Title: Goodbye
Author: taintedesire
Pairing: Bobby/John, slight Bobby/Rogue
Ratings: R
Warnings: Slight spoilers for X-2
Disclaimers: I don't own X-Men
Summary: St. John's goodbye. One-shot. Based on the song "Goodbye my lover" by James Blunt. Also posted on dryice.
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown
'Coz I saw the end before we'd begun
He studied the features of his best friend, seated beside him on the couch. At that moment of time, Bobby was enraptured by some old movie showing on TV. He never got to watch it when he was young, he had explained to John, and proceeded to drag him down to the lounge at 2am in the morning.
He took in Bobby's classic American jock boy looks; spiky blonde hair, blue eyes, strong physique, and he couldn't help but feel that they were so many worlds apart.
But as Bobby's cold hand slipped into his and their fingers entwined, he realized that he didn't give a damn.
Despite all their differences, they fit each other like adjacent pieces of a puzzle.
So I took what's mine by eternal right
Took your soul out into the night
"Come on Bobby, don't be a prude, let's skip class for once."
"No," Bobby hissed, "Imagine all the trouble we'll get into. You know it's Mr. Summer's class!"
"Bobbby…." John pressed close to him, trailing his tongue over his bottom lip suggestively. "Imagine all the things we could do…"
Bobby froze.
"But…"
And Bobby let John corrupt him, just a little.
You touched my heart you touched my soul
You changed my life and all my goals
My heart was blinded by you
"Bobby…"
"Yeah?"
"Don't you ever think about fighting back? Against the people who hate us? Hate us for what we were born with?"
"Professor Xavier and the X-Men are trying, John. I believe that someday, the world will accept us for who we are. Fighting is just going to make them fear us more…"
John got a little upset. Bobby and his naïve ideals.
"But we're just hiding now!"
He yearned to make a difference, and unlike Bobby, he knew that Professor Xavier and Jean Grey's attempts at diplomacy wouldn't have much of an effect on the scared and angry mob who were not mutants like them.
He knew, because he'd lived in a world far darker than Bobby's.
"Johnny, are you going to leave?" Bobby asked quietly.
He took in Bobby's dejected and somewhat forlorn expression, and he decided that hiding was ok, as long as he was with Bobby.
"…No."
I've kissed your lips and held your hand
John remembers their first kiss. It was tentative and soft, with the barest hint of tongue. Such an innocent and simple kiss, yet it triggered within in so many feelings, left him wanting for more.
So much more.
John also remembers their second kiss. They were lying on their backs, enjoying the breeze and the sunshine, at their usual spot on the field.
John turned his face to look at Bobby.
"The new girl today was hot." he commented.
"Oh, you think so?" Bobby replied, still gazing at the clouds.
"Obviously, you thought so."
Bobby then turned on his side, propping himself up with his elbow and looking John in the eyes.
"What makes you feel that way?"
"The ice rose was real charming, Drake." Johnny couldn't help but shoot some sarcasm at him.
To his surprise, a small smile tugged at Bobby's lips.
"Jealous much, Johnny?"
"…"
Bobby looked worried now.
"Come on, she looked so uneasy. I was just trying to lighten the mood; you know I hate seeing people feel uncomfortable…"
A pleading note in his tone.
He knew Bobby wasn't lying. He remembers the first time they'd met, the first day he entered Xavier's School for Gifted Youngsters. He thought it was a stupid name for a school.
While the other students merely stared at him in curiosity, wondering who he was and what his powers were, Bobby stood up, walked over, and stuck out his hand, sporting a grin that could have broken a million hearts from there to Australia.
"Hi, I'm Bobby."
Johnny was distracted from his thoughts by a waving hand.
"…dude. Don't tell me you're really angry…" Bobby sounded slightly panicked now.
Johnny blinked, realizing that he had phased out for quite some time.
"You know I love you, St. John Allerdyce." This came out with a serious tone.
John lifted his eyes to meet Bobby's at that. His eyes had an earnestness in them that was Bobby Drake, and which he had never been able to ignore.
He thought to himself: For all the other people that I can hardly give a damn about, I never win against you, do I, Bobby Drake?
And he gave Bobby a small smirk, saying, "Of course you do."
Bobby visibly relaxed at that, and John didn't know who leaned up, or who bent down, but when their lips finally met, the world erupted in flames and ice.
St. John Allerdyce also realized then that didn't want more of Bobby Drake; he needed all of Bobby Drake.
Shared your dreams and shared your bed
John loved having sex with Bobby. He loved the feel of Bobby's hard, cool body, slick against his own feverish one; loved the little whimpers and moans that only he could elicit out of Bobby, as he mercilessly teased Bobby to the brink of ecstasy.
"Johnny, please…" whimper
"Tell me what you want Bobby, I want to hear it."
John slammed hard against Bobby's prostate, while his hand was fisted around the base of Bobby's cock, preventing Bobby from cumming.
"Ngh…please Johnny…I want…let me come…" Bobby was positively begging now.
John slowed down his thrusts, which earned a small sound of complaint from Bobby. He leant down closer to Bobby, and whispered hotly in his ear.
"Kiss me, kiss me hard and I'll think about it."
Bobby turned his face around to meet John's, and kissed him deep and dirty, sucking hard on John's tongue. John felt himself getting harder by this act, if it was possible to get even harder.
He broke the kiss when he couldn't take it any longer; he was on the verge of climaxing. He loosened the fist on Bobby's throbbing cock, and simultaneously gave a final, vicious thrust which sent the both of them over the edge.
"Aah… Johnny!"
He could hear Bobby 's cry of release clearly, as white spots of pleasure danced in front of his eyes.
He loved the way Bobby cried his name.
I've been addicted to you
But fairytales do come to an end. In his case, it ended with a capital 'R'.
"I don't understand why it's always Logan this, Logan that." Bobby complained.
John saw the cracks form; first a tiny line.
Bobby stared into Rogue's eyes, leaning in to kiss her. Their lips got closer and closer, till they were a hair's breadth apart.
Then the crack extended and crept out, not unlike a spider web.
"John!"
He heard Bobby's call as he frantically searched for Bobby amidst the chaos.
"Yeah!"
He ran in the direction of his voice, relieved that Bobby was ok, and happy that Bobby had been looking for him, too.
"Where's Rogue?"
And St. John Allerdyce watched as it all shattered and fell down on him, shards of ice cutting him, stabbing through his heart.
You can't break my spirit, it's my dreams you take
It was supposed to be an act. Bobby and Rouge. They were supposed to be a 'pretend couple', so that Bobby could act normal and Rouge could keep the other boys away. John always played along with it.
"Stop showing off, John."
"I can't help it if your girlfriend's getting excited."
He wondered why he had gone along with it in the first place. Maybe he'd seen the end before they'd begun.
Remember me
Something snapped in Johnat the porch of Bobby's house. He supposed it was the fear, the jealousy and the rage that had triggered it.
"You know all the dangerous mutants you hear about on TV? I'm the worst of them all."
Fire seemed to be a balm for his wounds; his rage and frustration fueling his fire, as he controlled it, made it rise higher and burn hotter.
As he felt his powers being drained by Rouge, the roar in his ears quieting down, he thought silently to Bobby : Remember the fire that is St. John Allerdyce.
Remember us and all we used to be
John ran towards the chopper, turning to give the jet one last look. And towards Bobby, towards the dream he could never have, he uttered a silent goodbye.
Goodbye my lover
Goodbye my friend
You have been the one for me