"I don't really think of myself as a thief..." Nori said, smiling a little as he slowly turned one of his many knives around a gloved hand.
With a group of rowdy dwarves as his only company, Bilbo had started to tolerate them. Sure, the brash and stubborn nature could be annoying, and he hadn't had a good night's sleep since he ran out his Hobbit hole, but he'd never met anything like these dwarves. Balin was the first to talk to him, being friendly and wise and much more relaxed than the others, with a level of maturity some were clearly lacking. From their nightly conversations Bilbo had managed to find out a lot about dwarves and became increasingly interested in their trades, finding himself in a very uncomfortable conversation with Nori.
"I've been told by all the other dwarves that-" Bilbo started.
"That I've been arrested more times than they can dream of and I'm a good for nothing petty thief?" Nori interrupted, eyes glinting dangerously.
Bilbo gulped. "I - I only meant that-"
Nori waved his hand and grinned. "Nah it's fine, besides, I am proud of some of my escapes from the jail of Ered Luin."
At this, Dwalin turned round to glare at Nori from where he was sharpening one of his axes (Grasper Bilbo was told gruffly later) about twenty feet away. "Well, Dwalin would call me a criminal." Nori remarked, giving Dwalin a friendly wave. "But no, I'm more than a thief halfling."
He lowered his voice and suddenly looked very menacing. "I like to think of myself as more of an assassin." He smirked at seeing Bilbo's unease.
"Right - uh - how exactly?" He asked, assuming that Nori wouldn't stab him if he pried too much.
Nori glanced over to where Thorin was brooding. "I protect the King and his sister-sons." He looked over to Bilbo. "There are many dwarves in Ered Luin who want their heads."
"But why?" From what Bilbo had heard, Thorin Oakenshield was one of the greatest dwarf Kings and respected by all his subjects.
"There are criminals shadier than I, and I am at advantage because I have full access to some of the most secretive criminal groups." Nori gazed at his reflection in the blade of his dagger. "I have slit more throats than you can imagine, Mr Baggins."
Instinctively, Bilbo shuffled away an inch and raised a hand to his neck.
"If I even hear a whisper of a plan to kill the King and his sister-sons, then I don't hesitate to murder." He grimaced. "And no, I have never been caught for these killings by other criminals or even Dwalin, only by the King himself."
Bilbo realised that his mouth was open, and quickly closed it. "How did he not put you in jail?" He gasped, astounded at Nori's story.
Nori smiled at his surprise. "I was doing him a favour, and so I became the unofficial assassin for the King, and no living soul knows except for me, him, and now you Mr Baggins. It was the only reason I was even allowed on this quest, Dwalin was furious when he found out I'd signed up, said I'd stolen enough gold and I didn't need anymore." He chuckled lightly at the memory.
"Is that why you were never kept in prison too long?"
Nori shrugged nonchalantly. "King never said anything - and I wasn't about to stick around and ask." With that, he stood up and made his way towards Bofur where he was to sleep for the night.
Bilbo gaped at him for a second, unsure of what to say. "But - but wait a second! Don't you have more stories of your great escapes!" The words left his mouth before he could stop them and he found that, deep down inside, he needed to hear more stories about this so-called assassin.
Nori turned round. "Aye, Mr Baggins, but this is a long journey and I need to save some for the rest of it, eh?"
The next night Bilbo took his bowl of soup from Bombur and took Bofur's usual place next to Nori. "So uh - about what you were telling me yesterday -" He started
"Yes halfling, I haven't forgotten, my stories." Nori smiled to himself, taking a sip of his stew.
"Yes uh - you said you escaped a couple of times, would you mind telling me how?"
Nori gave him a searching look which made Bilbo squirm a little. "You're lucky I trust you Mr Baggins. There was one escapade where I stole a very valuable gem from a prostitute who'd stolen it off the King. There was a scuffle and she ended with a nasty scar down her leg. Well I ran for it but I was injured from a fight I had the day before so I didn't run like I usually do. Dwalin caught me, and was the angriest I'd seen him, said I'd defied the king. I couldn't possibly tell him of my assassin status, could I? So they searched me, stripped me of my clothes and my poor dignity, then tossed me in a jail cell."
Bilbo gasped. "That's barbaric!"
,"I know lad, but it was alright. They searched me but the idiots didn't do a very good job of it - Dwalin's fault for not wanting to do it himself, I think. His guards never found what I'd stashed in my-"
"Don't finish that sentence," Bilbo stopped him with a wince and held a hand up firmly. "I am eating."
Nori laughed loud enough for the entire company to turn round and look. "You're a funny one Mr Baggins!" He chuckled, while wiping the tears from his eyes. "I am a dwarf of good hygiene as well as good looks! I would never put a lock pick in my arse! No no no, I hid it in my hair. Ever wondered why I have this hairstyle?"
Bilbo had to admit that Nori's hair was a bit... out there. After looking at all the intricate braids of the other dwarves Bilbo did let himself wonder why Nori wanted to look like a starfish of all things.
"Yes it is quite… interesting." Bilbo muttered, examining it before catching himself hurriedly. "Not – not in a bad way! Not at all! It suits you! Very, very much." He nodded firmly, using compliments to distract himself from Nori's raised eyebrows.
"It looks weird though don't it?" Nori grinned smugly.
"I'm not answering that." Bilbo was determined not to start a fight with Nori over a stupid hairstyle.
"I think, secretly, that Dwalin was bloody relieved when I got this hairstyle," Nori raised his wooden bowl to his mouth and finished the rest of his soup in one gulp. "meant I was easier to spot in a crowd." He looked over to Dwalin, who'd been watching them with a glower across the fire, and gave him a cheeky wink. "Of course he never knew how many blades I could hide in this beauty." Nori stroked the top of his hair affectionately and Bilbo was almost entertained.
"What are yer lads talking about?" Came Bofur's cheerful tone as he ambled over to them and took a seat next to Nori on the log they'd been sitting on.
"Nothing much, just my escapades and on-going feud with Dwalin." Nori said casually.
"I'm surprised he hasn't killed ye yet." Bofur remarked, a little too loud for Bilbo's liking, who looked over to Dwalin nervously.
"I make sure to sleep far from him, with my hand round my throat." Nori said dramatically, hooking a large hand round his throat for visual aid.
"Well if you ever die mysteriously we all know who it is!" Bofur said, far too cheerfully.
A loud snick drove their attention to the dwarf of the hour. Dwalin was sharpening one of his axes in the most terrifying way possible. Bilbo was sure that if Thorin let him, there'd be a prompt execution.
Nori smirked dangerously. "Still holding grudges?" He called out, and pulled out one of his daggers, passing it between his hands using, Bilbo noticed, what must have been sleight of hand.
"I only regret the times I didn't kill you." Dwalin growled back.
In the midst of it all, Dori tutted loudly. Privately, Bilbo had labelled him as the "mother hen" of the company, and he certainly lived up to that label.
"You!" He pointed an accusing finger at Nori. "Stop aggravating Dwalin and telling Bilbo all your stories of how illegal you are!"
Nori only held a smirk in reply and continued to play with his blades.
"And you!" Dori rounded on Dwalin this time and Bilbo held his breath. "Don't go making threats at my brother or I'll deal with you myself!"
A quiet gasp echoed around the company.
"Yeah Dwalin." Nori muttered smugly, like a child poking at a sibling, waiting for them to blow up.
"Shut up Nori!" Dori yelled.
"Ye'd better listen to ye brother Nori." Dwalin said with the same smug tone Nori had just used on him.
Bofur let out a loud snort at their interaction, and Bilbo looked over to Fili and Kili, who were both holding onto each other, silently crying with laughter. He even let out his own little chuckle. It was certainly a mildly hilarious situation.
Next to him, Nori grinned to himself and lowered his voice. "To summarise for you half-ling, I stole to make a living, and I murdered the shadows that haunted Ered Luin."
"I admire you for that." Bilbo said after a moment of silence. "You certainly are more than a thief."
Nori nodded in thanks. "And you will be a burglar in no time." He smiled proudly.
Bilbo breathed out a laugh. "I will, though not nearly as illegal as you."
"Oh never," Nori's smile grew to a wide grin. "it's tough competition when I'm in it."
AN: I started writing this back in 2018 but never had the strength to finish. Now I'm doing this thing called "finish all half-written fics and post them".
This fandom may be dead but I don't care, I love Nori to bits haha. Hope you enjoyed this little fic! Thanks for reading!