A/N : Thanks for reading! I hope you like my story. Any comments are appreciated. And oh, just wanted to state that English is not my mother tongue, so please tolerate my not so good vocabulary and grammar. Enjoy!
Chapter 2 : Occlumency Again
The week went by faster than Harry's liking. Soon, it was Monday again, and Harry had been dreading the Occlumency lessons more than ever after the previous week's experience. He had expected Snape to address him with snide remarks and perhaps detention for 'implanting false memories'. However, it didn't happen. In fact, Snape seemed a little less harsh on Harry during Potions, not that it was evident though. Anyhow, Harry was becoming more and more concerned that his professor might have seen through his lie, and was now well aware of his experiences of being abused. This was the last thing he wanted. These unpleasant thoughts clouded Harry's mind while he was dragging his unwilling body to the dungeon.
"Come in," Snape answered briefly after Harry knocked on the door. "Good evening, sir," Harry greeted. He wasn't giving Snape chances to deduct marks from Gryffindor if he could manage. When Snape looked up, Harry thought he saw a smile that was supposed to be comforting on his professor's face. The smile slid away within fractions of seconds, so Harry was pretty sure it had been an illusion.
"Can we start?" Snape asked. This was the first time he took whether Harry was ready into consideration before starting the lesson. If Harry found it weird, he had not shown it, for he merely nodded. He was hoping to get through this as soon as possible. "Legilimens."
Harry hadn't even started resisting when Snape intruded his mind once again. Unlike other times, Snape seemed to have some targets. Instead of randomly flipping through memories, he went straight back to Harry's mind, the section where he hid all the humiliating pasts at Privet Drive. Harry panicked, shouting "No!" to himself. Snape must have sensed his thought, for he wavered for a fraction of second before heading to the section again, more determined.
5-year-old Harry was being starved for two days with no obvious reason. When Aunt Petunia finally decided to give him breakfast, Dudley spilled his soup to the floor. Harry was so hungry that he decided to lick the soup. "Good dog. Freaks don't deserve to eat at the table you know." Dudley laughed maliciously. The scene dissolved.
A 8-year-old Harry reappeared. It was Christmas night. Aunt Marge came to Privet Drive for dinner, talking to everyone but pointedly ignored Harry. "Oh, didn't notice you sitting next to the dustbin. I guess you blend too well with the rubbish." Uncle Vernon, Aunt Petunia and Dudley sniggered. "You received no presents? Oh, no one wants to give freaks presents." Another mock. The scene dissolved again.
10-year-old Harry being dressed as a clown. It was Dudley's birthday party. Harry was forced to entertain guests, dancing silly moves. "Hey freak, I heard that your parents looked like monkeys, mind imitating one?" The guests burst out laughing. The scene gets blurry as tears welled in young Harry's eyes. Snape felt Harry's mind getting hazy as if he was about to faint. He thought he could push through one more memory.
Uncle Vernon was furious. He was scolded by his boss at work. "It was that Potter freak affecting my luck." He summoned Harry and bound the trembling boy on a chair. Harry could feel that his uncle was mad. Using a knife, Uncle Vernon carved the word 'freak' at Harry's thigh. Harry's struggling while screaming in pain.
Suddenly, Snape was forced out of Harry's mind and was slammed towards the wall. He was about to shout at Harry for his use of excessive force when he realized that Harry was lying unconscious on the floor. Panic filled him. He regretted pushing Harry to breaking point. Cursing himself, he gently moved Harry onto a crouch. Harry stirred almost immediately. "Sir, I'm tired. Could we continue next week?" Snape was taken aback by Harry's calm demeanor. He had expected him to yell at him, or even hit him, but definitely not politely requesting to leave. Snape was worried. Harry's usual lively emerald eyes were dull and depressed. For the first time ever, Snape didn't see Harry as the arrogant brat James had been, but as a broken boy who had a worse childhood than him. "Please, just let me leave," Harry pleaded. Snape sighed. "Yes, you may go."
After walking out of the office at a steady pace, Harry broke into a run. He took a turn into the boys' toilet and locked himself in the cubicle furthest from the door. It cost him all his strength and willpower to cast a silencing charm before dissolving in tears.
Harry usually guarded his memories of being abused well, unwilling to let Snape discover his pasts. The presence of these memories had been left undiscovered until the previous week when Snape accidentally pushed past his barriers to view the fragments of memories. Knowing he would most likely fail in his attempts to block Snape, Harry had made a tough choice. He decided to give Snape a clear coast of his physically abused memories in order to concentrate on protecting the mentally abused ones. He found them much more humiliating. All his self-esteem had been unmercifully shattered by his so-called relatives. A freak, they often call him. He regarded himself as a useless burden until he stepped into the wizarding world. Now a saviour. Despite hating the media attention, he felt better than ever. It was the sense of being needed that soothed him. To top that, Uncle Vernon and Aunt Petunia were too afraid to abuse Harry after he went to Hogwarts. But now his world had been crushed. No one would see Harry as a hero anymore if they knew how weak he was. He would be an unwanted soul again, unloved and uncared for. That was what a freak like him deserved. Harry thought he was silly to hope he could fight his destiny. Harry dozed off after crying silently for hours, his nightmares worse than ever.