There were a lot of things that Varian wanted to do. He wanted to make up with Andrew. He wanted to talk to Queen Arianna and apologize for dragging her into his issues with the king. He wanted to make sure that Hector really was okay. He wanted to climb into bed and sleep for a month, with the hope that when he woke up he would find that this whole year had just been a long nightmare.
The mere thought of doing any of that was completely overwhelming. The only thing that Varian could bring himself to do was follow his dad around like a pathetic dog or a baby duckling. The knowledge that his dad was okay felt like a burden in his soul had been lifted, and when he was with his dad nobody else bothered him. He was able to see how everybody else was doing, but they also left him alone because they thought that he needed some alone time with his dad.
He felt a little bad for hiding from his problems like a coward or a child, but it wasn't bad enough to make him stop hiding.
Varian wrapped his arms around himself and tried to make himself as small as possible. Most of the slaves were in the spare rooms resting and relaxing for the first time in who knew how long. Varian's family, Andrew, and the queen were in the kitchen, talking. Varian tried to focus and pay attention, but his mind strayed. He heard the words being said, but he didn't understand any of it.
He could see Hector and Andrew talk to each other, and it definitely looked like they weren't mad at each other anymore, though things were still tense. Varian watched Arianna talk to Edmund. He thought they were talking about their kingdoms, but then they started looking at Eugene and smiling, so maybe they were just talking about him. Eugene talked to Lance and Varian's dad. Everything almost felt casual and easy. It should be nice, but Varian hated it. It just didn't feel real, like he was just dreaming, and any second now things would fall apart all over again.
Varian felt disconnected from everything, and he only snapped back to himself when he heard a loud pounding on the front door. At first he thought that maybe someone had just dropped something, or he was so tired that he was imagining things, but everybody else was looking towards the front hall too.
There was some brief debating about who, if anybody, should answer the door. That all stopped when they heard a shout from outside.
"Fitzherbert, get your butt out here." A very familiar voice called out. Varian perked up attentively, and he saw Andrew do the same. Eugene gave the two of them a warning glance.
"Don't even think about it." Eugene pointed at them. "I'll take care of this." He made his way to the front door, with Lance right behind him. They stepped out, closing the door behind him. As soon as Eugene was outside Varian stood up and started making his way to the stairs. There was a window in the upstairs hall that was at just the right angle where you could see everything below without being seen yourself unless someone knew where to look.
Maybe it was a mistake, but hearing Cassandra's voice seemed to ignite that familiar spark in Varian. He didn't like her the same way he had before, but there was definitely something still there. He wanted to see her, and he wanted to see if Eugene would tell her what was going on. He needed to know how she would react.
Andrew was right at Varian's heels, and he seemed to have no intention of stopping him. Varian remembered Andrew mentioning his own little flame for Cassie. Maybe he was trying to do the same thing as Varian.
When they got to the window Varian grabbed Andrew's hand to pull him to a stop. He put a finger to his lips to indicate silence and pushed the window open. They both peeked out to see Cassandra talking to Eugene. Both of them were tense and defensive, and their tones said that they were fighting even though their words weren't really argumentative.
"Rapunzel's upset." Cass said. "She found out about the whole slavery thing."
"I wanted to talk to her about it sooner, but I was still trying to wrap my head around it myself." Eugene said. He rubbed the back of his hand. Cass' eyes were drawn to the mark.
"I guess I don't need to ask how you know about the slavery thing yourself." Cass said quietly. She almost sounded sympathetic. Varian had heard that voice from her before, but he didn't trust its sincerity. She sure sounded like she was worried, but Varian had fallen for that before. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Andrew roll his eyes. They seemed to share that kind of experience with Cass.
"Yeah, it turns out I'm not nearly as much of an orphan as I thought I was." Eugene said. "I'm still figuring out where I fit in with all of this."
"You'd think they were talking about an awkward family secret instead of the start of a revolution." Andrew muttered. Varian snorted. They both covered their mouths and drew back just in case they were heard. They were back for just a moment before they leaned forward again to watch.
"What about you? How did you know?" Eugene asked in a tense, forced casual voice. Varian stiffened and Andrew narrowed his eyes. They were all nervous, and Varian thought it might be about the same thing. How much did Cass know about the slavery, and how much did she agree with it.
Varian didn't trust her right now, but he felt ill at the thought that she would ever condone this kind of thing.
"I know because my dad was worried that I might end up like that if I stepped out of line." Cassandra said. Andrew smirked.
"Can you imagine Cassie as a slave?" Andrew chuckled darkly. "She would have torn the Warden to pieces."
"Or she would have been broken." Varian said quietly. Cass had spirit, yes, but she wasn't the only one. "Just look at Hector." Andrew's face fell.
Eugene grimaced. "I'm sorry."
"Don't be." Cass shrugged. "The worst that happened to me was an existential crisis when I was a teenager. There are a lot of people who have it worse than me." Cass wrapped her arms around herself. "I've been telling myself for years that people wouldn't be slaves unless they deserve it, but Rapunzel was talking to the king and he confirmed that he does have children slaves. He said there were only a few, but that's a few too many."
Eugene's eyes widened in alarm and Andrew growled slightly as he put a hand on Varian's shoulder. "What did Rapunzel tell him? He doesn't know where we are, does he?"
"I don't think so." Cass said slowly. "I know that his majesty asked her about some prince of sorts. She said that she didn't know about him, but I know Rapunzel, and I know she was lying." Cass raised an eyebrow at Eugene. "You wanna tell me what lost secret prince Rapunzel apparently knows about?"
Eugene rubbed the back of his neck. "It's a complicated story."
Cass gave him an unimpressed look. "My favorite kind. Spill, Fitzherbert. And don't bother lying. We both know you're not good at it."
Eugene was looking very uncomfortable, and it was a little funny to see, but Varian also felt a little bad for him. Eugene was still getting used to this whole prince thing. He didn't look like he wanted to talk about it at all, and Varian didn't think he should have to if he didn't want to. But he knew Cassie. She wouldn't easily let this matter drop. She wanted to know about this prince, and she probably wanted to know about Eugene's family.
Varian took a deep breath. "Oh, I'm going to regret this." Varian muttered to himself. He looked at Andrew. "Can you do something for me?"
"I don't know." Andrew said. "Will it get you to stop being mad at me?"
Varian didn't want to be mad at him anyway. He thought he could manage that. "Fine."
"Then we have a deal." Andrew smiled. "What do you want?"
"Help me take Cassie's attention away from Eugene. If she knows that I'm his cousin, and you're the prince of Saporia, then she'll stop bugging Eugene about things that he doesn't want to talk about." Varian said.
Andrew didn't point out that Cass would probably learn the truth in just a few minutes, and stalling wouldn't really accomplish anything. Andrew just grinned.
"Just to see Cassie's face, sure." Andrew said. He sat on the window ledge and leaned out. Varian leaned out the window far more than his dad would probably feel safe with. "Well, well, well. Look who we have here."
Cass jumped and looked around frantically before she found the window. She'd looked on edge the moment she had heard Andrew's voice. When she finally found him she looked equal parts furious and stunned at the sight of both Andrew and Varian.
"Hi, Cassie!" Andrew and Varian gave her cheerful waves. Andrew was right. Her face was absolutely priceless.
"Andrew?" Cass' voice cracked slightly. "Varian?! What…how…?" Cass' shock faded quickly as she leaned into her fury. She started to run inside, but Eugene grabbed her arm and pulled her back.
Andrew chuckled and hopped off the window ledge. "Oh, that was fun." He hit Varian playfully on the back. "Come on, kid. Let's go see our old friend before she kills Ace to try to get to us."
Varian smiled and followed Andrew downstairs. His dad was right there at the bottom of the stairs, looking very unimpressed. Varian had to push down the instinctive desire to curl in on himself because his dad was disappointed in him. Their relationship was in a better place than it had been before. Just because his dad was disappointed in him didn't mean that he didn't love him.
"What are you two up to?" Quirin asked.
"We're helping Eugene." Varian said.
"Oh, is that what you're calling it?" Eugene said, his voice sounding like he was trying to be stern but in reality he was amused. Eugene still had a firm grip on Cass' arm to hold her back, but they had just come inside.
"Can someone please tell me what is going on here?" Cass snapped. She pointed aggressively at Varian and Andrew. "What are those two criminals doing here? They're supposed to be in prison."
"Is that where you think we were?" Andrew crossed his arms and approached Cass. He wasn't bothered at all by the way she growled and lurched forward, only to be held back by Eugene. "And here I thought you knew about the slavery situation."
Cass glared at Andrew as she pointed at Varian. "Him I understand, but you can't expect me to believe that you were a slave. You were barely a minor annoyance."
Varian felt his breath get caught in his throat as his chest tightened. Cass didn't really think that Andrew had been a slave, but that wasn't what bothered him. She wasn't surprised about Varian being enslaved. She couldn't know about his family situation right now, so that wasn't why it made sense to her. It was because of what he had done.
"You think I deserved it?" Varian said quietly. The glaring match between Cass and Andrew ended in an instant as they both turned to look at him. Varian could feel like he was shaking and his eyes were starting to itch.
"Do you have any idea what it was like?" Varian's voice trembled just as much as his hands did. He rubbed the back of his hand. "I was branded, like livestock or property. For the rest of my life I won't be able to look at my hand without remembering that the kingdom of Corona technically owns me."
"Varian," Quirin said quietly. He sounded heartbroken. Varian knew that he should stop talking, but he couldn't. Now that he started, he felt like he needed to keep going.
"My family got hurt to protect me." Varian hated how frail his voice sounded. "The one time I got hurt was just a normal, to be expected, alchemy accident. They wouldn't let me wear protective gear, so I burned myself. You know what they did? They punished me. They threw me into a dark, isolated cell to teach me a lesson, because I was physically unable to do what they wanted. I got sick, and they acted like I was just doing it all to defy them.
Varian wrapped his arms around himself. "We were allowed one meal a day, and one chance to refill water. I couldn't get to breakfast when I was sick, so I had to rely on somebody else giving me some of their precious water and food. My family had to sacrifice for my sake, just because of something that wasn't my fault."
Tears were falling from Varian's eyes now. "I messed up. I went too far. I know I did, but all I wanted was to save my dad and help the people of Old Corona. I tried to be nice about it, but that didn't work, so I thought that I needed to act out to be heard. I know you know what that's like. So look me in the eyes Cassie and tell me that I deserved this!"
Varian hadn't realized how worked up he'd been getting, but by the end he was shouting. He was breathless and his head hurt. Everybody was silent and staring at him with pity in all of their eyes. It hurt and Varian felt overwhelmed.
He jumped when he felt a gentle touch on his arm. He gasped and started to pull away, but Queen Arianna gathered him into her arms. Varian was stiff, but he didn't want to be let go. Queen Arianna's touch was comforting and he felt safe, even if he couldn't relax.
Varian buried his face against Arianna's dress and tried to muffle his sobs. He thought he could feel her shaking, but that might just be him.
"Varian," Cass' voice was quiet, hesitant. "I don't…I don't think you deserved any of that." Varian shuddered. How was he supposed to trust her? He already knew that Cass wasn't afraid of saying whatever she needed to to get what she wanted. "I just meant that I understand why other people might think that you deserved it."
Varian knew that she might be completely honest, but he couldn't wrap his head around it at the moment. Hearing Cass' voice had snapped him out of the numbness, but now he could feel himself slipping back into that.
Eugene came over and ruffled Varian's hair. "Thanks for trying to help me with Cass, kid. I appreciate it, really, but why don't you take it easy and let the adults take care of things from here."
Varian usually hated hearing that kind of thing, but hearing it now was just a relief. He didn't want to think about slavery, or fighting, or getting others hurt because he couldn't take care of himself. He just wanted to sleep.
"We'll catch Cassie up to speed." Andrew said. "Just take it easy."
"...M'kay." Varian said. He pulled away from Arianna, though not before she kissed his forehead and brushed his hair away from his face. Varian went to his dad and leaned against him. His dad held him close and protectively as he started to lead him upstairs again. They walked right past Varian's room and into his dad's.
Varian felt like he was going through the motions as he laid down on his dad's bed. His dad sat down and Varian curled against him and rested his head against his leg. His dad ran his fingers through his hair.
"You're okay." Quirin said quietly. "You're safe now."
Varian felt secure, but that just made him feel guilty. "What happened to me wasn't even that bad." Varian muttered. He hadn't been there for too long. He never had to go through the physical labor that others had to. Hector was maimed for life, and Andrew had lost his dad. Most of the other slaves had been there for their entire lives, and they couldn't even consider something else. Varian felt like he had no reason to complain.
Quirin tightened his grip on Varian. "What you went through was more than anybody should ever be exposed to. Just because it could have been worse doesn't mean that it wasn't bad."
Varian knew that it was all too possible that his dad might be lying to make him feel better, because that was what parents did, and especially his dad. But he couldn't help but feel comforted. This was his dad. How could Varian not listen to him, whether he fully trusted him or not?
"Please don't leave me." Varian said as he closed his eyes and began to doze. It had been a long day. "I don't want to be alone."
"I'm not going to be leaving you alone ever again." Quirin said slightly playfully. "You're going to be begging for me to give you a break." Varian really couldn't imagine wanting some space from his dad. He just wanted things to be like this, safe and together, forever.
That was unrealistic though. Varian knew that in the morning he would have to face the others and do something to help them figure out what they would be doing. Still, having the chance to sleep until morning was better than nothing, and Varian wasn't going to take that for granted just because it wasn't as good as things could be.
This wasn't perfect, but it still felt amazing, and it was beyond good enough for him.