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Heero and Duo's Philosophy on Life: bull shit starbuck's style

"Hey Hee-chan!"

"Hn."

"I'm bored…"

"Hn."

"You know Hee-chan, life is like a bowl of coffee beans."

"I believe the quote is, 'life is like a box of chocolates'."

"No…I'm serious. I bet that just by analyzing the people and things around us, we can develop an entirely new philosophy on life."

"Hn."

"Here, let's make a list. I'll start and you can jump in anytime."

Duo starts typing a list on his laptop:

Life is a bowl of coffee beans. If you have too many coffee beans (issues), you have to grind them and make delicious hot drinks and distribute them evenly to the masses.

"See Hee-chan, it's not that hard!"

"Hn. No."

"Please! I promise you'll get a special treat later tonight."

"Fine."

"Yay!"

Heero proceeds to add his own little tidbit of philosophy to the list that is Duo's latest obsession.

Life is a game of symmetry. Every action has a reaction that mirrors the action. For every thing, there is an equal opposite. For every yin, there is a yang.

"Heero, that has nothing to do with starbucks or any of the things or people in here."

"…"

"I'll do another. Oh, look! I can make one out of that drink name!"

Banana Coconut means life is crazy. Cuz you go bananas. Like monkeys. And Coco… like coconuts. And Nuts… crazy like nuts.

"Do you get it now?"

"Hn."

"Ok then Mr. Smarty Pants, you get to try again."

"Hn."

You never know what's going to come in to your life with a sign saying, "Just arrived." At some point every feeling, emotion, and coconut is new. Don't be scared of change.

"Hee-chan, that's lame!"

"Hn."

"Fine! You have to do two in a row! Go!"

"No."

"Fine then! No treat for you!"

Heero sighs, but begins to type again:

Now in season means that there will always be a social atmosphere that you will have to follow. Is it bohemian, prep, or goth?

"Better. Now I get to do two in a row!"

Illumination hangs from the ceiling, with a pseudo-artsy lampshade, because that's what the mindless masses want. Artsy is now in season.

There's a constant beat, and then other parts come and go for different amounts of time. Because in life things come and go, but you're always there. They might change your sound but you're always the same beat.

You can buy caffeine and energy, but there's always waste. We're killing our planet with our consumer greed. If we make our own, there's less biological hazard. But we're lazy and we won't. Cheers.

"Baka, that's three in a row."

"Shush you! It's your turn anyway."

"Hn."

The shadows are always moving so we can't see outside. But we can see the shadows. We have to watch the shadows inside of us to know what goes on outside of us.

"Ok, I'm bored of this. Let's make up thoughts of the people around us. I'll go first."

Duo spots his target and begins to type:

My tie-dye shirt shows my hippie roots. But my designer jeans and cool expensive glasses show my yuppie leaves. I work out so my muscles pop. And I pay lots of money to do it.

"Okay Hee-chan, your turn."

Heero spots and exhausted looking woman:

I spend all day dropping off and picking up my kids from soccer games, so I only have a little time to do my own work. I drink my Starbucks and hope it's over quickly.

"Oh Heero, look at that guy! I choose you!"

"Baka."

My daddy's a doctor and my mommy's an accountant. I used to study but my friends called me an "Uh oh Oreo" now I wear bling and black. When my 400-dollar cell phone rings it plays, "It's hard out there for a pimp…"

"You again, Hee-chan!"

I try to be cool in my fake army jacket because the kids used to call me a loser but now I'm the same as them, sitting at starbucks in my wanna-be different clothes acting like I'm studying, they'll never know I'm really checking out the two hotties next to me.

"Oh, me likey!"

"Hn."

"I take it back, I don't want you to get a big head."

"Hn."

"Well you don't have to be so pissy about it!"

"Just take your turn, baka."

This guy I'm talking to is clueless… Look how he's listening to every foreign word I say. I sound great. Keep nodding, Kid. I studied in a far, far away land. Did you know I'm better than you? Yeah…of course you do.

"Oh, Heero. Do one on that guy!"

"Hn. Okay."

I can't believe I gave into this fucking consumer world. I let my new half-prep half-liberal girlfriend talk me into this, she doesn't know that I've been here once before, don't tell her. I used to think I was different, that no one else thought like me, but now I'm here at starbucks. I like nature, rock climbing, and mountain biking, I want to stand out with red sunglasses but it doesn't matter now anyway because here I am at starbucks just like everyone else.

"Oh, harsh!"

"Hn."

"My turn."

I'm the New Banana Coconut Frappuccino. But these stupid college dropouts did me wrong. I am not a fucking "Frappinno" like it says on the hand-written chalkboard. Fuck you guys. Frappinno's are pussies… I am not a pussy. I'm a goddamn fucking Frappuccino. Yeah… fuck you guys. Frappinno isn't even a real word… I bet you some dipshit in Seattle must've made that up…

"Duo, that's not a person."

"You're just racist."

"…"

"…"

"…It's a drink."

"Soooo…"

"Hn."

"Oh look Hee-chan! There's Relena!"

"I see."

"Will you do the honors?"

"Of course."

Goddamn, I'm tired of peoples' bullshit, fuck that I have my own problems to worry about. Oh well, I know everyone wants my advice, I'll just spit out some bullshit and smile real pretty, that the important part, bullshitting in style, that's why this guy still sitting here talking to me, Ha, like I really give a shit.

"Did you see the barista today, Heero? He was creeping me out."

"He was leering at you…I almost shot him."

"Is that jealousy?"

"Hn."

"In that case, he's my next target."

There's this guy sitting with his friend typing on his computer… I've seen him a couple times. Sometimes he wears pajamas and sometimes he dresses up sort of fancy. I think he sees me wink. I wonder what the fuck those two smirking boys are writing. I wonder if they know that I, the guy who makes the drinks, can see them…

"Go Heero, it's all you."

Damn, fuck this. Why did everyone tell me America would be so much better? They've obviously never been here. I'm broke but being broke in America always means there's enough money for starbucks. I have nothing to do and I can't afford to do anything. It's okay, I'll sit here and think about everything I could be doing back home, with my family. Just watch me as I disappear.

"That's depressing."

"Hn."

When I walked in here, I saw this guy I know from my Med school program. He's hitting on some worn-looking soccer mom… I hit him "Hello" and he gives me a half-wave and keeps chasing his old skirt. Whatever, I don't expect anything from these people, that way I can't feel bad. I may not be the prettiest or the smartest… but I can make myself better if I say I'm better. (I hope it actually works…)

"I thinks 20 is enough, don't you?"

"Hn."

"And now for a conclusion."

We sit in Starbucks and pass our judgments. It feels good to judge these other people. Makes us feel better, like the med student in the green shirt you just heard from. The moral of the story is that there's no such thing as cool. Our "mean cool" is about as cool as the loser with the "would-be cool" clothes. Haha. We're such Starbucks bullshit. So we bullshit Starbucks style, but we manage to bullshit with style. We watch some people bullshit in their own style and we add our style to their bullshit, or our bullshit to their style. Gotta love that Starbucks bullshit.

"Let's go Hee-chan."

Heero smiles warmly at his koi and says, "Ok."

The barista is unlikely to ever forget the glare directed towards him as Heero and Duo walked out.