Ki Cutters: 19
The Presents III
"Akane, you're home!" said Kasumi cheerfully. Purring in her arms was Ranma's kitten. "Did Ranma find Grandfather?" Her face fell as she saw Akane's worried face and then the grim visage of Ranma coming in behind her sister. The latter was cradling Happosai inside his coat. "Oh, my!" She lightly touched fingers to the old man's skin. "Oh, dear!", then turned and rushed for the bathroom. "Bring him this way, quickly! I'll make sure the water isn't too hot at first!" she called over her shoulder.
"I can't believe he's still alive!" muttered Ranma. "He must have been out there since the end of the show." Inside Ranma felt horribly guilty. They had all walked away, leaving Happosai lying on the ground, assuming he'd just jump up and keep on going. This time, they had been wrong and it might cost the old man his life. Happosai had been a constant irritant to them all and often a dangerous component in their lives. Ranma had suspected Happosai would drive him some day into a rage that would be fatal to the old man. But his death because of their casual indifference was a far different prospect. "Stay alive, ya jerk," he said worriedly to the small body he carried.
oOo
Kasumi was running cold water into the normally hot furo, checking the temperature carefully. Beside her a hot kettle steamed vigorously. "Akane, place this thermometer against Grandfather's skin. I need his skin temperature."
"Okay." Akane watched the reading as Kasumi reduced the flow of water into the tub. "Just under 27 degrees centigrade. That can't be right! Wouldn't he be…"
"Oh, dear." Kasumi ran some more water in the tub. "Ranma, you'll have to get in with him. Submerge him as much as possible and use your ki-vision to watch his vital signs."
Akane was still aghast at the temperature she read. "Wha… What about a hospital, Kasumi? I mean he needs serious medical care."
Her big sister turned to her, a serious expression on her face. "I think a hospital would be far too little, too late. And with Grandfather's physiology, they might kill him bay accident. You should call Cologne, though."
"And you called him 'Grandfather'," Ranma observed as he stripped down to his boxers. "Did you know he really is your Great-grandfather?"
"Ranma, I was almost ten when Happosai disappeared. Of course I knew him before. He told me who he was a long time ago. My only surprise was that Taro is related as well. I think it's wonderful to have such a nice cousin."
Ranma almost dropped Happosai into the furo. "But," he sputtered, "we never…"
"Ranma, part of the reason everyone is so comfortable talking to me is that what goes in my ears doesn't heedlessly rush back out my mouth," Kasumi chided. They stared at her, realizing that oneechan had struck again. Taro must use her as a sounding board as well.
Kasumi set the hot water to trickle in at a rate of a liter every five minutes. "Ranma, watch the thermometer on Grandfather's head and compare it to the thermometer I have here. This one should never be more than five degrees warmer. Never! If it starts to rise above three degrees warmer than his body temperature, reduce the flow of hot water. If his temperature rises to within two degrees of the water's, let more hot water in. We have to bring his body temperature up gradually to reduce shock. And make him breath the steam. We need to raise his core temperature - that's most important! " She turned back to her sister. "Akane, call Cologne! Now! Then return and help Ranma with a new kettle!"
"Right!" Akane said jerking to alertness. She was out the door with a bang. As she hurried down the hall, Soun and Genma, finishing the remains of a large lunch, looked up and noticed her.
"Akane, did Ranma find the Master?" Soun asked.
"Yes," came her terse reply. She disappeared into the kitchen.
"Where are you going?" Genma called. "Is the fight on? Did Ranma win already?" They heard her beginning to dial the phone. "Who are you calling?" he added.
"Cologne. She's our only hope!" Akane called back. "Mousse! I need to talk to Cologne, immediately!"
"Only hope?" Genma's eyes bulged. "My son! The old fart has killed him!"
"Waaaah!" wailed Soun. "Our children will never wed!"
"Shut UP out there!" bellowed Akane. "Yes, Cologne! Come as quickly as you can. His body temperature is only 27 degrees centigrade. No, I have no idea whether he has frostbite. He's unconscious…" There was a longer pause. "Sorry, I had to focus. His breathing is shallow and only three breaths every two minutes. His heart-rate is only twenty beats per minute." Another pause while the fathers listened breathlessly. "Kasumi has him in a tub just a few degrees warmer than his body temperature. She didn't want to shock his system. And she's making him breath steam! You're coming? Thank you!" There was the clatter of the receiver and Akane charged out of the kitchen with another kettle.
Soun wept openly. "Akane, be strong! Surely he'll pull through this!"
"He's strong. You'll see," sobbed Genma. "Don't let the old crone steal him away!" he added.
"You two are weird!" she snapped, edging past. "Since when have you cared? I don't have time for this!" She hurried back to the bathroom.
Their shocked faces turned to one another.
"Waaaah! My daughter hates me!" grieved Soun.
"She thinks I don't care about my son!" wailed Genma, doing a passable Soun imitation. Neither thought to go back and check on what was happening.
oOo
Not long after, Cologne came with Shampoo and rolled her eyes at the men, before dodging back to the bathroom. An hour later, Hinako came in to find them still grief-stricken and sobbing into their cold tea. "What's going on?" she demanded.
She was met with inarticulate sobs. Finally, she confirmed that, whatever the cause, the answer was to be found in the bathroom. She marched back. Sliding open the door she demanded, "What is going on in here? Oh, my god!" She moved quickly through the changing room into the bathroom itself. Ranma and Akane were both in the tub in their underwear while Cologne, Shampoo and Kasumi sat along the edge. Happosai looked very old and gray between them. Kiku the cat wandered the edge as if wondering what the fuss was about.
"What happened?" Hinako demanded.
"The old freak got caught out in the cold. Cologne says the only reason he's alive is that he went into a self-induced coma." Ranma stopped and grimaced. "But we can't bring him out of it. And he doesn't have enough energy to come out of it alone."
"Why are you trying to rescue him?" Hinako asked. "After all, he's tortured everyone for as long as I can remember. Why not let nature take its course?" She looked at the teenagers' stricken faces. "All right! Let me phrase it this way. Why do you feel it's your personal responsibility to save him?"
"He was lying under the snow by the auditorium, ma'am," Akane replied. "You know how we fought with him during the performance. We just left him there. He's always gotten back up before."
"You do realize that, out there, your fathers think Ranma was beaten in a fight by Happosai and lies near death?" Hinako said in her husky voice.
Ranma snorted. Him? Beaten?
Hinako took some satisfaction from their expressions.
"So that's why they were acting that way," Akane said.
"Why are you in there?" her future stepmother asked her.
"His ki is heavily balanced toward male principles. That's why he's always glomping girls."
"I had to point that out," Ranma pointed out.
Akane elbowed him though she carefully kept the steam steady on. "We think he keeps his ki in balance by leaching off girls," Akane continued. She looked embarrassed. "I sort of hoped being close to a girl might bring him out of it."
"You're a brave one," the ki vampire observed.
"Well I couldn't do it myself in this warm water," Ranma explained testily. "It's not like I wanna be in the furo with the old creep."
"Being in there with Akane, on the other hand…" Hinako hazarded. Ranma glanced over and blushed.
Kasumi reached down and ran some more hot water into the tub. "We're up to 34 degrees," she said softly. "Is he responding at all, Ranma?"
"His skin temperature's rising but his heart and breathing are the same."
"Just relax, children," Cologne broke in. "So long as he's alive, the old pervert's always come back before." She crouched there, her eyes hooded, looking like a wrinkled old toad, waiting for an unwary fly. "Be patient."
"Do you still care about Happi, Great-grandmother?" Shampoo asked quietly.
Cologne opened her eyes a little and glanced aside. "Who said I ever did?"
Hinako knelt and stroked the bald wrinkled head. "Old fool. What have you ever done to deserve this concern?" she said enigmatically. "I'll try to relieve the men-folk's fears, but be prepared to have them in here celebrating. They have no love for the old man."
Ranma sighed as she left. "I really had other plans for today," he grumbled.
"What?" Akane asked with a smirk. "Standing out in the snow?"
"No. Beatin' on him!" He jerked his chin at the bald head before him.
"Akane, did you get the girls that manga?" Cologne asked out of the blue.
Akane gulped. "Ummm… Not exactly." She dreaded what her rash help might cause the Elder to do now. "Well, sort of. They only had 2500 yen, and they were talking about all this very expensive stuff. I didn't want them being disappointed…"
Cologne chuckled. "Silly stuff, those stories. But the author's heart is in the right place — duty, honor, fighting on despite the odds — there are a lot of old stories like that. Maybe they're too old to catch the hearts of the newer generation, too different from what they experience."
"I was afraid you'd be angry."
Cologne sighed. "If you were one of mine, I'd rant and rave and confiscate the book… and see how long it took you to find a way to retrieve or get access to it. Officially, I don't know anything about the manga. Officially, I haven't seen it, and they've taken great pains to hide it. Part of being a parent lies in knowing when forbidding something will do more harm than good. Another part is to set standards and present obstacles to the young to make them strong. If they get clumsy or careless and I find it, I'll give them all sorts of hell!" Cologne grinned in anticipation.
She closed her eyes and assumed a more serious expression as she continued. "The 'kiss of marriage' was, originally, an obstacle to make our young women strong. If some young hothead was defeated by a man, she trained till she was better than the warrior who defeated her, then went after her future husband. Having an Amazon to wife wasn't so bad and usually we looked the other way if he had a sweetheart and they continued as lovers." Cologne sighed. "Sometimes the outsider girl would get up the courage to train and join the Amazons to retrieve her man. We'd gain a strong warrior and the first Amazon wife would gain a sister." She opened her eyes and glanced at Akane. "That's actually what I thought you'd do. I could tell, even then, that you wanted our wild horse."
Ranma looked a little annoyed. "I am here, ya know."
Akane blinked. Hadn't they been talking about manga? "How did you know?" she asked weakly.
"A young woman who doesn't like a young man ignores him. He doesn't exist. Unless he's dangerous like Tatewaki was, she's mildly annoyed by his presence. If a girl resents or hates a man, she plays practical jokes on him and enjoys his pain when he's in trouble."
Cologne opened her eyes and met Akane's. "You, on the other hand, were always furious with him for neglecting you. You insulted him, challenged him because he was better at martial arts, yet you always went out of your way to be with him. If he was hurt or in trouble, you always helped him, comforted him and sacrificed your wants for his needs. Those are not the actions of a girl who hates a man."
Akane winced. Ranma smiled and let a finger brush her shoulder at the waterline.
Shampoo rose to her feet and stripped off her silk pants and blouse. Ranma averted his eyes from her exposed breasts with a grimace. "What! Something wrong with them?" Shampoo asked.
"Jeez! Wadja think you're doing?" Ranma complained. He reddened as Shampoo hooked her thumbs into the waistband of her panties.
"You two begin to look like prunes. My turn. I hold Great-grandfather in water and watch temperature." She stripped off her panties.
"Shampoo!" Ranma exclaimed, distressed. He didn't notice Akane's hidden smile.
"Pooh! Why get clothes wet?" She slid smoothly into the tub and took the stiff little form to cradle like a baby. "Besides, maybe with just skin, he get some ki from me and feel better, ne?" Ranma and Akane left the furo. "And if he feel too much better, I yell and you come help trash him, okay? Otherwise, come back in hour and trade off."
"Why didn't ya bring a bathin' suit or somethin'?" Ranma grumbled.
"Didn't know would be bathing," she said simply. She submerged till just her head was out of the water and made certain Happosai was able to breathe.
"You go ahead, Ranma," Akane offered, smirking. "We don't want your sensibilities offended."
"Huh? Why? I mean it doesn't bother me…"
"Shut up, pervert," Akane eyed him archly. "Anyone who can't tell what you're thinking in those wet boxers needs glasses worse than Mousse."
"Akane…" he whined, turning carefully away from the other females in the room. He left in a crouched huff to Cologne's chuckle, Shampoo's snicker and Kasumi's embarrassed giggle. Humiliated, he stripped in the changing room and, cinching a towel about his middle, stalked for his room. He scowled at Genma and Soun as they peered down the hallway from the main room.
"Son, is it true? The Master's dying?" Genma asked breathlessly.
"How is he?" Soun inquired in a more neutral manner.
"I dunno," Ranma growled. "I'm gonna get dressed." He thumped up the stairs.
"He must be bad if Ranma will leave him in there with Akane," Genma suggested.
"True. Unfortunately, they seem to feel they have to revive him," Soun replied thoughtfully. "And that old woman could probably make a stick sing the national anthem if she wanted."
"So what will we do?" Genma asked.
"I don't know about you, Saotome," Soun replied. "But I'm getting ready for my wedding." He stood up tall and looked down the hall toward the bathroom. "In a way, I'm almost disappointed, old friend. Here I'm marrying one of the few women in the world who can deal with the old fool, and I can't watch him choke on his saké when he drinks to my health."
"Hmmm… I think I understand how you feel," Genma nodded. He too, looked down the hall. "I think we aught to go and check on them, though. Can't hurt."
Ranma heard the screech, the bang, the yelling and exploded down the steps to whirl back to the bathroom. He skidded to a stop and desperately restrained his laughter.
His father was battered, bruised and face down in the hall beyond the door of the changing room, which was unseated from its track. Inside, Akane berated her father and his, while struggling to keep a towel around her assets. Soun was trying to tell Akane that he didn't want his daughters running naked around the old pervert, no matter what shape he was in. Cologne hopped around Akane and flipped Soun down the hall. "Out!" she grated. "Idiot men! Son-in-law, put this door back in its track and stop gawking at Akane. It's not like you haven't seen her before."
oOo
Once Cologne arrived, Kasumi left Happosai to the care of Akane, Ranma and the elder Amazon. She returned to her work in the kitchen, making a beautiful feast for her father and stepmother-to-be. It was great stress-relief. What had started out as a bachelor party in Happosai, Soun and Genma's planning had become a family gathering to officially welcome Hinako and discuss what changes the new year would bring.
Nor was the dinner limited to family. Hinako's parents were dead and she had little contact with her brother. For emotional support, she had invited Baradandya and her husband. Urudu had come as well and Nabiki had invited Sakurida to make sure she didn't feel left out. Nodoka had brought the Saotome girls and Ryu Kumon who was delaying his return to the dojo he taught at. Ukyo had come because Ranma and Nodoka suggested she be included.
Had Happosai understood that the bachelor party he had helped organize for Soun had been hijacked and replaced by a tame dinner party, he would have been incensed. Still unconscious, he looked gray and old beside Cologne. Except for her, any who glanced his way, viewed him with the same nervousness they would a sputtering Happodarikin. Had he moved, several of the diners would have bolted from the house.
One of the calming factors in the situation was introducing everyone to Kiku. The kitten was passed around. Kurumi and Sakurida, in particular, oooh'ed and ahhh'ed over the little darling, alternating playing with her or cuddling her close and feeding her treats. Surprisingly, P-chan, the black piglet who had replaced Ryoga and was known to attack cats, seemed to take the new arrival's presence in stride, realizing this was an addition to the family.
Ordinarily, for a family meeting like this, Shampoo and Cologne would not have been there. The latter, in fact, segregated herself from the table to monitor Happosai. At the table, Shampoo (at the invitation of Akane) and Akane bracketed Ranma, who got really nervous when they linked arms behind him. While Ryu grinned at Ranma's discomfort, Nabiki who was sitting just around the corner from Shampoo, decided to find out what this heart-sister business meant.
"So, Shampoo, if Akane is your sister, does that mean Kasumi and I are, too?"
"No need to worry, mercenary-girl," Shampoo smirked. "It matter of spirit. If Akane become full Amazon, she still your birth sister, but considered Shampoo's spirit sister. You not have to learn bonbori in any case. You could be judged as technical warrior if you chose to become Amazon."
"Technical warrior?"
"Accountant, computer programmer, stockbroker… These technical warriors. Very important in modern society." She grinned. "How you think Shampoo know how to break into computer? If warriors only learn old ways, new ways pass them by." As Nabiki stared, discomfited, she added, "Very hard do martial arts attack or ki technique on atom bomb or computer hack attack. Good warrior match technique to opponent."
Nabiki rubbed her forehead and leaned forward. "Do you have to be an Amazon to get this specialized training?" she asked. Shampoo nodded.
Nabiki smirked and looked back toward Cologne. "Is there any way to get more detailed information on this training? I may want to join the tribe myself." Akane grinned as Shampoo was suddenly discomfited.
"Hey! Does that mean if an outside programmer beats an Amazon hacker, she has to marry him?" Ranma asked suddenly.
Cologne chuckled. "Only if she's stupid enough to find him and give him the kiss of marriage," she cackled. "Otherwise she just locates his bank account and cleans him out for revenge."
"Sounds like a wife to me," Genma chuckled. He cringed under the joint glares of Hinako, Nodoka, Akane, Nabiki, Kasumi and Baradandya. "Just kidding," he mumbled. He poured himself more saké.
Soun smirked at his old friend and sat proudly beside his wife-to-be. She was carefully making certain he didn't get too plastered. Everyone, including Kurumi, was offered saké to toast the happy couple. Ranma sipped his politely but had no plans for a refill. He noticed that no one except his father seemed intent on overindulging and Nodoka was handling that angle.
"You need to slow down," she was whispering, "We will not carry you home."
"But, dear! It would be impolite to refuse!" he countered.
"Guzzling all the saké would be impolite," Nodoka countered. She glanced over at Happosai as she had done several times that evening. "I thought I'd never say it, but I feel sorry for the old fool."
"The Master? If he could spend ten years in a cave, he'll weather this," Genma suggested, cheerily. "Too bad for us, though. Kanpai!"
"Still…" Soun said. "He couldn't be faking all this for sympathy, could he?"
Genma shrugged. "I wouldn't put anything past him." They all glared at Happosai.
Cologne smirked slightly. "No, he's out all right." She stroked the old bald head. "I'm concerned. He didn't absorb any female ki despite ample opportunities earlier."
Ranma looked surprised. "He didn't? I woulda thought that kinda thing would be reflex to him." He leaned around Akane and placed a hand on the old man's head, reading his ki. "Is it my imagination, or is he even more out of balance now than he was before?"
"You're not imagining things," Cologne agreed.
Ranma sat up again. "He's dying then, isn't he?"
Cologne took out her pipe and began to fill it.
Genma slugged back another saucer of saké. "Genma!" Nodoka hissed.
"Dearest, I've never forgiven him for trying to lock me in the closet on our wedding night, or the time he stole all of your clothes, or the time he…"
"We aren't going to make an issue of forgiveness, are we?" Nodoka said quietly.
Genma sputtered and looked wildly at his wife. "No! Of course not!" he exclaimed. "Who am I to talk?"
"Exactly."
"He really has been a handful," commented Hinako. "And I used to resent the fact he used me to cover for his panty stealing when I was a little girl." She leaned against Soun. "I wouldn't be alive except for him, though, and he always was nice to children."
"Pops," Ranma said in an inquiring tone, "has the old freak ever really hurt anyone?"
"Oh, he's hurt plenty of people," Genma confirmed. "I admit they were usually martial artists that had a chance against him and could take the punishment. Sometimes he'd hurt people by accident, though. Of course, Soun and I were basket cases halfway through any of the training trips he took us on. If it wasn't angry townspeople beating on us, it was the Master half-starving us or thinking up ridiculous training methods…" Genma looked sidewise at Nodoka. "Ahhh… The only reason he never tried the cat-fist training on us is that he didn't know about it," he grumbled defensively.
"Then you're saying he was no worse than you?" inquired Akane sweetly. As Genma sweated that one, there were chuckles around the table.
"Is there anything we can do to help him?" Hinako asked suddenly. "Ranma, you know so much about ki. Isn't there some way to rebalance him?"
Ranma jerked in surprise and noticing everyone looking at him, frowned in thought. "Most of what I've worked out has applied to things I've had a reason to want to do. Ki balancing was mostly discussed as an internal matter; something ya did fer yerself." He looked over at Happosai. "This is different. Way different. It would be more like… oh… doing what you do in ki draining, except in reverse, and then it would have to be pure female ki. I don't know how you can find that naturally. I can see the difference in living things, but non-living I can only get a sense of how it'll affect my ki if I mess with it, but his…?"
Baradandya and Urudu were listening intently. "Actually," Urudu said slowly, "there are some substances that can be refined to possess strongly loaded ki balances, one way or the other. They're usually chemically unstable, though."
"I'm not surprised," said Ranma, his eyebrow quirking up as he regarded their history teacher. "When we've visited the Temple, I've noticed you do a lot of things with chemicals and stuff, Ms. Kamiko. Why aren't you teaching Chemistry?" His expression went wary at the look of mad glee that swept her face.
Baradandya quickly interrupted. "Perhaps you should research the ki imbalance problem, sister," she said hurriedly. "I mean… if it's his time, he'll go anyway, but we're supposed to aid wherever possible."
"Do you know what he did to me last month," whined Urudu, completely forgetting the vision of teaching Chemistry at Furinkan.
"He managed to get into the Temple while your wards were down, stole your underwear and felt you up while you were in the bath," Cologne said under her breath.
There was a moment of shocked, anticipatory silence.
"How in hell's back half-acre…" shouted Urudu.
"Sister!" admonished Baradandya, "Such language!"
"Happi told me, of course," Cologne said frankly. "He always tries to irritate me with his conquests." As she checked his temperature and felt for his pulse, Ranma suddenly realized she'd been doing that every fifteen minutes since she had arrived. He elbowed Akane and turned to see if she understood what he now felt he comprehended: Cologne and Happosai, after all the years and trials between them, still cared. Even though Happosai's greed and perversion had driven them apart in their youth, they still cared.
His heart lurched. Would Akane and he be like this in their old age? And that was always supposing they had an old age together with all the dangers they faced. They still had issues that might drive them apart. He glanced at Baradandya for some reason, and saw her eyes on them. They were sad, yet somehow gave him cause to hope, as if they told of many trials to overcome, yet with the solid chance of a happy ending. He felt stronger, somehow, more confident, which could be a dangerous thing for him. He cleared his throat. "Cologne, if there is anything you feel I can do to bring him back, would you tell me? He may be an old, underwear-stealing pervert, but I don't want him to die like this."
"I agree," Akane said. "I may end up killing him later, but if he goes down fighting, that's different. This isn't right." They looked at Shampoo.
Shampoo was eying Cologne. "I think it good experiment to see if can heal pervert-master," she offered neutrally.
Cologne shrugged. "Happi is considered an outlaw in the eyes of the Joketsuzoku," she declared. "As a Matriarch, I cannot aid in his recovery." Her words were flat, no nonsense and brooked no argument.
"Weren't you aiding already?" Ranma inquired, surprised.
"I've been simply observing, son-in-law. If my observations helped you – that was incidental."
"Old fraud," Ranma muttered.
Shampoo made an irritated noise in her throat. She leaned toward her relative as if issuing a challenge. "Ruling of Council of Kinron in its seventh year, on bandit Chang Schwe Tzu."
"Chang had something we needed. If we had not saved him, we could not have found it," Cologne retorted.
"Ruling of same council, in its 27th year. Outcast Gwa Shi."
"That was Qwa Shi, dear, and she was admitted back on a technicality. Her child was conceived before she was outcast and it was ruled that she become a servant to the Fou family till her death."
"Ruling of Elder Fon Si on the oni Kracktertkt of Tibet,"
"The oni was needed to testify that my grandmother had not…" Cologne stopped and eyed everyone. "A personal matter," she muttered.
"In each case," Shampoo pointed out. "The person had something we wanted. Happosai still has the Nanban Mirror."
There was a hiss of silence.
"What's the Nanban Mirror?" Keiichi asked.
"It is the key to transportation to alternate dimensions, Kei," Baradandya informed him. "It allows you to travel into the past and the future, or to a now of your own time line, but never your own past or future."
Kei frowned. "Okay. Why not your own past or future?"
"It would create a paradox. Changing your own past would mean you would not make the same choices and would not use the Mirror. Journeying to the future takes you out of your own timeline and the future you see will either not have you in it, or will be of an alternate dimension where you have not made the choice to go. Unless you are very careful in its use, it is at best an amusing toy, at worst a nightmare for people who have no idea other alternative realities exist."
Cologne nodded to Baradandya. "I'm not surprised you know more about it than we do. We always used it as a scrying tool to try to avoid dangerous events in the future." She grinned. "That absolves it from the Li Shang Paradox." At people's puzzled looks she added, "A wandering monk suggested that to see the future was either to destroy it or make it unchangeable."
Ranma gave a bark of laughter. "So when we went back and messed with you and Happy as teenagers we didn't change our history?" He quickly shut up and exchanged glances with Akane. She shrugged. "That's…" He shifted uneasily. "It's broken though, so what's the point?"
Cologne looked amused. "The Mirror can't be broken, Ranma. It's kami-made. It will protect itself from misuse, however, and may have simulated being broken in an attempt to prevent that misuse. I've always assumed that meant it would somehow find its way back to us by itself, or Happi would try to get me to fix it." She smiled thinly. "Of course, then I would simply confiscate the thing and put it back where it belongs."
"We don't even know if he still has it," Soun murmured thoughtfully.
"Actually, we know he does," Cologne confirmed. She pointed toward the ceiling. Ranma, Akane and Shampoo turned their ki vision toward the rooms above.
"I see it," Ranma nodded and stood up. Just coincidently, he stepped out of Shampoo and Akane's grasp. "I'll get it." He ran from the room.
A minute later he returned bearing a small mirror in his hand. Set in a stained brass frame, it appeared to be a simple mirror with several jagged cracks running across its surface. "This is it," Ranma said, placing it on the table. "Tears activate it, but I'm not sure I'd want to try it when it's like this."
"May I have it?" Cologne said softly. She smiled. "It's going to take a while to reassure it that it's in good hands again." She placed the mirror in her robes. "Could I have an extra saucer of saké for the old fool here? He can join us as we drink a last toast to the happy couple to be."
"Of course," Kasumi said. She carefully poured the old woman a saucer. The hot beverage poured smoothly into the shallow cup.
"Kanpai!" everyone said. Cologne slipped a little of the alcohol between Happosai's lips.
He coughed. "Kanpai!" he mumbled. After a slight shifting, his eyes blinked open. "Did I miss the party? Give me more of that saké." There was a long silence laced with astonishment.
"Of course, Master," Genma gulped. With a trembling hand he started to pour him a saucer but Happosai snatched the entire bottle and chugged it. In seconds, the old freak seemed back to normal.
Sakurida nudged Urudu in the ribs. "Look at him go, Urd," she whispered. "He's almost as old and even drinks like you." The kitten was sitting in the crook of her other arm, watching the proceedings intently.
"Shut up, brat," Urudu whispered back, offended.
Happosai suddenly became aware of the gathering. His eyes went very wide. "Oh, my…" he murmured as his starting orbs danced from Urudu to Sakurida to Baradandya to Nodoka, Ninomiya, Akane, Shampoo, Nabiki, Kasumi, Ranma's sisters… "I've died and gone to heaven. Never thought I'd end up here."
Urudu sipped some of her own drink. Might as well keep what she had. "Don't get too excited, old man. This is a 'no touching zone'."
"Oh, NO! It is hell!" Happosai screeched. "Surrounded by pretty ladies and not allowed to touch them? That's too cruel, even for hell!" He began to sob.
"You can touch me," offered Cologne, sweetly. Happi looked at her and sobbed harder. She whacked him.
"Was he fakin' it?" Ranma demanded, feeling light-headed with relief. "I thought we needed some dangerously unstable chemical?"
Cologne grinned. "But alcohol is unstable, boy, and dangerous. Or would you care to hang on to a bottle of it with a burning rag sticking out the neck?"
"I can't believe he's alive after two days under the snow," Hinako said wonderingly.
Happosai stopped crying. That had registered. "I'm... I'm alive?"
"Uh-oh…" Urudu and Nabiki murmured in unison.
"Wahoo!" Happosai bounced up, ricocheted off the ceiling and started moving at warp speed. Cold water hit Ranma. As she was lurching up, screeching, Shampoo received the first actual glomp. Then Urudu let fly a bolt that just missed Genma's head as the old man dodged toward her. She screeched as well as his hard tiny fingers pinched and clutched. He missed Baradandya, though he wasn't sure how, and nailed Sakurida who screamed like a banshee and brought out her mallet. "Oooh, Nice ones!" Kiku went up like a rocket, screeching like a maniac. Startled, Happosai fielded her toward Ranma.
"Watch it!" Ranma snatched the cat out of midair and redirected her toward a cushion. From there, she darted under the table. P-chan, however, charged out snapping and bwee-ing angrily. Unfortunately, Happosai was much faster than the little pig and easily avoided his initial charge.
Sakurida snarled. Happosai was proving to be much harder than bugs for the youngest Norn to hit, though it might have been due to the sensation that something was missing. Keiichi was trying to stay between Happosai and Baradandya. Nodoka also intervened with drawn katana, stabbing but missing. Her shortened follow-up strike was never completed as she found that her obi, missing from her waist, was tying her elbows behind her back. Genma cursed as she was glomped. He actually connected on the old man, probably because Happosai had been certain that his old students would never dare interfere with him. Natsume connected on the rebound with her rug-beater just before he nailed Ranma, who was trying to dodge past Kurumi. She wanted to get a shot at her Mom's molester. Ranma almost lost her shirt as he cart-wheeled away. The trailing lacy darlings indicated he'd been working his magic on those girls he'd encountered. Urudu, Sakurida and Nodoka snarled as they realized what they were missing. Nodoka was a bit tied up, but Urudu and Sakurida charged after him.
That was a mistake. He doubled back and flipped their skirts as he dove under their legs. Both felt a breeze against bare skin where there hadn't been one before. Sakurida backed into a corner and took up a defensive posture. Urudu screeched and charged after him, beginning to actually glow.
Kurumi shrieked in triumph as her ribbon finally enwrapped him. Then she just shrieked. Happosai tripped her, sliding out of the ribbon like a ghost and relieving her of her undergarments on the way. "How dare you do that to my little sister!" Ranma and Natsume roared in unison. Ryu charged in as well. Akane managed to clip him with a snap kick, but he rebounded into Shampoo's face. She blocked with bonbori and struck back, only to find Ranma the recipient of her attempt. The girl-cursed boy went down with a groan. "Oops! Sorry, Ranma!" Kiku poked her head out from under the table to nuzzle Ranma worriedly.
Hinako watched warily as the mass of humanity swirled this way and that trying to get a clear shot at Happosai. Her coin was a fifty-yen piece, so she'd have to be careful; anyone in the way would be drained. "Pregnancy's slowing you down a bit," observed a mild voice from beside her.
"Yes, but if he pauses for just a moment…" she grated back. The ki vampire froze and cursed under her breath, as she felt certain constraints disappear and saw her coin flipping away. "Damn you!" Happosai danced across the room, stepping on Ranma's stomach on the way.
"Hah, hah, hah, ha—!" He met the business end of Soun's savagely quick fist. "Ouch!" Happosai dropped to the floor where P-chan began savaging his leg.
Soun relieved him of his latest prize as he lay there and tossed it back to his wife-to-be. "Yours, I believe?"
"Thank you, dear," Hinako said pleasantly.
"Soun?" snarled the midget pervert. His aura flared up as he came to his feet. "How dare you take a pretty from me!" To some degree the effect was spoiled by Happosai's attempts to shake a determined miniature porker from his leg.
Soun's knees began to shake uncontrollably in the presence of Happosai's battle-aura. He gritted his teeth, trying to retain control. He strove to counter with his demon-head technique, but it had been months since he had practiced it.
(FWOOOSH!) Another aura went hot and high and a hand shot out through Happosai's aura to grasp him around the throat. Ranma had regained consciousness. Her aura surged then congealed into a cat-shaped flame. Eyes of ki blinked hungrily at the perverted little monster. On Ranma's shoulder, Kiku held on with claws, her eyes nearly as baleful as Ranma's own. "Happosai…"
Happosai choked and not just from the pressure on his neck. P-chan decided it was time to let go and scuttled behind Kasumi's legs. Happosai met Ranma's eyes. The last time he'd seen Ranma this angry… Himamashi's… Akane had saved him just in time. He glanced her way, but there was little concern in her eyes this time. Nor did anyone else seem worried that the platinum blond and Nabiki looked like they were ready to draw up signs advertising 'sliced pervert at 1500 yen per kilo'.
"Ummm… I'm sorry?" he ventured. It was met with an unyielding gaze as an arm drew back. Ranma's aura was so intense Happosai could see the neko-claws slide out. He reached for a Happodarikin. He patted himself desperately before recognizing the small spheres Cologne was juggling.
"Looking for these, Happi?" she asked coolly. "You know, that was a pretty tawdry way to thank everyone for worrying about whether you were going to live or not."
"…" Happosai gaped.
"Ranma got tired of waiting for you at the rail yard and he and Akane hunted you down. They could have left you under the snow, but they're nice, honorable children." She put away the explosives and brought out her pipe. "They brought you back, even held you in the furo while we warmed you up. They were really upset you might die." She lit the pipe and puffed it to life while immaterial claws were poised to rip out the life of a very old man. "Hard to tell now, isn't it?" she husked, blowing a smoke ring his way.
"Please, Ranma!" He started to sob. "I'm just an old man. Let me live out my days in peace. I… I'll join a monastery! Please…"
"Don't ya remember, old man?" Ranma hissed. To Happi's horror, the glow was in Ranma's eyes as well as in her aura. "Ya missed our duel…"
"Duel?"
"I challenged ya fer Mastery, old man. Sorry it had ta come ta this…" The claws trembled.
"No! NO!" screeched Happosai. "You win! You win! You can teach who you want, what you want, when you want! You're the Master of Mutsabetsu Kakuto Ryu! I abdicate! I retire!" He sobbed as he finished weakly, "You win…"
Genma and Soun surged to their feet, eyes bright with hope. "You hear that, Saotome?" Soun shouted.
"I certainly did, Tendo! Today is a day to celebrate! We're finally free!" They clutched one another in a passion of relief.
Happosai sagged at the end of the arm as if his declaration had sucked all his energy back out of him. He didn't look up as Ranma's aura faded and died, and the delicate but strong hand lowered him to his feet. He stood there looking very small. Ranma swallowed back the rage and loathing that had pushed her beyond her normal limits. The metallic taste in her mouth did nothing to make her feel better. She didn't feel victorious. She felt curiously empty, cheated.
"Can it, will ya!" she snapped at the fathers. Their mouths snapped shut like oysters protecting their pearls. "I beat him, but that doesn't mean ya have ta kick him when he's down." She reached up and detached the kitten from the cloth of her shirt. She cradled the little animal to calm it and herself with long gentle strokes. Kiku began to purr. "What now?" she murmured shakily.
"Come now, grandfather," Kasumi stepped closer and patted him on the head. "You missed Christmas. Why don't we sit down and celebrate Christmas again with you. You do have presents to unwrap." Trust Kasumi to begin the peace process.
"I… I do?" Happosai asked plaintively.
"I want my underwear back first, thank you," Sakurida growled coming out of her defensive corner.
"Me, too," Urudu said silkily. Happosai flinched as many of the females he had troubled this evening showed their Christmas spirit by not killing him…
…Yet.
oOo
The old man sat glumly at the table. What a perfectly rotten holiday! Soun had gotten him saké and Genma, some girly magazines; so predictable. Nabiki had given him a box of assorted used underwear. "They were going to be thrown out anyway," she'd said easily. "Besides I had a good offer for that last ninja calander! Ho-ho!"
"Did you have to give him some of ours?" complained Akane. She and Kasumi had both given him cookies and he was unsure as to the identity of the baker.
He got nothing from Nodoka nor Genma's daughters. Hinako had gotten him a sweater. He looked up as Ranma, male once more, loomed over him. After glaring for a moment, the pigtailed martial artist dropped a package in his lap. "Here."
"What?" Happosai looked at the package then up at the young man. "But you never get me anything."
"Don't knock it, old man," Ranma growled. He looked away. "I almost changed my mind."
Happosai could feel the swell of Ranma's anger. "I was dazed by my injuries," he whined, trying to excuse himself again. "Like at the bar, when I fell into the ramen. I was temporarily insane."
"Yeah, right. Then you've been temporarily insane for decades," Ranma retorted.
Happosai humphed but ripped into the packaging, curious over what Ranma might have gotten him. He stared at what he found. It was a pipe made of hardwood and ceramic. For Happosai, it was nearly tall enough to be a staff. The bowl of the pipe was a cupped hand, remarkably similar in size and appearance to one of Happosai's own hands. The fingers even looked like they were about to wriggle and clutch. He fell instantly in love with it.
"Why?" the old man asked in a tiny voice.
Ranma shrugged. "Yer old pipe got broken at the ballet. I saw this and well…" He shrugged. "It was you."
Happosai sucked on the pipe, estimating its draw. "So… Now that you're the Master, what do you have planned for me?"
"Are you sure ya wanna go there, old man?" Ranma asked. "Now?"
Happosai flinched. "I knew it! You want me to give up the pretty ladies! Why don't you just kill me instead," he wailed. "I'll die anyway without them."
"I considered it, but then I realized that as Grandmaster of our school I need ya to act as the Grandmaster of Mutsabetsu Kakuto." He shrugged. "I'm sure there's some fancy word that means retired to go with that, but…"
"WHAT!" screamed Soun and Genma. Everyone began talking at once.
"Quiet!" bellowed Ranma, looking cross. Pearls everywhere were once again safe and sound. "In six months, I'll be graduatin' from high school and I'm thinkin' about college. Might as well get some use outa that scholarship. Besides, the payin' customers might have trouble dealing with a teenage Master of the school." He frowned as Happosai began to grin.
"You do need me," Happosai chuckled. "Oh, ho-ho! You need me, boy, or the dojo will be a bust." He leered as Soun and Genma gasped. They had never considered this.
Ranma gave him a lazy disdainful look. "Ya better ask yerself just how much I need ya, pervert. Pops or Mr. Tendo will do just as well if yer gonna be difficult." Happosai frowned at his old students and subsided with a grumble. "Here's the deal: You pose as Master of Mutsabetsu Kakuto and we don't kick ya out in the street. When yer home, ya act the part fer our payin' students. You also quit foolin' around and teach honestly. Playin' Pops and Tendo off each other ta test all the techniques ya stole ain't gonna hack it no more."
Happosai coughed in embarrassment. "Hey, I still have a few tricks..." Ranma snorted.
"Lets discuss the panty raids," suggested Akane. She was barely controlling her temper over Ranma's announcement. After all, it was her dojo! She crossed her arms and assumed an aggressive posture, glaring at Ranma to let him know he was on dangerous ground.
"I'm not giving up the ladies or the pretties," Happosai pouted, glaring at her from beneath hooded eyelids. His eyes popped wide as a metallic mallet slammed down on his head. Sakurida lifted it and assumed a guard position. Happosai wobbled on his hams.
"Sakurida, just keep outa this, will ya? It don't concern ya," Ranma growled.
"I lost my… my unmentionables to this jerk and it's not my concern?" the dark-haired girl screeched; and for a moment, Ranma thought she'd use her weapon on him. Beside her, Urudu cracked her knuckles.
"He's my responsibility now. I'll deal with…" Ranma protested.
"I don't think so," Urudu husked. "You need a little additional help. Help that doesn't depend on his cooperation." She smiled in a very unpleasant manner before suddenly leaning over and kissing Happosai on his shiny pate. Her hands made several passes over him as he sat frozen with astonishment. Then they were all frozen as silver light sprang forth and Urdu spoke in a husky impassioned voice:
Urd am I…
Like what thou dost see?
Unrestrained, thy base desire
Gives offense.
Enough!
Offensive shall be thy fate,
And excess will excoriate
– Henceforth –
– Happosai –
Shall unrestrained thy innards be,
Base desire will unman thee!
Fault
For offense
The weak unwitting conspire
To loose thy guts for thee!
Relentlessly!
"What did you do?" Akane asked with alarm. She would have been nervous as hell if Ms. Kamiko had done that to her.
"I've just given Ranma a little help," she smirked. "From now on, if the old fool tries to be perverted he'll be as sick as a dog and weak as a baby."
"Sister," Baradandya murmured, frowning.
"What?" Happosai and Ranma screeched in unison. "How could you?" Happosai added, wailing.
"Sis?" Sakurida said, frowning. "I don't think…" She pulled out a pocket calculator or something similar, and began tapping keys.
"That'll teach you to mess with Urd," the blonde cackled. "Oh, Ho hohoho ho!" Everyone shuddered, reminded of the old Kodachi. She smiled as Happosai slid toward her younger sister experimentally. As he reached out, he went absolutely green. Swallowing hard, he retreated glaring. Sakurida never noticed his attempt.
"Are you completely certain of the consequences?" Baradandya inquired, ignoring Happosai's testing of the spell. He was looking more and more ill.
"Hey! I haven't messed with his choices – he can choose to be sick or well," she snipped back.
"That's not precisely what I mean, sister."
"I'm doomed!" Happosai squalled. "You don't understand! I need the pretty ladies to stay alive!" He fell back on the floor squalling like a two year old in a temper tantrum.
"Oh, I understand better than you think, old man," Urd chuckled evilly. She toasted the shocked old man with her saucer of saké. "I think you'll be able to get along on this stuff just fine."
Meanwhile the rest of the family had been boggling at the sight of a cast spell. While everyone was aware Urudu and Baradandya were unusual, and by extension included Sakurida in that definition, this was still shocking. If she'd turned Happosai into a bug and squished him, it would have been less disturbing. Ryu was making warding signs.
"You big dummy!" Sakurida suddenly broke in. "You screwed up!"
"Oh, really? How, squirt?" Urudu was mildly annoyed.
"Define 'weak'."
"What?" Urdu looked cautious.
"Define what you meant by 'weak'." Sakurida glared at her eldest sister.
"Ummm…" Urudu thought about the context of the spell.
Happi stopped thrashing and listened in, beady eyes bright with hope. Weak, huh? He sidled up and poked her unresponsive body. He sought adverse reactions in himself.
"Just what did you do?" Tight lipped, Ranma regarded the oldest of the sisters. "And how is this gonna affect the rest of us?"
"Sweeto!" screeched the old man, latching into Urdu's cleavage.
"AHHHHH! GETITOFF! GETITOFF!" Urdu stumbled back trying to pry the hard little body from doing its thing.
Frustrated from gaining answers from the source Ranma turned to; "Mrs. Morisato?"
Baradandya frowned as Urd danced by trying to dislodge the old pervert. "I'm not entirely sure. My sister is excellent with runic spells and potions, but she's a little erratic with incantations."
Sakurida piped up. "If my analysis is right, her spell causes nausea and severe gastric upset if he tries to molest someone too weak to effectively fight back. It would have to be tested, but I think anyone below dan-level in martial arts in skill and, of course," she nodded at her middle sister, "certain classes of supernatural creatures are now safe from his depredations." She punched more keys. "That includes underwear theft as that would fit the 'offence' clause."
"What?" shrieked an upset Happosai, dropping away from Urudu's attributes. "All my pretty darlings? My silky lovelies? I'll die!"
"Sounds good to me," Urd huffed, not even bothering to rearrange her clothes. "An Urd Bolt should put you out of your misery, old man!" She raised her arms to call the lightning.
"We're inside, idiot!" Ranma yelled. Happosai leapt, lightning struck!
KA-KRAKKKKT!
Urd stood tall, one finger overhead, her long white hair gray with ash and sticking out like an Afro. Her knees seemed locked together, which was why she had remained on her feet. Something fell stiffly from her cleavage to thump to the floor. Also well crisped, Happosai, Former Grand Master of Anything Goes, lay on his back in a daze.
He opened his mouth and smoke puffed out in a perfect ring. "What a gal," came his voice weakly.
Akane grimaced. "Accurate all right – too bad she was in the way." She nudged Happosai's body away from their teacher with a toe. She jumped as her father and Genma began dancing and waving fans.
"Oh, happy day! The dark days are over! Nerima is saved, as is the reputation of the Tendo training hall!" They hugged one another. "The Master's reign of terror is over!" They froze as said Master suddenly recovered, sat calmly at the table, and blew a smoke ring in their direction.
"How rude, rejoicing over another's misfortune," Happosai grumbled easily as he drew on his new pipe, a sure sign of his ire. Then his hand went to his face and he sobbed. "My poor pretties! I'll have to let them all go! My entire collection!" Several watching suspected crocodile tears. Behind him, Urd continued to twitch and smolder.
Ranma had enough. "Are we finished with the comedy? Enough!" He put ki into his voice. "Let's get back to the subject! Mutsabetsu Kakuto has a new Grandmaster!" He nodded curtly to Baradandya and her sisters, Ryu and the Amazons. "You all have been involved with our Art and I'd like to hear your opinions on the changes I plan."
He now had their undivided attention.
"First of all: Happosai: Look old man, I'm not gonna say what you can or cannot do. I leave that to folks who think they can play god. But I will say this – you bring trouble back to the school and I'll hunt you down. We've been living on the edge around here for the last two years and it's time ta change." Happosai looked hurt and gave him Bambi-eyes. "If I understand what Ms. Kamiko's spell has done, you can't even steal saké and food anymore from untrained folk, much less panties an' stuff. So ya might as well settle into respectable retirement." The old man grumbled and dug a toe in the tatami.
Akane snorted. "All that means is that he'll bother us instead of the public at large."
"We can take it, and dish it out," Ranma retorted. He gave Happi a glare. "But maybe I oughta set a few ground rules…" He glared at Urd. "…which is what I was doin' when certain persons interfered."
"Don't try to get blood from a stone, m'boy" Happosai smirked. "I'm too old to change." Ranma fixed him with a lethal stare.
"Stay outa the furo and the bedrooms when they're occupied. When guests are here – NO trouble from you! If you raid the girls' panties, they go in the wash, not yer collection, and ya gotta leave 'em enough to get through the week. Once the dojo is bringin' in money, you can keep 'em if you replace 'em. If we catch you in our rooms, we'll pound ya."
The girls found their voices. "You're going to just let him?"
Ranma shrugged. "He's gonna do it anyway." He cracked his knuckles and eyed Happosai darkly. "Or wouldja rather I just kill him, now?"
The girls glanced at one another uneasily while Urd pointed a thumb toward the ground. Ranma let the issue go for now.
"Second. We're gonna reopen the dojo. Mr. Tendo, and Akane when she's not in school, will teach the beginning students. Pops? You'll be my teaching assistant for advanced students, and you won't teach anything without my permission. Got it?" He glared at his father. The look he gave silenced any protest on the elder Saotome's lips and sent him into a Crouch of the Wounded Tiger. "You can bring out the best in a good martial artist, old man, but you're too impatient with beginners. We don't need any more Nekoken incidents, do we?" His father gulped and nodded.
Ranma turned to Akane and Soun. Akane seemed angry – seething – and Soun had hid his expression behind a stony mask. "Akane, I want you and your dad to take any younger students and beginners because I trust ya to start 'em right and teach 'em the solid basics of the school without puttin' 'em through what Pops did to me." He was relieved to see both expressions moderate at his words. "Besides," he added, "I may not be any better than Pops with beginners." He turned to her father. "Mr. Tendo, I also want to talk to ya about how we can separate the family schools from the public school, and whether we should change how the school ranks its students."
Soun took a deep breath and smiled, hopefully. "What do you mean, Ranma?"
"Some techniques should never be taught to the general public. Ki techniques, for example."
"I see."
"And when Pops was draggin' me around Asia and the Pacific, I noticed that the most popular schools have belt rankings for their paying students. We're a combat Art with ranks of student, senior student, master, but nothing else. If we're gonna make this pay, and as much as I hate it, we may have to change that."
"No!" shouted Genma and Happosai. "We can't break the tradition…" They subsided as his ki rose to visibility again.
"We tried this once before, remember? Getting new students in? How well did that go? We need to change if we want paying students."
"But as you said, Ranma, we are a combat Art," Happosai frowned. "Do you want to dilute the teachings and traditions of our Art just to attract a bunch of children?"
"Children with parents paying money that will earn a living for the Dojo. And remember, some of those kids may become future masters of our Art. How many students have you ever had, old man?" Happosai winced.
"Perhaps we could train police forces, or the JDF?" Genma proposed. He felt oddly proud at his son's approving glance.
"Good idea, but we'll have to get their attention first. Any ideas?"
There was a long silence.
"Nabiki? I was sure you'd have some suggestions."
"I have all I can cope with as it is," she admitted.
Nodoka spoke up hesitantly, "Open competitions? That is, we enter members of our Art in open competitions, like the University scholarship tournament, to oppose other styles. We need to prove the superiority of our school, much as the Gracie's do with Gracie Style Brazilian Jiu-jitsu."
"The entry fees can be quite high," Soun objected weakly.
Ranma nodded. "But it's an idea. In the meantime we might want to set up some demonstrations, at malls and fairs. Start with some high end stuff to get their attention and flesh it out with stuff someone could expect to learn, with a little dedication, in a couple of years."
"You already have some public recognition," added Baradandya. "The public knows Mutsabetsu Kakuto practitioners helped stop Akanami. And the military knows Ranma is the source of the Ranma-iichuan template they used for their assault team. In fact," she added brightening, "their use of the waters of change indicates they've been keeping a close watch on you all!"
Ranma looked thoughtful while Genma and Happosai paled a little. "How close do you think?" the old man inquired.
Ranma shrugged. "Probably closer than you'd like," he commented and turned to Nabiki. "The ninja said they'd be interested, didn't they? Have you heard how their office lady thingy is coming along?"
She smiled. "Quite well, I understand. They already have several contracts for security positions. As their paychecks come in, I'm sure they'll attend to enhance their skills!"
Akane gave Ranma a sidelong glance. "Who knows, Ranma, they may even subcontract out certain events to Mutsabetsu Kakuto masters. Like, say… Ran-ko?" Her smile was impish.
Nabiki leaned forward with a smirk. "I can get you a professional photo shoot in two days. Strictly de rigeur for Offensive Office Ladies, since being eye candy helps disguise their security function."
Ranma winced but tried to put the best face on it. "Well, that could take care of entry fees to the competitions…"
The vision being thus expressed, brainstormed and enhanced, the holiday spirit resumed.
oOo
Akane held P-chan in her lap and rewarded his courage with a thorough scratching behind his ears and under his chin, causing the little pig to grunt in ecstasy. Next to her, Ranma held Kiku on one arm while he used a finger to rub gently under her chin. He was finally feeling mellow and more in the holiday spirit. He asked off-handedly, "I wonder why P-chan accepts Kiku, here? I sorta expected fur to fly."
Kasumi giggled. "Akane asked me about that, back when she first thought of getting you a kitten. I simply arranged to bring P-chan with me to visit the litter Kiku came from, and acclimated him with lots of praise and treats when he behaved himself. He was soon quite happy to visit his new friends."
Akane glared at Ranma, still upset with him for not coming down on Happosai harder. "Just like a man. Fill his stomach and he'll do anything."
"Shampoo think Akane better be careful using that analogy," Shampoo said primly.
"Hey! I'm better! I bet no one realized how much of the food I prepared at Christmas," Akane grumped. Kasumi looked skyward as everyone else stared at the youngest Tendo. "Knock it off. No one even gagged."
Ranma grinned. "I knew you could do it, tomboy."
Soun bawled. "My baby cooked and nobody died! Waaaah!"
"A Christmas miracle, Tendo," Genma clapped as if in prayer. Akane glared at them. "My son gains Mastery of the School and your daughter gains mastery of the kitchen!"
Akane blushed. "I wouldn't go quite that far," she mumbled, embarrassed.
Happosai, groaning, stumbled out of his room. "Urp! Glargh!" He looked very ill.
"What's the matter, Grandfather?" Kasumi inquired.
Happosai gulped, glanced at Kasumi and carefully set his eyes above her neck. "Could someone please clean my room out for me? I can't even go in there now. My collection... makes me sick!" Tears welled up again. "I can't say goodbye to all my old silky darlings!" He turned abruptly back to Urd who was well into her cups and had been grinning at his discomfort. "The bras! The lingerie, the silkie thongs! Oh, make it up to me, harsh mistress! Let me cry in your bosom!"
Ranma smacked him down before he could reach her and inspire another Urd Bolt, or worse, get… more creative.
"Remember, old man, as acting Master, ya gotta act the part." Ranma lifted his foot. "Respectable Masters don't go around molestin' guests."
Happosai wailed. "How would you know?"
Ranma almost face-faulted. "Doesn't ten years on the road visiting dojo count for anything?" he shouted.
"Well, maybe you didn't visit the good ones…"
"Listen, you…"
As the argument grew louder, Akane settled herself more comfortably at the kotatsu. Mostly, she tuned them out. So much had happened in the past year: Saffron, the failed wedding, her improvement in the martial arts. Now, reopening of the Dojo alongside her father – as she had dreamed as a child – and, better yet, with Ranma. Then there was the whole Amazon thing with her Sister of the Heart. She felt good about it. Somehow, as dangerous and uncertain as everything was on the surface, it felt right.
She placed her hand on the table and gazed at her ring. She loved Ranma and he loved her. Enough that he chose to take on all these uncomfortable and uncertain challenges. She smiled softly to herself.
It was going to be a very happy New Year.