The next two days were even more hellish than usual for Beca. Chloe was still really struggling with doing anything more than moving between her bathroom and her bed, their heart-to-heart seeming to have made very little impact on Chloe's fragile state. To compound what was already a stressful situation, Emma came down with a cold and spent most of her time screaming bloody murder at being ill and not understanding why she was feeling this way. Beca had been up with her all night after noticing that Emma had a fever, her heart sinking with the realisation that even now, Chloe still wouldn't engage with her daughter.

Emma's fever thankfully broke around six am and Beca settled her for a few hours before going downstairs, intending on clearing up some of the mess that had accumulated over the last two days whilst most of her attention had been on Emma but after thirty six hours of being on her feet, Beca sinking into an armchair for five minutes rest had proved lethal for her productivity and she was soon fast asleep.

It had barely been three hours before Beca had awoken again with a start, eyes wild and chest pounding, the arm rests of the chair gripped tightly in her hands as she tried to remember where she was. It took Roxie faithfully padding into the room and onto Beca's lap to lick her face to bring her back to reality, her face burying into Roxie's fur as she took a shaking breath and her fingers gently scratching behind her ear in the way she knew Roxie liked the most.

"Thanks Rox…" She mumbled, heart still pounding in her chest but reassured and grounded by the weight in her lap as she lifted her head, "You're a good girl."

Roxie panted happily, licking Beca's face again for good measure before the sound of Emma fussing through the baby monitor registered with Beca and she gently pushed Roxie from her lap. Beca attempted to get to her feet, but an immediate and debilitating stabbing pain burst through her hip and leg and caused her to cry out.

"Dammit…" She hissed as tears burned in the corners of her eyes, Roxie nudging her hand with her nose in concern as Beca gently patted her head, "I'm fine girl, I'm just a little sore. It's all this running around I've been doing I think, it'll pass."

Beca tried to get up again, shaking her head furiously as the pain magnified ten-fold, irritation and panic starting to flutter through her chest. She had to be able to get up, Emma needed her, as did Chloe. She couldn't afford to be laid up because of her stupid leg (or lack of). Emma's cries were starting to get more insistent and Beca knew she didn't have time to sit here and feel sorry for herself. She had to get up.

Gritting her teeth, Roxie stuck to her side like glue, Beca pushed herself onto her feet, the dizzying pain making her nauseous as she started to slowly struggle towards the stairs. The stairs were a feat in and of themselves, Beca feeling like she'd climbed a mountain by the time she was done. She took a moment at the top of the stairs to catch her breath before steeling herself once more and making her way to the nursery. She managed to pluck Emma from her cot before the pain completely overwhelmed and Beca sank heavily into the plush chair next to it, Emma held safe and tight in her arms as she shushed her gently, trying to figure out what it was that had made her begin to cry. Roxie was settled next to Beca's feet, her chin resting on Beca's good knee as she remained concerned for her owner.

"Alright fusspot, what's up with you eh?" Beca cooed, checking Emma's temperature first to make sure the fever hadn't come back (it hadn't), "Are you hungry, is that it? You didn't really eat anything yesterday."

Emma grizzled, burying her head in Beca's neck, still snuffling and weepy from the symptoms of her cold. Beca rubbed her back, gently bouncing her in her arms as she made a quick diaper check and determined that Emma was definitely hungry, as well as just generally grumpy and down in the dumps from being ill.

"I know kiddo, it's no fun being ill is it?" Beca mumbled into her hair, "I just need a minute to gather myself and then you I will go check on mama and figure out how I'm going to get us both downstairs to where the food is."

Beca really didn't know how she was going to get downstairs again, especially with Emma in her arms. It briefly crossed her mind that she should call Aubrey for help but she soon dismissed that; Stacie was still in a bad way and Aubrey needed to be there for her right now, not worrying about the fact that Beca was failing Chloe and Emma right now. She had to look after them herself, she'd made a promise.

"Okay Em, we're gonna get up now yeah?" Beca held Emma tightly against her with her right arm, wanting her weight on her good side rather than her bad as she used her left hand to push herself to her feet again, grunting as the pain flared up again.

It would be fine. She'd check on Chloe, somehow get Emma downstairs and into her highchair, get the painkillers from the safe behind Chicago's toolbox (she'd hidden everything that Chloe could possibly use to harm herself since she had gotten home, including her own medications which Beca would bring her the exact doses of and watch her take them), and then she'd be okay and able to get on with everything else that needed doing today. Beca could do this.

Taking a deep breath Beca slowly made her way to Chloe's room, quietly pushing her door open a little as she poked her head around it. She was almost relieved to see Chloe fast asleep, brow furrowed a little as she snored softly. If it wasn't for the fact that she had slept through the cries of her ill daughter, Beca might have considered it a victory. Wincing as she turned on her heel, Beca pulled the bedroom door to again and made her way to the top of the stairs.

Okay. This was the tricky part.

There was no way she would carry Emma downstairs if she had any other choice, but short of finding a way to strap her to Roxie's back, Beca had no other option. But how to get downstairs with an infant when she was certain that her hip wouldn't take the weight of herself as she stepped down?

"There's only one way I can think of to do this Em, and it's super undignified so we're not gonna tell anyone okay?" Beca grinned a little at Emma who was of course unable of telling anyone any of this, but Beca liked having someone to talk to.

Swallowing the bile that rose in her throat as another jolt of pain shot through her, Beca lowered herself and Emma to the floor until she was sat on the top step of the stairs. She took a moment to let the sharp pain pass into a throb before she moved them both down the stairs on her backside, taking a step at a time as she held onto Emma to make sure she couldn't slip from her grip. Roxie trotted past her down the stairs, waiting patiently for them at the bottom as Beca rolled her eyes.

"Show off…" She mumbled, smirking at Roxie who sat wagging her tail happily as she watched Beca move her and Emma down the stairs.

As Beca reached the bottom and was able to get begrudgingly to her feet again there was a knock at the front door. She sighed heavily, wanting nothing more than to put Emma down and take a couple of aspirin but went to the door and opened it, her heart pounding in her chest as she saw who was waiting for her on the other side.

"Oh. H-hey. What are you guys doing here?"

Stood before Beca with soft albeit sad smiles were Chicago's parents. Beca had met both of them on many occasions, they'd even been to see Chloe and Emma several times since Chicago had left on tour, but as far as Beca was aware they were still overseas dealing with his affairs. She had been fielding their calls since Chicago died, not wanting to tell them about Chloe when they had so much on their plate as it was and also not wanting to risk anything that might lead to Emma being taken away from Chloe. She had to keep them together. Things would get better eventually if she could just keep them together.

Beca loved Chicago's parents, they had always treated her like one of their own. When she had been laid up in hospital, frustrated and scared at the prospect of a future with only one leg they had both visited once a week, Belinda Walp always smuggling Beca in something she had baked because the hospital food always seemed to make her sick. She was always invited for holiday dinners too, but Beca would always politely decline to spend them with her mom and Ryan instead. She cared about their opinion of her and her ability to look after Chloe (who was also incredibly close with the Walps, having known them her whole life almost and them being the only thing she had that resembled parents since her dad passed away when she was nineteen and her relationship with her mom was non-existent), and she knew that right now she was failing them.

Why were they here now?

"We just got back to the States last night." Belinda smiled softly, "We wanted to come and see how you three were doing with all of this."

"Oh, right, of course." Beca forced a smile onto her lips as her hip throbbed painfully and Emma began to grizzle louder, outraged that she had been taken downstairs but didn't have what she wanted yet, "Um, come in I guess."

Beca made sure that Belinda and Jack Walp went into the house before she did, not wanting them to see that she was struggling to walk. It seemed like a fool proof plan until Beca remembered the mess that awaited them in the living room and kitchen because of how behind she had gotten whilst taking care of Emma and trying to get Chloe to eat and take her meds when she was supposed to.

"Sorry." Beca mumbled as they walked into the living room, a blush creeping onto her cheeks at the dishevelled appearance of the room, "Emma's not been well the last couple of days, I've been meaning to tidy up."

"Beca it's fine." Belinda smiled warmly, "We know how chaotic things get with a sick infant. Where's Chloe?"

Beca swallowed the lump in her throat as she cringed inwardly at the idea of having to lie to their faces, "She's asleep upstairs, I um- I told her to go and get some rest she'd been up with Emma all night."

"She's leaving you alone with Emma? That's a huge step for her." Jack was beaming a little as Beca felt her heart clench. How could she tell them it was actually a huge step backwards because Chloe wouldn't engage with Emma at all?

"Yeah um… I was just about to feed her, can you just give me a second and then I'll make us a coffee?" Beca was desperate to get to the kitchen and out of their sight for a few minutes so she could sit down and take the weight of her hip for a moment before it gave out under her.

"Of course!" Belinda reached out her arms towards Beca, "How about I take her and you bring the food through, someone looks like they could use a cuddle from their grandma."

Beca gave her a grateful smile as she happily passed Emma over to her. Now all she had to worry about was getting herself to and from the kitchen on her leg without them noticing that she was in pain. She couldn't worry them with all of this, not when they had just lost their son. It was bad enough Beca had been stuck here unable to help her squad, to help Chicago when she needed too; she couldn't let them see that she was failing Chloe and Emma now too.

As Beca walked stiffly to the kitchen, Jack frowned softly turning to his wife as he settled next to her on the sofa.

"Did you see the way she was walking?" He mumbled, Belinda nodding a little as she bounced Emma gently on her knee, "She's not telling us something Belle. You've been saying it for the last couple of weeks but seeing her face-to-face…"

"I know." Belinda sighed softly, "Will you go and talk to her? You'll understand her better than I-"

She was cut off by a loud crash and a yelp from the kitchen, the heads of both her and her husband whipping round towards the noise. Roxie's steady bark came from the kitchen along with the sound of Beca frantically trying to shush her. Jack immediately went to her aid, Belinda looking concerned as she held her granddaughter in her arms.

"Beca?"

Jack found Beca on the kitchen floor, cursing quietly as she shushed Roxie again, her faithful dog sat next to her head as she tried to get someone's attention to help Beca. The jar of baby food that Beca had retrieved from the fridge had flown from her hand when she fell and smashed, Beca landing in the broken glass and cutting up her arm. She was embarrassed and annoyed that she had fallen, made even worse by the fact that Jack could now clearly see how badly she was failing.

"I'm fine." She grunted as she tried to get herself back up on her feet, but slumping again as the pain in her hip overwhelmed her, Beca gritting her teeth against it as her hands clenched into fists, "Just- just go and wait in the living room, I'll be in a minute I just- I need a second."

Jack ignored her and gently slid his hands under her arms, helping Beca up off the floor and into a nearby chair. Beca was bright red with embarrassment, hands shaking as tears burned at the corner of her eyes. God how had she let herself fall like that? She was supposed to be being strong for them.

Jack stepped away from Beca for a moment, patting Roxie on the head affectionately, "Good girl Roxie."

He took the brush from the kitchen cupboard and set about sweeping up the glass before it hurt anyone else, Roxie padding over to Beca and resting her head on her good knee as Beca scratched behind her ears. She couldn't be mad at her for alerting Jack and Belinda, Roxie was just looking after her like she'd always done. Once the glass had been swept up, Jack pulled the First Aid Kit from the cupboard and pulled up a chair next to Beca to look at her arm.

"What happened Sergeant?" Jack knew how to talk to soldiers, how to get them to open up a little. He hadn't gotten to General without seeing countless good men and women struggle with life after combat.

"It's my stupid leg sir." Beca mumbled, wincing a little as he began to remove the few shards that had embedded in her arm, "I guess I just turned funny or something and it just crumpled underneath me."

"I see." Jack nodded thoughtfully, continuing to remove the glass and relieved to see that all her cuts were superficial, "When was the last time you ate?"

"Um…" Beca frowned a little, "Yesterday I think? I got busy, Emma's sick."

"Mhm." Jack pulled an alcohol wipe from the kit and begin to gently clean the cuts on Beca's arm, Beca hissing slightly but saying nothing as she clenched her jaw, "And when did you last get a good night's sleep?"

Beca snorted, "Sleep? Yeah right… I gave that up when I joined the Army."

Jack chuckled a little, shaking his head as he focused on Beca's arm, "Alright, good point. When was the last time you slept at all?"

"I had a nap once Emma's fever broke this morning, once she woke up again she started crying and so I went a got her." Beca shrugged a little, realising what she'd said after she'd said it and wincing inwardly knowing what question next.

"Why didn't Chloe get her?"

"She was tired." Beca mumbled, her eyes on the floor as Jack noticed the crack in her voice and looked up with concern, "I wanted to make sure she slept, she's not been- I mean-"

"Beca…" Jack's tone was gentle as she Beca felt his hand rest on top of her own that were clasped tightly in front of her, "Tell me what's going on."

"It's fine." Beca shook her head, sniffing a little as she clenched her jaw even harder to try and keep the tears that would betray her at bay, "I'm fine. I can manage. I have to manage."

"Sergeant Mitchell, what is going here?" Jack's tone became a little firmer but there was no malice in it. He could see that Beca was barely holding herself together, that there was something going on with Chloe and Emma that she was keeping from him and Belinda and that she needed more help than she was willing to accept right now.

"I- I made him a promise." Beca whispered, cursing silently as her voice shook and a tear slid down her cheek, "I promised him I would look after them… I'm trying so hard sir, I swear I am-"

"I have no doubt about that." Jack tried to reassure her gently, "But you don't have to do this on your own."

"I'm the one that made the promise!" Beca shook her head furiously, "And then she- I shouldn't have left alone, she almost- I can't let him down again, I can't!"

"Beca-"

"No!" Beca lifted her head, her eyes bright with sorrow and frustration, "This is my only job, this is the only thing I can do because they won't let me do my actual job! I wasn't there like I should have been to save them, and now- now I'm failing Chloe and Emma too. Everything I have touched since I got back has turned to shit and I- I have to fix this. I said I'd fix this…"

"You have not and are not failing anyone." Jack shook his head as his brow furrowed in concern, "What makes you think that you are?"

"Chloe she-" Beca swallowed the lump in her throat as she pursed her lips, hating that she was putting more burden on his shoulders, "When she found out that Chicago had died she- she tried to kill herself. It's my fault, I knew I shouldn't have left her alone but she told me to get out and I did… I- I fell asleep sat next to Stacie and- she asked me not to leave her, she was by my side almost the whole time when I lost my leg I couldn't just up and leave Stace but- but I got a text from Chloe and- I got here so fast but she-"

Beca was starting to hyperventilate as she bit her lip, her chest pounding as she relived the events of that awful day, panic flaring in her chest as she realised that she was putting Chloe's custody of Emma in jeopardy. What if Jack and Belinda saw that she wasn't coping? What if they took Emma back to Florida with them? That was so far away and Chloe couldn't leave her room nevermind go to fucking Florida.

"You can't- I can cope, I swear- I just- I-" Beca's breathing got more shallow as her panic continued to swell inside her like a balloon. Jack pulled his chair around so that he was sat in front of Beca, taking her hands in his and giving them a soft but firm squeeze as Roxie pushed her nose into Beca's ribs to try and ground her.

"Beca take a deep breath." Jack's voice was gentle but firm, neither him nor Beca noticing the concerned Belinda in the doorway with Emma in her arms, "You're okay, no-one is going to do anything, you just need to focus on breathing right now."

Beca forced herself to take a deep albeit shaky breath, her hands shaking in Jack's as she cursed herself for being so pathetic. She was supposed to be strong, to be looking after them and here she was hyperventilating in the kitchen and making a scene to a grieving father when people in this very house were having it far worse than she was.

"I can manage." Beca whispered when her breathing got back under control, "I swear I can, I can help her… I promised him I would, it was the last thing I ever said to him. Please… don't take Emma."

"We're not taking Emma anywhere." Belinda smiled softly, Beca jumping a little as she looked over at where she stood in the doorway, "This is her home, this is where her mother is, it is the best place for her."

"You should have told us." Jack's hands squeezed Beca's again, no anger in his face, simply concern, "We can help Beca, let us help."

"Your son just died." Beca shook her head, "I can't put this on you as well. It's not on you, it's on me. I'm the one who failed them the first time, I have to make this right."

"You didn't fail them Beca." Jack shook his head, "We know Chloe's been unwell, that her postpartum depression was serious… she asked you to leave her home Beca and you respected that. You sat with a fellow soldier and held her hand so she didn't feel alone for a few hours. And when you knew Chloe was in trouble you came running. Nothing you did caused this and running yourself into the ground now isn't going to help any of you."

"You can't look after them if you don't look after yourself to." Belinda smiled softly as she settled the still grizzling Emma into her highchair, "How long have you been on your feet?"

"About… thirty six hours give or take?" Beca shrugged, wiping at her cheeks with the back of her hand as she sniffed, "Emma had a fever yesterday and every time I put her down she would scream the house down, even when I sat with her in my arms it would start her yelling and bawling… so I stood and carried her."

"Oh Beca no wonder you're sore." Belinda frowned softly as she fetched another jar of baby food for Emma from the fridge, "Your prosthetic isn't supposed to have that much stress put on it. Could Chloe not have held her for an hour just whilst you sat down for a few minutes?"

"She um… she barely looks at her." Beca shook her head sadly, "I'm trying to get her to engage with Emma but… she looks so much like Chicago I think it's really taking its toll on her mental state. It's like there's this… block and she can't move past it. I don't know what to do…"

Beca felt tears streak down her cheeks again as she finally admitted that she was out of her depth. It felt like a weight had been lifted off her shoulders, her head sinking into her hands as she began to sob quietly. Jack and Belinda swapped places, Jack feeding Emma as Belinda wrapped her arms around Beca's shoulders and gently pulled her into a tight hug. Beca wept as she let Belinda hold her, she had supressed so much emotion and heartbreak in the last few weeks in order to focus on Chloe and Emma but now the dam had broken and she couldn't hold any of it back anymore.

Belinda held Beca until her loud sobs subsided and Beca sat back, wiping at her cheeks with her hands as Belinda got up and brought her a glass of water.

"Thanks." Beca mumbled, taking it from her and sipping from it, "I'm sorry."

"You have nothing to apologise for." Belinda shook her head, smiling kindly at Beca as she sat with her again, "You haven't grieved yet Beca. You have been so hellbent on looking after Chloe and Emma and everyone else, that you haven't taken a moment to address how you're feeling with all of this."

"It doesn't matter how I'm feeling…" Beca shook her head, "I have to be there for Chloe, she needs me. Once Chloe is better I'll grieve or whatever, but I'm- I have to look after them right now, feeling doesn't come into it."

"It does Beca." Belinda pushed gently, taking Beca's hands in hers and giving them a gentle squeeze, "How you're feeling is as important as how Chloe or Emma is feeling. More so because you're the one taking care of them. Beca have you been going to your counselling appointments?"

Beca's eyes dropped to the floor as she sniffed again, shrugging a little, "I didn't want to leave Chloe alone, I don't know any of Chloe's support group that well, and Aubrey has Stacie and Bella. She's fried from spending all her time at the hospital. Stacie got an infection last week and it's set her back weeks, she doesn't need me getting her to leave Stacie so I can go and talk to some woman about how sad I am."

"You should have called us." Belinda frowned softly, "One of us would have flown back here to help you out. You have to keep going to your appointments Beca, it's important. Especially after something like this."

"This shouldn't have to be everyone else's problem." Beca shook her head, "I should be able to handle this, I did it when I was nine years old for gods sake! I am older and better equipped to deal with this now, but somehow it is so much harder?"

"You were a child Beca. With two legs and no PTSD. Everything, even a heavy burden like caring for a parent, is easier when you're a kid." Belinda squeezed Beca's hands a little tighter, "Which is why you have to lean on other people, just a little bit so that you can get all of you through this."

"But I-" Beca started.

"I know. You promised my son you would take care of them." Belinda reached over and tucked Beca's hair behind her ear, "But he would not want you to keep that promise if it meant running yourself into the ground. He loved Chloe and Emma, but he loved you too. He wouldn't want you to be doing this on your own, not like this."

Beca bit her lip as she sniffed again, unable to help the memory that flashed in her mind as she felt her heart clench.

"Beca? Beca can you hear me?"

Ugh. Now what did they want?

Beca's leg throbbed sharply as she felt a pair of hands cup her face. She was in so much pain and she didn't know anything. Why couldn't they just leave her alone?

"Sergeant Mitchell I need you to open your eyes. Come on. Show me those stormy greys you like to roll at me so much."

Beca's head was swimming. She wasn't even sure she was conscious. She was so tired… why couldn't they leave her to sleep? It felt like the least they could do considering they had shattered her leg.

"Beca. Come on. I know you can hear me. Now wake up."

Beca let her heavy eyelids flutter open if only for the sole purpose of glaring at him. How had he gotten her name and rank? She hadn't given them to him.

"There you are." Chicago smiled softly at her, Beca's brow creasing in confusion.

"S-sir? What're you-" Beca mumbled, grunting softly as pain overwhelmed her ability to from words.

"You didn't think I'd leave you two out here did you?" He grinned, Beca able to see a glimmer of emotion in his eyes, "We're gonna get you home. Now, I'm going to put my arm around your waist and then we're going to let your arms down. You're going to put all your weight on me and not on your feet okay? Your left leg is a mess."

Beca nodded softly, feeling his arm run tightly around her waist before the constant pressure on her wrists was relieved and she slumped forward against her commanding officer. Chicago didn't let her feet touch the floor, holding her as tight as he could manage.

"Alright Becs. Good job." He mumbled into her ear, "I've got you. Let's go home."

"S-Stacie." Beca grunted, "Where's- Stacie?"

"Swanson's already got her, it was a fight getting her out of here without you but we managed." Chicago chuckled softly, "Brace yourself Beca, I'm going to carry you out but it means having to support your legs and it's going to hurt A LOT."

"Do it." Beca nodded softly, "I just- get m-me out of here."

"You got it Mitchell." Chicago moved his arm so that it rested halfway down her thighs, "Okay, on the count of three. One. Two. Three."

Chicago lifted her into his arms, Beca shrieking in pain as the pain in her leg exploded with Chicago's hand pressed this close to her knee. Her eyes fluttered shut again as she hung weakly in his arms. She barely registered the cool air of the desert night or the gentle breeze that stirred the sand around them as she felt herself slipping into the dark again.

Home.

She was going home.

"He- he saved my life. He rescued me and I- I will never be able to repay him for that. The least I could do was look after the people he loved the most, and I can't do it right…" Beca whispered, her hands tangling in her hair as it dropped into them again, "I'm failing them…"

"No you're not." Belinda rested her hand on Beca's shoulder, giving it a gentle squeeze, "Admitting you need help, that you're in over your head is not failing them. It is the opposite of that, it is the best thing you can do."

"So why does it feel like I'm admitting defeat?" Beca's words were barely heard as she took a shuddering breath, "Why does it feel like I've let all of them down?"

"Beca look at Emma." Jack prompted gently, Beca sniffling as she turned her head. Emma was sat with food on her face, looking a little flushed but considerably more content than she had earlier, "This is not a baby that has been let down. She is healthy, the cold aside, she's happy, and she's comfortable in your presence and in your arms. Beca, Emma loves you, she trusts you, and she wouldn't do that if you weren't looking after her in the best way you could."

A small smile tugged at Beca's lips as she watched Emma reach for her, hands grabbing at air. Beca went to get up and hold her but Belinda placed her hand on her knee and shook her head as Jack lifted Emma from her highchair and into Beca's arms. Emma snuggled quickly and easily into Beca, her head resting in the nape of her neck as Beca kissed the top of her head.

"I love her too." Beca continued to smile softly as Emma babbled happily, "I just wish I could fix her mama for her."

"It's not up to you to fix her." Jack shook his head a little, "You just have to be there for her, help her any way that you can. Just like you are doing. This isn't something you can just snap your fingers and fix. It takes kindness and patience, both of which I know you have, and a little time. You can do this Beca. We're going to help you, and you'll get through this."

"But not if you keep exhausting yourself like this." Belinda ran her hand through Beca's hair again, "You look drained Beca. How are you sleeping?"

"Not great." Beca sighed, "I close my eyes and- I guess this just brought everything flooding back. I get a couple of hours at a time before I wake up in a cold sweat trying to remember where I am. Either that or Emma wakes me up."

"Even more reason that you should be going to therapy regularly." Belinda frowned a little, gently rubbing Beca's arm, "Jack and I are here now. You are going to go and get some rest, we'll take care of Emma and Chloe for a little while."

"I um… I can't get upstairs again. Not when my hip is like this it- it hurts too much." Beca bit her lip, an embarrassed flush spreading across her face, "I'll be fine, I just need to sit down for a little while, eat something and then I-"

"You are going to get some rest Sergeant. That's an order." Jack raised his eyebrow as he smiled at Beca, chuckling as she rolled her eyes a little, "We'll make up the couch for you, get you some painkillers and then you're going to sleep for a bit."

"Okay." Beca nodded her head, still holding Emma close as she felt the exhaustion that she had been pushing back start to weigh on her, "But what about Chloe? She needs to eat and take her meds, she doesn't leave her room, she won't do it otherwise."

"We can sort it out Beca. Let go, just for today, let someone else be in charge of taking care of them." Jack smiled warmly as Beca sighed and then nodded again.

"Her meds are in the safe behind the toolbox in the pantry cupboard, she takes two of the paroxetine at noon and a ramelteon at about nine but I should be up again by then." Beca ran her hand through her hair after she passed Emma to Belinda, "You have to stay and make sure she takes them, I don't leave the meds with her. It's not that I don't trust her y'know, it's just that-"

"You want her to be safe." Belinda smiled kindly, "We get it. Don't worry Beca, we've got this. We need to talk to Chloe anyway… about funeral arrangements. Do you think she'll be up to it?"

"Shit." Beca sighed heavily, "I- I hadn't even though about that. You can try but… I don't know if she'll be able to help at all."

"We'll figure it out." Belinda nodded, Jack re-entering the room after finishing making up the couch for Beca.

"Can you stand Beca or do you need some help?" There was no judgement in Jack's tone or his face as Beca blushed a little.

"I um… I think I can manage to get to the sofa." Beca nodded, gritting her teeth a little as she pushed up onto her feet again.

She wobbled briefly as the pain flared again but managed to stay on her feet and slowly made her way towards the sofa. Jack followed her, close by and ready to catch her but not crowding her as Roxie trotted by her side. Beca lowered herself onto the sofa with a soft grunt, pausing as she went to remove her leg, looking up at Jack as she smiled sheepishly.

"Could you uh…"

"Oh. Of course. I'll go and get you some painkillers." Jack nodded, leaving Beca to get herself comfortable without having to worry about the way anyone was looking at her. When he returned, Beca was propped up on the pillows of the couch, blanket covering her as she smiled gratefully at him and took the glass of water and painkillers that had brought her.

"Thanks." Beca smiled softly as she moved herself into a more comfortable position, head nestling into the pillows, "For everything today, I uh… I'm really glad you guys came over."

"Me too." Jack smiled warmly at Beca as he gave her shoulder a squeeze, "Now get some rest soldier. We've got this."

"I'm sorry." Beca mumbled, "For putting this on you with everything else that has happened. I- I really miss him, I can't imagine how hard it is for the two of you."

Jack pursed his lips together, Beca able to see tears forming at the corner of his eyes as he squeezed her shoulder again, "You have no need to apologise. He'd be so moved by how hard you're working to help Chloe and Emma."

"Yeah?" Beca whispered, feeling the first sense of hope flourish inside her for the first time in far too long.

"Yeah." Jack nodded, "Now sleep Beca. We'll wake you up in a bit."

Chloe stirred slightly as she heard the floor outside her room creak. Her eyes fluttered open and she saw the time on the clock by her bedside. Noon. Time for her meds and for Beca to stare at her until she'd taken them and eaten whatever food she had decided to try and make her eat. At least Emma wasn't screaming anymore.

"Chloe? I've got some lunch for you sweetie."

Chloe's eyes snapped open as the voice from her doorway wasn't Beca but rather her former mother-in-law Belinda Walp. She scrambled to sit up, heart pounding in her chest as she felt her body tense up. What was she doing here? Where was Beca?

"B-Belinda?"

Belinda smiled warmly at Chloe as she set the tray with Chloe's lunch carefully down next to her and perched on the edge of the bed, not crowding Chloe but still staying close by her side as she passed Chloe the cup of tea from the tray.

"Hey Chloe, how are you feeling?" She asked, Chloe taking the mug from her as she focused her gaze on the hot liquid and not Belinda.

"I'm okay." Chloe mumbled quietly, shrugging a little, "Where um… why are you here?"

"Jack and I got back yesterday, we wanted to check in on the three of you and um… well there are funeral arrangements that need to be made with you. If you're up for it?"

Chloe's jaw clenched and her nostrils flared. She didn't want to talk about this. She couldn't talk about this. Her knees moved closer to her chest of their own accord, Belinda watching her carefully as she felt her heart clench. Chloe looked so tired, so small, so… detached.

"We don't have to. Not just yet." Belinda reassured her, placing a hand on her leg as she stroked it a little in reassurance, "It's okay, it's a difficult thing to talk about."

"Beca, where is she?" Chloe asked, sniffing slightly feeling her heart pound in her chest.

"Downstairs. She's asleep, she needed the rest." Belinda's smile never wavered as her tone remained soft. She was worried about Chloe, she could see how much the last few weeks had clearly hit her hard. She was like a shadow of the girl that Belinda had seen grow up.

"Oh. Is she okay?" Chloe lifted her head to look at Belinda, Belinda able to see a glimmer of the Chloe she knew in her eyes as her face creased in concern, "She um- she lives here now she could have gone to her bed."

"She was really sore, she'd been on her feet for a day and half with Emma and her prosthetic put a lot of pressure on her hip. She'll be okay, she was exhausted she just needs to rest for a bit."

Chloe sighed heavily, sinking back into her pillows. Beca was running herself into the ground because she was an unfit mother. She was putting this huge burden on her and now Beca couldn't even get upstairs to get to her own bed to get some rest.

"I don't mean to be this much of a burden." Chloe shook her head sadly, tears running down her cheeks as her head turned away from Belinda to look out of the window, "I um… I don't want this for her. I want her to go back to her life and forget about me."

"Oh Chloe…" Belinda gently took the tea from Chloe's hands as they began to shake and moved up the bed until she was behind Chloe, pulling her gently into her arms, Chloe's back flush with her front.

Chloe said nothing as she let Belinda envelop her in arms, eyes squeezing tightly shut as she felt sobs rack her body. Belinda had seen Chloe like this once before, when her dad had died. Chloe was just nineteen, Chicago was at basic training and her father hadn't been in a tragic car accident. He was the only parent that Chloe had ever had and losing him had broken a part of Chloe that could never really be healed again. Belinda had arrived at Chloe's home and found her almost catatonic on the sofa, her father's personal belongings still in the bag that the police officer had given her tight in her hands. It had taken her an hour to get any kind of reaction out of Chloe as she held her but the dam had broken eventually.

This time though, Chloe broke down almost immediately in Belinda's arms, Belinda shushing her softly as she held her a little tighter, rocking Chloe gently as she cried. It wasn't the first time she'd cried lately but it was the first time that it had felt truly cathartic.

"You are not a burden Chloe Beale." Belinda mumbled into her ear as Chloe's sobs quietened a little, "You are struggling, you are in pain but that does not make you a burden."

"S-so why is Beca killing herself trying to look after me?" Chloe wept, "Why is she laid up on the c-couch because she's working too hard to do the job that I'm supposed to d-do?"

"Because she's stubborn." Belinda smiled softly at the thought of Beca, "Because she won't ask for help when she needs it. She's gotten so snow blind with helping you that she's forgotten to look after herself."

"I'm an awful mom." Chloe shook her head bitterly, "I-I can't even look at her because it hurts. It rips my heart out to l-look at her! My own daughter!"

"You are not awful." Belinda shook her head, pulling Chloe a little closer as she felt her start to weep harder again, "You're not. She looks so much like her dad that it took my breath away this morning. Of course it hurts. But that doesn't make you a bad mom Chloe, it makes you human and it makes you depressed and grieving which are two things that you're more than intitled to be feeling right now."

Chloe was crying so hard that her chest hurt and her throat burned, bedsheet clutched tight in her white knuckled fists. She was sick of being so pathetic, sick of failing her daughter, sick of being the reason that everyone had to drop everything and come running. Why did it have to be so hard?

"It wasn't supposed to be like this…" Chloe sniffled as her cries quieted once more, teeth tugging at her bottom lip, "We were supposed to be a family… an unconventional but happy family… why is it like this?"

"I don't know." Belinda pressed a soft kiss into the crown of Chloe's head, "I wish I had an answer for you Chloe, I truly do. But it won't be this hard forever."

"How do you know that?" Chloe whispered, "How do you know that this isn't all there is? Beca said the same thing, but how can any of you know that?"

"Because we've both been through something like this and come out the other side." Belinda smiled softly as Chloe turned a little in her arms to look at her, "I had postpartum after Chicago was born and Jack was away on deployment. I know how tricky it can be to manage on your own. And Beca? When I saw Beca in the hospital for the first time after she lost her leg she had the same look of… fear, of being adrift in the dark with no anchor. She can get you through this if you let her."

"She- do you think she knows that I'm grateful for her?" Chloe mumbled, "She shuts herself off from me on a personal front but… she works so hard. Me, Emma, we're only here because Beca takes care of us… I've been awful to her, I- I keep pushing her away… but right now she's asleep on my couch because she wore herself out looking after Emma when she was ill. Do you know what I did? I put a pillow over my head so I couldn't hear her screaming because it broke my heart…"

"She doesn't do it for gratitude Chloe." Belinda stroked Chloe's hair as she still held her like Chloe was a scared child. In some ways she was, "She cares about Emma, about both of you. Beca sees that you can't manage right now so she picks up the slack until you can. She thinks you're a good mother Chloe, but she worries about you and failing you and Emma. Maybe… a little reassurance every so often would go a long way. But that isn't your problem right now Chloe. Beca is managing, just about, and Jack and I are going to be around more to help. I know you're on anti-depressants and a sleeping pill, but are you doing any kind of therapy alongside it?"

"Yeah um… Dr Appelbaum comes twice a week, I'm- I'm trying to engage with it, I just… the one person I want to talk to about all this isn't here. He won't ever be here again and I… I feel like I'm betraying him somehow by leaning on all these other people."

"You're not." Belinda shook her head, "Chloe, he wouldn't want you to shut everyone out. He loved you so much, that's why he asked Beca to come here and look after the two of you, because he didn't want you to be alone. So let people help you, let them in and just… start to heal Chloe. Chicago would never want you to punish yourself like this."

"I know." Chloe sighed heavily, "I just- I feel like he'd be so disappointed with who I've become, of the job that I'm doing raising, or not raising our child."

"No. No Chloe he'd be so proud of you." Belinda shook her head a little, "You're struggling yes, but you're also still fighting, you have never stopped…"

"I did." Chloe whispered, "For a moment I- I stopped fighting Belle. I gave up and I left Emma all alone."

"See but you didn't." Belinda shook her head, "You texted Beca. There was a part of you, no matter how small it was, that reached out to the person you knew would come and help you in a heartbeat. You were always fighting Chloe."

"You- you think so?" Chloe mumbled, biting her lip as she sniffed again, "You really think I can do this?"

"Yeah." Belinda nodded, "I have known you almost your whole life Chloe Beale, you are as good as my own flesh and blood. I know you better than you realise, and I know that you're going to get through this. You just have to lean on other people for a bit and there's no shame in that."

It was three pm when Beca finally stirred again, the sheer exhaustion she had been feeling and the strong painkiller she had taken knocking her into a thankfully dreamless sleep for the first time in she didn't know how long.

"Hey, feeling better?" Jack smiled softly as Beca nodded a little, pushing herself up so she was sat on the couch rather than lay down, "Good, you were out for a while you must've have needed it."

"Yeah, I guess." Beca ran her hand through her hair, "Where's Emma, is she okay? And Chloe, did she take her meds?"

"You just woke up." Jack chuckled, "Just breathe a second Beca."

"Here."

Beca's head snapped round as her eyes widened, taking the cup of tea that was offered to her.

"Thanks Chloe. You- you're downstairs?" Beca stammered a little, wishing she didn't sound quite so surprised because even though this was a huge step Beca didn't want to make a big deal of it and spook Chloe.

"Yeah." Chloe nodded softly, a smile tugging at the corner of her lips, "I um- I wanted to check on Emma. And y'know… it was time."

Beca smiled at Chloe, feeling a sense of pride bloom in her chest as Chloe settled in the armchair nearby. She still looked skittish, like the slightest noise was going to send her running back upstairs but… she was here. In her living room.

"I- if it's okay with you, I wanted you here whilst we- we discussed the funeral stuff?" Chloe wrung her hands as she sniffed a little.

"Yeah, yeah of course." Beca nodded, "I could have come upstairs though Chloe-"

"No you couldn't." Chloe shook her head a little, still smiling softly, "You're sore, you need to rest. And my legs still work without causing me pain so…" Chloe shrugged as Beca rolled her eyes a little, smirking.

"Alright fine… you may have a point there." Beca chuckled, a hint of emotion in her eyes as she pushed back against the tears welling, not of sadness but of pride, "So, what do we need to discuss?"