"Chloe?!"

Beca dropped to her knees, fingers fumbling to the side of Chloe's neck for a pulse. There it was. She wasn't too late.

"Oh Chloe, what did you do?" Beca whispered, pulling Chloe into her arms. She stirred a little, not enough to notice Beca but enough that Beca felt vaguely reassured, "You don't get to give up Beale, you hear me? That little girl in there needs you. I'm not going to let her lose both her parents, so you're going to be okay dammit, no matter how much you may resent me for it later on."

Beca looked around them, eyes falling on the empty orange plastic bottle and feeling her chest constrict. She had to act quickly. Beca dragged Chloe over to the toilet, sitting her up against it. She moved Chloe's hair from her face, pushing back against the fear that threatened to overwhelm her.

"This isn't going to be fun Chlo, I'm sorry." Beca mumbled, pushing two of her fingers into Chloe's mouth and down her throat.

Chloe gagged once, twice, and then heaved, Beca quickly moving her hand out of the way and holding Chloe's hair back as she proceeded to thrown up the contents of her stomach. Beca shushed her softly, holding her hair out of the way with one hand and pulling out her phone with the other. She hesitated; if she rang for an ambulance then they might take Emma away from Chloe… and that would break her even more than she already was. Chloe needed to go to the hospital, that was a given. But Beca needed someone that would take care of Emma, someone that she could trust and was nearby.

Beca knew who to call.

"Hey, Beca what's up?"

Aubrey's voice was thick and Beca immediately felt a pang of guilt. She had so much on her plate right now, but Beca pushed that thought to oneside. Chloe needed her.

"I need you at Chloe's. It's an emergency."

"Um, sure, what happened? Is she okay?"

Beca could hear the sound of Aubrey scrambling for her keys, snuffling softly.

"No… I don't know. Just… can you get here?"

Beca hated that she couldn't keep the panic out of her voice, but all she could think about was the fact that she should have stayed here. This wouldn't have happened if she had stood her ground. Why had she left?

"I'll be ten minutes."

"Thanks. We're upstairs in Chloe's ensuite. The door's open."

It seemed to be hours before Beca heard the front door open, still trying to get Chloe to throw up all of the pills she'd taken.

"Beca?"

Aubrey's head appeared around the bathroom door, her eyes widening as she saw the scene in front of her.

"What- what happened?"

"I need to get her to the hospital." Beca mumbled, "Will you take Emma? I- I don't want them to take her away from her, it's just going to make everything worse..."

"Yeah. Yeah I'll take Emma, of course I will." Aubrey's brow furrowed a little, swallowing hard, "But I'm driving you to the hospital, you keep an eye on Chloe."

Beca simply nodded, sliding one arm under Chloe's knees, the other under her arms as she carried her carefully from the bathroom and down the stairs. Aubrey carefully scooped Emma into her arms, stopping as she noticed the envelope set neatly on the end of the bed. She frowned softly, seeing Beca's name on it and quickly pocketed it. Maybe it would give some much needed answers to this mess.

Beca sat with her head in her hands, fingers tangled in her hair as she sighed heavily. This was such a freaking mess. Chloe had been rushed into the ER when they arrived, taken from Beca's arms as Aubrey stood to oneside holding Emma. The nurse had been out to see them about half an hour ago, commending Beca for her quick thinking and hailing her a hero for it. She had saved Chloe's life.

Beca didn't feel like a hero. Chloe's life wouldn't have needed saving if she hadn't left her alone. No matter what Chloe had said to her, Beca should have stayed. How could she have been so stupid?

"Here."

Aubrey's soft tone made Beca lift her head, taking the cup of coffee that she was offering her with a soft grateful smile.

"Thanks." Beca mumbled, eyes back on the floor as Aubrey sat next to her.

"Hospital coffee is crap, but the alternative is no coffee at all so I figured why not?" Aubrey chuckled weakly, Emma expertly held against her shoulder with one hand. There was a moment of silence as Beca just stared at the ground, her head a swirling mess of guilt as she chewed at her lip.

"It's not your fault Beca."

Beca scoffed a little, shaking her had sadly, "Yes it is. I shouldn't have left her. I knew I shouldn't have left her, that this was going to devastate her, and yet I still left."

"She asked you to leave Beca." Aubrey sighed softly, "You did as you were asked. It wouldn't have done either of you any good if you had stayed when she didn't want you to."

"Chloe needed me and I left. That's all there is to it." Beca sniffed.

"You saved her life. You made sure that Emma had someone to look after her so that Chloe wouldn't lose her too. You spent the last six months looking after her every need so that she could focus on Emma and on getting better. You've done everything right Beca." Aubrey tried to reassure Beca, seeing that now Chloe was out of danger, Beca was slowly falling apart.

"Then why are we here?" Beca whispered, dragging her gaze from the floor to look at Aubrey, tears glittering in her eyes as Aubrey set her own coffee down and took Beca's hand in hers.

"Because life is shit." Aubrey's voice grew thick again, swallowing the lump in her throat, "Because sometimes you can do everything right and still end up losing your best friend and have to face the prospect of raising your daughter alone. Or end up sitting next your wife's ICU bed telling her that they couldn't save her arm and not know how the hell you're supposed to begin convincing her that everything will be okay."

"I'm sorry." Beca sighed, "You don't need this right now."

"Seems to me that we could both use each other's help." Aubrey smiled softly, squeezing Beca's hand, "Stacie needs someone who understands what she's going through, and Chloe… she's going to need all the help she can get. From all of us."

Beca sighed again, letting her head fall gently onto Aubrey's shoulder, "Thank you for coming when I called. I know you don't really know me, it means a lot."

"Of course Beca." Aubrey let go of Beca's hand and wrapped her arm around her shoulders, "Anyone who takes care of the people I love like you do is a friend of mine. You've taken care of Chloe and Stacie, let me help you out a little bit for a change."

Beca scoffed slightly, wiping at the tears on her cheeks with her sleeve. She really hated being hugged, but right now she was too exhausted and wrung out to push Aubrey away. Not to mention the fact that she had technically initiated this.

"Your wife is the one that looked after me, not the other way round." Beca sniffed, "Hell I probably wouldn't be here if she hadn't."

"Becs… Becs wake up! Beca can you hear me? C'mon Shortstack don't do this to me."

Beca groaned softly as she stirred, Stacie's voice filtering through as her eyelids fluttered open. As she came too, the pain in her left leg flooded her system and for the first time she was grateful to be suspended above the floor. Tears began to streak down her cheeks as she almost blacked out again, bile burning the back of her throat as she groaned again, louder this time.

"Fuck…"

"Oh thank god…" A small smile tugged at Stacie's lips as she saw her friend rouse, "You really scared me for a minute there. Are you okay?"

"Oh I'm great…" Beca mumbled, eyebrow raised, "Never been better in fact."

"You can't be that bad." Stacie smirked, "You're still being a sarcastic shit."

Beca made a noise that sounded halfway between a scoff and a chuckle, limp in her restraints as her leg throbbed painfully. She glanced down at it, almost throwing up as she saw bone sticking out of her shin and the almost black colour her leg had gone from the blunt force trauma.

"Sh-shit…" Beca murmured, swallowing hard, "I- I can't do this… I don't know anything, they're just-"

"Hey, stop that." Stacie wished she had her hands free so she could shake Beca. Now was not the time to descend into a downward spiral, she had to stay strong, "You can do this. You're Beca 'effin Mitchell."

Her voice was low, knowing that even though they were alone she shouldn't really be using Beca's name. But she needed her to hear her right now, and this was the way to do that.

"It hurts." Beca sobbed quietly, "It really fucking hurts Stace. You have people waiting for you, it's different. There's so much for you to fight for, I can't keep doing this…"

"Yes you can." Stacie pushed, the look on her face stern but still caring, "Your family still needs you. So you fight dammit, you fight like hell. Don't you dare give up on me!"

Beca pursed her lips, tears streaming down her cheeks as her heavy hooded eyes met Stacie's. There was so much strength in them. Beca didn't know how Stacie could still be so strong right now, in the face of all this. Thank god she was here.

"Okay." Beca nodded softly, "Fight like hell. I can do that."

"Damn right you can." Stacie affirmed, unable to do anything but watch as Beca passed out again.

"That's my girl…" Aubrey smiled softly, releasing Beca from her embrace as Emma started to fuss in her arms, "She's always been so strong…"

"She still is." Beca reassured her, "She's just going to need some help remembering that."

Aubrey smiled gratefully at Beca as she got up, Emma's diaper slung over her shoulder, "I'm going to go and change Emma. I'll be back as soon as I can."

Beca nodded, sipping the coffee in her hands and grimacing. It really was crap coffee. Although that seemed like the lowest item on her list of problems right now.

"Why so down in the dumps Mitchell?"

Beca's head whipped up from the ground, sighing heavily when she saw Chicago sat in front of her, "Not now dude okay?" She mumbled, careful to make sure that no-one could hear her talking to her illusions. Sure it wasn't healthy, but she was exhausted and honestly she'd give anything to be able to talk to him right now.

"Ah c'mon… it's Chloe isn't it?"

"I- I let you down." Beca shook her head a little, "I was supposed to be taking care of them, and look what happened."

"No you didn't Becs. You did your best. I know that."

"You should be here. Not illusion you, real you." Beca felt a tear slip down her cheek and growled in irritation, "God I am so sick of crying… this is what I mean. Chloe needs you. Not me. I'm a pathetic snivelling mess with one leg, what good am I going to be to her?"

"You saved her life Mitchell. That's a pretty good start."

Beca scoffed, shaking her head.

"Hey. C'mon. None of this self-pitying nonsense, it doesn't suit you. You're a fighter. And you still have a promise to keep. My family still needs you."

Beca sighed softly. Illusion or not, he had a point. She'd made a promise.

"Chloe Beale?"

Beca got up from her seat as the doctor that had been with Chloe entered the waiting room, feeling her heart pound in her chest again. God was Chloe okay? They'd been gone for so long.

"Yeah. Is she okay?" Beca wrung her hands together as the doctor smiled kindly at her.

"Physically? Yeah, she's okay. Her throat is a little sore from having her stomach pumped, but that will pass."

Beca let out a soft sigh of relief as Aubrey rejoined her, Emma now changed and babbling happily to herself in her aunt's arms. The doctor smiled at Emma, cooing at her for a moment.

"Is this the Beca she's been asking for?"

Beca's eyes widened a little as she shook her head, "No. That's me, I'm Beca. Can I see her?"

"Yes. Only for a little while because the on-call psychologist wants to talk to her." The doctor nodded, Beca stiffening slightly.

"Is that um… is that really necessary?"

"It's protocol after a suicide attempt. As is a mandatory seventy-two hour hold." The doctor was stern but kind, Beca sighing heavily as she ran a hand through her hair.

"Yeah… of course…" This had been the last thing that Chloe had wanted. To be shut away from everyone, including her daughter. She was going to be so mad at Beca.

"I know it seems drastic, but we have to be sure that she's in a fit frame of mind to go home and take care of herself and her daughter."

Beca nodded, pushing back against the tears that threatened to pour down her cheeks. This whole mess was her fault, she had no right to cry.

"Here." Aubrey carefully passed Emma to Beca, "She'll want to see both of you."

Beca cuddled Emma to her chest, nodding numbly. This had been one of the worst days of her life, and now she had to face Chloe and tell her that she wasn't going home anytime soon. God she'd made such a mess of all of this.

She was lead into Chloe's hospital room, trying to swallow the lump in her throat as she looked at her. Chloe looked exhausted and small, deep bags under her bloodshot eyes as she turned her head towards Beca.

"Beca?"

"I'm here." Beca smiled softly, sitting on the edge of the bed next to Chloe, Emma settled in her arms.

"I'm sorry." Chloe croaked, tears spilling down her cheeks as she began to sob, "I'm really really sorry."

Beca shook her head, shifting Emma in her arms so that she could take Chloe's hands in hers, squeezing it as tight as she dared.

"No. Don't you dare apologise. You were in a really dark place Chloe, you couldn't see any other way out. You're not well and you did something you regret, but that doesn't make you a bad person okay?"

"I-I-" Chloe shook her head furiously, chewing on her lip as she sobbed heavily, unable to string a sentence together as her emotions overwhelmed her.

"It's okay Chloe. You um… you're going to stay here for a couple of days, and then when you're doing a little better you'll come home and we can work on things." Beca hated seeing Chloe so distraught, especially when it was because she hadn't kept her promise well enough.

"I h-have to s-stay?" Chloe choked through her sobs.

"I'm sorry…" Beca sighed, thumb stroking over the back of Chloe's hand, "I know this isn't what you wanted, but I had to bring you here. I didn't- I didn't have a choice."

Chloe said nothing, sinking back into the bed as she continued to cry, too exhausted and sad to do anything else. How could she have messed this up so badly?

"Here, why don't you hold Emma for a while?" Beca smiled softly, "You know how much you hate it when I do it."

Chloe shook her head, wiping at her cheeks with the back of her hand, "No um… you- you just hold her."

Beca frowned heavily, her heart sinking like a lead weight. Chloe wouldn't even look at her daughter. Emma had been the last thing pinning Chloe's fragile mental state together, if that was gone then… what was there?

"I'm gonna be here every day for as long as they'll let me visit for." Beca forced the smile to stay on her face, not wanting Chloe to see how worried she was, "I'll even sneak in some food for you, trust me when I say hospital meals are awful-"

"You don't have to do that." Chloe's voice was thick with tears but flat as she sighed softly, "Any of it."

"I know. But I want to." Beca gave Chloe's hand a soft squeeze, "Besides, I promised Ch-"

"Don't." Chloe whispered, turning in the bed so that her back was to Beca, Beca swallowing hard as she tried to ignore the despair she felt, "Don't bring him into this. Please."

"Okay." Beca nodded, "I won't, I'm sorry."

"I'm really tired Beca." Chloe sighed heavily, "I just want to sleep for a bit."

"Sure, no problem." Beca smiled tightly, "I'll be back in a little while."

"Uh huh."

Beca left the room, sighing heavily as she leant against the wall just outside. She looked down at Emma who just seemed to gaze up at her in wonder, content in her arms not knowing just how much sadness there was around her.

"Well Em, what're we going to do now?" Beca smiled sadly.

Beca had stayed at the hospital ever since Chloe had been admitted. It seemed there were perks to have spent the six months laid up here, in that a lot of the nurses remembered her and were more than willing to help her find a way to stay near Chloe, even if Chloe didn't necessarily want her in the room. Aubrey had been a godsend, taking care of Emma as much as she could and leaving her with Beca whilst she went to the ICU to visit Stacie. When she wasn't sitting with Chloe, trying to get her to engage with Emma even a little bit, Beca was camping out in the waiting room, Chloe's door within her eyeshot in case something happened. She'd barely slept more than hour in the last couple of days, too afraid that if she closed her eyes again that something else terrible would happen.

"Beca?"

Beca was jolted from her first nap in days by a hand on her shoulder and a unfamiliar voice. She was immediately on edge, nostrils flaring as her eyes snapped open.

"Sorry, sorry!"

The unfamiliar voice belonged to a cardiganed and bespectacled man with a kind smile, Beca frowning softly but feeling her initial panic subside a little seeing how unthreatening the stranger waking her up was.

"It's fine. I'm fine." She mumbled, stretching a little to try and ease the crick in her neck, "What's wrong? Is it Chloe?"

"Everything's fine, but I do need to talk to you about Chloe." He smiled kindly, gesturing to the seat opposite Beca, "Mind if I sit?"

"Sure, knock yourself out." Beca shrugged, knowing a well-meaning albeit slightly patronising psychologist when she met one.

"I'm Dr Fairburn, I'm the psychologist working with Chloe. Her mandatory hold ends tomorrow as you probably know, and I need to evaluate her support network before I can make a decision as to extend that hold or let her go home."

Beca nodded, sitting up straighter and running her hand through her hair to try and look more presentable and capable. Dr Fairburn chuckled softly as she did, Beca blushing a little.

"I am normally way more put together than this-"

"Beca it's okay." He grinned, "I know you're spent the last couple of days at the hospital to keep an eye on Chloe, and that certainly goes in your favour."

Beca sighed softly in relief, "So what do you need to know?"

"First off, I need a bit of background on you outside of 'saved Chloe's life and hasn't left the hospital since'. What do you do?" His smile was easy and made Beca relax a little even if she was uncomfortable with the idea that she had supposedly 'saved' Chloe's life when she was the reason it was in jeopardy in the first place.

"I was a Sergeant in the US Army, it's how I met Chicago and then Chloe." Beca pushed back the lump in her throat at the mention of her late friend, "I um, I was honourably discharged seven months ago after a year out to recover from an above knee amputation and some other stuff. I started taking college courses a few months ago, I've been looking at working with injured vets and their families through music therapy. Music is like the only other thing I'm any good at and it helped me through a really rough patch."

Beca shrugged sheepishly as Dr Fairburn nodded approvingly. She'd been keeping this quiet, determined not to say anything until she'd actually done it.

"That's amazing Beca, really! Do you have any history of mental health issues?"

Beca swallowed hard, looking at her feet for a second, "Would… would that mean that Chloe couldn't come home?"

"Not necessarily." Dr Fairburn smiled warmly, "I just need to be thorough that's all. Just be honest with me and then we can move on from there."

Beca nodded, sighing softly, "I was diagnosed with PTSD, chronic anxiety, and claustrophobia. Like, if I feel trapped in a space I get really panicked and nauseous, it's gross and really kind of annoying. I haven't been able to ride the subway since I got back."

Beca joked weakly as she rubbed the back of her neck, "But I have them under control. I haven't missed a single therapy session since I got back, I've been taking meds doing everything I can to get myself better, even before I met Chloe and started helping her out. I'm in a good place, I really am-"

"Beca, it's okay." Dr Fairburn held up his hand to stop Beca as she began to justify and ramble, "No-one is asking you to be perfect. I just have to know these things before I make any decisions, I can see that you really care about Chloe and want her to get better. So just, take a second and breathe okay?"

Beca smirked slightly, nodding as she swallowed the lump in her throat. It was going to be okay. She was okay. Chloe would come home and then things would get better. They had to get better.

Beca answered so many questions that her head started to spin, exhausted by the time that Dr Fairburn seemed to have finished asking his questions. Beca had always hated talking about herself and this was no different, even if it was to help Chloe out.

"So there's you, Aubrey, and the rest of the her military wives support group to help her out?"

"Yeah." Beca nodded, "It turns out that most of our platoon had partners that belong to that group so everyone's kind of in the same boat. Aubrey says they're amazing, Chloe's in good hands."

"It really sounds like it." Dr Fairburn grinned, "What are your living arrangements going to be like when Chloe comes home? I know you said you were going to be there for her every day, all day if necessary, does that mean you live close by or?"

"I'm gonna move in." Beca ran a hand through her hair, "Sublet my place, and then Roxie and I will move in with Chloe and Emma. That way I'm right there whenever she needs anything, day or night. Aubrey or one of the other girls from the group will come over when I have PT or have to get groceries or something, Chloe won't be alone and neither will Emma. We've got her."

"Alright Beca. I'm comfortable with discharging Chloe into your care." Dr Fairburn nodded, an easy smile on his face as Beca let out a sigh of relief, "I'll make sure she knows it is conditional on you moving in with her, and on her getting regular therapy as well as sticking to a med regime. It's not going to be easy Beca, but she can get through this, and I believe her best chance at doing that is with you."

"Thanks." Beca smiled softly, "I really hope so… I um, I promised him I'd look after them, Chloe and Emma. It was only supposed to be whilst he was on tour, but… I really do care about them both y'know?"

"I can tell." Dr Fairburn smiled kindly as he got to his feet, Beca doing the same and shaking his hand, "I'll discharge her tonight, give you time to move your stuff between your place and hers. It was really nice to meet you Beca."

"Yeah, you too." Beca nodded, taking a deep sigh of relief as she sank back in the chair. Chloe was coming home. Everything was going to be okay once she got Chloe home.

Right?

Beca awoke in a cold sweat, clutching the front of her t-shirt that was soaked through, heart threatening to break her ribs from pounding so hard. Jesus she was getting sick of this…

Swallowing hard, her dry throat aching, Beca untangled herself from her bedsheets and ran a hand through her hair. It had been two weeks since Chloe had come home and things were far from easy. Chloe was even more withdraw than she had been when Beca had first met her, never leaving her bed, nevermind her room for any reason at all, not even when Emma had been crying for her mama. It had left Beca drained, spending every minute of every day alternating between looking after Chloe and looking after Emma.

Dr Fairburn had referred Chloe to an excellent psychologist who came to their home, a psychologist that Beca weirdly knew. His name was Benji, the younger brother of Sam Applebaum who Beca had served with (and had died alongside the rest of her squad). He was well-meaning, and despite the fact that he looked like a twelve-year-old he was exceptionally qualified. He had reassured Beca on many occasions that Chloe's behaviour was completely normal considering the trauma she had been through, that she needed time to process this. The fact that she was beginning to engage with Benji a little bit was also apparently a good sign, she just needed time.

Time.

Beca couldn't help but think how cruel it was that she had the time to wait for Chloe to get better but Chicago didn't. Chloe was his best friend, the mother of his child and he wasn't here, but Beca, a perfect stranger, a reject was. No wonder Chloe didn't want to leave the safety of her bed; Beca wouldn't either.

Beca fastened her leg into place and dragged herself from her bed, walking past Roxie who stirred and whined softly before Beca ruffled her head softly.

"Go back to sleep girl, it's not time to get up yet." Beca chuckled softly as Roxie yawned and settled again. At least one of them was sleeping well.

Beca sighed as she quietly walked across the landing into the bathroom, about to enter it when she heard Chloe's quiet voice coming from her room.

"Beca? Is that you?"

Beca immediately changed course and headed into Chloe's room, smiling softly as the light from the landing filtered into the dark room from behind her.

"Hey Chloe… sorry did I wake you?"

"No." Chloe swallowed hard, her cheeks a bright shade of red as she wouldn't meet Beca's eyes, shifting in her bed, "I um… I need your help…"

Beca frowned slightly, coming further into the room as her heart began to pound in her chest. Chloe never asked for her help.

"What's wrong? Are you okay?"

"I uh… I woke up and um… I guess it was a bad dream or something but… I-I've had an accident…" Chloe's voice was barely above a whisper as her cheeks burned with embarrassment, eyes glued on her bed.

Beca's expression softened, a lump in her throat. Poor Chloe. Nothing seemed to be working for her anymore.

"It's okay." Beca smiled kindly, "It happened to me a few times when I got back from Iraq. C'mon, let's get you cleaned up and then we'll sort the bed out."

"I um… I don't think my legs work…" Chloe whispered again, tears running down her cheeks. She was so ashamed. What kind of grown woman couldn't even control her own bladder?

"Okay, we can deal with that." Beca gently peeled the covers back, ignoring the way her heart ached to see Chloe just so… numb and broken. Things had been such a mess lately, of course she was struggling like this.

Beca carefully lifted Chloe into her arms and into the ensuite, trying to swallow her heart as it leapt into her mouth at just being in that room again. She sat Chloe on the toilet, reaching over to the bath and turning it on to fill it before turning back to Chloe with a gentle smile.

"Let's get you out of these damp clothes."

Chloe seemed to have shut down completely as Beca helped her out of her pjs, Chloe getting redder as Beca had to peel her pants down her thighs. Beca made no mention of it as she tossed the clothes into the corner of the room, lifting the now nude Chloe into the bath after testing the temperature. Chloe sniffed slightly but said nothing as Beca began to gently wash her with a washcloth and the lavender scented bodywash that Chloe didn't realise Beca knew was her favourite.

If her brain would kick itself into gear, Chloe might have thought this was weird, that Beca washing her was crossing some sort of line. But as it was, Chloe was grateful that someone else was in charge of things right now, was helping her get rid of the shame and embarrassment at having wet the bed at twenty five years old. Beca was being so gentle with her, as if she was scared that if she touched her any harder then she would shatter into a million pieces. Maybe she would… Chloe felt so pathetically broken lately that it wouldn't surprise her if she did.

Beca realised as she was helping Chloe that this was perhaps the first time that Chloe had bathed since she got back from the hospital. Beca had gently encouraged her to every time she had looked in on her, had brought her food that she had barely touched, but she was trying her hardest not to push Chloe too hard right now. Perhaps this was an odd thing to be doing for her friend's ex-wife, but right now Chloe needed this.

Beca started to gently wash Chloe's hairs, detangling it knot by knot until it was clean. Once Chloe had been completely cleaned, Beca drained the bath and grabbed a soft towel from the back of the door, wrapping it around Chloe as she lifted her from the bath. Chloe hadn't said a word the entire, only sniffing softly on occasion as Beca washed her. She just felt numb, like this was happening to someone else. Like the last two weeks had all just been some horrible nightmare that she couldn't wake up from. Maybe it was. Maybe any second Chloe would wake up and Chicago would be in her kitchen, feeding their daughter breakfast.

Chloe sat at the foot of her bed, not even really registering it as Beca carefully helped her into a clean pair of sweatpants and an oversized hoodie before starting to strip her soiled bedsheets from her bed. It was here Beca paused for a moment. Chloe's duvet also needed cleaning, nothing that soap, water and a scrubbing brush couldn't quickly fix, but it would mean that Chloe wouldn't be able to stay in her bed and Beca wasn't about to leave her alone for a minute. Not after last time.

"Chloe?" Beca knelt in front of her, taking her hand in hers as she smiled at her softly, "We're going to go downstairs okay? I need to wash your duvet and you'll be freezing up here without it. There's that fluffy blanket that you like on the sofa and I'll make you a cup of tea, it'll be absolutely fine."

Chloe took a deep shuddering breath. Downstairs? Outside of her safe bedroom?

"I-I-" Chloe stammered, licking her suddenly dry lips, hands trembling in Beca's.

"I will be there with you the whole time, I promise." Beca's gentle smile never faltered as she looked up at Chloe, "I never want to push you Chloe, but I really think you can do this. Do you trust me?"

Chloe hesitated a little but nodded softly. She didn't know why she did, but she trusted Beca. Maybe it was the fact that after everything that Chloe had said to her the day she got the news about Chicago, Beca had not only come back but she had saved her life. Who did that?

Beca grinned and gave Chloe's hands a soft squeeze, "Okay. I'm going to gather up all the stuff that needs washing and take it down, and then I'll come back for you okay?"

Chloe nodded again, feeling ridiculous and pathetic for needing to lean on Beca so much. What the hell had happened to her?

Beca was a quick as she possibly could be, back at Chloe's side within five minutes of leaving. She sat next to Chloe on the bed for a moment, watching her carefully as Chloe stared at the floor between her feet, her body shaking.

"What's wrong with me Beca?" Chloe's voice was hoarse and the softest whisper and made Beca's heart wrench.

"Oh Chloe…" Beca sighed softly, taking Chloe's hand in hers, "There's nothing wrong with you. You're just… struggling right now. And that's okay. It's why I'm here. You'll be okay."

"I- I don't when I got so pathetic…" Chloe shook her head furiously, tears pouring down her cheeks, "Look at me! I've just had to be washed like a child after wetting the bed. At twenty five! Emma has more bladder control than I do!"

Beca shifted on the bed so that she was sat as close to Chloe as she dared, pausing for a moment before wrapping an arm around Chloe's shoulder. Chloe stiffened for half a second before turning into Beca, sobbing heavily as she wrapped her arms around Beca's waist. All the emotion that she had been pushing down and refusing to feel whilst she lay in her bed came flooding out as Beca swallowed the lump in her throat and completed the embrace with her other arm. Her heart broke for Chloe as she felt her convulse with the force of her sobs, a tear slipping down her own cheek.

"You are not pathetic Chloe." Beca shushed her, "You're grieving. You're in pain. Your brain isn't firing quite right. But you are not pathetic. Far from it. You're going to be okay Chloe, I promise you will."

"What if I'm not?!" Chloe sobbed into Beca's chest, clinging to her for dear life, "What if this is as good as it gets?!"

"It's not." Beca shook her head, stroking Chloe's hair in a vain attempt to comfort her, "I know it feels like this is all there is right now, but I swear to you that this is not all there is. You will be okay, maybe not tomorrow, maybe not next week, or next month even. But someday Chloe, you'll be okay. I've got you. You're okay. Just lean on me until you can do it on your own."

Chloe continued to sob in Beca's arms, Beca just shushing her gently as she did. There was nothing more she could do really. How could she make anything okay when she wasn't the one Chloe needed?

Eventually Chloe's sob subsided and she sniffed, almost reluctantly pulling away from Beca as she wiped at her cheeks furiously.

"Sorry." She mumbled.

"You have nothing to apologise for." Beca smiled softly, "Nothing at all."

"I do." Chloe sighed softly, "For the other night when you found me… I- I'm so sorry."

Beca shook her head as she squeezed Chloe's hand softly, "You don't have to apologise for that. Not to me, not ever."

Chloe let her head fall gently against Beca's shoulder as she sighed again, "I didn't mean it. When I said I wished it had been you. I don't want it to be either of you."

Beca softened at this, squeezing Chloe's hand again, "I want him to be here too Chloe. If I could, I would trade places with him in an instant."

Chloe moved closer to Beca, sniffling as she held her hand a little tighter. Benji had been telling her that she should let her in more, that she would be surprised by what she found when she did. And he had been right. Chloe hadn't realised that Beca had been so close too or that she was missing Chicago as much as she was.

Maybe it was going to be okay…

It was a long day following Chloe's accident. After the emotional outpouring Chloe had decided it was in fact too much for her to come downstairs right now and Beca had instead fetched the duvet from her room whilst she waited for Chloe's to dry. Emma had woken not too long after and Beca's day had begun. She still couldn't get Chloe to engage with Emma no matter how hard she tried, and she just couldn't understand it. But when she eventually collapsed in a heap on her bed later that night, Beca remembered that Aubrey had given her the note she had found on the end of Chloe's bed the day she had been discharged. She hadn't read it herself, it wasn't addressed to her, but she had told Beca that maybe it might have some answers as to all of this mess.

Beca sighed softly as she rolled onto her side, reaching over and opening the draw in her bedside table and pulling out the letter. Roxie, as if sensing that Beca was going to need some emotional support, climbed up onto the bed and settled in front of her, back pressed into her front as Beca grinned at her, pressing a soft kiss to her head.

"Thanks Rox." She mumbled, taking a deep breath before she tore open the envelope and pulled the letter from it. Maybe she'd finally understand Chloe properly now.

'Beca,

I'm so sorry to do this to you. You've been nothing but kind to me and my family. But I can't do this. I have been a mediocre mother at best since Chicago left and now he isn't coming back… I can't leave her with one parent when it's not the parent she deserves, it's the shit one that can barely function as a person never mind a mother.

I said awful things to you today when you were just trying to help. What kind of person says those things? You'll probably never come back here, I wouldn't blame you, but if you do and you read this, I just wanted to thank you for the last six months. I'm sorry it was all just a waste of time. I hope you find something better to do with your life than waste it on anymore hopeless causes like me.

When Emma is old enough to understand, will you tell her that I loved her? That I didn't do this because she did anything wrong, or because she wasn't enough. I did it so she could have better, do better, be better than I ever would have been. She's perhaps the only thing I ever did that was any good. She looks so much like her dad already… make sure she knows how incredible he was. Her father was a hero, she deserves to know that.

Goodbye Beca. I'm really sorry.

- Chloe x'

Beca sniffed as she read the letter one more time, her heart shattering at how desperately sad and lost Chloe had been. It made so much sense to her now. She was right, Emma looked a look like Chicago, she had the same dark hair, the same nose that crinkle in the same way when she grinned. But she was also a lot like Chloe. Emma had her impossibly blue eyes that twinkled with every emotion she felt, the same infectious energy that Aubrey swore Chloe had before all of this happened.

Of course Chloe didn't want reminding of Chicago every minute of every day, not whilst she was grieving so rawly. But Emma needed her mom, she'd already lost her dad. Beca had to make sure that Chloe not only found her worth as a person, but also as a mom again.

"Alright Rox…" Beca sniffed, Roxie yawning as she rested her chin in the crook of Beca's arm, "You and me, we're going to fix this. We'll make it right, won't we girl?"

Roxie panted happily as Beca scratched her behind her ears, licking her cheek as Beca groaned softly, shaking her head.

"Yeah I love you too idiot."