Disclaimer: I own nothing. I am to a spiritual level beyond material possessions. Therefore, I must borrow everyone else's.

thoughts

telepathy


NINE TO FIVE: Chapter Seventeen - And you got that from potatoes?

"You must choose," a deep lethargic voice rang out.

The brunette spun around. Behind her was an extraordinarily large frog on a pedestal. She was in a castle dungeon that looked like it hadn't been used in ages. Each wall was bricked gray stone except the one she was looking at before the voice spoke to her. At least she assumed it was speaking to here since she was the only person in the room. The wall that differed from the others had two solid oak doors equally spaced out in it. The doors were mirror images of each other with identical brass gargoyle knockers and matching handles.

"You must choose," the voice spoke again.

Okay, I did not just see what I thought I saw, the girl thought as she stared at the enormous frog.

The frog's mouth opened, but instead of the usual croak, he said the following: "One door will lead to your freedom. The other, a horrible death."

"You've got to be kidding me." She rolled her eyes at the soothsayer frog.

"I do not kid. I take my job very seriously," the frog responded.

"Whatever." She sighed. "What were you saying anyway?"

The frog cleared his throat. "You must choose. One door will lead to your freedom. The other, a horrible death," he said melodramatically. "You may ask me one question, but I always lie."

The brunette thought for a second. "But that statement in and of itself is contradictory. If you always lie then that statement itself is false because you would tell the truth. But if what you say is true then saying that you always lie is false, I think."

The frog grew agitated. "What are you saying?! Are you saying my job is wrong?! That my life is meaningless?!" The frog leapt off his pedestal and attached himself to the girl. He poked her in the chest. "Well it pays the rent, sister!"

"EEWWW!!!" she screamed and tried to pry the bugger from her chest.

"Do not touch me there! Only my girlfriend touches me there! (1)"

The girl phased, and the frog fell through her to the ground. "Ew, ew, ew, ew!" Kitty Pryde danced around the cell attempting to clear her mind and body of the frog's slimy skin.

"This changes nothing. You still must choose," the frog stated and hopped back to his pedestal.

"What if I just phase through one of the other walls?" she asked.

"That would be cheating!" the frog chided.

"And you will learn nothing, young grasshopper," said the old guy from Karate Kid.

"Like, how did you get in here?" the grasshopper asked.

"I came through the correct door when you were not looking," he said with a wise look in his eye.

"Good, then you can tell me which door is the right door," Kitty smiled.

"No, this lesson is yours alone to learn," the old wise man told her.

Kitty put her hands on her hips and scrutinized him. "You don't remember, do you?"

"No," he confessed and hung his head in shame.

"Great," Kitty commented sarcastically. She looked around the room for a few seconds, then sighed and grabbed a door handle.

Pulling the door open revealed another dungeon cell exactly as the last. "What is this?" she exclaimed to the other two sentient beings.

"This is a metaphor for life," the old man said. "Life is choice. You much chose one or the other and you should not look back for the past is closed." He pointed behind Kitty. She spun around to find the door she had just passed through to the room with the bloated frog was gone. She felt the wall for the door but could not feel anything but stone. Kitty ran for one of the two new doors as the old man continued to speak: "But sometimes one's life chooses a path that leads back to something in the past." The door Kitty had chosen revealed the frog struggling to get back onto his pedestal. "This is not a regression because the paths parted and changed before rejoining."

"But what's up with the 'door of death?'"

"'Horrible death,'" the frog corrected.

Kitty rolled her eyes once again.

"To make things interesting," the man explained. "To make you think and trust yourself and your own feelings."

Kitty walked up to the door she did not open before. "So there is just another dungeon room behind every door?" She opened the door without waiting for a response and, sure enough, it was the same room. "What happened to that freedom thing?" she asked.

"I told you I always lied." The frog hopped in the room behind her. In this room her instinct told her to pick the left door, but out of curiosity she started to open the right.

"No! Not that door!" they screamed but it was too late. Kitty opened the door and had seen darkness in the next room except for a piece of metal glinting off the light from her current room.

"Kitty! Wake up," A pajama clad, sling wearing Rogue shook her roommate awake. Kitty sat up sharply.

"Ya okay?" Rogue asked before getting down to business.

"Yeah, it was just a totally creepy dream." Kitty pulled her hair out of her face. "What time is it?"

"One forty-five."

Kitty let her body drop back on her bed and closed her eyes. "And you're waking me up because?"

"Ah have somethin' ta show ya." Rogue reached over with her right hand and turned on the bed lamp. Kitty shielded her eyes with her hand before grabbing the paper Rogue shoved in her face.

"Wow, a ticket stub." The girl handed the ticket back to Rogue then grabbed her covers and turned away from the light.

Rogue shook her roommate again. "No, genius, it is a ticket stub from the Kittie concert signed by the band."

"But you would have had to go to the concert to. . . " Kitty realized what was going on. "But you. . ." She pointed toward Rogue's stuffed bed, "and Mr. Logan -"

"Ah persuaded Logan ta let meh out, so ya know what that means."

Kitty groaned. "Yeah, I'll give Jamie the thirty dollars in the morning." She rolled over again.

"No, ya can't do that," Rogue reasoned. "If ya do, then everyone will know that Logan let meh go an' then he'll come after me for lettin' it get out."

Kitty sat up on her elbows. "So what do you want me to do?"

"Jamie wanted ta go ta the Descanso Rivets concert -" Rogue started explaining her scheme.

Kitty interrupted, "So you want me to buy him a ticket. Okay, 'night, Rogue" And once again she tried to return to her warm slumber.

"No." Rogue stood up and yanked Kitty's comforter off her bed and grabbed her stuffed dragon to gain Kitty's undivided attention this time. "Ya are goin' ta buy two tickets an' take him as your date."

"No!" Kitty exclaimed.

"Shhh!" Rogue put her finger to her lips.

"No, Rogue," Kitty urgently whispered. "I'm not asking Jamie out on a date. That's ridiculous."

Rogue smiled teasingly. "Ah think ya'd make a cute couple."

"No and no," the valley girl crossed her arms across her chest.

"Fine, then ah'll just have ta give Amara her baby blue sweater back tomorrow. Ya know, the one with the large indeterminable stain someone made in the very inconvenient area -" Rogue casually commented as she threw Kitty's dragon and comforter over her roommate's head.

"Damn you Rogue!" Kitty almost shouted as she pulled the covers down so she could see her blackmailer.

"What was that?" Rogue played deaf as she pulled her own sheets back.

"I'll go along with your stupid plan as long as you let Amara continue to believe that her sweater got lost at the cleaners," Kitty caved. "It's so stupid. Like people won't figure it out any ways."

"They won't if ya make yourself seem desperate enough," Rogue reasoned and slipped under her covers.

"No, no, no, no. Rogue," Kitty whined. "Why are you going out of your way to humiliate me? Can't I get Jamie a really nice birthday present or something?"

"But that's not what the squirt wanted ta do with the money," Rogue reminded the girl.

"Why do you hate me, Rogue?" Kitty asked rhetorically.

"Don't bet against meh next time," she responded and turned over, letting Kitty turn out the light and do the same.

"So was it better than an in-flight movie?" St. John Allerdyce asked his female companion in the passenger seat (2).

"No contest." Wanda Maximoff leaned back comfortably in the passenger seat. "Aside from the green-haired slut, anyway."

John opened his mouth to comment but quickly shut it before any sound came out. I almost lost my head there! If I mentioned that I thought Wanda and Lorna kinda looked alike to Wanda. . . . I don't want to know what would have happened! Instead he safely said, "Just forget about her. She's only a candle flame compared to your inferno."

Wanda laughed. "I'm definitely spending too much time with you."

"What brought you to that conclusion?" John asked, a little hurt.

"I'm beginning, not only, to understand your fire analogies," the witch told him, "but to kind of enjoy them."

"Yes! I'm successfully converting you over to the dark side!" He laughed an evil laughter.

"You mean the dork side?" the inferno jested.

"Potāto, potäto," John accepted. "You know, I always wondered what you were planning on doing after you got rid of Magneto." John returned to the subject lightly touched upon with the in-flight movie comment.

"And you got that from potatoes?" Wanda dodged the indirect question.

"'It's a mistake to think you can solve any major problems just with potatoes,'" John quoted one of his religious texts (3).

"What?!" Wanda grew to realize that she wasn't really beginning to understand John, that was just a farce.

John asked his question again, "You've planned to kill Magneto ever since you got out of the asylum, but then what? Disneyland?" He wanted to question her whole revenge for what he thought was for Magneto betraying and possibly killing her father, then putting her in an asylum, but he figured that crossed the line.

"I never really thought about it." Wanda sat back, amazed. "Disneyland doesn't sound like a bad idea; my father never took me there before I was committed, the bastard. What about you? After I kill Magneto what will you do? You'll be out of a job."

John smiled. "I've got it all planned out. Vegas," John said with a starry look in his eyes. "I'm going to go join Siegfried and Roy or maybe David Copperfield, is he still alive? Do all their fire tricks for them. It will totally safe and they won't have to bother with all those pyrotechnicians and gun powder and needless stuff like that."

"Yeah, safe 'til you come into work on a caffeine buzz," Wanda interjected.

"You're just knocking on my plan, because your jealous," John told her.

She raised an eyebrow. "Do you honestly want to work with those pampered lion tamers? They seem kind of annoying to me."

"Wanda, rice cakes annoy you."

"What's that supposed to mean?!" She growled, feeling raw from the jab.

John scooted a little closer to the driver's side door. "Uh, nothing. It's just that there are few things in this world that don't annoy you."

"That's not true!" the witch argued.

"Jessica Simpson."

"Who isn't annoyed by that little ditz?"

"Drinking the orange juice out of the container."

"Have you seen who I live with? That's disgusting."

"Little dogs."

"All they do is bark all pitifully and piddle on everything!" she defended her position.

"Pig tails on anyone over twelve."

"They look like babies."

"A grocery cart sitting in the middle of a parking space."

"That's what the cart corrals are for! Didn't their mothers make them put their toys away when they were done?!" Wanda exclaimed.

"The sound of flip-flops."

"What about you?" Wanda tried to turn the tables on him. "To set you off all I have to do is mention two words -"

"You wouldn't," John called a bluff but still nervously bit his lip.

"Wouldn't I?" Wanda leaned over putting her mouth up to John's ear and whispered, "Purple Peeps."

"NNNOOOOO!!!!" John screamed and the car swerved across the center line, throwing Wanda against the passenger door. Then onto the shoulder of the road they went. This random loss of control continued for ten seconds before John was able to calm down and drive reasonably again. The vehicle was silent and the only communication was Wanda's death glare as she buckled her seat belt. John almost apologized but then realized it was not his fault. With great determination he remained silent.

It took Wanda a few moments to realize that he wasn't going to say anything. He practically throws me from the car during his little tantrum and he doesn't say anything or apologize. My god, he's attempting to give me the silent treatment. That wont work, he can't go a minute without talking or laughing or burning something. He wont keep this up. After five minutes Wanda began to doubt herself. Maybe he's just reliving his encounter with the "devil incarnate candies." I should say something to break him out of it. "I'm waiting."

"You can wait until the moon explodes and Cane Toad takes a bath for all I care," John stubbornly and seriously told her.

He wasn't having a flashback or anything, Wanda thought. He's just being a pain in the ass! I'll show him.

"Fine, it's not improbable for the moon to explode," Scarlet Witch threatened and an icy blue glow formed around her body.

John looked over at her. "Stop it, we both know you're not going to do it."

"Watch me," she bluffed.

John nervously looked for the celestial body. "Even if you were strong enough, I wouldn't apologize. That's what you're waiting for, right?"

"Why not?" she asked as the blue glow faded from her body and a red glow formed on her face.

"You said it, you knew what was coming, and yet you still did it," he reasoned.

"Stop being a baby! Swerving the car like that was a conscious reaction from you!" she accused. "There was no way just hearing those words could put your body into a fit like that!"

"And how do you know?!" John asked. "I had several very traumatic experiences involving marshmallow treats that are out to get me. Oh, wait, I forgot. You're the queen of trauma. 'I was locked in an insane asylum for most of my teenage life,'" John mocked, knowing he had totally jumped and skipped over that line you don't cross with Wanda.

"Those six years were half of my memorable life! And you have no idea what it's like to be abandoned like that!" she fumed then grew silent. "There is nothing marshmallows can do to you that compares to what was done to me and what I can do to you!"

"Oh, move on already!" he decided not to take her threat seriously. "You're not there anymore, find a hobby or something."

"Move on?!" Wanda exclaimed. "That was six years of my life! I'm sorry I'm not like you and can just drop emotions and forget things at the drop of a hat. Except, obviously, purple peeps." They both grew silent for a minute.

"I'm sorry you had to go through such crap," John finally said, "but is it possible for you to have a conversation and not mention Magneto or the asylum? I don't think we've ever had one. Do you even remember anything before that? I'm beginning to think revenge is all that runs through your mind."

"Like you have anything other than fire on your mind, 24-7!" she retorted.

"At least my obsession is healthy," he argued.

Wanda was flabbergasted. "What's so healthy about playing with fire?! Besides, you brought up Magneto in the first place!"

"Only so that you would maybe think about something in your life besides revenge," he told her.

"Well that was successful!" Wanda shouted at him.

"Sorry for trying!" he shouted back. "There you got two bloody apologies in two minutes. You happy now?" A few seconds later he venomously added, "Oh, wait, I forgot. You can't be happy while Magneto still breathes."

"I was feeling quite dandy hanging out with you until you started this whole, 'Revenge is ruining your life and I want to be your savior' bullshit!" she yelled and turned to look out the window.

John took a deep breath and replied, "I'm no savior. I just don't want you to be so consumed that you are empty when all's said and done."

"Thanks for the concern," she said hostilely, "but I know what I'm doing, so just drop it."

"Fine." John was sick of fighting and didn't really see the point as she wasn't even listening. Then he started giggling.

The witch was able to resist the urge to ask why for a few minutes, but it got to be a bit excessive. "All right, what's the deal?"

"You. . . said. . . 'DANDY,'" he spit out between giggles.

"Oh, shut up," she ordered, still aggitated with him. But we all know John, he couldn't stop. She tried looking out the window and ignoring him, but it didn't work. "I said shut up," she repeated between clenched teeth.

"But.. . . I. . . can't," John's laughter set off by such a simple thing turned into a vent for his agitation. Wanda turned from the window and glared at him, but this did not seem to help as he was imagining this scary face on the woman in the car who could probably destroy him in an instant having said just a few minutes prior "dandy," then imagining it saying other strange phrases like "oke-e-doke and "dinky-di." Gotta love that imagination. Too bad Wanda didn't, not at that particular moment anyway. "'Dandy,'" John repeated and shook his head.

"Knock. It. Off," Wanda's hand shot out and the steering wheel started spinning uncontrollably.

Needless to say, John stopped laughing and was now gripping onto the wheel for dear life, trying to regain control. "What did you do that for?!" he yelled.

"Thought I'd skip the 'Purple Peeps' this time." Wanda crossed her arms and faced forward.

"Somebody's got their panties in a twist," John grumbled. "Tomorrow you'll realize how funny that was and then you'll regret it."

"No I won't." Wanda remained facing forward.

John glanced at her, then back at the road "There is no way they are going to let you into Disneyland, you'll just suck the life right out of it."

"You're confusing me with Rogue," Wanda analogized.

"I can see it now." John mused, "'Teacup ride closed because hormonal teenager threw a fit, little children frightened and bawling.'"

"'Siegfried and Roy's theater burns to the ground as a result of over zealous pyrotechnician,'" Wanda matched his headline.

"'Scary teenager incarcerated after beheading Micky Mouse after he asked her to smile," John matched.

"'Surviving tigers plot revenge involving marshmallow birds on the pyromaniac with the horrible Australian accent,'" Wanda replied.

"'Inmate takes therapist hostage after fellow prisoners laugh at her drawing of toilet paper during a game of Pictionary (5),'" the firebug checked.

"'Orange-haired mutant found catatonic in a .. . . . dammit!" John won both the headline game and putting Wanda in a non-homicidal mood.

"At least I can beat you in one game," John said refering to their various bets and boxers and briefs. "Hey, let's play again, and if I win, you'll come to Vegas with me."

Wanda replied, "I put up with a lot of shit, namely you, but I draw the line at grown men in sequence jumpsuits."

"Then I guess Richard Simmons and Elvis are out too," John mused.

"Yes, even though Richard Simmons isn't a grown man and Elvis is dead," Wanda agreed.

John gasped. "Don't say that!" Wanda just rolled her eyes and looked out the window at the same few buildings she had been watching out the window for the past few minutes.

"So you wont be visiting me in Vegas then," the fireboy asked.

"Nope," Wanda told him. "You can always come to Disneyland with me."

"No thanks," he shook his head, "That damn song never stops playing, inside or outside my head. Plus the giant chipmunks. . ." John shuddered.

Wanda snorted a half-laugh for that was as far as her slowly returning good mood would allow at the time. "Don't you think we should stop for Remy now?"

John looked at her questionably, "Why?"

"It's just that we've driven around the Neptune something like six times now, he's actually seen us the last three times, and he is looking pretty pissed." They turned around the block to past it for a seventh time.

"Okay," John sighed defeated. He slowed down the car and pulled up to the curb, but just as Remy was within five steps of the vehicle, John burned rubber. "Changed my mind," he laughed and peeled out into the street again as Wanda's head whip-lashed.

"John, knock it off," she told him as she rubbed the back of her neck. She was a little sick of his driving. Glancing in the rear view mirror she saw Remy stop running. He was standing in the darkness between the streetlights and his violently glowing red eyes greatly contrasted the cool blue glow the moonlight cast upon the rest of his body. Wanda laughed at the sight, which encouraged John to try it again. But by the time the duo had made it completely around the block, Remy was no where to be found.

"Where'd the bugger go?" John asked nervously. His question was answered when they two heard a crash on the roof of the vehicle. A rectangle in the top of the car glowed gold the popped and fizzled on the heads of the two in the front seat.

"What'd ya do that for?!" John shouted at Remy after he had slipped though the hole in the roof. "I would have stopped. . . . eventually!"

"Thought de old bird needed a sun roof," Remy straightened the collar of his jacket and leaned back in his seat, noticeably unbuckled. John noticed and smiled wickedly. Wanda gripped the 'oh shit' handles and rolled her eyes.

(1) Line from the NBC 10th Kingdom miniseries. This scene is paraphrased from it pretty much.

(2) See Chapter 13: Something like Rex Manning Day

(3) From Life, Universe, and Everything by Douglas Adams, third in the inaccurately named Hitchhiker's Guide trilogy.

(4) Real headline, no joke, except I changed the pronoun his to her.

A/N: Hope that was good. I was having a lot of trouble with the John/Wanda conversation, which is pretty much the whole chapter. I hope it isn't too back OOC.