Requiem
Author's note: This is a response to my challenge with my girl Davis. Sorry it's so short.
How is it possible that after everything, that everything turned out alright for all of you? That all of you lived through it, that all of you sorted out your mess? That all of you lived through it and I did not?
Sometimes I'm sure it didn't happen. That I'm dreaming a long, unending dream. That I'm still down there with you. Which I am, in a way. It seems like I'm doomed to never leave you.
I left Lucas, even though I never believed I could. With me gone, he saw the world differently. He saw her again.
I can still picture it. His face, as I left him. He didn't stop me, but he looked sad. He won't forget me. He can't. None of them will ever forget me.
I can close my eyes just like you can, and block out the world. I see Haley in her wedding dress, Peyton dressed in red. I see Peyton as a child, before all of it. Hoes over Broes. Whatever happened to us?
Haley will remember me. She will even mourn me a little. Maybe it will even distract from her happiness with her "new" husband, if anything could.
It was always so easy with Haley. She'd lost Lucas, I'd lost Peyton. I was forgiving, they were not. Too much had come between Peyton and I, and not enough with Haley.
Everyone pities Lucas, but he is not in the worst shape. It is obvious who is. Obvious to me. From an outsider's perspective, from so far away, everything is so transparent. I see so many things I never saw when I was alive.
I couldn't see that night. The night after the wedding. Haley pleaded with me not to drive. She got in the car with me, telling me again and again that I wasn't awake enough. She didn't know all of it.
She didn't know that I didn't die alone.
She does know. I can so clearly recall her face as the coroner told her that I was pregnant. She didn't tell Lucas. She'll take the secret to her grave, if hers is as far away as I think it is.
It is you who misses me. Don't worry, I knew. It was always you. One day it might have been.
Sometimes I watch your sleep. You don't sleep peacefully. I know the difference, since I've seen you sleep before. I want you to sleep well, my love. You deserve that much.