Disclaimer: I own nothing. I am to a spiritual level beyond material possessions. Therefore, I must borrow everyone else's.
A/N: Okay, this is the uncut version of "The Toad, the Witch, and the Wardrobe" if Nine to Five had actually happened. I took a transcript of the episode and added comments and scenes that were not seen in the cartoon. Enjoy :)
Epilogue to Nine to Five: The
Toad, the Witch, and the Burning Wardrobe, Part II
Gasping for air, a young man with fiery orange hair struggled to climb the last rung of a very tall ladder to get to the top of the Bay River Bridge. He dramatically threw his body out into the open air, and rolled onto his back.
"Gambit to Pyro: Are you d'ere yet!" Remy LeBeau's voice sounded staticy on the communicator.
St. John Allerdyce aka Pyro groaned and pressed the transmitter on his ear/mouth communicator. "Keep your pants on, mate." He gasped. "If you don't you'll be the distraction, not me."
"Stop horsing around an' make wit' de fire," Remy responded.
"Hey, did you climb a million stories of ladders and stairs? No, I didn't think so." John sat up. "Horses, hum, that's a good idea. You are quite a good muse, Remy."
"Good, now dat you are creatively inspired can we get dis over wit'?" the thief asked.
"Okay, okay." John relinquished his playful banter. "One fun fire distraction coming up!"
Wanda sat sulking in the back seat of the taxi cab. She had been searching for signs of her father and his underlings all week and had come up with nil. Although she had no money she managed to scare this cabbie enough to give her a ride back to the Brotherhood house. She really needed a shower after sleeping in homeless shelters and on doorstops all week, not that the Brotherhood house was much cleaner, but it did have running water. Last time she checked that is.
She had searched in every bar, mutant hangout, police station, candy store and candle shop in the area, but Magneto appeared to be keeping a tighter leash on Pietro and his other lackeys these days. The thought of returning to the house made her strangely excited. I wonder if he called, she thought before she knew it. She shook her head and ground her teeth at herself for thinking such a thing. That fire obsessed minion had better stay clear of me. He might get it worse than my father if he doesn't. How could he betray me like that! Oh yes, I remember, he never cared about me in the first place. It all must have been just an act. The kissing and making out were just perks of the job. The scene that took place in Magneto's old headquarters played through her head again. He played me! Just like one of his dancing candle flames!
Wanda reached into her pocket to pull out her meditation balls Agatha had given her but instead her hand fell upon a crumpled piece of paper. "He's lying, please believe me. - John" it said. The witch shoved the note back into her pocket. She had tried to forget about the note. It made things much simpler to forget it. But what if he is telling the truth?
Her thoughts were interrupted by incessant honking. "Come on! I ain't got all day here!" the disgusting cabbie in the tasteless Hawaiian shirt yelled to the world. As if in reply, there was an explosion and the cab shook.
"Huh?" Wanda looked out the window to see the towers of the bridge on fire.
"What is that?" The cabbie again talked to no one in particular. Two more towers ignited in flames, the fire swayed this way and that until forming four galloping horses. They speed down the towers and stampeded down the highway over top the cars.
The cabbie got out of the car and tried to yell over the screaming people. "The oil tanker is gonna blow! RUN!" He took his own advice and turned tail.
Meanwhile, Wanda slowly and calmly got out of the back seat of the cab. Shielding her eyes with her hand she gazed up at the source of the horses. Through the flickering flames she caught sight of a familiar form getting a little happy with the flame-throwers.
"Yeah! I haven't had this much fun since Pizza Planet (1)!" John laughed as he played a little more."Run you little commuters! Run!"
Wanda narrowed her eyes at her ex-boyfriend and all those feelings she had been debating went away as betrayal once again filled her. She narrowed her eyes.
The explosion was also heard by two people cruising in a red and white striped convertible. The two look up to the source of the sound and see the bridge burning in unusual ways.
Scott's eyes narrowed, remember his misfortune he met when he crossed paths with Magneto's firebug. "Pyro. It's coming from the bridge."
"Let's go!" ordered Jean, equally resentful toward St. John.
From the top of the bridge Pyro noticed a lone figure dressed in red not running from his show. She's here! That was fast. John started manipulating the flame differently. First he greeted her with waving hand and a smiley face. Then he all but dissipated the flame to show the start of a new sentence. Then he made a helmet and a house and some guy skiing. I hope she got that.
As Wanda watched the flames change form, her facial expression changed from angry, to confused, to annoyed. "Slap happy eggplant house what?!" she exclaimed to herself, not understanding the message. She was never very good at Pictionary, although she never took anyone hostage for laughing at her horrible drawings (2). Pyro repeated the message without any more clarity coming to the Scarlet Witch. "This ends. You come down and face me NOW!" the witch yelled and shot a hex bolt up and hit Pyro.
"AAHHH!" Pyro yelled as he fell off the tower. Luckily he was able to cling to one of the cables of the suspension bridge. "She's trying to kill me! Are you really surprised?" he said to himself. John let go of the cable with one hand and reached into his pocket. He pulled out his ski lift ticket that Magneto had been so certain to lead someone to the base if "lost." Wanda shot another hex bolt at him, and he just barely dodged it. "Forget this, I better swim for my life!" He tossed his lift ticket toward the girl and jumped onto the long railing of the bridge. The Scarlet Witch set off one more hex bolt before picking up the ticket. Pyro was not able to dodge this one as it hit the back of his flame-thrower setting it off uncontrollably as he fell into the Bay River.
As the witch stood back up, the fire had reached the gas truck the cabbie was concerned with earlier. As predicted, it blew, sending the Scarlet Witch off the side of the bridge. She was able to hold onto the side, dangling in mid air. The heat from the fire weakened more cables and they begin to snap. The road shifted, sending vehicles toward the mutant struggling to hold on. She was able to dodge the first blue SUV by letting one hand go. As she tried again to climb back onto the road, the towers started to collapse themselves.
Jean and Scott made it to the bridge for some crowd control, with Storm arriving shortly afterward to put out the blaze with monsoon rains. A wet Jean saw someone struggling to climb back onto the bridge and went to help her up.
No sooner did Wanda get two feet onto the ground did she start looking around. "Where did that little weasel go?"
"I think he's gone. Are you okay?" Jean wondered at the change of attitude between Pyro and the Scarlet Witch. Last time she checked they were making out in every slightly dark corner.
"I'll live," was Wanda's dry reply.
Scott ran over to the girls. "Storm's got it under control." Wanda rolled her eyes at the obvious statement. The team leader of the X-Men with a confused expression on his face took a few steps toward the witch. "Was that Pyro after you?" He was wondering the same thing as Jean. "You guys have a fight or something?"
"Yes," Wanda answered. "He was delivering a little message from my father, as always." She ripped her arm from Jean's grasp.
"Magneto!" Jean half asked.
"No, Raúl, my other arrogant, manipulative, father who leads a band of mutant terrorists," Wanda replied sarcastically.
Jean shrugged her reply off, having been used to doing it with whatever Rogue usually says to her. "What kind of message?" she searched for information.
Wanda turned away from the couple and started walking away. "He wants me to stop looking for him and for his errand boy, my brother."
The redheaded X-Men and shrugged at the witch in confusion. "But Pietro's not hiding. He's back with the Brotherhood."
That stopped Wanda in her tracks. "HUH!"
Across town in a decrypted old mansion four voices were heard arguing interrupted only by the occasional earthquake. As the Scarlet Witch advanced along the walkway, the house grew silent again. Before her hand could reach the knob, the front door flung open to reveal an ecstatic yet revolting Todd Tolanski.
"Babycakes! You've come back to me!" Todd exclaimed. Wanda sneered in disgust and shoved him sideways into the wall. She walked determinedly into the living room. Todd quickly recovered from being discarded and followed her into the room with his hands in his pockets.
Wanda put her hands on her hips. "Where is he?" she asked in her dangerous tone and glared at Todd.
More than willing to help, Todd answered truthfully, "Pietro? Hidin' in the closet." He jerked his thumb toward said closet. The Witch gritted her teeth and threw a hex bolt at the closet door, which flies off its hinges. Wanda was slightly disappointed that the door didn't hit Todd. She squinted at the closet and managed to make out her white haired, blue-eyed brother peaking out from behind some coats.
"Thanks a lot, wart boy," Pietro grumbled and crawled out of the closet.
Wanda approached her brother with her arms crossed and her face glaring. Not wanting to play any games she went straight to the point. "All right, Pietro, where's Magneto?"
"I-I still don't know. Wanda, no lie!" the speed talker stuttered. "He only contacts me when he needs me."
"What a loving father to his only son," she said sarcastically. "He doesn't even leave a forwarding address?" she asked her brother skeptically. Wanda didn't wait for an answer before pulling the ski pass off of her pocket. "What's this?" She shoved the tag in her brother's face.
Pietro continued to play dumb. "Uh, how do I know?" Wanda looked down at the ticket in confusion. At seeing his sister in a slightly more vulnerable position than usual, Pietro ventured a guess. "I-it looks like a ski lift ticket or something."
Less than a second later, Todd snatched the tag. "Ararose? Hey! Must be Mount Ararose. That is a local ski resort."
"Well aren't you just full of handy information," Pietro remarked and rubbed his chin as the Scarlet Witch just stared in amazement that Toad was actually useful.
Todd used this opportunity to hit on Wanda again. Sliding himself underneath her arm, he said, "Say the word, poopsie, and we'll hit the lodge and sip cocoa by the fire." He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively at her.
The word fire reminded her of her first boyfriend and betrayer. She was more ready than ever to face him and belittle him into nothing; at least she thought she was. Todd was in her way and pissing her off. "Eurgh!" she shoved the mutant out of they way. "Get outta my way!" The Scarlet Witch determinedly started walking out of the Brotherhood house.
Todd annoyingly followed her. "But, sweetums, I-I'm your servant, your slave. Let me come with you!" Then he added dramatically as he hopped in her path and stood up straight. "I will lay down my life for you! Just say the word, I am at your beck and call!"
"I beckon you to get out of my way and leave me alone!" she yelled at him in frustration. "Revenge is mine alone, and I will not have you screwing it up!" Todd continued to follow her despite what she said. "Why are you still following me!" she whipped around.
"Because I love you, pookie bear," Todd answered innocently.
Hoping to break his heart once and for all, she shouted back at him, "Well, I don't love you!"
Todd was not as discouraged as Wanda had hoped. "J-j-just tell me what I have to be to win your love!"
The Scarlet Witch stopped for a second with her hand on the wall. She scowled, then said almost depressed, "Someone else." Without looking she zapped the amphibian into the stove in the kitchen. After she heard the satisfying clatter of pots and pans and painful groans, Wanda slammed the door.
"Someone else?" Todd mused. "I can do that." Todd grinned and hopped off to cause some mischief.
Wanda turned up the collar on her blood red jacket and readjusted the headband she stole from some unsuspecting snow bunny in the lodge. She had a winter coat in the Brotherhood house but after her dramatic exit she didn't dare go back in and ruin the atmosphere. She looked around the resort and took in the landscape while trying to catch a glimpse of Magneto's new base. A chilly wind whipped by and she shivered. It's too bloody cold, she thought, not even noticing that her ex-boyfriends slang had worked its way into her speak. The Witch didn't see anything from the bottom of the mountain so she got in line for the gondolas that would give her a better view.
After settling in the gondolas, Wanda's eyes searched the horizon once again for her father's base. Then unconsciously her eyes shifted to the empty seat beside her. She almost sighed when she noticed a tall handsome man walking her way.
"Quite a view," he said and moved to sit down in the seat next to her.
"What?" she asked, confused as to why this stranger would take the seat next to her when she was spreading the vibe out for miles that she wished to be alone.
"Going up for the skiing?" he tried to make small talk.
"No," the Witch said and turned to face forward. She almost added, No, I'm going to the top of the mountain to find my dead beat father's new terrorist base and destroy him and torture my ex-boyfriend for fun. What brings you here? But she guessed that he was the kind of guy who would assume that more words meant she actually wanted to have a conversation with him.
But she was wrong, this guy assumed that any words meant she was interested. He smiled and said, "I'm a skiing fool, babycakes."
The black and red haired head snapped around to take a closer look at the idiot sitting next to her. His smile revealed the greenish and uneven smile of the one and only Todd Tolanski. "TOAD!" she yelled and stood up with blue sparks flying around her. The image-inducer Todd stole from Kurt Wagner aka Nightcrawler fizzled out and the tall stranger was now the slouching Toad.
"What gave me away?" he asked innocently. He didn't get a chance to say anything more as he was hexed out of the gondola and into the snow.
The gondola ride ended with no further sightings of Todd or Magneto's base. Wanda glanced around and decided to follow some snow boarders out into the mountain. As she was readjusting her jacket the wind blew her scarf away.
"Don't you worry miss. I'll get it for you." The man then hopped down the sidewalk chasing the scarf.
The Scarlet Witch's eyes widen in surprise, then she glares at the man, a blue mist surrounding her once again. "Toad!" Toad grabbed the scarf mid-hop and Wanda hexed him into a mound of snow, then continued her search.
Magneto dressed in his full regalia paced back and forth in the security room of his new snow bunny dome base. He was mumbling to himself, "Why hasn't that idiot left yet! Every other day he barely spends two minutes in the base before sneaking out to snow board the mountain, but today, the day I had counted on his insolence, he stays inside wrapped in blankets and sipping hot cocoa." Magneto looked up at the screens labeled Ararose and watched as the Scarlet Witch wandered aimlessly in and out of the cameras' views. The he glanced at the internal cameras where he saw Gambit and Pyro playing the same card game of Egyptian Rat Screw they had been playing for the last hour and a half. Before that they had a three and a half hour game of War which ended when they surprisingly got bored of it.
SWAPT! The boys hands when down on top of the pile of cards that had accumulated. "HA, HA!" John gloated, "I got 'em!" Remy smiled his "I've got a secret smile" and gestured with his head to their hands. John stopped laughing momentarily and looked down to find that Remy's hand had reached the pile first. "WHa! How!" Remy continued to smile and added the cards to his pile. John threw down his hand and pouted. "I hate playing with you."
"Come on, mon ami," Remy smooth talked him. "D'e game is not over yet." John sat at attention and took his cards back into his hand.
Magneto sighed and shook his head. He glanced back at Wanda. She had spent the whole day on the mountain and aside from her running nose, had caught nothing. "She's going to leave soon, time to take action." He walked over to some beautifully colored buttons next to a microphone. He pressed the green one and a chime sounded over the PA system. Then he pressed the blue button and everyone in the base covered their ears with their hands as a high pitched squeal came out of the speakers. Swearing was heard as Magneto tried to move the microphone and cover his ears at the same time.
"Ahchm,ahchm," the boss man cleared his throat after the squealing stopped. "Mastermind, please meet me in my office." Everyone went back to what they were doing previously, and Magneto went into his adjoined office and sat behind his desk. After a few minutes he got up and adjusted the lighting to make himself seem more menacing. Thirty seconds later he reached across his desk to turn on his lamp. After being satisfied with the percentage of shadow being cast in the room he settled back in his chair and folded his hands on the desk. One minute later Magneto caught himself twiddling his thumbs.
He stood up abruptly and stomped back into the security room. He looked at all the screens trying to find his minion Mastermind. The Master of Magnetism found Mastermind in the laundry room. Ironing his clothes. With headphones on. Dancing. And singing Cher tunes into a spray starch can.
"Mastermind!" Magneto yelled into the PA, making everyone in the base jump as there were no warning chimes. Jason Wyndgard aka Mastermind jumped an extra three feet into the air, the starch can slipped out of his hands, and he stumbled to catch it before it hit the ground. "In my office NOW, Wyndgard!" Jason fumbled to put the can back on the ironing board and ran to Magneto's office.
"Yes, sir." Mastermind burst into the room gasping.
"Sit, Jason." Magneto moved a chair toward him. Nervously Jason took it. Since Magneto had his helmet on, he could not read the man's thoughts or intentions and worried that he might end up getting a ride on Magento's Wild Metal Chair Ride like John did a while back. But Jason needn't be frightened as Magneto wanted a favor from him.
"Jason, I need you to make a telepathic suggestion to Pyro. I need to to make him go out snow boarding," Magneto told Wyndgard.
Jason was confused. "But I thought you didn't want me messing with any of your recruits heads. You said you could manipulate them perfectly well on your own without telepathy."
The man with the bucket on his head gritted his teeth. "And now I am ordering you to make Pyro go snow boarding!" Magneto jiggled Mastermind's seat a little for effect.
Jason quickly stumbled out of the chair and ran to the door. "Will do, sir," he said and ran away.
Back in the security room, Magneto watched the scene in the common room:
"Ha, ha! I got you Remy!" John gloated, "You only have two cards left. All hail the Pharaoh of the Egyptian Rats!" He stood up and bowed. After readjusting his blanket-cape, he sat back down to continue playing.
"You have not won yet, your majesty." Remy smirked. Remy was considering actually letting John win. The firebug hadn't been this excited about anything since the breakup with Wanda. Things were starting to get back to normal and the Cajun was beginning to worry only about his teammate's sanity instead of his life as well.
Just before Remy laid down his last card John jumped up, knocking over the card table and tossing off his cape. "I am going snow boarding," he announced.
Remy pushed the table off of himself and stared bewildered at his teammate. "What are you talking about? Since Wanda knocked you into de river, you swore off any an' all forms o' water."
"Snow is marvy, mate," John said randomly.
"You said snow was de most evil form o' water an' spent an hour panicked dat you had frostbite from walking to de base in your wet clothes," Remy reminded his friend.
"Snow is marvy, mate. I'm going snow boarding," John repeated and walked mechanically to his room to get his gear.
"Something's not right here." Remy looked around the room. There was a slight movement of shadow coming from the work out room. Remy pretended not to notice the shadow and walked casually into the hallway heading toward John's room as if he was following the possessed pyromaniac. He stopped and put his back to the wall just out of sight of the gymnasium. There he waited for the perpetrator to emerge. The shadow finally moved toward his hallway and Remy bent his knees to prepare to pounce.
WHAM! Remy stumbled to the ground as snow bunny John busted out of his room in his winter gear and trampled him. "Snow is marvy!" he shouted as he ran out of the metal dome.
"Mon dieu," Remy mumbled as he moved to his hands and knees to stand. He heard a set of feet heading away from him toward Magneto's office. Remy leapt up to follow them. He only moved two steps before the dome turned dark except for flashing emergency lights and a fire alarm. He almost considered restarting his pursuit until he saw the black smoke billowing out of the door to the basement. Sighing, Remy headed toward the nearest exit, meeting Piotr on the way. Outside they met up with Sabortooth and Jason. Magneto emerged a few minutes later, and the five stood outside in knee deep snow, drenched in fire extinguisher fluid. The alarms went off and the lights came back on.
Trudging back into the base single file, Remy leaned over to Piotr. "I d'ought we disconnected all de smoke detectors after Pyro made a game o' how many times he could set d'em off in an hour."
"We must have missed one," Piotr sighed.
"No wonder John ran out of the base so fast," Remy reasoned, figuring the Snow is Marvy mystery solved, much to Mastermind's relief.
They all went back to their business inside the base. Sabertooth and Piotr to their perspective rooms, Magneto to his office, Remy to pick up the common room, and Wyndgard to his pile of smoldering laundry lying beneath the iron.
"This was a waste of time." Wanda had been out on the slopes for hours and had found nothing. "Probably just a distraction so father could make contact with my dear brother." She kicked a pile of wood outside the ski lodge. "One more run, then I'm going home to beat up on Pietro."
She walked away from the lodge with a snow board underneath her arm. She squinted and scanned the ski lifts one last time and her luck had changed. Her eyes narrowed when she saw her former love interest dressed in what looked a lot like a puffy version of his uniform. Her eyes were glued to his orange jump suit as he got on a ski lift.
With a new sense of determination, Wanda strapped her foot onto her snow board and glided over to the same lift. As the chair came underneath her, a blond man in a blue winter jacket sat down beside her. With dreams of revenge formulating in her mind, she paid little attention to the man until he spoke to her. "Fine day for skiing, ja?"
Wanda's mind was snapped from her plotting and looked at the man sitting next to her. "Yes, it's ..." Her voice drifted off as she drank in the Swiss hottie. Damn me and my attraction to men with accents. "...beautiful," she finally finished her sentence. There probably isn't any brain underneath all that muscle and accent, but I could probably stare at him all day.
The handsome man spoke again. "I'm Eric, da ski instructor. I haven't see you here before." He smiled, and Wanda melted a little.
She fiddled with her collar a little and looked away so he would not see her blushing a little. "No, I..." She then spotted Pyro down below, boarding away from the designated hills. Wanda let out a little sigh that she would have to leave the presence of a real man. "I have to go." She didn't even take a fleeting look at Eric before jumping down from the lift and following the Australian.
"Uh, wait!" "Eric the ski instructor" yelled after her as he slid off the chair then tripped over his skis and fell flat on his face. Wanda was too focused on her mission to hear him or notice the fizzle of the hologram as the image-inducer Todd Tolanski stole from Kurt Wagner shorted out again. "Aw, rats. I was that close."
There were few tracks on the back trails that Pyro took. Wanda spit some pine needles out of her mouth as she hit another branch. She stopped and watched John effortlessly maneuver around the forest then take a jump over a cliff. I didn't realize he was that good at snow boarding. She leisurely boarded over the cliff and looked out. Pyro was heading over to a giant metal dome nestled between two mountains. A hole opened up in the side of the jiffy popper and John went inside.
"Magneto," Wanda growled. Her mouth was wet with anticipation, she felt her heart beat pick up and a new burst of energy swell inside her. At last, today will be the day. Everything will change. She was lost in her thoughts when a small metal sphere flew up in front of her, "Huh?" Holes opened up and her face was enveloped in a white gas. The Scarlet Witch fell to her knees and coughed. She looked up at the base and tried to crawl. Not another trap, John, she was a little reluctant to admit it. 'He's lying, believe me' my ass. I hate you.
As St. John stomped into the base, he ripped off his outerwear and went to go vent his confusion on the last person he remembered talking too.
"Remy!" John practically knocked down the door to the Acolyte's room. "What possessed me to go out into the blistering cold to relive my frostbite experience!" Remy took off his head phones and looked at his teammate and friend. Remy continued to lay on his bed with his head turned toward the Australian. When Remy didn't respond to his question, John added, "Well?"
"Oh, you're askin' me?" Remy sat upright. "I d'ought it was a rhetorical question."
"One minute I'm cuddling up in the base playing cards with you, and then next I'm running outside to frolic in the devil's dandruff! Did you spike my cocoa!" the Australian accused the Cajun.
If John didn't say insane things all the time Remy would have thought he was losing it. "Why would I do dat?"
"Why would I go torture myself!"
Remy turned his body to John and set his CD player down on the bed. Remy used his most calm and truthful tone of voice. "John, Tryin' to analyze your actions is like beatin' a gator wit' a popsicle stick. You just end up bleeding and down one popsicle stick."
"What kind of analogy was that?" John burst out. "And why is the base coated in this slippery stuff!" John had just remembered his other question he came up with while sliding over the floor to Remy's quarters. "It looks like fire extinguisher fluid."
"It is," Remy said in an annoyed tone.
Fake tears welled up in the pyromaniac's eyes as his face grew pouty. "You had a fire without me?"
"Yeah, de one you set before you ran outta da base screamin' 'Snow is marvy!'" Remy remembered that he should be angry with John and stood up, pushed him out of his room, and slammed the door in his face.
"Huh? What? Fire?" John babbled as he tried to figure out what Remy was talking about. Unsuccessful after several minutes, he went to go ask the calmer, less grudge holding teammate, Piotr.
"Hey, tin can!" John called as he ominously peaked his head around the open doorway of Piotr Rasputin. There was no one in the room. "Must be moving around boxes again," John supposed and started to walk through the base calling his name. "Petey! Here, Petey, Petey, Petey!" After a near brush with death passing Sabertooth's quarters, John gave up his search and went back to Remy's room. "Remy, did Petey have some secret mission today or something!" He yelled through the door.
"Non, I don' d'ink so," Remy called back.
"I can't find him anywhere," John told him.
Remy wouldn't open the door. "So you came back to annoy me?"
"I didn't set any fire in the base today!" the pyromaniac defended himself. "Since when do I set fires and walk away? I always stay to watch and play!"
Remy recognized the truth in that statement. His suspicions from earlier returned. Who was dat lurking around? Remy got up and swung open the door to his room. John, who had been leaning against it, fell into Remy's arms.
"My hero," John said dreamily before Remy dropped him to the floor.
"D'ere is something goin' on here and I'm gonna find out what." The Cajun stepped over the firebug and walked determinedly down the hallway. The two of them searched the dome.
Remy and John's search together had been just as fruitful as John search alone. The only unusual thing was that the door to the training room was locked, but they knew Piotr usually only lifted weights in the weight room if he was working out alone, and he never locked the door. So the search continued. At one point, they thought they heard someone coming around the corner, but it turned out to be no one.
While Remy and John were in one of the vacant bedrooms trying to find a way into the attic, Remy heard a shuffling and a thud from Piotr's room one floor below them.
In the closet standing haphazardly on a trash can, John was oblivious. "Maybe if I had a screwdriver...or my lighter back!"
"No, you almost dripped hot metal on my beautiful face de last time." Remy kept his ears open, but heard no more noises from below. "You try and find dat screwdriver, I have to go to de bathroom." Remy left the room before John could fall off the trash can and back into the bedroom.
Downstairs Remy cautiously approached Piotr's bedroom. From the doorway he saw some shadows moving around but the minute he stepped in the room, they were gone. "Piotr?" Remy called as he entered the part of the room unseen from the doorway. No one was there and the outside window was open. Remy figured the intruder had climbed out the window and turned to leave. Then a deep and quiet sneeze came from the closet. In less than a second the closet door was open and a Russian was sprawled on the floor.
"Uh, hello," Piotr said.
Remy gave him a suspicious look. "Why are you in de closet, Petey?"
He lied poorly. "I was looking for, uh, something."
"A hiding spot maybe?" Remy called him outright.
Fear and shame spread over his face and he pleaded urgently to Remy. "Please, do not tell John I am here!"
"Tell me what?" The Australian strode into the room with his flame-throwers on his back. "Petey!" John hugged the Russian, "I thought we had lost you! Sabertooth was looking a bit rounder than usual today, and we thought he might have eaten you!"
"Non, only John-boy d'ought dat," Remy piped in. "Couldn' find any matches so you went for your flame thrower?"
"You know me too well Remy," John grinned.
The Cajun's eyes grew wide. "You have no idea how much dat scares me." He then turned to his other teammate. "So, what's going on Petey?"
Piotr shifted his weight back and forth. "I, uh, had a special mission today -" Then turned to John and burst out. "I did not know! He had me carry her to the training room then he locked the door and told me to move crates. And it smells bad!" He then switched to Russian, which was gibberish to John and Remy.
"Piotr!" Remy yelled. Piotr stopped talking. "Again, English dis time."
He took a deep breath and started again. "Magneto came to me before John returned and asked me to go to the mountain. There was an intruder there and to bring the intruder to the training room. It was Wanda!"
"Wanda! Magneto has Wanda!" John exclaimed. "She wasn't suppose to get caught. I gave her the ski lift so she could find the place and end our misery, not to get caught!"
"What?" Remy had two babbling teammates to contend with now.
"Mags was so freaked out that I would lose the ski lift pass and someone would find the base that I thought I should." John turned and ran out the door. "I have to go help her!"
Remy has known men like Erik Lensherr. Opportunities like this don't fall in their laps, they make them happen. They plan their moves out in advance; they are great at chess. Remy put his hand on John's shoulder. "Magneto fooled you, mon ami. He knew you would lead Wanda here from de beginning."
"Why are you stopping me then!" John wrenched his body away from Remy and ran down the hallway.
"He'll be expecting you!" Remy called after him. He looked at Piotr and sighed. They ran after their fire obsessed teammate.
Blotches of color and light unfolded before her eyes. She felt the cold metal chair through her clothes and metal casings around her hands. Wanda sensed someone else in the room, but her head was just as cloudy as her vision. When the man spoke, she had no doubt who it was. She would recognize that voice until the end of time. It belonged to someone who supposedly loved her but he abandoned and neglected her instead. She tried to wiggle out of her seat, but it was no use. She settled for a steady scowl at the man pacing in front of her.
". . .I had expected Pyro's trail of clues would lead you here. It is so funny," Wanda's father mused, "you claim to hate and distrust me, but you take my word over his. I never ordered him to keep track of you. And today, I made him think he was leading you here without my knowledge, but I was the one manipulating him."
The Witch's eyes grew wide at her father's revelation. John had been telling me the truth the whole time. I was so easy to believe he would betray me. That I meant nothing to him. But he was just a pawn in all of this. I am the real betrayer.
Magneto continued his conversation, "It's time for us to talk, father to daughter." He leaned on the arms of the chair Wanda was sitting in.
Wanda sneered. "About John? You're a bit late to have any say in my boyfriends."
"No, no." Magneto waved his hand around to dismiss the matter. Wanda remained silent, waiting for her father to continue his tirade. After a few minutes he sighed and hung his head. "Wanda, leaving you in that hospital was one of the most difficult things I've ever had to do. I know it must have been hard on you -"
"Save it," the captive shot.
Her father desperately tried again. "Please understand. It was for your own good. I -"
Again she interrupted. "You never cared about me! Only about yourself!" She closed her eyes, sick of looking at her father. "I was just something else in your way."
Magneto's expression remained sincere. "Wanda, I had hoped we could start building a new relationship."
She raised a skeptical eyebrow. "You've got to be kidding. Not in this lifetime."
The Scarlet Witch expected her father to retort or get angry and yell, but instead he his face remained stoic. "I see," he said as he stood up. "Unfortunate."
A crash from the shadowed edges of the room turned Magneto's head. Colossus knocked in the door, with Gambit and Pyro right behind him.
"What are you idiots doing!" Magneto yelled at his minions.
"Saving Wanda!" John courageously yelled.
Magneto rolled his eyes. "All in the name of love I suppose." John charged, but his friends hesitated. Magneto waved his hand and some random chains that were lying around flew over and wrapped themselves around Pyro's body; he fell to the ground. Magneto used his powers to drag him back to his teammates. "You two were smart not to attack. You know you both have too much to lose if go against me. Pyro does too, although he doesn't know it." Magneto dropped the mutineer. "Keep him under control or you will all lose."
Remy looked down at Pyro. "I'm sorry, John." Never looking at his face, Piotr helped him up and kept a tight grip onto his arm. With nothing else to do, they stood back and watched.
"Now where was I?" Magneto thought then gestured for his helmet. "Oh yes, the fact is Wanda, your single minded quest to eliminate me has become a serious liability. In more ways than one." The boss man gestured to his lackeys. "And since I can't secure your cooperation voluntarily, I will do it by other means." Magneto opens the metal door to the locker room to reveal a sober Jason Wyndgard aka Mastermind. His eyes began to glow.
"Mastermind here will delve into your memories and alter them," Magneto stated. Wanda's eyes grew wide.
Pyro tried to move forward in rebellion but Piotr's grip tightened. "I am so very sorry, but my family is in danger." John sulked back in line with them. He couldn't think of anything to do alone; he was not one with a gift for strategy. He needed his friends behind him, but they had other worries greater to them than what happened to his ex-girlfriend.
"Hopefully, your mind won't be too damaged by the process," were the last words Wanda Maximoff, the vengeful Scarlet Witch, heard in this life.
"How many rooms do they got in this place?" Todd as "Eric" whispered urgently to Kurt Wagner. They had been bounding about for at least twenty minutes trying to find where Wanda was taken. They were almost spotted by Pyro and Gambit while they were searching the base for Colossus. The two rescuers had found Colossus stacking crates before his own teammates located him. They were almost spotted, but Nightcrawler's sulfuric teleporting saved them from being discovered.
"Why didn't Magneto buy a huge place like this for the Brotherhood to live in instead of that rat hole?" Toad complained more.
"Vill you shut-up already? I agreed to help you rescue Vanda, not listen to your vhining," Nightcrawler broke. "How do I get myself into these messes?" he asked himself.
"Where is she?" Toad wondered. Then then heard some ruckus from a large room down the hallway. Nightcrawler grabbed Toad's hand and bamfed. They appeared in a large room. The two quickly ducked behind some metal columns and took in the scene. They saw Wanda in a chair with some monkey man standing across from her.
Mastermind shook his head and put his hands to his temples. "Magneto, you have intruders." He stood up and turned around only to see a slime ball spit at his face.
Magneto dropped his cup of coffee when he received the telepathic message from Mastermind. Mid-terrifying lecture and I get uninvited house guests. "There are intruders in the training room, I suggest you come and help me get rid of them." Magneto left the war room and hovered down the corridor to the training room.
Gambit and Colossus got up to follow him, but Pyro just sunk down farther in his chair. "I'm not running after a man with a few Kangaroos loose in the top paddock. I'm done, stick a fork in me," John declared.
John has to come. Magneto will get rid of him if he doesn'. If he is willing to screw wit' his own daughter's mind 'cause she was in his way, what will he do to John? As long as John does the job, he'll keep 'em around. I've got to convince him to come with us. Remy sat down next to the pyromaniac. "If you don', Magneto will."
"I don't care," he said.
"Maybe, but Wanda does," Remy reasoned. "Petey and I might not be able help you, but d'ese 'intruders' might." Remy lead John on to get him moving. If d'ese people could get into da training room dis quickly, d'ey will be gone by de time we get d'ere. But if dis gets John d'ere wit' us, Magneto will d'ink dat he still has sway wit' him. And dat illusion is all dat matters.
As Remy had hoped, John looked up at his friend with a new hope in his eyes. "Well, what are we waiting for? Stampeding puppies?"
After removing the slime, Mastermind tried charging Nightcrawler, who simply jumped over him. Meanwhile Toad tried desperately to free the Scarlet Witch. "Hurry up, vill you?" Nightcrawler called to Toad.
"Hey, I skipped this day in hero class, okay? You got a better idea?" the Brotherhood member retorted.
Nightcrawler grabbed a hold of the Witch and impatiently teleported her out of her restraints to reappear next to Toad, who still looked like Eric the ski instructor. "Just that." Nightcrawler placed the unconscious Witch in Toad's open arms.
Magneto and the rest of his goons burst into the room. "Time for the 'get out of town' express," Toad remarks as Nightcrawler grabbed a hold of them to teleport away.
Just as the Acolytes burst into the room, Wanda and the two intruders disappeared in a brimstone smoke. It's over. Wanda's gone. What will I do now? John wondered as he stood around awkwardly with Gambit and Colossus. I'll follow them. But where did they go? John moved toward the door, planning to find them outside the base.
"Wait," Magneto's voice echoed in the room, stopping John in his tracks. The master of magnetism turned to Mastermind/ "Did you finish the job?"
Jason rubbed the back of his head to stall as he considered how to answer. "Yes." I can't believe I even considered telling him anything else. And it's not like is isn't mostly true.
"Then we let them go." Magneto turned to three younger Acolytes. "Glad to see you came, Pyro. Wise decision. I'm glad you are able to see the big picture," the boss said before exiting dramatically.
John sank to the floor and put his head in his hands. Sensing that he needed some alone time, Remy, Piotr, and Jason filed out of the training room.
Her head pounding was the first thing Wanda felt when she started to wake up. Tingles went up and down her limbs as she started to feel them again. She groaned. Light burned her eyes as she opened them, but that pain was forgotten for a second when the Swiss ski instructor's beautiful face came into view. He must have rescued me from... from what? Her head pounded harder. She felt Eric's face move closer to hers, but she didn't feel like fighting it. They kissed. The kiss was passionate but sloppy and tasted foul. What did this guy eat today? A dead skunk? He needs a mentos or something. She opened her eyes and saw that Eric was not Eric at all but Todd!
"Toad!" she screamed and jumped out of his arms, pushing him away. She saw that the X-man Nightcrawler was in the room as well. She turned to him and shook her fist threateningly. "Get me outta here!"
The look on Todd's face would have broke anyone's heart, assuming that they had one. The Scarlet Witch put her hands to her hips and glared down at him. Appalled at the trick and the kiss.
Kurt butted in. "You know, he's a slimy vorm, but he DID put his life on the line for you."
Todd looked up at Wanda, his eyes on the verge of tears. Wanda closed her eyes to shut out that look, sighed, and said, "Thank you."
The "thank you" gave Todd all new hopes and dreams as well as resupplying him with energy. He felt hungry. So when a fly buzzed around his head, he shot his long tongue out of his mouth and caught it. Wanda, newly disgusted and embarrassed, covered her eyes with her hand and stormed out of the room. Kurt turned and shrugged at Todd, who groaned and covered his face with his hands. "I'm my own worst enemy," he realized.
Remy knocked before entering the pyromaniac's room.
"The land of Wampoo has closed its doors to immigrants," John yelled from inside.
The Cajun opened the door anyway. "Good d'ing I have a visa, no?" His friend's room looked like a tornado had hit. Things were tossed all over. Currently John was haphazardly stuffing clothes into a disheveled duffel bag.
"You do not," John said without looking up.
"I do too," Remy argued. "It's not my visa, but I do have one." He pulled out some papers from one of the many pockets of his trench coat. "See, it's Petey's."
John refused to look at him. "I'm not talking to you."
"Sure you're not." Remy sat down on the most together part of the bed. "Leavin'?"
"What was your first clue?" the Aussie said curtly. He pulled out some items from his dresser and shoved them into his bursting bag.
"What's de plan?" Remy asked in a calming tone.
"Why do you care?" John still felt the sting of betrayal from earlier.
"I'm sorry 'bout before, John," Remy told him sincerely. "I'm sorry all dis happened. D'ings were just startin' to get good again . . ." The Cajun's apology was cut short when John shoved a dirty sock in his mouth.
Remy spit out the sock and tried to clean the stench from his tongue. John continued to ignore him as he pulled out a large box and started to pack up his candles.
"Since you don' want to hear any apologies or nothin', let me get straight to de point." Remy stood up, not sure how much longer John would tolerate his presence in the same room. He could feel the tension in the room rising and figured that he was about to blow. "I understand why you're leavin', I d'ink it's 'bout time, but I don' want you to go off all half-cocked and do somed'ing stupid, like try and attack Magneto."
"I won't. I don't have a death wish," the Aussie seriously reassured him. He knew it would be suicide to try and face Magneto alone. Especially on his ground with his minions behind him. Besides, on principal he always tried to avoid vengence and grudges. He doesn't like to dwell too much on the past he can't change. He'll prank people who wrong him, because he feels that is constructive and destructive and a fun outlet for his anger, but he has never really wished or plotted for horrible harm to come to someone.
But despite his distaste for revenge, he really did wanted to hurt the man. Maybe someday I can lure him into a plastic bubble full of pure oxygen. Or maybe a hydrogen filled wooden blimp. Or hot air balloon. I'll sit on some mountain a couple miles away with a video camera, launch a couple fireballs, then laugh and have lunch. Vegemite sandwiches of course.
After a half a minute of silence, John noticed that Remy was still sitting on his bed looking at him. He realized that in order to get rid of his soon-to-be ex-teammate he would have to tell him his entire course of action. "I'm stealing the car, going to go pick up Wanda, and then get as far away from her crazy father as possible."
"How are you gonna convince her to go wit' you? She likes her daddy now," Remy asked to get him to think more about his plan. Then he added, "You don' know what all Mastermind did to her head."
"I'll tell her what happened," John told Remy. "She'll believe me. She knows now that I wasn't lying to her before. If she doesn't, I could always find one of the X-geeks that came to rescue her. She'd have to believe me then. Those X-geeks drink truth serum with their breakfast."
"When you leavin'?"
"As soon as I'm done packing," he told him.
"Do me one last favor," Remy requested, "Wait until morning."
For the first time (aside from the sock), John looked at the other man in the room. "Why should I?"
"You'll get more o' a head start," Remy tried to convince him of his better plan. "Wit' Wanda wit' you, Magneto is sure to send someone after you. If you leave tonight, Mags will know you mean to leave fo' good and send someone after you two. If you leave tomorrow mornin', he might d'ink you've calmed down. Say you're goin' out fo' donuts or somed'ing. Toss all your stuff out de window and get it on de way out."
There was silence in the room as John considered Remy's plan. He looked at the red eyed mutant with scrutiny. "Is there some other reason you're not telling me about? Like when you got me to follow Bucket Head earlier?"
"No." Remy looked him straight in the eye and told him truthfully. "I d'ink dat fo' your plan to work, you have to leave in de mornin'." Remy stood up and headed for the door. Just before he left he turned and said, "Whatever you decide, I'll cover fo' you as long as I can. Bye, John-boy. Good luck." With that, the door to Wampoo shut.
The next day, the Brotherhood of Bayville Boarding House was in its usual form of decrepitude with cracked walls, dirty clothes and Chinese take out left out on about every piece of furniture. Wanda and Todd were being surprisingly civil as they straightened up the living room. Wanda pulled a book from the bookshelf and looked at the cover.
Todd leaning up against the bookshelf scratched his head, "Okay, okay. Let me get this straight." He continued to talk as Wanda put the book in a box on the floor. "You mean, you're not mad at your father no more?"
She shrugged. "Not really." She looked up at Todd with her crystal blue eyes. "I know I was once, but its funny. I just can't seem to remember why. It's all a blur." She went back to sorting books.
Todd slapped his forehead with his hand. "Man, they really did a number on your head. Well, let me enlighten you, snookums. Uh, see, when you were . . .aehah!" Todd screamed as Pietro Maximoff grabbed him by the scruff of his shirt and zipped him into the kitchen.
The speedy Maximoff glared at the boy. "Are you nuts! Why do you want to start that again?" He gestured into the living room where Wanda was still looking at books.
"Hey, I was just -" Todd started before being interrupted.
"Look, she's a lot happier with all those memories gone." Pietro glanced in the other room. "Well, maybe not happy, but at least she's not angry. Which means, she'll stop looking for Magneto. Which means she'll stick around here." He paused then added when he noticed Todd didn't yet understand his meaning. "Near you."
He finally got it. Todd glanced back in the room, then smiled at Pietro. He chuckled. "You got a point. Okay, I'll keep my mouth shut." He started to head back into the living room. Just before he entered the other room he turned to make one last comment, "Besides, if she can get over hatin' her father, then there's hope for me yet." He grinned his cheesy, hopelessly romantic grin. The one where hearts would appear around his head if this were any other cartoon. He finished hoping back into the other room.
After Todd turned his attention back to Wanda, Pietro breathed a sigh of relief, then shuddered. At least it is easy to keep Toad at bay. Playing at his possibilities to get with Wanda was a sure shot, even though the thought disgusts me. Thank god Wanda will never look at Toad that way. He took a quick glance into the living room where the pair was still being civil. He frowned, At least I hope he didn't screw with her mind that much.
There was a knock at the front door. Todd hopped from the living room to the entry way to answer it.
"Outta my way, Cane Toad." St. John pushed the boy aside and walked in. "Wanda!" he called.
At the sound of her name she got up and walked to the entry way. She didn't say anything.
"I'm glad you're all right!" John exclaimed and grabbed her upper arms.
She jumped and backed up, throwing his arms off of her. "Excuse me?"
"Don't be like that, luv," he said, taking a step closer.
"Get away!" she hexed him across the entry. He landed on three UPS packages. She looked at him questionably. "Who are you?"
"What do you mean?" John was now confused. "I'm St. John, Pyro, John-boy -"
Wanda recognized one of the names. "Pyro." She realized who it was. "You work for my father, don't you? Does he have a message for me?"
John stood up and looked her in the eyes. Those icy orbs that were once full of life and passion were now dull and limp. She doesn't remember me, his eyes grew wide and his mouth gapped open. Wanda raised an eyebrow to him and crossed her arms after he didn't answer her. "Well?"
John closed his mouth, but he was still speechless. He couldn't believe this was happening. She had no memory of him. The bastard Magneto not only screwed with her memories about the asylum, but he had erased probably every single memory she had had of him. It was gone. Everything.
"Is he having some sort of fit?" Wanda turned to Todd who was just regaining his senses from being shoved onto the floor.
"Uh, no," John covered. "I do have a message from Magneto. . . " John had to think of something quick. "Klaatu barada nikto." (3)
"What does that mean?" she asked.
"Uh, eat your vegetables." He then turned to leave; he couldn't stand looking at her anymore.
"Wait!" she called from the doorway when he was halfway down the walk. His heart skipped a beat, She does remember! He ran back to the house as fast as his feet could carry him. But when he got to the door, one look into her eyes dispelled his hope: they were just as lifeless as they had been before. "St. John Allerdyce?" she asked with three boxes in her arms. All John could do was nod. "These have your name on them." She handed him the cases of vegemite she didn't remember picking up at the old base. "I'm sorry, I think Freddy got into one of them."
"That's okay," John mumbled as he looked down at the boxes in his arms.
Wanda stood there awkwardly on the doorstop for a minute. "Do you have to watch me eat my vegetables?"
John's eyes remained on his Vegemite. "Uh, no."
"Are you communing with the front stoop?"
"Yes, it misses the petunias."
Now it's official. This guy is completely nuts. "Did my father find you in an asylum?" Asylum, that word made her shiver, but she didn't know why.
"I prefer the term 'loony bin,'" he joked, but she didn't get it.
Wanda was getting a headache talking to this guy, so she decided to finish it. "I'm going to shut the door now. I don't recommend talking to it, because all it does is complain about the weather." John didn't make a move, which made Wanda nervous. She shifted her weight. "Bye, have a good day," she emotionlessly recited before shutting the door.
John looked up at the closed door one last time before sulking off to his stolen vehicle with his vegemite.
(1) See Chapter 19 – So, What's the Verdict?
(2) See Chapter 17 - And you got that from potatoes?
(3) Famous three words from the classic The Day the Earth Stood Still. Made fun of in many other movies such as "Army of Darkness."