man but he had to admit after his time in Vietnam, he knew what a callous and uncaring human looked like and this man wasn't one of them.
"As you know Kitty this is a very dangerous and deadly thing to do. All four of the other patients we've had come in were either already deceased or died shortly after their arrival." He rubbed the back of his neck as if he was stressed, he was preparing them for more bad news, Red could tell.
"What is it you are trying NOT to tell us exactly, Dr. Asher?" Red confronted him as Kitty took hold on Red's hand.
"Jackie was already in cardiac arrest when we got to your home, she's since had two seizures which have caused her to go into cardiac arrest each time since being here. We have also had to put her on a ventilator. Her heart and lungs are weak… I need you all to be prepared the likelihood of Jackie living is slim at best."
"Go on." Red insisted needing to knowing everything now. He hated this, he hated it all. They shouldn't be here, his petite little loud one shouldn't be here. But somehow, they had dropped the ball, and Jackie along with all her pain had slipped through the cracks. He wasn't lying when she was like their own daughter, in many ways she had filled a hole in his heart the Lori had made when she had disappeared to do who know what, who knew where. She was his garage bubby, she could fix a flat, change out oil, spark plugs, a battery, even a carburetor. At least she had been until she had all but disappeared herself after Steven brought that blonde home with him.
"If Jackie dose manage to survive the next 48 hours there is no way of knowing what kind of permeant damage has been done until she is awake and lucid. It goes without saying she will have a long road ahead of her. However, rehab maybe the least of her problems, I suspect the seizures maybe a continued problem and she could very well have other neurological problems ranging anywhere from acute amnesia to short-term memory loss, even loss of some of her motor functions."
"Are you telling me, that my girl if she pulls through this could very well have to learn how to walk again?" Red asked trying to understand how this could be possible. Hadn't she been through enough.
"It is possible. Though it's more likely that it will be smaller motor functions, like learning how to use her hands again. You have to understand Jackie has put her body, especially her brain through a lot. At this point Mr. Forman we will be lucky if she wakes up at all. Let's just focus on praying for that right now shall we."