Chapter Four

"Do you have any questions before we get started, Jaime?" Allison asked gently.

Jaime looked up at Steve and took his hand. She thought for a moment, then asked the doctor "If I wanna stop, how do I let you know?"

"You'll be able to tell me normally, but before you'd get to that point, your body language and vital signs will let us know we need to stop."

"Are you sure you want to do this?" Steve asked, alarmed by the fear in her eyes.

"It scares me to death, but I can't keep living with swiss cheese for a brain. Yes, I'm sure." She looked at Allison. "And...I'm ready."

"Ok," the doctor nodded, and started the pentothal drip. Jaime concentrated on Steve's face, especially his eyes, because she felt calmer that way. After about a minute, her own eyes became glassy and distant. "How are you feeling?" the doctor asked.

"Alright. Good. Kinda floaty."

"Very good. I want you to keep floating until you find a nice, comfortable cloud."

"There's one. I see it."

"Great. Climb up there and just relax."

"I like this," Jaime whispered happily.

"Good. I want you to stay on that comfortable cloud while we go back to look at some incidents in your past that may have been painful. Stay on the cloud and remember that you're only observing; you are not experiencing them in any way. Alright?"

" 'K."

"Jaime, you're going to float back in time to the day you went sky-diving with Steve."

"Ok. I...can see it."

"Very good. Now - observing only - tell me what the day was like, what you were feeling."

"The sky was really pretty: clear blue, no clouds. I was so excited. I'd always wanted to sky-dive, but was too nervous. With Steve, I felt safe."

Standing beside the bed, Steve flinched slightly. He felt he'd obviously been unable to keep her safe.

"What happened, Jaime?" the doctor prompted.

"We went up in the plane, held hands and jumped. We kissed in mid-air. I liked that part."

"Were you nervous, frightened?"

"No. We let go, and he watched me pull my cord, then he pulled his. We were floating down - kinda like I feel now. Then I heard a really weird noise, I looked up, and my chute was all shredded."

"That must've been really scary," Allison ventured.

"No. I tried to pull the reserve cord, but the ground was coming too fast. There was no time. I knew I was gonna die, but - it's weird - I wasn't scared. I hit the ground so hard, but I didn't get knocked out." Jaime stopped to catch her breath, and Allison glanced at Michael and Rudy, who were on the other side of a glass wall, monitoring her condition. Rudy's hand formed an 'ok' sign. So far, so good.

"What's the next thing you remember?"

"Steve was holding me. I was on the ground, but his arms were around me. He...had tears in his eyes. He told me he loved me and said 'Hang on, Sweetheart - please don't leave me.' But I couldn't answer him. I was already so far away...Then I couldn't feel his arms around me anymore. Couldn't feel my body, or any pain at all. I could see Steve, and hear him, but it was like - from a distance."

Steve's eyes were beginning to tear up now, with the vividness of her account. "Were you afraid?" Allison queried.

"No. I was...warm, happy. Calm. Then, I couldn't see Steve at all. There was this really bright, swirling light, and when I walked through it there was a bridge. On the other side it looked so beautiful - I can't even describe it. The colors were brighter, almost like everything was lit from the inside. I blinked ' cause it was so bright, and when I looked again, Mom and Dad were on the other side of the bridge, smiling at me. And my dog, from when I was really little, was with them. The dog wagged its tail and started running toward me. I reached for him, even though I knew - I just knew - if I touched him I'd be dead too. But when he reached me, Mom and Dad called him back. I started across the bridge because I wanted to hug them and never let go. But...when my foot hit the bridge, all three of them started to fade. Mom said I had to go back."

Steve looked at the doctor with alarm as silent tears cascaded in a torrent down Jaime's face. At the same moment, Rudy tapped on the glass and shook his head vehemently, pointing to his chest. Jaime's heart rate had shot up dangerously high.

"Jaime," Allison said in a soft, soothing voice, "I think it's time to stop now."

"Noo-oo. I'm...almost done. Wanna finish."

"Ok, but remember - you're just observing."

"I was crying, or I would've been if I had a body. I begged and pleaded with them to let me stay. Mom looked so sad, but she said I had to go back, that Steve needed me. Then I could see him, in my mind, I guess - sitting by my bed, and he was crying. I didn't want to go back to that awful, broken and twisted body, but all of a sudden I felt this huge jolt of pain and I was back. God, I'd wanted to stay so badly! Even when I saw Steve hurting so much, I begged to stay where I didn't have to feel the pain."

Jaime was sobbing out loud now, very close to hysteria. "What kind of monster am I? I...loved him so much...but I wanted to let him keep hurting, so I didn't have to."

Rudy knocked on the glass again, much more insistently, then drew a finger across his throat, telling Allison to bring her out now. Allison had already begun doing that. They had found their trigger.

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