A/N : Thanks for the encouragement hikaru117 and HermioneIncarnate! It meant so much to me! Please remember that I welcome any comments and feedbacks.
Chapter 15 : Stay Strong
Snape remained unconscious for one day, so did Harry. After several doses of blood replenishing potions and healing charms, Snape finally regained consciousness. It was also thanks to Lupin who somehow knew the counter charm for Sectumsempra. If not, there's no way to stop Snape's uncontrolled bleeding.
"How is…Potter?" Snape asked once he woke, dreading the answer. His memory ended at Voldemort's torture. He had a foggy vision of the arrival of the Order, but not sure if they were in time to save Harry.
"Poppy, Severus is awake!" Lupin who was sitting beside Snape's bed shouted to the healer. Almost immediately, she bustled towards Snape and conducted a full check-up to make sure that he was fine. "Lupin, you have yet to answer my question. How is Potter?" Snape strained to keep the worry out of his voice.
"Oh, sorry. He is fine, I mean, at least he is not killed by Voldemort." Snape winced at the usage of his previous master's name. "What do you mean at least?" "He was showing signs of abuse, Severus. He… is basically covered with wounds and bruises, starved and dehydrated." Lupin hesitated a little as he didn't want Snape to worry, but he knew he couldn't keep any secrets from one of the most accomplished Legilimens in the world.
Snape's eyes dropped. It returned to its original position immediately, but Lupin had not failed to notice the subtle change. While Lupin was recalling Snape's not-so-harsh behavior towards Harry for the past month, Snape was buried in grief. He had let Lily down fifteen years ago, and now he had failed to protect her son, again. His thoughts were cloudy and pessimistic before he fell asleep, being administered a dose of mild sleeping potion.
"Harry, you are awake! Are you feeling okay?" Arthur asked, the worry plain in his voice. Harry blinked. His visions were blurry so he deduced that he most likely didn't have his glasses on. Anyhow, being a frequent visitor of the hospital wing in Hogwarts, he just needed a glimpse of the white wales and blankets together with the scent of healing potions to identify his location. A fraction of a second later, the memories prior to his faint crushed on him.
"SIRIUS! Is he…?" Harry croaked. He couldn't continue. There was no way Sirius would be dead, no way Sirius would abandon him and leave him alone. However, a small part of him knew the truth before Arthur answered. "I'm sorry Harry, Sirius was hit by the Killing curse." "Please don't blame yourself, Harry," Arthur added quietly.
"Mr. Wealsey, may I know why Si…rius came to me earlier than the Order?" Harry just couldn't say Sirius' name without emotions. "Err…from what he told Albus through his patronus, you sent a vision of the forest and Voldemort to him through Legilimency. Albus was still considering any other possibilities. We all know you are not accomplished in Legilimency, so it's still a mystery there."
Tears threatened to fill in Harry's eyes. Harry couldn't find a way to stop blaming himself. So he had desperately asked Sirius for help through means that he wasn't even aware of, finally resulting in Sirius' death? Why did everyone he loved most need to die? First it's James, Lily and now Sirius. Did he not deserve any love and care? Oh, yeah, he forgot that he was the Golden Boy, and had Voldemort constantly on his tail. They had all sacrificed to protect him, to keep him alive.
He wanted to cry so badly, to get to Voldemort now and fight him, he even considered killing himself if that meant that those around him would be safe. But no, that would place the Wizarding World in more serious trouble. Anger bubbling, he urged to throw things, to yell at everyone, but again, he knew that it wasn't their fault either."Stay strong!" Sirius' last words rang in his head. Yeah, he could only stay strong. So he pushed aside his feelings and gave Arthur a faint smile. "Don't worry about me, I could take good care of myself."
If Arthur did not believe him, he hadn't shown it. Instead, he reached for a Dreamless sleep potion and offered it to Harry. "Madam Pomfrey said you need more rest, take some Dreamless sleep." Just before Harry gulped the potion down, he recalled Snape's injury. "Pro…Snape, is he okay?" He was confused about his feelings towards Snape. He wished to blame him for torturing himself and not saving Sirius, but he also know it full well that he owed his life to Snape. "Yes, Harry. Severus had just woken up one hour ago and is currently sleeping. Madam Pomfrey had given him some blood replenishing potion and he is expected to fully recover in less than one week's time." Harry sighed in relief. At least that was one less life sacrificed for him. Downing his potion, Harry fell asleep again almost immediately.
Arthur left the hospital wing to join Poppy, Lupin and Dumbledore who were having lunch at the Great Hall. That left Harry and Snape alone in the hospital wing, apparently sleeping. However, Snape had actually woken when Arthur addressed Harry. He was a light sleeper and the sleeping potion given was too mild to keep him asleep. He had chosen to feign sleep when Harry was conversing with Arthur as he knew Harry might feel awkward around him. Nevertheless, he took a peek at Harry through the small opening of the curtains and that look alone was enough to reveal Harry's distress. It only made Snape's guilt worse.
Snape recalled Lupin's reluctance when mentioning Harry's physical condition. His heart sinking, he decided to take a look at Harry by himself. It took him a great effort to get out of his bed and pace towards Harry's. Gratefully, Harry's bed was just next to his. Even so, he was panting when he reached Harry.
Watching the sleeping boy, Snape again felt the urge to protect him like a father would. He was so thin, so vulnerable, but he was shouldering the heaviest burden anyone could have in the wizarding world. That was not fair, but was life ever fair? Removing the blankets and then Harry's shirt gently, he dropped to his knees. He never saw anyone bruised this bad, not even Death Eaters, let alone a child.
Harry was literally covered with wounds. Not an inch of his body was left scarless. Although most of them had formed scabs, blood was still seeping a little from some new wounds. Not only so, Snape saw traces of rape as Harry was clutching his pants subconsciously even in his sleep. Suddenly, Harry trashed and started muttering in his sleep. It was obvious that he was having a nightmare, but didn't he just take the Dreamless sleep potion. "Sirius! Why…why did you leave me? I…just needed a little love…heavens, why deprive me from it? I want you alive…Sirius…come back…don't…don't leave me alone…I'm scared…Voldemort…can't beat him…couldn't even fight my uncle…I need you…please…come back…I'd give anything…" Snape stood to gently caress Harry's hair, trying to soothe the boy. He had barely touched him when he steeled up without notice. "Stay strong…Harry, STAY STRONG..Sirius…I'm not going to disappoint you...I'll make you proud…dad, mum…you will not die in vain…I won't allow it…no...Voldemort…" Harry trailed away.
Not able to keep his composure any longer, Snape cried for the first time after Lily's death. Harry was hurt but the only thing he thought of was making others proud, was to fight Voldemort. Has he ever lived for himself? And Snape had lost no opportunity to insult him for being 'self-centered' for the past five years. Overwhelmed by remorse, Snape knelt on both knees, grabbing Harry's hand before letting go immediately. He didn't deserve to touch someone as good as Harry. Distancing himself, he started murmuring apologies to the unconscious Harry, still on his knees. "Harry, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have allowed Albus to send you back to Privet Drive. I should have treated you better. I shouldn't have told the Dark Lord about the prophecy. I should…" He continued a string of apologies until he finally regained some self-control after five minutes.
He picked himself up from the floor and returned shakily to his bed. Wiping his tears with his sleeve, he made a mental oath to protect Harry with all means, including giving his life. "Harry will be safe, at least until I die."