Disclaimer: I own nothing. I am to a spiritual level beyond material possessions. Therefore, I must borrow everyone else's. Except the humans Sly, Ania (inspired by ishandahalf), Ashley, Jamal, and Warren. They are MINE! (evil laughter ensues)

A/N: A special thanks to E.E. Skysong who is helping me edit and proof.

thoughts

telepathy

NINE TO FIVE: Chapter Twenty: The Feces Hits the Fan (And I'm not talking about baby mice, people (1))

-----Previously in "Nine to Five"------

The lights in most of the base were out, only a few candles were lit. Almost to the common room, Magneto's shin struck an over-turned coffee table. Well half of a coffee table anyway. After a few curses, Magneto stumbled to the light switch in the common room. Artificial light flooded the room, but the couple making out on the couch barely noticed.

"Gambit, what did I tell you about..." the boss started his lecture. The girl on top sat up when she heard his voice. Her top was undone and a black lacy bra shown through. Then Magneto got a clear vision of who the disheveled girl was over the back of the sofa. "WANDA?!" he squinted just to make sure his eyes weren't playing tricks on him. Wanda and Gambit?! Magneto was very confused.

"Father," she froze the air with the word as she quickly planned her attack.

"Father?!" St. John with his hair more messy than usual and lipstick on his face neck and chest sat up sharply now in Magneto's eye line. For the first time, he realized that Wanda's father and Magneto, his boss, was the same man. "I'm dead," he gulped.

Magneto also had a disturbing revelation at that moment: Wanda and PYRO!!!!

-----End Recap-----

Magneto stood frozen, mouth agape. This gave Wanda sufficient time to hex him to the floor and then button up her clothes. The master of magnetism barely noticed; his mind was still trying to wrap itself around the fact that his daughter was making out with his practically insane henchmen at his top secret base. I think my heart has stopped beating. Is this what a heart attack feels like? Or maybe I'm having an aneurysm. Have I taken a breath in the last minute? Magento gasped. The added oxygen boasted his brain power and allowed him to focus on his current situation: Stuck to the floor, one of his henchmen covered in Wanda's lipstick peeking out from behind the couch, his homicidal daughter walking toward him with his brass bust of Hans Christian Oersted in her hands, and unable to use his powers against her without them backfiring. Wanda was only a few feet away from him now. She was walking slowly, either hoping to intimidate him with the wait or savoring the moment. He determined that, in order to get out of this mess, he would have to use his most dangerous weapons: his mind and his mouth. A brilliant idea popped in the man's head.

"Pyro!" Magneto exclaimed. "When I ordered you to keep track of Wanda, this wasn't what I had in mind!"

The Scarlet Witch was the first of the two to register the meaning of that statement. "WHAT?!!!!" Her eyes widened to the size of baseballs. He . . .. what. . . .WHAT DID HE DO?! Her hand with the bust dropped to her side, and she turned her head to glare expectantly at St. John.

John straightened his body from where it was crouched on the sofa. "Wha . . .I don't know what that dingbat is talking about!" The Aussie was truly lost in what was going on. Surely she can't believe him after everything we've been through the past few weeks!

"Please, Pyro." Magneto smiled a little at himself. "You can stop now. You never were a very good actor." His plan was working perfectly. Wanda's mind was confused and distracted. Her hold on him would be slacking soon.

Wanda looked several times between her father and her boyfriend before settling on John again. She couldn't speak. She couldn't believe; yet she could. I've been betrayed by everyone in my life I have ever loved. Why should John be any different?

"He's lying! He never ordered me to do anything!" John pleaded. I can't believe she is eating this load of bullshit!

The Scarlet Witch looked back to Magneto.

"Give it up, Pyro." Magneto turned to his lackey. "She can see through your charade now." He turned to his daughter. "I'm sorry for all of this, Wanda. I had specifically assigned Pyro to keep you from surprising me while I was at the conference, because I believed that, unlike Gambit, he could keep his hands to himself. I was wrong."

Wanda's world was caving in. Everything was a lie? It was all just a sham? The brass bust of the scientist clattered to the floor. She felt like a fool. But an angry, powerful, butt-kicking fool. John found himself flying across the room and slamming into the wall. There he hung, surprised, hurt and enflamed.

John finally voiced what he had been thinking: "YOU CAN'T SERIOUSLY BELIEVE HIM! I thought you hated the taste of bullshit!"

The Scarlet Witch was torn. Their voices continued to shout at her, but the words became a blur. Her hands gripped her head and covered her ears. "Shut-up, Shut-up, Shut-up! SHUT-UP!" A shock wave of hexing energy blew from her body and radiated through the base, opening and slamming every door and knocking every picture from the wall.

John could now only mumble as he seemed to have come down with lock-jaw as he wiggled on the wall.

But to Magneto's discomfort, he remained cemented to the floor. She has certainly gotten stronger since last time I saw her. More focused. I can't help being proud despite the fact that it ruined part of my plan.

Then, behind the spot where Wanda was having an emotional breakdown, Magneto saw his salvation from the predicament. John also saw the incoming danger and tried to warn his beloved, but all he could do was kick the wall more violently. Wanda noticed that something had changed about his urgency and looked up from her hands. But unfortunately the warning came too late. For Wanda, the night became black and she fell to the floor.

John fell to the ground. He wiggled his jaw around to get the blood circulating again. He got up and started to run where Wanda had fallen. Magneto picked up a metal end table and used it to restrain John. "You are not to go anywhere NEAR my daughter."

Magneto, now able to move, strutted over to Sabertooth as he tossed the half of the coffee table to the ground. "Good work, Sabertooth," Magneto clasped the animal on the shoulder. Sabertooth shrugged. When the Scarlet Witch's hex wave slammed all of the doors in the base, he was able to escape from the pantry and seek his vengeance. "Now go get Mastermind and bring him here," Magneto ordered.

Sabertooth started to protest. "Uh, I don't think. . ."

Magneto was surprised and outraged at his most loyal minion's insubordinate words. "That's right! You don't think! I think! Now go get Mastermind." He pointed to the door and this time Sabertooth exited.

"You can't keep us from seeing each other!" John yelled at his boss and his girlfriend's father.

"Seeing each other?" Magneto laughed. "Dear boy, the only way Wanda will want to see you again now is if you were strung up and quartered." The manipulative bastard laughed again.

Jason Wyngard stumbled into the room followed by a twirling Sabertooth wearing a tiara and a tutu. Jason had a goofy smile on his face and swaggered up to his boss. He put his hand behind his back. A second later Jason was shoving a bouquet of lilies in Magneto's face.

"Mastermind! What is the meaning of this?" Magneto shoved the man's hand down and looked him in his bloodshot eyes. Mastermind replied with a belch. Magneto turned his head and took a step back. "Ugh. What have you been drinking?"

Mid-twirl, Sabertooth told Magneto of their earlier activities. "We went to the bar. Jason tried to match me." Magneto recognized the danger he was in before Mastermind did. He rushed to his luggage and pulled out his helmet. The lilies disappeared, and now Sabertooth was wearing a lamp shade on his head and had on his newly made chaps. The leader put his head in his hands at the sight of Sabertooth's bare buttocks. "Oh great," he sighed.

Mastermind tried to cheer him up with a box of chocolates, but Magneto just keep throwing Jason's empty hands out of his face. "Take him back to bed. When you're done, drop Wanda off at the Brotherhood house. And put some whole pants on!" Sabertooth escorted Mastermind out of the room.

Magneto took off his helmet and massaged his temples. Then he realized some people were missing. He turned to Pyro, who was still wrapped up in an end table. "Where's Colossus? And Gambit?"

St. John was furious and refused to cooperate. "Don't know. They didn't leave a note on the fridge."

Magneto did not take this well and roughed the boy up a bit. "Where are they!?"

John just shrugged and Magneto gave up early. John was dropped painfully to the ground, but still remained encased in end table.

"How could this night get any worse?" Magneto said as he switched on the television to a news channel. The news station ran footage from their interview with Rogue that afternoon:

"... and the protest is still going on strong. The employees of the music store organized their own small counter-protest this afternoon, hoping to discourage the pro-homo sapian rally. The employees, one of which is a known mutant, announced their decision to host a coexistence party in Vinyl Vintage:"

"We here believe that the world is big enough fo' both humans an' mutants ta live, an' work, an' shop, an' play together. . . Remy stop makin' faces at meh! That's obscene!"

At the mention of his missing lackey's name, Magneto tuned out the rest of the audio. The television showed a few more questions, then went live to outside Vinyl Vintage. Although the reporter was hogging most of the shot, Magneto could make out a few of the people inside the store. One was tall, wearing a trench coat, and his eyes glowed red when he turned toward the camera.

"Pyro," Magneto said sternly, "Get your gear."

The telephone ringing jolted Ororo Monroe up from her sleep. She hurried out of bed, throwing a silk robe about her shoulders. She glanced at her clock on the way: 12:44. Worry filled her heart. What could have happened to warrant a call this early? I hope nothing happened at Rogue's work.

She was able to pick up on the third ring and speak intelligibly. "Hello, Xavior's Institute."

"Kitty, is she there? I need to speak with her!" Lance Alvers babbled nervously.

"Mr. Alvers, it is nearly one in the morning," Ororo said calmly and with authority. "You know our policy on personal calls this late at night -"

"No, you don't understand," Lance interrupted. "I need to speak with her. I need to make sure she's all right."

Ororo sensed the seriousness Lance felt with the matter. "What has happened?"

The boy on the other line was silent for a second. He needed to speak with Kitty, but he didn't want to get her in trouble. "I just, I need to talk to her. Just for a second," he begged.

The big softy that she was, Ororo sighed and gave in. "Very well. I will go wake her." She put the cordless phone on hold and elegantly walked downstairs to the dormitory wing from her attic room. She knocked softly on the door. "Kitty?" She pushed it open and said her name again. There was no answer. Ororo turned on the light to find two made beds. A motherly panic grew inside her. She was in the rec room with Jamie earlier. Perhaps she just feel asleep watching a movie, she calmed herself as she rushed to the rec room. The African woman threw open the door. The room was bathed in the soft glow of a floor lamp and the blue haze from the television. She breathed a sigh of relief as she saw Kitty Pryde asleep and nestled under a blanket on the couch; Jamie Madrox was curled up in the Lazyboy, his hands still wrapped around the video game controller. Poking out from behind the other chair, she saw two giant tube socks and assumed they belonged to Sam Guthrie, not remembering that he accompanied the other boys and Amara to the coexistence party.

Ororo placed a gentle hand on Kitty's shoulder. "Katherine."

Kitty stirred and squinted. "Huh?" It took her a moment to remember where she was: The rec room. After eating dinner, Piotr's transportation still had not thawed, so they retired to the rec room where Jamie was playing video games. They played Mario Kart and Star Wars: Empire at Risk. Kitty tried to get them to play DDR, but the boys quickly grew frustrated with their lack of coordination so they ditched the game. She must have fallen asleep watching them play some fighting game.

"You have a phone call, dear," Ororo whispered and handed Kitty the phone. "It is late, so don't be long." Ororo left the room to give the girl some privacy.

Kitty was still half asleep as she took the call off hold. "Hello?"

"Kitty!" Lance exclaimed. Kitty had to pull the phone away from her ear.

"Lance, wha?" She rubbed her eyes. "Why are you calling?"

"I had to make sure you were okay," Lance explained. "Magneto's back. Sabertooth just came by and dumped Wanda off. She was knocked out cold. I guess the shit hit the fan back at his new base. I knew you were out with that overgrown tuna can earlier, and I had to make sure you were okay."

Kitty was touched. "Yeah, I'm okay. Thanks, Lance."

"Good. Okay." The boy paused for a second, unsure of what to say. "I won't bother you anymore. I guess I'll let you go back to sleep. Goodnight." The phone clicked before she could reply.

Kitty rubbed her face again and threw the phone onto the coffee table. She fell backward and started to clear her head to fall back asleep in her nook on the couch. Then it hit her. Magneto's back. Magneto's back! She jolted wide awake. Kitty sprung off the couch and ran through the furniture to Piotr Rasputin's sleeping form on the floor.

She shook him violently. "Peter, Peter, get up!"

"Uh," he said something in Russian before rolling over and opening his eyes. "What?" he mumbled in English after he realized where he was. He looked up and met Kitty's wide, scared eyes.

"You need to get up and go home." She grabbed his hand and tried to pull him up.

Piotr pushed himself off the floor. "What is happening?"

"Magneto's back, you have to get back!" she exclaimed and grabbed his shoes from under the couch and shoved them into his chest. "Sabertooth just dumped an unconscious Wanda off at the Brotherhood house. You have to get back, like, yesterday!"

"How did you discover this?" he asked as she pushed him out the wall.

"Lance freaked out, and wanted to make sure I wasn't there getting mixed up in the welcome home party," she told him. She had nothing to hide.

Piotr was a little miffed at the mention of Lance, but the situation at hand pushed that jealousy from his mind. "I must return. Goodbye." He turned toward his vehicle.

"Bye! I'll call you!" Kitty shouted as she waved. Piotr was thankful that the car had thawed out, and he sped off faster than he had ever driven.

"Fight fair you little hussy!" Ashley ordered Ania, who was pulling Ashley's hair, as Ashley hit the other girl in the shoulder with her shoe.

"What like this, eh?" Ania yelled as she yanked Ashley's shoe from her hand and started beating her in the head. Ashley brought up her hands to save her face. Then she brought her knee up to her chest and managed to kick Ania in the stomach, knocking her backwards into the legs of some New Mutants.

"This is awesome!" Bobby said eagerly to Ray. "If we were back at the Institute, Jean or Storm would have broken it up by now and had them hugging and eating brownies." Ray nodded in agreement, wanting to shut Bobby up so he could focus more on the chick fight happening in front of his eyes.

Ashley had only gotten to a kneeling position before Ania pounced on her again. They rolled into a shelf and some CD cases fell down on top of them.

This time the one-shoed Ashley had managed to secure the top position. "How many licks does it take to get to the Tootsie Roll center of an overgrown Tootsie Roll Pop? One . . ." Ashley pulled Ania's body up by her shirt with one hand and slapped her across the face with the other. "Two . . ." she slapped her again.

"THREE!" Ania yelled as she freed her right hand and sucker punched Ashley in the nose. Ashley's hands went up to her face, giving Ania the advantage.

But before she had a chance to take it, the front doors to Vinyl Vintage flew off their hinges and hit the wall behind the register. The bells clanged unceremoniously as they hit the wall, then the floor.

The Master of Magnetism strode into the store like he owned the place, his cape gently swaying behind him. The crowd of protesters outside fell over each other to either run away or go to their cars to get out their guns. A few of them with weapons already on them tried to take some pot shots at Magneto, but he easily stopped the bullets in their tracks and let them fall to the ground. He ripped the guns from the perpetrators hands and crushed them like wads of paper. After that, all of the protesters ran a "safe" distance away: Far enough away that they didn't think they would get hurt, but close enough so they could still see what was going on.

"This is quite a sight," Magneto chided, then laughed. "A coexistence party? Who are you kidding?"

While the veteran X-Men were preparing themselves for Magneto's next move, the New Mutants were in awe; this was their first time actually seeing the great "villain" face to face. All but one former New Mutant was speechless: "Who are you kidding with that cape? That is the gayest thing I have ever seen. Have you been stealing from Prince's closet again? And don't get me started on the hat," Tabby mocked.

Bobby found his voice. "I bet he has a matching purse."

Magento's face grew red underneath the shadow of his helmet. He chose to ignore the childish jibs and continue with his speech. "How many of you are mutants?" They played along and raised their hands. "And how many are normal humans?" Ania, Sly, Amanda, and Ashley raised their hands.

Warren didn't acknowledge belonging to either group. "I don't know about you, but I'm a god."

Magneto, like everything else he didn't like and couldn't change, ignored her. "Let's see here: Twelve mutants, five humans, and three of the humans work here so they don't count." Magneto had counted the ones with name tags. "Wow, two humans willingly came to your little party, compared to the hundreds outside. What does that tell you about your little get together? About human nature?"

"That ya weren' invited!" Rogue shouted at him. For effect, Ashley, who hated to have her failures pointed out, threw her remaining shoe at him. It was aimed perfectly and hit Magneto on the side of the head before bouncing off and falling to the ground.

That was the last straw. Magneto pulled the metal frames from the crumpled doors and used them to wrap themselves around the party-goers minus his henchmen, binding their arms to their sides and, in some cases, to each other.

Magneto took the opportunity to waltz up to Rogue, who was struggling to break free from her bonds. "I know that it is your party and you can cry if you want to, but don't fool yourself in thinking that this matters." He twirled around so that his cape flew in the mutant's face. "Come, Gambit," he called as if the man was a dog.

Gambit looked longingly at Rogue. She told him with her eyes to stay, to be defiant. He had to break her glaze, it was too much for him. He hung his head and started to solemnly follow Magneto out of the store.

"Remy!" she called after him, thinking maybe he didn't read her eyes like she thought he did. He sighed and turned back. "Ah know ya don' really want ta go with him."

"It's not 'bout what I want, chere," he said.

"Ya don' owe him anything!"

Magneto decided to chime in on their conversation, "Owe me something?" He had a taste of destroying teenage relationships earlier and felt up to some more. I might not even have to lie this time. He laughed for effect. "My dear, what did this thief tell you about his terms of serve? Because I assure you, I did not do him any favors."

Rogue looked from Magneto to Remy with anger flashing in her eyes. He lied. Why does everyone have ta lie ta meh! Irene lied, Mystique lied. "Ya lied," she spat. Remy opened his mouth to defend himself, but Rogue's tongue was quicker. "Ah thought Ah had finally found someone who Ah could trust. Someone who understood meh. Jean was right 'bout ya! Ya were never serious 'bout bein' mah friend! Ya just wanted ta play some game. Ya manipulative rat. GET OUTTA MAH STORE!"

Remy knew he couldn't stay and argue with her, no matter how much he wanted to. Magneto wouldn't stand for it, and he could tell Rogue wasn't in the mood to listen. Besides, there was a truth to what she said. He had lied. It is amazing how one little lie, half-truth, could turn his world upside-down, depending on what spin was put on it.

He should stay and argue with her about it right now. Make sure she understood before he left that she got the wrong idea, but in order to do that he would have to say some things he didn't want the entire world to know. He would be exposed in front of these strangers who would judge him based on what he said. He didn't want that now, so he turned and followed his boss out the door.

I will have to figure out a way to talk to her later. A call, a letter, a singing telegram. . .

Outside, there were two spheres waiting. Magneto approached the empty one, while Remy assumed that sharing a sphere with St. John must be part of his punishment. Remy climbed in. The Australian was sitting cross-legged, sulking, with his elbows on his knees and his chin in his hands.

"What's the matter with you?" Remy asked his obviously depressed friend. Then he thought about something. Why did Magneto bring John in de first place?

At the moment Remy had that thought, Magneto spoke expectantly. "Pyro. . ."

"Yeah, yeah," The depressed youth said as he pointed one of his flame thrower equipped arms at the store. "Flame on."

Remy's eyes widened, and he moved to get out of the sphere to save the people in the store. But Magneto was faster and closed up the sphere so that there was a hole only large enough to watch the inferno, then raised it a great distance off the ground.

All he could do was watch as the X-Men hurried to get everyone out of the store before it became ashes. He tried to turn away, but couldn't. It was like a car crash.

Then he caught sight of a woman with blonde braids pulled up in a pony tail in the crowd of remaining protesters. She was laughing. After she had finished, she looked up to the sphere, straight into his eyes. She waved and blew him a kiss. On her finger, Remy noticed a familiar charm before the sphere closed up completely. Merde, I'm in trouble.

Piotr had barely hung the keys up before Magneto, and two depressed Acolytes burst into the base.

"Where have you been?!" the bossman barked.

"Uh, I could not sleep, so I drove around," the Russian told him, using the alibi he had decided on the car ride back.

"It is a good thing you have insomnia, because tomorrow we are moving our operations. None of you are to sleep until your things are packed," Magneto ordered. "And next time you go for a drive, take a motorcycle, they use less gas." He then retired to his room.

Piotr wanted to ask Remy and John what had happened that night, but by the looks on their faces, he knew it would have to wait until morning. Silently the boys went to their quarters.

After he shut the door, Remy stood in the center of his room and looked around. Dere is no way I'm packin' up dis shit tonight. He decided his time was better spent listening to blues. He took off his trench coat and tossed it in a heap in the corner. The Cajun walked over to his dresser and pulled down his CD binder. After unzipping it, he tossed it on his bed and started to look through his CD's. Then he noticed his CD's were all in their sleeves upside-down, so he couldn't read what they were. He pulled one out that he knew should have been The Black Keys, based on its location in the binder. Instead it was The Who.

John, he cursed and threw the book across the room. It hit his trench coat and made a weird noise. He got up and picked up his coat. After checking the pockets, Remy pulled out the CD he bought at Vinyl Vintage last week (2). Electrasy, he read the band's name. It brought back memories of Rogue. He looked to his CD binder of chaos, then back at the CD in his hands and shrugged. He didn't want to try and find anything in that mess, so he popped in the bargain buy.

As the songs played he laid down on his bed and listened. Much to emo fo' my taste, he thought but didn't have the energy or the motivation to get up and change it. Then the third track started playing. It wasn't much of a song, just one verse a whole bunch of choruses repeated. But then something about the lyrics struck him: He found the person he needed, but something frightened him and he ran away. Went the easy way. Then the singer belted out the last line of the one verse again "Could it be that I'd fall in love . . ."

The man lying on his bed opened his red and black eyes wide at the realization. Then he remembered the situation he put himself in.

"Merde."

(1) Yes, I know what feces are. For those of you that have not had the pleasure of watching Donnie Darko, this comment refers to the following conversation in the movie:
Girl 1: Mom said the school is closed today because it's flooded, and there's feces everywhere!
Girl 2: What are feces?
Girl 1: Baby mice.
Girl 2: Awww.

(2) See Chapter 4.

Ha, ha, this is the end...for now! Stay tuned for the epilogue: The Toad, the Witch, and the Burning Wardrobe!