Ki Cutters: 39
The Perfect II
"All right, I'm here," said Ranma with little enthusiasm. "Now what's the deal?"
"Here!" began Hiroshi waving at two small boxes. "We want you to hand out candy bar samples around the marketplace." He munched on a candy bar with obvious relish. Ranma glanced at the bar, then at him. 'Good, there's the hook.'
"And you need me to do this, why?"
"Mostly because of the act you put on to get free ice cream, Ranma," Daisuke said, munching on his own bar. "You're a natural at sales, and we want to get this out to as many people as possible as quickly as possible for our product survey."
"Survey?"
"Whether people like the bar with almonds better, or without." Hiroshi confirmed. One has 'em, one dosesn't."
"R-r-r-right." Ranma folded his arms and smirked. "Why do you need a martial artist to do this?"
Hiroshi and Daisuke looked at one another uncomfortably. "You know how people can be about free samples," the former said, his shoulders twitching nervously. "They had a crush of people when they were handing out free toenail clippers in the Ginzu last week. Some people got hurt. I don't want that to happen to me."
"Feh!" Ranma snorted. "You two are both way better than that now, even if ya ain't martial artists." As they opened their mouths to protest, he held up a hand. "What's in it fer me, anyways?"
"These…" Hiroshi held up two boxes of candy bars. "For every ten bars you give away, you get one. There are fifty per box…"
"Yeah, yeah. That's ten total for me, five of each." Ranma calculated.
"Hey! I thought you weren't any good at math!" protested Daisuke.
Ranma smirked. "I know what I need to know, guys. Let's just leave it at that."
"There is just one thing," Hiroshi said slowly, as Ranma turned to leave. "Uh… We only have those two boxes for the survey. If you give away part of your payment, there's nothing we can do to replace it."
"Oh?" Ranma turned back with a frown.
"Yeah, well… What with how crazy these free sample giveaways can be, I thought you might want some way to keep track of how many you're giving away." Hiroshi shrugged as if he hadn't a clue.
"Hmmm…" Ranma seemed to be considering something.
"Maybe if he did it in groups of five or ten?" Daisuke offered helpfully.
"Hmmm…" Ranma glanced at Dai and rubbed his chin.
"It could still get confusing, but," Hiroshi smirked a little and glanced at Ranma, "he knows what he needs to know, right?"
Dai grinned. "Sure!"
oOo
Ranma stood at the corner of the roof and looked down at the crowd below. "This looks good," he said. He set the two boxes of candy, a pitcher of cold water, a thermos of hot water and a simple bamboo tray down on the flat surface of the roof and looked around for approaches. There were none except for a ladder, which he pulled up on the roof. "All right!" he remarked, sweeping the near vicinity. "Let's get this show on the road."
oOo
"How did you know he'd use that roof?" Gosunkugi whispered to Hiroshi and Dai.
"Hang around a guy long enough and you learn his habits," Daisuke said mysteriously.
"Ranma's dad stole food from him for years," Hiroshi elucidated. "Ranma will always go for the most defensible place. I was sure that roof would be it."
"But will he do it?"
"If not, we've got these," Dai smirked comically, showing off a high-pressure water pistol. "Ranma's so used to getting hit with cold water, he probably won't even notice a thing."
"Meanwhile, I will solicitously offer him hot water from time to time," Hiro chuckled. "But I don't think it'll be necessary."
Ranma took a box and jumped down.
"He chose the almonds to start as expected." Dai breathed eagerly. "Start the cameras."
"The correct term, I believe, is 'action'," corrected Hiroshi.
oOo
Ranma had ten candy bars on the tray, the ones with almonds in them. "Free samples," he called out. "We want your opinion on this chocolate bar! Rate it from one to ten. Free samples!"
Everyone turned to look at him and, for a moment, he almost went into a freeze. Then his self-confidence returned and his glance became challenging. "Free samples!" he called out with a bit of bite to his words.
Predictably to anyone else, the men stayed back, unwilling to challenge someone with Ranma's body language and obvious conditioning. The ladies, however…
"I'll take one!" "Me, oh, me!" "I wouldn't mind taking you, too…"
"Just comment on the candy bars!" Ranma reminded that last girl, while sweating bullets. Why had only gals approached?
The bars were soon gone but the comments went from, 'simply delicious' to 'cute butt'. The latter resulted in a pinch that sent Ranma leaping into a nearby tree. "Puh-LEASE, lady! Just the candy bars!"
Her answer, 'I like mine with nuts,' made him blush furiously. 'I wonder what Akane'd think about this?'
Attaining the roof, he sat for a moment to regain his composure. He glanced over the edge. There were a lot of girls milling around down there talking about the 'cute guy with the candy'. That decided him. He reloaded the tray with the other bar and stuck his hand in the cold water. Ranma jumped back into the crowd.
"Free samples! Free samples! We want your opinion of this candy bar!" Ranma's feminine tones drew attention from the surrounding women and their more distant dates and escorts. The former looked at the cute, fresh features, the curves, the red hair and the obvious grace and backed away, daunted. The guys…
"Me! ME!" "I want one!" "I'd like to try a redhead… uh! I mean a candy bar!" "Can I have your number?"
"Just the candy bars, please!" Ranma kept a forced smile while counting down the seconds till they were done and she could escape again. "What are your opinions of the candy bars?"
"Really good!" "I like coconut." "I like your coconuts." "I like what's under your wrapper."
"The candy! The candy!" Ranma insisted, becoming frazzled. "We're talking about candy!" She ducked and ran. 'Kami! I didn't expect this!'
On the roof again, she peeked over the edge and noticed the milling crowds of men. 'Yep! Time for another change.'
oOo
"This is working perfectly!" Hiroshi exalted.
"We still have to get the close ups," Gosunkugi reminded him.
"I think we can deal with that. Just ask Ranma for an honest opinion of the product when he's done," Hiroshi replied. "If he's true to form, he'll wind up in girl-type, and while we're getting the hot water for him, we can tape, interview and get our close ups of girl type. To insure that…" He bowed to Daisuke who had pulled out a slingshot. "One shot to tip over the kettle on his last run so he has to come to us."
"Then, a little hot water and we get boy-type interview. I wish I could get him changing, but even I'm not crazy enough to cross Ranma that way. And I don't think our audience would appreciate it," Daisuke said mournfully.
They taped several more sequences with the crowds getting more and more unruly as the girls were searching for Ranma boy-type and the guys were hunting for Ranma girl-type.
"How did you know this would work?" asked Gosunkugi, almost reverently of Hiroshi.
"My friend, you have to understand human nature," Hiroshi answered him with a bit of arrogance in his voice and grinned. "Ranma is far more interesting to the opposite sex of whatever sex he happens to be, than any candy bar. He could have been selling 50-yen toenail clippers at 5000 yen a pop, and he would have drawn crowds. Also…" Hiroshi held up a hand. "…Ranma is far less interested in purely physical lust because of who he can compare those girls to. None of these girls down there, pretty as many are, could measure up to any of his fiancées or his girl-type."
"Too true," nodded Daisuke.
"Notice, also, his body language. He is not welcoming. Yet the opposite sex always interprets that as unwelcoming to competition, thus allowing the men to approach Ranma-girl, and the ladies to approach Ranma-boy."
"Brilliant," Daisuke said smugly. "Opposites attract, like repels! We played that well."
"And in most cases, the most beautiful people are either the first to reach him, or manage to monopolize him in short order."
"Why is that?" Gosunkugi asked.
"One of same the reasons that Ranma is always best in what he does; Confidence. When you look good and feel good about yourself, people tend to get out of your way. The result… automatic commercial." Hiroshi rubbed his hands together and looked out at the street. "Oops! Is that Yuka and Sayuri?"
"Is that Mio over there?" added Gos with some trepidation. They had had their first real date last night, and he was afraid of what she might think of this stunt. Besides, as a reader of tarot, she might well know he was here.
oOo
Mio didn't, actually. But she did know that Gosunkugi hung around with Hiroshi and Daisuke. In time-honored fashion, she was checking out what they were like through their girlfriends. "So they're really not that bad?" she was asking.
"No!" Sayuri replied. "They're all talk. Hiroshi is nearly as pathetic as Ranma or Ryoga when it comes to girls." She sighed. "It's cute and all, but really frustrating. He just won't make a move on me unless I paint a big sign or something. You'd think after those ninja…"
"Dai's the same way," Yuka grinned. "You should have seen him on Thursday. He was supposed to walk me to school, but I slept in. Dad's at work, Mom left early to go to Aunt Daimoni's, so it's just me…"
"You didn't really sleep in, did you?" asked Sayuri. "And the last time I slept over, you habitually sleep in old t-shirts."
Mio, who had been listening, felt her cheeks burn. "Only an old t-shirt?"
"Made of very thin, worn cotton… almost transparent," Sayuri confirmed. "I can picture the scene now… Yuka is lying there," she said dramatically, "sweat beading on her exposed flesh. Low moans rise unbidden from her throat and the thin barrier of cotton does little to hide her…"
"So? I was having a nice dream!" Yuka retorted blushing. They all suddenly giggled, Sayuri and Mio resolving to try out t-shirts as sleepwear in the near future. Yuka picked up her narrative where she had been interrupted, "So he starts throwing gravel at my window…
"Hey! Is that Ranma over there?" Sayuri broke in. They looked.
"Sure is. What's he doing?" Mio asked no one in particular. "Akane'll kill him, sucking up to the girls like that. I thought better of him…"
"Just so long as he's not sucking up to guys," Sayuri grinned.
"Sayuri!" Mio and Yuka warned.
"No… wait. Listen!" said Yuka.
"Free samples, free samples!" Ranma's voice rang out.
"Samples of what?" Mio exclaimed. They moved in.
"Hey! Ranma!"
Ranma actually looked relieved. "Hi, girls, what's up?" He suddenly remembered what he was doing. "Want a free sample?" He held out his tray.
"Oooh! I love these," said Yuka, taking a bar. The other girls followed suit. Thank-you's came from the trio.
"What's your opinion, ladies?" Ranma asked politely.
"Is this really Ranma?" Sayuri jibbed to Yuka. "So polite."
"And Akane doesn't know he's leading this double life. Ignorant, rude martial artist at home, smooth operator in the marketplace." Mio giggled and fluttered her eyelashes at him.
"Hey!" Ranma backed away sweating.
oOo
"This is perfect! Perfect!" Daisuke grinned as they watched from cover Ranma's reactions to their respective girlfriends.
Hiroshi scowled. He didn't like the way was Sayuri making eyes at Ranma.
oOo
"The candy bars?" Ranma asked plaintively. "How would you describe them?"
"Oh. Good, very good! My favorite, in fact." Yuka and Sayuri nodded.
"Personally I like the ones without nuts," Mio remarked.
"No prob!" Ranma back-flipped, bounced off a lamppost and up onto the roof. Moments later, he was back with the other bars. "Here! Have one. You may be the first person to try both." Mio selected a bar off the tray.
"Yes, this is the one," she smiled. They ducked as water suddenly streamed from somewhere. Ranma was, of course, girled.
"Damn, I hate that!" She shook the water out of her hair and looked around for the comedian with the water pistol.
"Want us to get you some hot water?" Yuka inquired.
"Nah! I woulda been in girl-mode anyway if you girls hadn't shown up."
"Why?" Mio asked.
"Well, I get some of the bars for doin' this, and switching back and forth helps me keep track of how many I've handed out." Ranma explained. "Now, excuse me a moment… Free samples! Free samples here," she called out above the hubbub. The males, recognizing her voice descended.
As the noise level increased by several magnitudes, Sayuri turned to Yuka and Mio. "Why does anyone need to do market analysis on these candy bars? They've been around forever."
"And don't they have the person giving them out cut them into pieces or something?" Mio asked slowly. "I know they did with those fish sticks at the market last month."
"Are we coming to a consensus that Hiroshi and Daisuke are involved in this, somewhere?" Yuka mused. "Sorry, Mio, but they probably dragged poor Hikaru into it, too."
The girls looked around. "Now, where would they need be to take advantage… Ah-ha!" Sayuri pointed to a second story window. Movement had drawn her attention to the window where she had caught the glint of light off a camera lens. "There they are." Her face was grim with expectation.
oOo
"Got the kettle?" Hiroshi asked.
"Mission accomplished, chief," Daisuke nodded, lowering the slingshot.
"Nice work with the squirt gun, too."
"Thanks. Uh, oh! Here they come," Daisuke said, turning pale.
"Who?" asked Gos who was focused on the growing chaos around Ranma.
"The girls."
"Oh… The girls! As in Mio, too?" Gos shouted.
"Well, yeah!" Dai said. "Might as well face the music. Keep that camera steady." Gosunkugi sweated and sighed fatalistically as they finished taping Ranma's last handout.
Then, at a loud knock and with Gos's face a mask of resignation, they headed for the door of the apartment.
oOo
They followed the three girls out the door into the main market square.
"I don't believe you guys!" admonished an irritated Sayuri. "Taking advantage of him that way!"
"Why does he put up with you?" Yuka snapped. "What you're doing is hardly the action of friends!"
"What's your excuse, Hikaru?" demanded Mio quietly.
Gosunkugi shrugged. "I doubt Ranma will mind what we're doing, Mio," he said easily. "I wouldn't be surprised if he had figured it out before he started. He's nowhere near as dumb as he acts."
"And that makes it better?" Mio asked incredulously. "He plays along…"
"Hi, everybody!" Ranma in girl-type bustled in, looking tired. "You sent some surprises my way, Hiroshi. How didja manage to get only guys to go after my girl-type and vice versa?"
Gos turned back to Mio, waved a hand at Ranma and waited for her response.
While she stood there flabbergasted, Hiroshi responded, "It's only natural, Ranma. Girls want to get near a hunky guy, guys want to get close to a beautiful woman." Ranma frowned slightly at 'beautiful woman', but let it pass.
"Why didn't I get guys and gals?" she reiterated.
"Opposites attract." Daisuke explained Hiroshi's theory, as well as his idea of why mostly attractive people approached Ranma.
"Well," Ranma sighed. She looked at her box of chocolates. "I guess I earned these, so…"
"Wait a minute, Ranma," Hiroshi interjected. "Could we take close-ups of you eating the candy?"
Ranma eyed them. "Okay, what is this really about? And it better not be hentai."
So they told her.
Ranma blinked, snickered and decided it was mostly harmless. "Quite a come down from 'Fox of Furinkan', hey?" she taunted. She peeled the wrapper off a bar, tossed it into the air and snapped it up like popcorn. Chewing, she leaned back against a planter and, hamming it up for the taping, caroled, "Oh, please! Take my virtue, but spare my chocolates!" Their laughter was unfortunately, cut short.
"R-r-r-r-r-AAAAAAAAANNNMMMMAA!"
"Oh, shit!"
Several pairs of eyes went huge as they focused on a pissed off Akane and a furious Ukyo followed by a pogo-ing Shampoo. "It ain't what it looks like, Akane!" The cry tore out of several sets of lungs.
The guys, including a guy who was currently a girl, simply turned and ran at this point, Gosunkugi throwing the camera bag to Mio for safekeeping while he broke new records with his long skinny legs. Hiroshi and Daisuke found themselves at the rear of the procession, with Akane gaining. Not a safe place to be. They screamed and ran harder, stunting around the corner like rabbits, following Ranma and Gos.
Shampoo, panting from her unaccustomed exertion, stopped by the girls and glared at them. Mousse, arriving soon after, solicitously waited by her side, his hands hidden in his robes. She gave them a long hard look that sent shivers up their spines. "What (puff!) perverts think you (huff!) is doing?" The girls slowly backed up against a wall. While Mio stalled, the others looked for an avenue of escape.
"Well, it's like this…" Mio began, cheek twitching at the thought of the mayhem that could ensue if Shampoo got violent. Why hadn't she cast her cards for today? "Gos and the guys wanted to do a commercial for some contest." Quickly, she related what had happened.
Shampoo blinked, then asked to see one of the bars. After sniffing it and tasting it gingerly, she glanced back at her targets. "Is no poison, no drug — Shampoo know how to check! You must be telling… the truth," she concluded. She glared at Mousse who sweated big time at the fiasco his assumption had caused.
"Well, duh!" snapped Sayuri, who had not taken the threat of violence too well.
"Sorry," Shampoo said contritely. "We think pervert friends trick Ranma to make stupid pervert movie."
"Ranma?" Yuka asked. "You've got to be kidding."
Shampoo winced at that. "Now need stop Akane and Ukyo." She looked around.
"Aren't you going to chase them?" asked Mio with a worried look.
"No need. They come back this way. Look!" She pointed as a redheaded girl bounded around a building a few blocks away and headed in their direction. Hot on her heels was tall, skinny Gosunkugi, followed by Hiroshi, Daisuke, Akane and Ukyo in that order. Akane was closing on the boys with murder in her eyes.
"I-i-i-i di-di-didn't do-o-o-o no-thin', A-kane!" yelled Ranma, pumping her arms frantically. She zoomed by, not even noticing the girls standing next to the camera tripod.
Only a few steps behind her, Gos flailed past, then Hiroshi and Daisuke. As Akane came level, Shampoo stepped out and said, "STOP!"
Akane skidded to a stop with Ukyo almost plowing into her. "What?" she said irritated and itching to put the huge mallet she held to work.
"It really big misunderstanding!" said Shampoo, still with arms outstretched in case Akane or Ukyo decided to dodge past.
"That's good," gasped Ukyo. "Kami! I need to get in shape! Selling okonoHin-chanki don't cut it for endurance races."
"What about the guys?" Sayuri asked. The pursued had vanished around the corner again.
"They'll be back," Akane said more calmly. "Now, what's going on?"
After they had told Akane, and she and the others had gotten a look at the footage through the camcorder viewfinder, they were more appreciative of the humor in what happened. They sat down and tried out the product wondering what the fuss was about and why Hiroshi and Daisuke had chosen to do a commercial about two candy bars at once instead of one at a time. Coincidently they also ingested half of Ranma's payment.
Eventually, the lead of the cavalcade came around the side of a building a few blocks away to come rocketing toward them again. Akane reached out, snagged Ranma and went on the offensive. "You can't run anymore, Ranma," she said flatly.
"A-akane?" Ranma gulped and prepared for a pummeling.
"I know everything," Akane added. She watched Ranma's reaction. The boy turned girl gulped then calmed, staring intently at her.
"For real? Or are you just sayin' that?" She considered that she was, as yet, un-flattened. "Fer real, then. Jeez! In that case, why'd ya chase us like that?" She reached out and snagged Gos as he flapped by, like a restraining cable on an aircraft carrier connects with a navy plane's tail hook. Gos sagged around her outstretched arm and rebounded to a sitting position on the sidewalk. Hiroshi and Daisuke quickly followed. Panting, they looked up at Ranma, then cringed as they caught sight of Akane behind her.
"Guys," she said ominously, "Akane knows everything."
Hiroshi and Daisuke promptly passed out, while Gosunkugi got an odd confused look on his face. Sayuri and Yuka exchanged glances and sighed.
"Looks like we've still got a long way to go," the latter commented as they knelt to try to rouse their respective boyfriends.
oOo
On the way home, Akane looked over her presently female fiancée. "Care to explain why you decided to do this?"
Ranma frowned. "It's trainin', Akane, just like everything else."
"Training for what?" Akane looked annoyed. "I thought you had gotten over this. I mean… you've had the curse for… going on three years now, but you're acting like you did back when you first came here. Please, Ranma… I need to understand."
Ranma's eyes went soft, almost tearful. "I… I can't Akane. I'm not sure I understand it myself."
"Well, it can't be the manliness issue," Akane said, looking away from the raw emotion. She missed Ranma's flinch. "Your mother knows about the whole thing and she's only happy you came through it all right." She looked back. "The only thing I can figure is that it's me, somehow. Do you still love me?" she asked plaintively out of the blue.
Ranma gulped and shivered. She looked at the dark-haired girl before her and saw, like a ghost, a taller heavier male version. Her heart rate picked up and sensory memory from another time betrayed her. Her knees buckled and she barely caught herself. "Y-y-yes!" she whispered, barely loud enough to hear. "I love you, Akane."
Akane stepped forward and supported the redhead, feeling the tremble in the slight frame. She looked into the blue-gray eyes and was satisfied for now. Ranma said it. He wouldn't say it if he didn't mean it.
Forestalling argument, she looped her arm about Ranma's waist and dragged Ranma's arm around her own, holding it firmly there. "Let's go home."
oOo
A week later, Hiroshi popped the finished cassette into the VCR at the Nekohanten and sat back to enjoy the show.
"Sometimes you feel like a nut!" sang the audio as Ranma, male with a happy grin on his face, was juggling candy bars. The grin was sexy as hell to the female component of the audience.
"Sometimes you don't!" Ranma girl-type, glanced toward the camera demurely, unwrapping a candy bar with an almost sensual intensity. She nibbled at her lips before nibbling the chocolate.
"Almond Joy's got nuts…" Male Ranma was suddenly surrounded by pretty girls and sweating bullets.
"Mounds don't…" Female Ranma became aware of the young men around her and quickly gathered in her chocolate protectively.
"Almond Joy has creamy chocolate, almonds and sweet coconut, too. Mounds has rich dark chocolate and lots of coconut, Oooh!" Here Gosunkugi had done stop action work, taking each bar apart in bites and then carefully returning it to its precise mark before filming several more frames. This revealed the inner composition of the candy.
"Sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you don't…" Ranma girl-type dramatically threw an arm across her forehead as she swooned while clutching the candy bars to her bosom, then Ranma boy-type backed away from the gang of girls threatening his treat, the words, 'get your own' clearly readable on his lips.
"Almond Joys got nuts and Mounds don't! (Because…) Sometimes you feel like a nut! And sometimes you don't!" The screen flicked between close-ups of Ranma's forms, enjoying their candy bars. Their smiles sent thrills up the spines of the watchers. Ranma definitely had screen presence and could be as sexy as hell when he or she turned on the charm.
Applause sounded in the restaurant, and Ranma flinched from the attention. "Hey! It's their show, they did it!" he complained at the applause he was receiving. He cringed when his mother looked his way, but relaxed again when she smiled warmly.
"Ranma so cu-u-u-ute!" squealed Ling-Ling in an outrageous manner. Ranma groaned and covered his face while Akane patted his shoulder consolingly.
"Not bad, son-in-law," Cologne cackled. "All that hustling you used to do really paid off in this one. Maybe you should go into acting instead of martial arts?"
"But he's supposed to take over the dojo!" shouted Soun, distraught at the heresy.
Do you want to pass on the School, Tendo, or be rich? signed Genma, in panda form. Ranma had ducked behind him to avoid a bicycle going through a puddle on the way over. The water would be hot enough to change him soon.
As Soun sat there with his mouth open and a strained expression on his face, Ranma's mother bopped her husband over the head with the hilt of the katana. "That's quite enough, dear," she chastened him. Hinako giggled appreciatively, both at the commercial and at the byplay.
Ling-Ling and Lung-Lung sang the jingle as they served their customers, smirking at their improved skills. Cologne had, of course, made their waitressing part of their training. Their progress had earned some ready praise from Shampoo and a promise that she or Akane would teach them ki-arrow 'as soon as that annoying Tampon left'. Their saucy hip swings were making Hiroshi and Daisuke sweat, and Yuka and Sayuri glare at that distracted pair.
Gosunkugi, however, looked peaceful as he sat next to Mio. "It was pretty good, wasn't it?"
Akane looked at her blushing and uncomfortable fiancé and grinned. She hugged Ranma and gave him a different reason for blushing. "Gos… It was perfect."
oOo
Refreshments were procured; tea and cookies from Kasumi's bountiful talent, along with some pot-stickers, courtesy of Akane's improved but still developing skill. A futon was placed. Pillows were carefully arranged and some blankets. Akane moved about, obviously high on anticipation. Ranma eyed the preparations with a jaded eye.
"Uh… Akane, ya really sure wanna do this?" he asked doubtfully.
"Yes," she said shortly and breathlessly. He twitched slightly. She'd gotten much faster in the past few months, courtesy, he suspected, of an unanticipated full-aura impression with himself on Valentine's Day. Her energy today had been boundless and enhanced.
She'd honestly, flat-out, beaten him for the first time since he'd come back. No tricks, no deceit, just straight speed, power, skill and strategy. In one respect he felt relief. If she could use this boost to maintain her edge, it would be a long time before Shampoo caught up again. On the other hand, he felt threatened. He was supposed to be the best, dammit! Still, he had learned enough not to press the issue, but privately planned to simply train like hell, himself. He wasn't gonna lose to his student! Suddenly he had a whole lot more sympathy for Happosai.
Of course, that name brought associations to a whole different load of concerns and emotional baggage. The truth was, he was nowhere near as confident in himself as he had once been and part of that stemmed from the physical relationship with Akane. While they had only made love that once, it had been under extremely stressful and… peculiar circumstances. Demons had wanted to rape his girl-side to gain some sort of supernatural prize for being her first. They had blown that plan up by having Akane do the honors… courtesy of instant Nanniichuan. In some ways, Ranma thought bitterly, he (almost) would have been better off being raped. Then he wouldn't have had the memories and emotional attachments associated with the act.
The experience had been… good. Excruciatingly good. Akane, overly concerned with the mechanics of her borrowed male body, had paid special attention to ki-stimulus, as well as techniques described in some of her supposedly 'innocent' romance novels and shojo manga. Ranma snuck one of those things out of her room the other day and read through it. It was as bad or worse in its own way than any of Hiroshi and Daisuke's skin rags, and damn near as graphic!
Now she wanted… this.
"There! Everything's perfect!" Akane stood back and cataloged her preparations.
Hinako stuck her head in the main room and looked them over, with a special glare at Ranma. "Are you sure you don't want me to ki-drain him, Akane-chan?"
"Please, no, stepmother. It's no fun watching these late night horror movies if your boyfriend doesn't hold you back." They eyed one another and Akane blushed. "Or so I've been told," she added.
"Well… all right, Akane. I'll trust to your honor and to Shampoo's honor. I'm for bed." She leered over her shoulder at Soun who flushed brightly, "Coming, Soun dear?"
Soun coughed. "Of course, my dear. I just wanted to check on the two of them myself."
"They're fine, so come along," Hinako demanded. She winked at the two teenagers as she dragged her husband off to the master bedroom. "Now don't do anything I plan to do."
"Hin-chan, the children!" Soun whined.
"Now, now, now. It's not like I'm bringing out the leathers and whips," teased 'Hin-chan' in a low voice.
"Hin-chan! We don't have any." Soun sounded even more shocked. "Do we?"
"If not, I'm sure was can improvise…"
"But the baby…" Soun said in a higher pitched whine.
"I haven't heard any complaints. Besides, I said we'd improvise."
"Eeep!"
They left behind a terribly embarrassed young couple, whose fine sense of hearing caught it all. They looked at the floor, not daring to meet the other's eye.
Finally Akane mumbled, "Gonna miss the show…" and they plopped down on the futon to face the TV. Both were wearing pajamas this evening, as much to allay Hinako's latent worries as anything else. Never mind that Akane's stepmother knew that they had been cuddling since the New Year. Apparently, sneaking was one thing. This was official.
Akane burrowed in under Ranma's shoulder, an act that was very soothing to him. Perhaps this wouldn't be too bad, after all.
"Oh, good," Akane trembled. "They're showing The Man Without a Face again."
Ranma gave her a pained look. "Wasn't that the movie I…"
"That was the movie I was watching when you acted like a baka," Akane grumped, cutting him off. "A girl should be able to expect some support from her fiancé." At a key moment during a previous airing, he had snuck up behind her and yelled 'Boo!' She had missed the end chasing him all over the house with a shinai. She tucked his arm under hers, continued to burrow closer and encouraged the positioning of his hand. She sighed when he cooperated. "Much better," she purred.
"Hey, watch it," he retorted amiably. "Don't ya know I have a thing about cats?"
"Still?" she smirked. "Well then, since the next movie is supposed to be The Revenge of the Cat-woman, maybe you'd like to get some cold water and snuggle against me?"
"Not funny, Akane," he growled discomfited. The trouble was, now that she had said it, the idea was almost tempting. He wondered idly if Shampoo had any more packets of instant Nanniichuan before abruptly shutting down that line of thought and pummeling it mercilessly into oblivion. 'I'm a guy, dammit!' he thought. "How can ya be afraid of this stuff? Compared to what we've been through, it's really not especially scary. Even if we were livin' it, instead of watchin' it."
"That's the whole point, Ranma," she whispered, her eyes wide and fixed on the screen. "Sure, if we were in a similar situation, we could trash the monsters and ghosts. But the characters in the movie can't."
"So? Why ya scared?"
"I'm not scared, not exactly. I'm worried about the characters. I put myself in their place and try to feel what they feel." She looked up at him, an odd expression on her face.
"Huh?" Ranma glanced from her face to the TV. "I just don't get it. I mean, the closest I come ta somethin' like that, would be yellin' at the screen ta Mouko Takabisha the things or somethin'."
"What about your martial arts movies or Dragonball Z?"
"Martial arts I watch for professional reasons, Akane. DBZ is just entertainment."
"And this isn't?" Akane huffed.
He let a finger stroke across a soft surface and smirked as she shuddered. "No… This is entertainment."
"Baka," she whispered. They watched the movie for a while. Ranma slowly began to understand at least one appeal of this sort of performance — your girl hugged you during the scary parts.
Ranma couldn't blame Akane for the spill. Suddenly, he was a girl. "Nuts!" Shorter and damp, she started to get to her feet.
"Relax," Akane suggested, pulling her back down and tucking an arm around her shoulders. "We'll get some hot water during the commercial." Ranma eyed her in a way that made Akane a little anxious.
Ranma was uneasy. She had been avoiding physical intimacy in girl-type since the demon incident. The trouble was, the sensory memory didn't just go away. There were times now when she believed she understood how a drug addict must feel. Being close to Akane when he was a girl created a tingling sensation Ranma simply didn't experience if he was a guy. An almost sneaky, tantalizing wish that, just maybe…
She swallowed and tried to concentrate on the show. She wasn't into monster movies like Akane was, but she had lied about not feeling slightly creepy when the suspense was high. After a moment, she didn't even notice when she brought Akane's hand up to cup the underside of her breast.
Akane didn't notice either. She was deeply engrossed in the film. The tension built as the commercial break approached. One of the many victims ran screaming to a policeman, crying about the horrible man without a face. Akane's hands clenched. In one, a cookie crumbled unnoticed. In the other, a soft globe of flesh underwent sudden compression.
"Yeek!"
Akane, not expecting such an odd and sincere sound out of Ranma, gave a small scream as well. Both leaped to their feet and regarded one another suspiciously across the futon. "Ranma, you scared me!" Akane snapped. "What did you do that for?"
"Wadja squeeze my tit for?" Ranma snapped back, appalled.
"I did not!"
"Did to! I'm gonna have bruises!" she said aggrieved, hiking the side of the pajama top up. "See?"
Akane got a very embarrassed expression on her face. She could plainly see the red marks that would probably become bruises. "Oh, Ranma, I'm so sorry," she apologized sincerely.
Ranma, still outraged, jerked her top back down and stomped into the kitchen to put a kettle on. "Shoulda done this in the first place," she grumbled as she pulled a thermos out of a cupboard. "Ryoga and Pantyhose carried these things alla time…"
"Why don't you get yourself something more to drink while you're in there?" called Akane softly. "And hurry up, I miss you."
"Miss me as a guy or as a girl?" Ranma grumbled some more.
Akane's hearing was quite sharp enough to pick up the muttering. "Either or," she said imperturbably, "It really doesn't matter to me. Just so long as it's you."
Mollified, Ranma returned and sat on the table to watch the opening of the next scene while listening for the kettle. Akane leaned back into her in a way that essentially put her head in Ranma's lap. Ranma let her fingers trail across Akane's face and neck, the movements easing the tension between them. "It… it mighta been my fault, tomboy," she admitted after a moment. "I'm just not used to curling up to ya in girl-type."
"It's so embarrassing," Akane said softly. She opened her eyes and looked up at Ranma. "I wish…"
The kettle shrilled its call.
"Be right back," Ranma said, wondering what she wished. The possibilities made her heart beat faster. Male, with thermos and fresh drink in hand, he returned and tucked back in beside her just as mayhem ensued on the TV. "Damn!"
"Ite!" Akane held her head, which had bounced up under his elbow. "Good thing I'm not cursed Ranma," she mused, rubbing her head and regarding her dampened pajamas.
Ranma sighed, went back to the kitchen to retrieve the thermos, returned male with his glass, and set it down carefully far from Akane. Akane had switched the futon around, as where they had been sitting was absolutely soaked, and laid her pajama top out to dry. The sight of her unadorned upper body made Ranma's heart pound and certain parts of his anatomy throb. Feeling more self-assuredly male, he offered an arm and felt a thrill run through him at the contact with her soft skin. He almost forgot she had been saying something before the kettle interrupted them. "Um, Akane, what was it you was wishin'?"
"Huh?" She glanced up at him from under her lashes.
"What were you wishing before the kettle whistled?"
She looked at him blankly. "I… forget. Wait, I'll think of it." She frowned in concentration. Minutes passed as they watched the remainder of the show in silence.
"Akane?"
"What?" She tilted her head up to look at him sleepily.
"Your wish?"
"How can I think about anything when your hand is doing this?" She tightened her hand down on top of his, making him realize he had been stroking the soft skin under her breast.
"Uh, ha-ha! Sorry about that."
"Don't be. I'm not."
They sort of came to again somewhere in the middle of Revenge of the Cat-woman. A feline scream had been realistic and threatening enough to trigger responses in Ranma and he resurfaced. "Whoa!" he breathed.
"Yeah!" she agreed. "I think next time we do this, I'll call Shampoo to come over and chaperone." She giggled at his expression.
"Gaah!" He looked annoyed. "She'd either stop us from doin' what little we can do, or she'd want in on it," he grumbled. "Of course if she's here then so's Mousse. And maybe Ling-Ling'll pop in ta get pointers on how couples act. Like we're a good example!"
Akane looked annoyed. "Hey! We're a great couple." She thought about what he said and grew more irritated. "And if I want to invite Shampoo over, I will!"
"I didn't say nothin'!" He brought his fist down on the table for added emphasis and bounced his glass right into his lap. Her lap, now. "Damn!"
"This is not your night, is it?" Akane commented dryly. What she didn't add was that Ranma was reacting badly to it. "Love, it doesn't matter to me what form you're in…"
"Well, it sure as hell does to me!" Ranma leaped to her feet and went stomping off to the kitchen again. There was a dull clanging sound as the kettle was roughly removed from the stove. Water ran.
"What about your thermos?" Akane called. The water continued to run for a few seconds then shut off. She heard the kettle deposited back on the stove. Ki-vision told her Ranma was moving to the kitchen door. She saw the redhead stomp across the end of the room and down the hallway toward the stairs and front door. Where was that baka going?
That 'baka' went out the front door still dressed in pajamas, ignoring her admittedly oversized shoes, leaped into the night and was gone. Astonishment and hurt held Akane immobile for nearly five minutes while she went over and over the events of the evening. Then she rushed up to her room, dressed quickly and swung up onto the roof. She searched for him with her locator technique and found him in the direction of his parents' home. "At least he's not actively hiding from me," she muttered. She leaped over the rooftops.
oOo
She found Ranma, still in girl-form, huddled in her bed at the rebuilt Saotome house. She had obviously come in through the window. It took Akane a couple of seconds to navigate the eaves, then she swung upside down, in deliberate imitation of way Ranma often tapped on her own window. The window was open. She swung into the room.
"Go home, Akane," came the redhead's voice. "Get some sleep. I'm gonna try to."
"Ranma, what's wrong?" she demanded.
"Keep yer voice down!" Ranma snapped in a whisper. "This is my house and I'd appreciate ya not waking up my family with yer tantrums."
Akane felt like her heart stopped. She trembled in rage, pain and fear. Ranma was rejecting her. She let several responses run through her mind… Mallets, pummeling, screaming, crying… lovemaking… She didn't ask why that last drifted through her mind, an image of Ranma, dark-haired and caring, holding her closer than they had ever allowed themselves, and stroking… In the end, she turned around and left, returning to her house to lay on her bed with her pillow over her head to muffle her tears.
Ranma was in similar shape. The moment the words were out of her mouth, she regretted them. Pride kept her from taking them back. Fear of her own response kept her from following Akane in turn. She lay there, curled in a ball of pain, thinking and thinking. There had to be some way to get past this, some way to win. As the light began to filter gray through the curtains of the window, she remembered that, in the past, she had an ear that would listen unconditionally and a calm voice of reason that would help.
oOo
Trust Kasumi to know if there was trouble in the house. Akane felt gentle hands soothe her shoulders and felt the warm comforting aura Kasumi projected. She was advanced enough now to know that, in a way, this was a ki technique just like her own. Underneath, Kasumi was frightened, upset, curious… All the things Akane would have been — and worse, shown — had the circumstances been reversed.
"Akane, can you tell me what's wrong? Did you and Ranma fight over something?"
Akane turned to her big sister, latched onto the front of her nightgown, and sobbed. It took a while for her to calm down enough to communicate and, by that time, Kasumi had maneuvered them downstairs, where the TV was still playing the middle of the Saturday night horror-movie marathon. The TV was turned off in the middle of a film about a brave samurai of the Taira Shogunate battling a ghost cat with marked resemblance to Mau Mu Lin.
Akane mechanically helped her sister clean up their mess and didn't even blink when Kasumi picked up her pajama top from the floor where she had laid it to dry. Kasumi's eyebrow twitched and her mask slipped a little. She wished desperately for a shoulder she could pour her own troubles out on.
This was so unfair! Ranma and Akane needed each other. They practically burned in each other's presence, so much so that they had never managed to maintain their masks around each other. Masks allowed you to ignore insincerities and unintentional insults, and smoothed the path you walked each day. Masks, public faces, were an important part of living with people. Around everyone else, Akane was sweet, intelligent, happy and helpful. Around everyone else, Ranma was brusque, but kind, a gentle warrior.
Since Ranma had returned, what little fighting the two had done had been light-hearted and playful, their hearts at peace and their confidence in the other's feelings a fortress the world could smash against in vain.
This situation, this… breakdown of Akane's composure, frightened the hell out of Kasumi.
As they poured each other tea, she coaxed out of Akane the evening's events, trying to comprehend the problem. At first it made no sense at all. True, Ranma had been 'girled' three times in ninety minutes, but that had happened before, wasn't even all that uncommon. Akane still hadn't seen the end of Man Without a Face. If Akane's blushes were any indication, they had actually gotten discretely passionate at one point. No, Ranma hadn't tried to actually make love to her. After all, they had the understanding with Shampoo. No, Ranma hadn't seemed terribly upset by the movie with the cats in it, though the trouble had come to a head then.
"I just don't see…" Kasumi began and stopped. "Akane, tell me again. Did anything else unusual happen between you?" She grew more intent when Akane blushed.
"Only a stupid accident, Kasumi," Akane admitted. "When Ranma was changed the first time, he was going to go get hot water and I asked him to stay. Ummm… I sorta accidentally pinched him when the scary part before the commercial came up."
"Why would you pinch Ranma? Did he try to scare you like he did last time?"
"No. He did scare me; but that was because he screamed when I pinched him."
Kasumi snorted a delicate laugh. "That must have been some pinch."
"Uh… yeah. Ha, ha-ha, ah…" Akane blushed furiously at the memory.
"More to the point, sister, where did you pinch him?" Kasumi frowned, as Akane blushed even more furiously. "Oh, my! I gather it was somewhere inappropriate. And he was a girl at the time?"
"Kasumi, it was an accident. He even apologized later and told me it may have been his fault."
Kasumi blinked at Akane. "He apologized?"
"Come on, Kasumi. He's been much better since he got back from Barry's world," Akane protested. "Considering how often Barry used to ramble on at me about his wife, and what they'd done when they were dating, he probably did the same thing to Ranma. Probably more so, considering he didn't have to be careful who was listening."
"Oh?"
"It sounded kind of nice," the younger girl said. "I mean… Sure; Americans are different. But the way Barry and Gwen put together their lives seemed so…perfect."
"Akane dear, people rarely talk about their problems to strangers," Kasumi commented.
"Barry did though. He was really quite blunt about the problems they worked through. I think he did it because he knew Ranma and I loved each other and we were making mistakes that drove us apart."
"Barry tried to be a good friend to you two," Kasumi acknowledged.
Akane smiled sadly. "And I nearly ruined it by not trusting and listening to Ranma when he came back."
"You mean about Barry's wife?" Kasumi looked pained.
"Poor Ranma. He said she was worse than Shampoo and Kodachi combined, except she didn't use chemical coercion." She giggled softly. "Of course she didn't know Ranma was in Barry's body…"
"If I understood it, Gwen was a wife who was not going to allow her husband to either ignore or fail to communicate with her."
"Huh?" Akane looked puzzled.
"When I talked to Ranma, he told me much the same things I'm sure he told you. But I'm older and have a different kind of relationship with him than you do." Kasumi smiled and poured more tea. "Ranma was most afraid of his lack of control in the situation. Barry's body was conditioned to respond positively to his wife's overtures. Or, if you like, Ranma had trouble making Barry's body keep its hands to itself. It's like the Nekoken, Akane," she elucidated. "Remember how Ranma would always come to you when he was under? With his conscious mind shut down, he went where his heart told him to."
"You mean he thought his… our relationship was out of control, last night?" Akane frowned. "That doesn't feel right." She thought some more. "It's not like getting girled that frequently is particularly extraordinary, either."
"Were you at fault for any of them?"
"Maybe the second. I jumped at a scary scene and bumped his elbow when he was sitting down. But the first and last were entirely his fault," she added defensively.
Kasumi shook her head. "I'm sure I don't know what's going through his mind, Akane. You're going to have to sit down and talk to him. Really talk to him, not mallet him if you don't like what you are hearing, or if you feel he's being stupid or insulting."
"Come on, Kasumi," Akane huffed. "I don't do that anymore."
"No, you haven't been. But Ranma hasn't been making you angry, either."
Akane grinned more confidently. "No. He hasn't, has he? I'll go talk to him." She got up and staggered a bit. "But maybe I'll get some sleep first."
"That would probably be wise. I don't think calling him at…" She looked at the clock. "…4:00 A.M. would be conducive to rational discourse."
Akane laughed more confidently. "Thanks, big sis."
oOo
Ranma was roused from fitful slumber when her siblings woke and began to stir up the house. Natsume and Kurumi were, according to his mother, quite considerate. The girls didn't attack Genma in the master bedroom out of consideration for her. Anywhere outside that boundary found the Saotome patriarch in dire straights as the two developed the Art of ambush to new heights. A crashing sound followed by a loud 'growf', indicated that Genma had fallen for some sort of water trap.
Genma openly complained, but privately exalted in the attention he received. The Saotome household was currently happier than it had been in a decade. Any other time Ranma would have stayed to participate in the fun, but not today. She slipped out the window and took to the rooftops. Kasumi would know what to do.
oOo
Unfortunately, Kasumi was busy. Akane was sitting close by her sister, animatedly discussing something with a determined look on her face. Across the table, Hinako and Soun sat close together, listening with concern. Ranma looked in on the domestic scene and considered her options. She could go in and eat; in fact her stomach was in danger of giving her away. She wasn't ready to face Akane, not after last night. She needed to apologize and she didn't know how. Better to talk to Kasumi first. She might be able to keep her foot out of her mouth better.
(GR-g-g-gr-gr-grow-roWLLL!)
"Jeez!" she muttered. She had to get some food! She could go back home, but had no enthusiasm for either Nodoka's strict rules or, if she had an errand, a four-way, food-stealing melee. If she went to the Nekohanten, Shampoo would call Akane and then both would probably berate her for her rudeness. She didn't have any money on her and had neither the desire nor the confidence to scam a meal using her girl-type. That left… "I guess I'll see if Ucchan'll let me bum a meal offa her." She delayed going for a while, watching Akane. When her lodestar left the table, she left her vantage point for Ucchan's.
oOo
Akane came back from the phone. "They didn't know he'd even been home last night and he wasn't in his room." Akane was worried, a slight frown showing. "I wonder where he's gone?"
Soun laughed. "Why don't you use that technique of yours?" His eyes glimmered with unshed tears because 'his baby created a ki technique'.
Akane dimpled. "I guess I will!" She focused inward, then outward. "That way," she pointed. She waved, called out, "See you later!" and darted out the door, picking up an umbrella on the way.
Soun smiled at Hin-chan. An ultrasound had confirmed they would have a son. He pondered his life and finally felt at peace. Akane and Ranma would continue the Dojo and the family's tradition of martial arts. Nabiki looked like she was going into the world of commerce with a vengeance. His new son would insure the continuation of the family name and would inherit Hinako's property. Only time would tell if he would be a martial artist or not.
As for Kasumi… Soun gazed at his eldest daughter. It was terribly unfair, what had been done to her… what he had done to her life. She had been forced to mother them all since Kimiko's death. She had always shown an interest in medicine. Perhaps she could go to college. He'd find a way, somehow, to make up for her past sacrifice.
oOo
Akane strode quickly down the street. It was midmorning. Shops were open, but preparations were being made for a major storm that forecasters said was coming in off the Pacific. She looked up at the fleeting blue and sighed. If Ranma were having new problems with his curse, she could offer some protection. After she had gone a few blocks, Akane realized that she was traveling in the direction of Ucchan's.
That didn't infuriate her like it once might have. Even if Ranma were having qualms about their relationship (and nothing Kasumi suggested even approached that), Ukyo was leaving no doubt these days of her interest in Ryoga. She might be Ranma's friend, but love interest? No way! Ukyo was her friend as much as Ranma's; and it would take a lot to convince Akane that Ukyo would betray herself and Ryoga at this date.
She walked up to the shop and noticed Ukyo didn't have her sign out yet. No surprise there; not many people had okonomiyaki for breakfast. The shades were drawn as well, also no surprise. Ukyo didn't like to put on a show for the public when cleaning her restaurant. Akane put her ear to the window to see if she could hear what was going on.
"…understand what you're saying, Ranchan," Ukyo was saying. So he was in there!
"Jeez, Ucchan," came Ranma's voice. "You can't know what it's like! I feel like macho-chick wants me ta stay girl…"
Akane jerked her ear away from the glass. Macho-chick? Wants him to stay girl? Akane felt the icy-hot boil of her anger begin to swell and bubble. Her breath came faster; her heart was like a hammer. She swept away the hurt tears that threatened her cheeks. She tried to control it. So often in the past she had made assumptions that were wrong. She forced her ear back to the glass.
"…turnin' me into a damn perverted little sex-object…"
She jerked her ear away again. Sex object? So she was the villain, was she? That was quite enough! She stomped over to the door and threw it open with a bang that caused Ranma to nearly levitate and caught Ukyo flatfooted in mid-toss, the okonomiyaki landing on the floor behind the counter.
"R-r-r-r-r-ra-a-a-annnNNNMMMMA!"
oOo
Ranma had knocked on the glass at Ucchan's and glumly waited for a response. She felt… off. It wasn't Akane; it was in herself… him-self. Sighing, she knocked again. Ukyo might ignore her initial attempt, thinking it was some rude jackass trying to harass her into opening early. Finally though, the cute, former fiancée peeked around her blinds, saw her 'customer' and opened up to see what was wrong. Ranma often stopped by, but usually with Akane and at a decent hour. "Ranchan?" she said taking in the woeful expression. "You look like you lost your best friend… besides me, that is. What's wrong, sugar?"
(GR-g-g-gr-gr-grow-roWLLL!)
"Uh, yeah. I mean besides that bottomless pit you call a stomach," she added.
"I wish I knew," Ranma said. "Ya got any hot water, Ucchan? I feel… I feel real weird in this body right now."
Ukyo looked at the redhead strangely, then her eyes went wide. "Kami, Ranma! You aren't… you aren't…"
Ranma looked sour. "No, I ain't. Which you could see fer yerself if ya was usin' ki-vision!" Ranma snorted. She might be many things right now, but pregnant was safely out. "Nah, I almost wish it was somethin' that simple."
Ukyo choked. "Sugar, if you call bein' a guy and pregnant simple, I hate ta hear what the problem is." 'But I bet I'm gonna find out,' she thought.
Ranma talked rather clinically about the previous night. Ukyo snickered about the squeeze Ranma endured and teased her to see the bruises. Ranma primly refused and accepted the proffered kettle to change back to male. "That's better," he said. "Did I ever tell you about that big empty space that Akane called me out of, Ukyo?"
"No, but Akane mentioned it. I hope that's not a problem."
"Nah! But I bet she never told ya about some of the people I met there." The smell of the okonomiyaki made his mouth water.
"People?" Ukyo tested the edge. Not yet, the grill was still a little cold.
"Yeah. Other versions of me, dozens of them, maybe thousands… It was like looking in a mirror, but every mirror was a little different. Sometimes different because of different choices made. Other times," he sipped at his tea and shuddered. "Other times different parents or different worlds… I saw one guy — and I knew it was me — but he was big, bigger than Ryoga; I could tell he had killed, and he was lookin' for his Akane. Others looked just like me, but the curse was different; curse of drowned twins, curse of drowned animals… One…" Ranma swallowed hard. "One had a curse I could only describe as curse of the drowned nymphomaniac."
"Gods, Ranchan!" Ukyo looked at him, eyes wide. "How could you live like that?"
"I dunno, Ucchan. If I read him right, every time he got splashed with cold water, she would take over and…" He shuddered again.
"I wonder how Akane would deal with something like that," Ukyo mused. She flipped the 'yaki over, working her magic. She noticed the sudden withdrawal and read between the lines. "All right, what's this poor nympho-cursed Ranma got to do with you?" She scowled at him. "Don't tell me you've been doing the town, either. One of us would have heard of it."
He chuckled, even if it was a bit forced. "No, I haven't done anything like that."
"But you're worried about it for some reason," she pointed out. "Ranchan, have you talked to Akane about this?" His silence answered her. "You jackass! Why not?"
"She's sorta… part of the problem."
"How?" Ukyo fixed him with a glare.
Ranma sweated big time, but finally broke down. "Ukyo, I love her. But, I feel like, ever since we d-d-did it, I don't know whether or not I'm supposed to be a guy or a girl for her."
"Say what?" Ukyo blinked. "Has Akane demanded that you…"
"No, no!" Ranma was quick to shoot that down. "It's not her, it's me. Doing that… what we did… did something to me. I look at her and, sometimes, I see him — ya know, Akane's guy-form — and, dammit, I… I…" Ranma suddenly snapped his jaw shut and looked miserable. "You wouldn't believe what it was like, Ukyo. And when I'm a girl and she looks at me or touches me…"
"Oooh boy, sugar," whistled Ukyo. "You should be talking to Akane about this; really you should." She felt at the edges of his okonomiyaki and decided it was almost done. "Ranma, I don't think Akane has any idea what she's done to you."
Ranma scowled. "But she has to! At least a little bit, doesn't she? I mean you guys are girls…"
"Oh, Ranchan. If she hasn't been on the receiving end, sugar, how can she know?" Ukyo shook her head. "I mean you guys haven't done it yet because of the Amazon thing." She smirked a little. "Now I, on the other hand, can relate to what you're feeling very well." Her tone was light. "But then…" She smirked and rolled her eyes comically before shivering in memory.
Ranma scowled. He knew she was thinking of Ryoga. Ukyo drew her attention back to her grill. She reached for Ranma's favorite sauce to garnish his okonomiyaki and slid her spatula under it to plate it.
"Jeez, Ucchan! Don't do that! Sometimes, I feel like macho-chick wants me to stay a girl! But then I realize it's not her; it's me! Sometimes I feel this damn curse is turnin' me into a damn perverted little sex object! For all I know I'll be rollin' over for the shaft next time my girl-side comes in season from that damn Nekoken! I can't do this to her…" His words came out in a despairing cry.
"R-r-r-r-r-ra-a-a-annnNNNMMMMA!"
oOo
It was as near to a threatening roar that could come out of Akane's throat. The sizzle and snap of her aura told of far greater danger. As Ranma's okonomiyaki i hit the floor, she took two swift steps into the restaurant. Ranma had an instant to observe his fiancée and wonder how a girl neatly dressed in an olive jumper with a yellow blouse could be so beautiful and so terrifying at the same time. Her uppercut was precise and unstoppable. Ucchan's acquired a new skylight.
Ukyo couldn't decide whether to be dismayed or furious. "What the hell did you do that for?" she screamed at Akane, ignoring the still flaming aura.
"Macho-chick, am I? Make him a sex-object!" Akane snarled. "Why that knuckle-headed, tin-hearted jerk!" she screamed back. "And I believed it when he said he loved me!"
"You're the knucklehead, you jackass!" Ukyo snarled back. "He came here 'cause he wanted a sympathetic ear to work out how to tell you about his problem! I can see why he didn't go straight to you! You barge in here and send him through the roof!" Akane glared cold and angry. She turned to leave. "Don't you dare!" Ukyo screamed at her back. "You're the cause of all this! You, that stupid Shampoo, and that stupid, stupid instant Nanniichuan! That goddamn turnabout sex you two had to keep the demons from getting his girl-side messed him up royally! He didn't blame you at all! Oh, no! Not his precious Akane! I think I know what you heard, little Miss Eavesdropper."
"Nanniichuan?" Akane turned back, her look angry and defiant, but with just a hint of doubt. "I heard him say the 'macho-chick' wants him as a girl, and that I'm trying to turn him into 'a damn little perverted sex-object'." Her posture dared Ukyo to deny it.
"Jackass," Ukyo hissed. "You heard those words I'm sure. But you missed him saying that this was what he felt like and that he knew it was something wrong in him, not you! As for the 'perverted sex-object' comment… That was about what he's afraid he'll do to himself, next time his girl-side goes through its fertile period.
"He's running scared, Akane! He was afraid to talk to you because of this!" She pointed with her spatula to the hole in the roof. "I can see why." She took in Akane's growing dismay. "He's survived worse than what you just gave him, sugar, but if he's still willin' to take you back to his heart, in my opinion, he's certifiable!" Ukyo took some satisfaction in watching the color drain out of Akane's face. "Now get the hell out!" she said roughly. "I've got a restaurant to run and I've got to get that hole fixed before I open." She turned her back on Akane and stormed back to the storeroom.
Akane staggered out into the street. She tried to center herself to use her ki locator technique but she was too distraught, too upset at what she had done, to focus. She tried to calculate his trajectory and ran in that direction, hoping she could regain control soon. Ukyo's words bit again and again, like red-hot wire whips to scourge her soul. She had really done it this time. Akane had failed to trust, failed to believe in him when he needed her. At the very least, she had to find him and apologize. If he left her, as she feared, she felt she would die. She would deserve it, considering the torment she had put him through. She totally failed to consider that Ranma wouldn't ask or want such a price from his worst enemy.
oOo
Ranma pulled herself out of the dumpster with several pungent expressions of disgust. It retained water from the last rainstorm, enough that he had been transformed once more and would have to find a bath as well. "Phew!"
Ukyo and Akane would have been astonished at the lack of anger or resentment the redhead felt after receiving a near orbital boost from Akane's fist. Ranma had too much experience being misunderstood. Akane's tantrum had restored Ranma's emotional equilibrium. Now she was looking for solutions. Ukyo was right. She needed to sit down and talk to Akane. Even if she had to do it in installments with frequent flyer miles and long walks in the breaks. Akane had a temper – so what! Still, it wouldn't do to get into a situation again that Akane might feel was… questionable.
As a drizzling rain began to fall, she began the trek back to the Tendos.
oOo
Meanwhile, Akane, frantic and upset over her behavior, called home, had an emotional and totally unsatisfactory exchange with Kasumi, then called the Nekohanten in the hope Ranma might be there. Shampoo was out making an early delivery, but Mousse promised to try to intercept her before she left the client. Akane, vibrating with guilt in a phone booth, dithered, tried to focus herself again and was partly successful. She got her ki vision going, but not her more difficult location technique. Hurrying, she set off in her original direction, hoping that sight or ki would allow her to find him before he did something stupid on her account.
oOo
Shampoo never got Mousse's message and was ignorant of the events unfolding around her as she cycled away from her customer. Ling-Ling and Lung-Lung were getting a day off as a reward for learning the Megami Hamaya ki-technique. Shampoo was quite proud of them but, at the same time, worried. Ti'en Pon was still hanging around, irritating them all with her presence. The girls had been strictly prohibited from practicing on the sly, as it needed the advanced skills of Mousse, Great-grandmother or their half-sister to maintain surveillance against her. It wouldn't do for the old woman, who was almost certainly a necromancer as well as a PRC agent, to learn about their new skills. She chaffed, waiting the day they would challenge the old woman.
Shampoo was, by chance, the first person to see Ranma following his flight from Ucchan's. She waved cheerily, wanting to be recognized despite the rain gear she wore in addition to the waterproof soap. Ranma noticed her, but the duck and tuck the redhead exhibited told Shampoo that something was wrong. If Ranma was avoiding her, it almost certainly meant trouble with Akane. She immediately took off in pursuit. If there was trouble between Ranma and Akane, it opened up two possibilities, either of which was potentially beneficial.
First and most likely, they might merely have argued. If that were the case, she'd cozen the problem out of him and get them to make up. She honestly felt they loved each other and hoped circumstances would allow Akane to realize her dream — become a full Amazon sister and marry Ranma as the Amazon with the prior claim. That was the best, the preferred, outcome.
The second possiblity made her a little breathless. If Ranma and Akane were at complete quits for some reason, she might be able to convince him to return with her to China. It had occurred to her that she knew of three Amazons with two husbands each. While Ranma might have to be 'husband number one' by law, she thought, with a little effort, she could convince Mousse to accept a position as 'husband number two'. Having two such skilled husbands would be a lot of work, but between training each other, their children and the extended family's children, they would indeed become a power in the Tribe and the region. And if Akane changed her mind and followed Ranma…
As she pumped her bicycle harder, her skin goose-bumped. She admired both men for their skills and for their hearts. The advantages of the physical side of the situation were not lost on her either. "Ranma! Come back! What wrong, you hide from Shampoo?"
oOo
Ranma groaned. She really didn't want to talk to Shampoo right now. The interview with Ukyo had been bad enough. She didn't think Akane would ever forgive him if she blabbed out her problem to everyone else, first! She lit out at top speed with Shampoo in pursuit.
oOo
Shampoo really knew how to ride a bicycle. She used sidewalk, buildings, mailboxes, trashcans and telephone poles equally to further her pursuit. She had to. There was no way, even with her skill, to follow the redhead through the right angle dodging she did, without a vertical surface to ricochet the bike off of.
Ranma dodged around another corner, her small female body ideal for slipping through crowds, and Shampoo prepared to bounce off another telephone pole above the corner crowd's heads. Then some kids jumped up on a mailbox to try to see what was going on. They were between Shampoo and her targeted landing point.
With a curse, the Amazon skidded, shouted 'gangway!' and slid through the corner into the street. Snaking the bicycle between the people without hitting anyone was no mean feat. She lost him! As she went to put her foot back up on the pedal, she was restrained; the leg of her silk trousers was caught between the bicycle chain and the sprocket. She began to walk the bike forward to free it, her mind awhirl with possibilities.
oOo
The truck driver was late. There had been an accident two miles back, and he was late on his deliveries. His boss had intimated that being late today would be totally unacceptable. He barreled forward in excess of eighty kph, trying to make up lost time. He could make this light if he punched it just a little more.
He screamed in an agony of self-hatred as a violet-haired girl on a bicycle skidded off the sidewalk right in front of him. His foot searched for the brake but missed. His eye told him '92 kph' when he felt the heavy thump from somewhere on the front grill.
oOo
Akane had been frantically searching for Ranma for an hour now. She estimated she had sent him from Ucchan's on a trajectory away from the dojo, roughly an equal distance between the Nekohanten and Ucchan's but further downtown. Her ki senses kept fritzing out. She knew it was due to her state of mind, but that didn't help. She apologized as she pushed her way to the front of the group waiting at the crosswalk. Her ears told her there was a commotion up ahead. It might be Ranma.
She pushed through to the front of the crowd in time to look across the street at two kids being boosted up on a mailbox. They had heard the disturbance too. The third boy grabbed hold of the top of the box and, using the nearby telephone pole for leverage, managed to get to a seated position when the crowd surged. A purple-haired vision in a yellow rain-slicker riding a bicycle slid through the opening and into the street. Cursing fluently in Mandarin, she turned to get to the sidewalk only to hesitate and glance down at her ankle. Akane recognized the form as well as some of the curses: Shampoo. Her mouth twitched in the beginnings of a smirk. Her 'sister' was a little upset about something. A good teasing might break her mood and help her get back on track.
The truck engine roared as it dropped out of gear.
Akane never stopped to think. The dark-haired girl had been peripherally aware of the truck, but only now registered it as a threat. Ki flared like a bomb going off and Akane was moving. Shampoo hadn't recognized the danger she was in but flinched and turned further to look in its direction. Her leg jerked in an unconscious attempt to rid herself of the extra weight. The tough silk of her trousers held, however. Akane grimaced. Her execution would have to be perfect or Shampoo would die, either from the impact with the truck or with Akane's shields.
The crowd around Akane was knocked off its feet, the result of fifty kilograms of girl desperately anchoring her mass with ki and launching herself at the endangered girl. Shampoo's own shields were coming up, but not fast enough, only aware of the sudden flash of a battle aura. She felt Shampoo's shields begin to throb as she finally recognized the threat of the vehicle. If she could just push a little more…
oOo
Ranma was twenty meters down the sidewalk when she heard the impact and the screams from the crowd on the corner behind her. She went white. If Shampoo got hurt because of her…
She leaped into the street to where her senses told her a body was lying. Steam was whistling from the truck's broken radiator and smashed grillwork. The crowd began to murmur and form as it always did at accidents; people wanting to help or, simply, morbidly curious.
Peripherally, she saw Mousse in duck-form wing down through the steam and come out rolling, human and clothed, as he utilized curse and hidden weapons along with his new speed to good effect. He was running toward them in the next instant.
Ranma focused on the body. What? It wasn't Shampoo! For an instant she felt relief. Then familiarity brought a wrenching sense of unreality. The short dark hair… The olive jumper with the yellow blouse trimmed in white lace…
Mousse skidded to his knees and began searching for the injury that was leaking so much red into the street.
"Akane?" Ranma mumbled, falling to her knees and really seeing the familiar ki as well as the familiar face, scraped and bloody. Shampoo limped over, crying and screaming at the crowd to call an ambulance.
Ranma wasn't conscious of the cry of loss that ripped out of her lungs.
"A K A N E "